Just Another Lazy Day

 

                             Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

One holy Church of God appears

    Through every age and race,
  Unwasted by the lapse of years,
  Unchanged by changing place.
S. LONGFELLOW.

I did absolutely nothing yesterday! Nothing at all! Well, I did go to Church and vacuumed, but that's all. I even took a nap for a couple of hours. Just another lazy day.

These types of days are far and few between. One almost feels guilty for not doing anything. Why? Have we become a people who love hopping around from one activity to the next? It's almost as if we need to be productive to feel accomplished. 

I have a major issue with relaxing or resting. There is some crazy need inside of me that says I need to be moving at all times. I tell myself it has to do with my cancer, because my time here is limited. Honestly though, is that the real truth?

Sometimes, we tell ourselves little white lies, because we feel we have to defend our actions. Why can't we just accept that perhaps we needed the rest? Maybe our bodies are tired from all the running? Of course, there is also the fact that Winter is here and I struggle every year with the blues.  It could be that we are coming down with something. So many factors go into feeling tired and that "lazy" feeling.

Yes, that "lazy" feeling. Perhaps, that has more to do with it than we want to admit. Haven't we all heard while growing up that laziness is a sin? Idle hands and all? How do we justify our lazy days when the laundry needs to be washed and the refrigerator cleaned?

We can't. We spend way too much time trying to be these perfect people that live perfect lives. There will always be something that needs to get done. Our bodies and our families are a different matter altogether. Of course, none of this means we should never do anything. 

My goal for this year is to focus more on being carefree. It's so easy to say, I know. We have become so stressed about all things, even insignificant things that we fail to stop and just sit down. Yes, sit down with your favorite cup of coffee or tea and do nothing. Sleep in once in a while. The work will always be there, but your body will not. Sometimes, we just need a lazy day without guilt.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Anyway The Wind Blows

 

                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Yet Love will dream, and Faith will trust

    (Since He who knows our need is just),
  That somehow, somewhere, meet we must.
    Alas for him who never sees
    The stars shine through his cypress trees;
  Who hath not learned in hours of faith,
    The truth to flesh and sense unknown,
  That life is ever Lord of Death,
    And Love can never lose its own.
J. G. WHITTIER

Anyway the wind blows, the world still turns. Life moves on regardless of what is going on in our lives. Everywhere one looks there is life and chaos bursting forth in every way possible. It's the way of life.

Here we are in another Holiday, the Christmas Season. Families will show on social media the beautiful table overflowing with all kinds of delicious food. Families will be gathered around the Christmas tree unwrapping the mountain of presents beautifully displayed underneath. Oh, the games that will be played today!

To the outside world looking in, one would think just how idyllic it can be. For many families that is a true reality. Traditions actually hold us together along with love and respect for family. I hope they realize how precious these moments can be and cherish them forever. 

Unfortunately, few families will experience a gathering as the kind mentioned above. Just like the happy scenes, there are also ones filled with sadness, loss and bitterness. People will be spending Christmas apart due to divorce, death, covid distancing, disputes and hospitalization. 

The human heart is very fragile and we hurt. We feel all the emotions that God has equipped us with to express ourselves to others. As much as we deny it, we are made to be with people. I am guilty of expressing the desire for solitude, but I will admit that ache in my heart for people I am missing. It is built within us to love.

On a day such as today, I feel for families who are in pain for whatever reason. Amidst their trial or struggle, the world is still turning and the wind is still blowing in all directions. One can almost feel isolated by that fact as if no one cared enough to stop for a minute. 

I have know God all of my life and I cannot imagine Him not being there alongside of me. What do people do who do not know Him in that way? To whom do they cling to? To whom do they cry out to? To whom do they say, Jesus walk with me? 

Without Him, there is no hope, no consolation, no comfort. Just plain loneliness.

Today, we celebrate the birth of One who will never leave us, especially when we are suffering. He walks with us through every ordeal and I am grateful for it. Thank you loving me. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

I Need A Nesting Day

 

                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Oh, empty us of self, the world, and sin,

  And then in all Thy fulness enter in;
  Take full possession, Lord, and let each thought
  Into obedience unto Thee be brought;
  Thine is the power, and Thine the will, that we
  Be wholly sanctified, O Lord, to Thee.
C. E. J.

