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Showing posts from September, 2016

Tea Toddling Time

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.


I love to drink coffee and water.They are my daily staples that I need to function properly. Emily, on the other hand, drinks green tea and orange juice. When we want to get a little dangerous, I drink my red wine and Emily her cranberry juice. Yeah, we're real partiers here!

Both my children never really caught on to the young lifestyle of today's young adults. They never smoked or stayed out all night. I never had to deal with broken curfews or the smell of alcohol on their breaths. I didn't worry about them getting pregnant or becoming a father. They took their relationships with the opposite sex very seriously. I was very fortunate. They were far from perfect, each of them had their own issues, but in this area I had no problems. 

I wish I had their smarts when I was their age. I was the opposite of them. Don't g…

The Uncomfortable Question

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

During my last week of radiation, I walked in on a very interesting conversation between two of the ladies there. One was my dear newfound friend Arletta and the other a caretaker of an elderly lady going through treatment. Arletta made a very interesting comment that has stuck with me ever since that day. She felt that there were people who were upset she had made it. 

Now as unpleasant as it may sound, I believe there may be some truth in it. I always felt that when something has stayed on mind and I'm thinking on it, it usually has a reason for it. 

When there is an illness, good friends and family do come together praying for us, taking care of us, encouraging us. We don't ever want to think about the people who never cared for us or the ones who have left us feeling uncertain whether they are our friends or not. We…

Celebrating Too Early.

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey. 

 I sat in my car, staring blindly into the dark night. I sat there, willing my aching body to move. My poor feet ached so bad, the soles burned. I have forgotten how much walking I do at work. Almost four months off and now my poor body has to get acclimated all over again. We all had days like these where everything hurts and we couldn't wait to get home. 

On top of all that, my radiation may be over, but my symptoms were still here. Or at least for another three weeks, according to my doctor. Fun. Eating has become a huge problem. I can only take in small amounts of food every two hours or so. My breakfast may include a slice of toast with jelly and half a banana on top. Two hours later I will have a banana or apple. Lunch may include a bowl of soup. . . brothy soup. And so on and so on. Well, at least I have found a diet that actually works for me.

So what happens if I don…

The Color Red

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

I love the color red. I didn't even know I loved the color red until recently. How could that be? Well, I never noticed that I owned so many things in red. I owned a red car, a red couch, my daring lipstick is red, my ex had red hair and multiple of clothing, especially my red dress that I could never part with. I don't even fit into it anymore, but keeping it I am. 

It wasn't until I purchased my new car, which by the way is silver, that I noticed how much I would miss it. I felt saddened that the new car wasn't red. Red has been with me a long time. That same feeling reawakened when I stared at my red couch. Diamond has been attacking the sides of it behind our backs with her claws. I knew I had to come up with a quick remedy or pretty soon the couch would have to be thrown out. 

What else can one do, but buy …

Another Step Done

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Going off to college.
Definition: In our household, we use this as a  nicer way of saying something or someone has died. 


As reported back in July, our red Durango has gone off to college. After much thought and consideration, we have decided to finally send it off and look for a newer model. So we have bought a new car. Well, it's not exactly new, but a 2010 Chevrolet. I have never had a six year old car or let alone one with only 73000 miles on it. For me, this is a luxury vehicle! 

The decision came about really in regards to our new "bold steps" attitude. I am a safe person and everything I do reflects it. I don't make sudden and impulsive decisions. I overthink things to death. There are no risky ventures in my life. I would never drop everything, pile into my car and drive off to a new life without a job or place of residence already set. I know many people who have done …

The Wild Geese Are Calling

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

Last night, as I sat watching Netflix before bed, I swear I heard a flock of wild geese flying South. My first thought was disbelief in what I heard.  Already? At night? This morning, another flock flew past and I noticed some leaves were slowly turning brown. The wild geese are calling for the change in Season. Fall is fast upon us. 

I love the different Seasons. I love when one enters and another departs. I could not live in one type of weather. To me, Seasons changing offer hope. No matter what I may be going through, when a new Season comes, hope springs forth that maybe things in my life will also change. 

