Saturday, January 19, 2013

Storms Of The Past PT.4

The events after the surgery are kinda blurry to me as I drifted in and out of sleep  . I do remember my back hurting immensely since I wasn't accustomed to laying flat for long periods of time . The hospital beds were a killer for me , hard and uncomfortable , almost impossible for me to get used to .

My family came pouring in from all over . In my hospital room , bouquets of flowers and balloons were everywhere . When I finally was fully awake , the doctor informed me I had ovarian cancer stage 3 .  My tumor weighed in at seven pounds ! I could have given birth to a baby ! I had a complete hysterectomy and they also had to cut six inches of my colon . They had to perform a colostomy . . . .

A colostomy . . . that was the hardest for me to accept . I was sickened by it . I would peer down to my stomache afraid to look at it . . . . . afraid to touch it . I  felt like screaming , I am too young to be wearing a bag to poop in !

As to my family . . .well , I have never felt more love . I've always said that cancer has made me aware of how loved I really am . This disease came at a time where I was unhappy with my familial relationships  . It provided a deep sense of longing to change all that . As they extended their hands in love  towards me , I grabbed on and let it absorb me .

In the days that followed , they  were filled with tests , doctors and occupational therapy . Visitors came by regularly and the phone never stopped ringing . At night , I was awakened every few hours to check my temperature and blood pressure . It's funny for me to say , but it's difficult to rest in a hospital .

During one of those days , my doctor came in with a huge smile on his face . In his hand , he held an 8 1/2 x 11 glossy picture of my tumor . The expression on his face was so happy like " look what I got for you " . I stared at that picture for a long time trying to imagine how something so darn ugly could have grown inside of me . I made a decision to frame this thing one day with a caption  that would read " my cancer " . I would show that glossy print to everyone and yet they weren't very impressed . Obviously , it didn't mean to them what it meant to me .

I was delighted to hear I was able to go home . Second bit of good news ? The colostomy was only temporary and in a few weeks they planned on reversing it . I couldn't have been happier . Chemo would be starting soon .  Again , in my naivee frame of mind , I pictured a speedy recovery and even made a bold statement that I would be back at work by September .

If I only knew , that instead of things looking up , they were about to take a huge nosedive .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .

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