Did you ever have a day where the universe refused to cooperate? Where you went from store to store and none of them had what you were looking for? Or when you wanted to search online and the internet kept buffering? All day? A day where you ordered in a pizza, but it was delivered elsewhere? Or they didn't accept deliveries at that time?

I think we all experienced days like that where absolutely nothing went according to plan. No matter what we tell ourselves, we feel defeated. I often looked around wondering if I was the only one going through it or were the people I saw feeling the same? Is it just the universe spraying down negativity or just on me?

It seems, I have these type of days when I'm stressed, short on time or want to cram in as much as I can. Perhaps, I unintentionally, place a lot upon my shoulders and it weighs me down. I think we do it to ourselves with all we undertake and never release it elsewhere. Maybe, we just don't know how or where it should go.

A few years ago, I began these nesting days where I shut myself inside my sanctuary, closing the world out. On those days, I wore comfy clothes, ate junk food and I did whatever my heart desired. Usually, that meant crocheting and binge watching my favorite shows. 

Lately, I feel as if these days are few and far between. Why do we do that? It's very obvious that our bodies are in need of a total de-stress whenever possible and yet, we deny ourselves. For what? More stress?

Here we are at the end of 2021 and as always, I'm on a reflective cleansing streak. I ask myself what worked and what didn't in the past year. Perhaps, things that I need to change. One of my goals is to schedule more self- care time for myself, these nesting days for sure. Isn't that a shame that we have to schedule fun times? Oh well, whatever needs to be done, let's just do it. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

 

The Journey Begns

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

 “If you can see your path laid 

out in front of you step by step,

 you know it's not your path. 

Your own path you make with

 every step you take.

 That's why it's your path.” 

― Joseph Campbell

Change happens whether we like it or not. I try to run with it instead of fighting it. This is my life and I am going to make the best of it. I, myself, can almost feel the change coming. A changing of the tide that writers like to talk about in their novels, but it's true. We can see it coming, we just don't want to accept it.

My daughter, Emily, really doesn't like surprises nor changes. I learned that quickly enough when she was a little girl and I gave her a surprise Birthday party. Let's just say she wasn't exactly happy. Or when I wanted to buy her a new bedroom set. She liked things just the way they were, because it felt safe and comfortable.

That's exactly how we feel about major changes in our life, especially when things have been going great. We live in a world that is constantly changing and our homes become our sanctuaries away from that chaos. Sometimes that chaos, that change happens at our own hands. I am not sure which is worse, the world's or our own self inflicted one.

So here we are facing another new change, one that we never planned nor wanted. We have no idea how this will turn out, but we are trusting God to steer us in the right path that we are meant to be on. That's all one can do. As a  Christian, we are taught that moments like these are not always made clear right at the start. Sometimes, we have to go through some things in life before the real purpose of this sudden change is made evident. 

I cannot tell you how many times I have reflected back on my struggles and realized the lesson learned from it. All Glory goes back to God and only Him. There is good in all things that come to pass, especially the bad moments. We just have to trust in Him to lead the way. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Know Thyself

 

                                 Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

I walked a mile with pleasure

she chatted all the way

but left me none the wiser

for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with sorrow

and not a word said she

but all the things 

I learned from her 

when sorrow walked with me.

Anon

I wish I knew who wrote that little poem, because it is so very true. We certainly learn plenty when we are in a trial. Not just about survival, but also about ourselves. Sometimes, these things are not very pleasant and it can be difficult to acknowledge them. 

This is the stage where I am at now. The way we perceive ourselves seems to be a bit false. I always thought I was a great listener, but yet, I interrupt everyone. I think I have been lying to myself on that one.  I'm also a horrible whisperer. Too many embarrassing moments to mention. Another thing I have learned is that one can never be too sure of something or someone. Everyone can fall or crumble, because we all are human, not superhuman. 

Refining myself has been a major project that will most likely never end. There is always something we need to change, absorb, learn or improve on. Plus, it can hurt horribly and intentionally as each layer is peeled away. One Pastor said whenever we ask God to help us with something like patience, also ask for mercy, because He will teach you patience. You will go through the fire, but you will also come out of that fire better, stronger.

What is that something that you need to work on at this time? Maybe it has been brewing inside of you for years, but you kept pushing it down. Blaming others? It might be too painful, too shameful to re-open. We are really good at lying to ourselves or even making excuses for things we don't like to do or face. 

There are so many things we need to learn about this world, it's people and our role in it. When we left school, we thought all the studying and learning was over, but we were wrong. It was just the beginning. Show me, Lord, who I am. Show me.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Enemy Within

 

                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

What heart can comprehend Thy name,

Or, searching, find Thee out?
Who art within, a quickening flame,
A presence round about.

Yet though I know Thee but in part,
I ask not, Lord, for more:
Enough for me to know Thou art,
To love Thee and adore.
F. L. HOSMER.

I have battled self doubt, negativity, lack of self worth, shame and fear all of my life. In fact, these are the same things that have held me back in life. I have done a lot with my life, but I could have been so much more if I did not cave into that enemy within. 

We all struggle with these same demons. None of us are exempt from their addictive nature. Trust me when I say they believe in equal opportunity for all. 

We can spend months and years working on ourselves only for that enemy to re-appear in a snap of your fingers erasing all you have accomplished. Just like that. Suddenly, you doubt yourself and others. Suddenly, you feel like a nobody with no one. Suddenly, you believe it will never work out. 

These enemies from within lurk in the shadows just waiting for you to slip up. Just one little fall and they are there reminding you who you were at one time.  Usually, from a time where you were not at your best. The shameful the past memory the more it will be used by the enemy. 

I am grateful for having God in my life. Where would I be without Him? Back in that worthless pit of despair bathing myself with all of the above. He covered me with His love, His grace, His forgiveness and whispered in my ear just how beautiful I am to Him. I am His and He is mine and nothing will ever pluck me from His hand! Nothing!

We have a tendency to live in our pasts, carrying around our shame as a permanent hump on our back. Some of us don't ever want to let go of that past. We cling to it as a life line too scared to let go and trust. Just trust. Have faith. Believe. These are words, but oh so life changing!

Have a blessed day everyone.

Give Yourself Permission

 

                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Without an end or bound

    Thy life lies all outspread in light;
      Our lives feel Thy life all around,
    Making our weakness strong,

 our darkness bright;
  Yet is it neither wilderness nor sea,
  But the calm gladness of a full eternity.
F. W. FABER.

Do you know the worst thing people do after cancer? They try to forget about it. They don't want to think about it or talk about it. They are afraid to even mention that word cancer. It's over so let's forget it ever happened. 

They forget the most important part of healing. They need to process what just happened to them. Giving yourself permission to feel can hurt. It's raw, painful and we just don't want to go there, but it's so necessary for our mental health.

My process happened pretty late with my 4th. bout with cancer. I literally experienced a mental breakdown as I looked on at all of my scars in a full length mirror. Everything was exposed and one could have played connect the dots. My scars are not pretty lines, but jagged and wide. My body went through a lot and it showed. 

Somehow, I led myself to believe that I was done with my healing process. Somehow, I thought I did all that with the other bouts with cancer. Yes, somehow, but it all was a lie.

We pick ourselves up and we continue on with a positive outlook. We may have crying spells that we cannot explain, but as long as we are positive we will survive. We consider ourselves lucky to be alive. That's the lies we tell ourselves. 

Well, I'm here to tell you to give yourself permission to throw a fit. Yell, scream, throw things. Let it all out. We need to process our hurts. We need to acknowledge the pain it has caused and only then can we move on. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not going to make unless you are POSITIVE. I used to hate that word especially whenever people would point out that I shouldn't cry. Well, go ahead and cry. Then pick yourself up and live life.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Life

 

                                 Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 

Bringing something of heaven down to me.

 Love is kind and patient and forgiving

 even when people don't deserve it,

Anon.

Almost overnight the weather changed from nice Autumn breezes to blistering cold winds. One could hear the howling of the arrival of that shift. It echoed through the night, pushing it's way violently and unapologetically through the alleys on our streets. It definitely came early this year without any regard if we were ready for it or not. Just like life.

I literally shivered as I listened to that howling wind. One could feel that achingly, cold that is waiting for us once we leave the warm sanctuary of our home. A shiver that reverberates throughout our body. Ugh! Brr! Winter is only bearable from the inside out and not being right smack in the middle of it outside. 

We can watch the snowflakes fall, the icicles form on the branches and declare the beauty. We can do all that from the inside. From the inside, everything looks good, even the leper shivering in the cold. We can say how sorry we are and pray for him to find warmth, but we will not open that door to let him in. That leper can contaminate our beauty. Our sanctuary. But that's life.

Life can be pretty cold and disheartening at times. It can chill and harden our hearts to the beauty that lies outside our comfort zone. We can distance ourselves justifying our lack of empathy to just about anything under the Sun. There is always a reason, an excuse why we can't allow people into the inside sanctuary of our home. Our hearts. Our life.

I shiver again, feeling the drafty crevices around me. Yes, Winter is definitely sneaking in whether we like it or not. So barren, so lifeless. So unrelentingly cold and uninviting. But again, that's so like life.

Have a blessed day everyone.

All Scattering, Scattering

 

                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

We take with solemn thankfulness

  Our burden up, nor ask it less,
  And count it joy that even we
  May suffer, serve, or wait for Thee,
    Whose will be done!
J. G. WHITTIER.

I love Fall with it's changing of the foliage all different shades of reds, yellows, browns. A real welcoming sight in all it's glory. Soon we have forgotten all about the Summer, the long days a mere memory, tucked away on a shelf somewhere in a dark corner.

That's life. 

I read somewhere once that people have a memory of gratitude that only lasts 3 months. I believe that's true. One could live out a good portion of their life leading a decent life and one slip, one fall into the abyss. Well, we forget about that decent life lived and only remember the fall. 

Why do we do that? Why do we cast aside the people who have fallen? We do not know how to minister to them. Instead, we wash our hands not wanting to be tainted by what they have done. We preach redemption. We preach forgiveness. We preach as long as it is from the safety of our pews. 

People come and go, just as the leaves fall, scattered on the ground for the wind to pick up. Where will they go? How far will they scatter? What ground will they disintegrate into dust?

There are reasons why we are at any given point in time. Sometimes, that reason does not become clear until a new journey begins. All topsy curvy, all out of bounds in sanity and sense. The old leaves just keep scattering and scattering finding a place to rest. Blowing from place to place looking for that final home. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Bringing Back The Creativity

 

                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Lord, with what courage and delight

    I do each thing,
  When Thy least breath sustains my wing!
    I shine and move
    Like those above,
    And, with much gladness
    Quitting sadness,
  Make me fair days of every night.
H. VAUGHAN.

One can't rush the creative mind. I wish I could say that my mind was full of fresh and new ideas. Truth is, I struggled for almost two years to write anything on paper. I would stare at the blank page willing for something to come forth. What do they call this? Ah yes, writer's block. A dry spell. Losing our mojo. 

I was devastated by the dry spell I've experienced these last couple of years. I would try to figure out the why. Have I written all there was about  my life with cancer? Did the last bout with cancer, the mental trauma of radiation, affect the writing? Was I done, washed up as a writer? Maybe the lack of time?

It could have been one or all of the above. It really doesn't matter. The result was the same . . . . . I couldn't write. Lord knows I have tried to find what may have been the problem and fix it. Sometimes, there is no reason. Sometimes, we just need a rest. Perhaps, that's what happened here.

Creativity doesn't just happen, it smolders, it churns until it's ready to be shown. It all boils down to a process within us, all the life's experiences that happen to us. Art really does reflect life. When we have struggles or joys, creativity flows, because we are emitting all sorts of emotions. Emotions that need to be processed and expressed, hence the written word.

I have felt a deep need to write again probably more than ever before. It's been a long time and my soul misses it dearly. Crocheting and writing has always been my refuge in times of chaos. In this world, there is plenty of it and sometimes we become engulfed in it. It's time to declutter that chaos in my life.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Simply The Little Things

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

 Deep-rooted customs, 

though wrong,

 are not easily altered; 

but it is the

duty of all to be firm in that

 which they certainly know

 is right for them.
JOHN WOOLMAN.

Have you ever had a day where nothing really worked out for you the entire day? A day where you walked into work to a huge pile that should have been done by the person before you. Or you come home to a sink filled with dishes and the laundry overflowing. You make yourself a cup of coffee only to discover you ran out of creamer.

Sometimes, it feels as if we are constantly running on empty with a perpetual dark cloud over our heads. It's difficult to be appreciative when we are dumped on by the universe. In fact, it's difficult to even see the good, because all we see are the things gone wrong.

The Joy is in the little things.

One hears that all the time, but do we really understand what it means? The little things. When a hard day or week is lived out, what brings you relief? The comfort of taking off one's shoes upon arriving at home. The peace and sanctity of our home. A cuddle from your furry friend. A cup of tea to calm the nerves. How about that drive thru on the way home? A nice hot shower and a good nights sleep. 

All of these things are priceless when we are bone tired and weary minded. There is truly Joy in the little things. Where would we be without them? I was reminded of these simple Joys this very day as I headed off to the salon for a much needed haircut. As I sat there I could feel the stress of the day wash away while she combed, cut and practically massaged my head. I closed my eyes and realized how soothing something so simple  felt. I left feeling somehow renewed and refreshed with a new haircut. 

I left smiling and happy. Was it Joy that I was feeling?

I think sometimes we need to be reminded of all the simple pleasures around us that cost practically nothing, but time. Time for us to literally stop and bask in them. To acknowledge they even exist. Don't rush by on  Monday morning looking for that Friday. Take a moment to appreciate where you are at and enjoy the simple things in life. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Living Life After Cancer

  

      Everyday is a grand new day, everyday is a journey. 

And, as the path of duty is made plain,

  May grace be given that I may walk therein,
    Not like the hireling, for his selfish gain,
  With backward glances and reluctant tread,
  Making a merit of his coward dread,--
    But, cheerful, in the light around me thrown,
    Walking as one to pleasant service led;
    Doing God's will as if it were my own,
  Yet trusting not in mine, but in His strength alone!
J.G. WHITTIER.

So you're all done with your treatment, what now?

I have seen more broken people after cancer than during. You may find that strange, but just think about it. First, you are diagnosed and majority of the time, decisions are made almost immediately about what to do next. At least, health-wise. Then there is the surgery where something is removed like a breast or uterus or ovary or both. For some, chemo or radiation follows. Then we are pronounced in remission and sent on our merry way to enjoy the rest of our life. All of that can last 3 to 6 months of our life.

When did you have time to process any of that? 

Usually, we are still back there in the doctor's office hearing the dreaded word cancer. Everyone is rejoicing at our kicking cancer's butt except us. In our minds we are like what just happened?

The next several months, I believe are the worst. We look in the mirror and see someone different. We are not familiar with this person. Sometimes, our appearance has changed and we struggle with it. Internally, we are forever changed. Everyone is telling us how we should feel lucky to be alive, but somehow, we just can't. 

What is happening here?

This moment here involves speaking through your feelings. Many should go into counseling, join a cancer group or even start a journal. Record and share your experience, in another words process. We have to relive it, experience it and accept it. Accept it. This happened to me and it sucks. It was painful and unfair and traumatic, but you got through it! 

Remember that! You got through it and now you are stronger for it. Give yourself some grace. It will take time, a lot more than you think so be patient with yourself. It's okay, because healing (all healing) takes time. Breathe in, breathe out. One day at a time. Next thing you know a few months have gone by and you realize there have been days where everything seemed just right. Give yourself some grace and absorb all you can. You'll be okay so go out there and live your life . . . again.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Setting Goals Post Cancer

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.   

 In the bitter waves of woe,

    Beaten and tossed about
  By the sullen winds that blow
    From the desolate shores of doubt,
  Where the anchors that faith has cast
    Are dragging in the gale,
  I am quietly holding fast
    To the things that cannot fail.
WASHINGTON GLADDEN.

How important are goals in your life? There was a time where there were nothing, but goals in mine. I had the monthly goals, the next year goals and even a five year plan goal. Do they help you in achieving them?

 I often wonder that point, because to me, mine were more like dreams. I would not only set them, but dream about them quite regularly. I had these scenes playing out my version of how they would be achieved. Very funny now, because somehow, it never quite happened in that fashion. All of that dreaming helped ease the waiting. 

Cancer sort of put a stop to planning anything. I couldn't even see the month ahead, that's how uncertain things were back then. Either I was in remission or coming out of remission and these two played a huge part in my lack of setting goals. Reaching 50 was something I couldn't even imagine and when that happened, I was at a loss at what to do next. 

At that point, goals have come to a bittersweet end. When life is uncertain, goals can become extinct and living each day as it comes becomes the norm. We evaluate the things that are so important to us. Of all the goals we have spent our life making, it's all the minor ones that mean so much. 

It's that relationship that never flourished or the sunset one never saw. A favorite movie we meant to watch and a trip that never began at all. What's important to you?

It's been 14 years since that faithful day in May of 2007. My goals or lack of them have changed as I entered one season after another. I have seen many of my friends and acquaintances pass on. That experience changes a person and how they look at life. I don't ever want to forget where I was in May of 2007 or even before. If we are honest with ourselves, the time before our illness was not exactly pleasant. I bet there were many issues that may have left you feeling bitter, angry and disappointed. Then your health faltered and chronic illness entered your life crippling you in many ways. 

Do I set goals? Yes and no. I dream of certain things, because I am a very hopeful person. I dream of living in a Tiny House one day, but it's okay if I don't. I dream of traveling through the fifty states, but I will be fine without it. 

My goals are more of a daily thing now. I want to make sure I live gratefully for each and every day. I want to make sure I appreciate all the little things that are done for me. I want relationships with people. More importantly, I never want to forget what God has done in my life. That's what I strive for when I get up and it's not always easy. Some days, it can be extremely difficult and I even fail at times, but I never give up trying. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Winter Wonderland

 

                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

He leads me where the waters glide,

 The waters soft and still, 

And homeward He will gently guide

 My wandering heart and will.
J. KEBLE

I've always loved a good Winter scene, especially the very first one of the season. In my mind, I imagined a real blizzard. I would be sitting at home where it was comfy and warm while the blizzard came down heavily. More like lounging on the couch crocheting away the night. That's how the scene unfolded in my imagination. 

Reality was different. That first blizzard always happened while I was at work and I would have to trudge carefully on the road, holding tightly onto the steering wheel. There would be snow drifts or icy roads and white out conditions. I would drive slowly, praying all the way, being grateful upon arriving home.

Things never really turn out the way we plan them or imagine them in our head. I'm sure that eventually that Winter scene will play out accordingly. Most likely at a time when I least expect it years down the road. It always amazes me how we romanticize situations to make them more appealing in our mind. To cope with? Perhaps.

You may wonder why I'm writing about Winter in August? Well, it may surprise many people to know I actually like Winter. I look forward to it and the slow tempo of life. Winter is usually spent indoors, reading books and crocheting under a warm, comfy blanket. After spending an active Summer and Autumn, I find it relaxing to be still. It feels almost like a resting period before the activities pick up once again. 

So here we are in August, one of my more busier months and I'm  reminiscing about stillness. No matter how much we may enjoy work, we all love a good rest now and then. I guess that's what Winter is to me.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Continuing On

 

                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

No star is ever lost we once have seen,

We always may be what we might have been.
Since Good, though only thought, has life and breath,
God's life--can always be redeemed from death;
And evil, in its nature, is decay,
And any hour can blot it all away;
The hopes that lost in some far distance seem,
May be the truer life, and this the dream.
A. A. PROCTER

August, so far, has been extremely busy. As crazy as it may have been, I THRIVE and come alive in the busyness of it all. I love seeing my calendar filling up, but only with the things I love to do. This thing work, well, it interferes with my life. 

When the year began, I told myself I would live out my day as fully as possible. We have spent all of 2020 living in fear, isolation and for us essential workers. . .. overworking. Don't get me wrong. I know myself and I am the first person to raise my hand when there is a need whether that involves work or not. I do that for two reasons: One, I feel there is an opportunity for me to make extra money for the future. Two, my spiritual gift is giving and my hand goes up automatically when there is that need.

My goal for this year meant letting go of 2020 and facing this year wholeheartedly. I filled up that calendar on purpose. I went back into the world. We are not meant to be alone. We are not meant to live in fear. We need rest, all of us. When I see that we could be reverting back to where we were a year ago, I find it disheartening. We cannot go on as before, something has to be done. 

So I have decided to embrace living my life to the fullest and that means getting back full time into the Ministry. Crocheting has always been very therapeutic for me in my recovery, especially in mental health. Last year, I found that many charitable organizations shutdown due to covid19. Very disheartening since I totally believe social services need to be open during difficult times. Even then, I still continued to make and donate items to those that accepted them. Now, I want to go full throttle and continue my Ministry attempting to reach even more than before.

The important thing here is that I am ready, more ready than ever before. Since all of my medical tests have been over, with great results, I have charged out of the gate at full gallop. Bring on the yarn, the crocheting hook and let's continue the work God has commanded of me. So am I busy? Oh, yeah! I'm also loving every single moment.

Find what you are good at and use that gift to bless others. So fulfilling and so satisfying. So get out there!

Have a blessed ay everyone.