This morning is the "day after" in a way. Yesterday was filled with celebrations and congratulations from every angle. Today life as we know it begins anew. At least, we hope it will. It's only to be expecte…

Resignation-The Final Chapter

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a new journey.

RINGING OUT!
Ring this bell 
Three times well
It's toll to clearly say
My treatments done
This course is run
And I am on my way!

So what can I say? This last week has been a piece of cake for me. I sang along to K-Love every morning and forgot all about the terrible traffic around me. The thought of finally finishing this horrible experience energized this tired body. I couldn't wait to ring that bell right off it's hinges! 

These women that I've met at radiation have changed me both on the outside as well as on the inside. I began this five week journey such a mess! The only thing is, this journey really began on May 4 of this year. I've always said that each bout with cancer taught me something new about myself. Well, this one really brought out the ugly version of myself out into the open. One I didn't even k…

Resignation Part 5

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

RESIGNATION
The acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable.

So what does that something more that God wants me to do look like? Does He want me to start a Chronic Illness Group? It's just an idea now, nothing more. How would I go about it? Where would the people come from to join? How would I even advertise something like that? I'm not sure. Right now, it's just a thought that popped into my head. Let's pray about this.

What if I do my best work during my worst circumstance?

You know, when we are faced with serving God, we always want the easy way out, don't we? We want to serve on things that don't require too much from us or of us. Everyone signs on board to bring refreshments, but ask them to sign up for Sunday school and they'll tell you it's not their thing. I never quite understood th…

Resignation Part 4

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                      everyday is a journey.

RESIGNATION
The acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable.

I knew then what He wanted from me. He wanted me to go on ministering to the women here at the clinic. For some reason, I was able to make them feel better by listening or making them laugh or just chatting. I could see that, but it doesn't mean I wanted to do it. I didn't even have to work extra hard at it, it came so easy. Yet, I still wanted time just for me. And it wasn't just here at the clinic, but continue doing what I was doing. 

I knew that my resistance had nothing to do with radiation itself. I wasn't resisting or fighting radiation, I was resisting and fighting my calling. I wanted to be selfish and do the things that brought me pleasure that had nothing to do with others. Why couldn't I do that? Just for a little bit?

I had this phr…

Resignation Part 3

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.
RESIGNATION
The acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable.

You have no idea the shame I felt driving home. Here I have been acting like a fool in a full blown tantrum and God still provided for me. He still took care of me. All the fight basically left me. There is no way I intended to fight God. If He has made a way for me to be here everyday, then I have no choice but to make an effort. 

I may not like it, but I resigned myself to do it. That's when it began, this resignation. I have no idea why He wants me here or how in the world I'm to benefit from all of this. And don't tell me so I could stay alive. People in a coma are alive. I want to live life.

I will tell you a secret. In truth, there is a part of me that really wants to quit my Ministry. Sometimes I feel like I'm an advocate for cancer and my …

Resignation Part 2

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Everyday is a brand new day, 
                       everyday is a journey. 


RESIGNATION

2. the acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable. "a shrug of resignation"
That drive home became the struggle of my life. Every turn I made was worse than the one before. It always somehow led me back to that one street. I guess there was only one way to go and no easy way to go around it. I wasn't going to get there any faster. Slow and steady. How profound is that?
I think I gave up the struggle not too far from home. I've realized that I have been fighting ever since that first day encounter with that young woman. I fought. I screamed. I complained, but the inevitable had to be faced. Radiation was here to stay. 
All these years, I have been praying on the same things over and over again. Sometimes, even crying out to God in frustration. When, Lord, when? Why is it always no? God already granted that wish, I just had to go for it. The only person sto…

Resignation Part 1

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

RESIGNATION
2. the acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable. "a shrug of resignation"


The other day, I woke up much later than usual so I had to rush getting ready for my radiation. Being a bit late, I weighed my options on what was the best way to get there. I already knew that two of the streets I've been using have been backed up with traffic and construction. I chose to go a totally different way than I normally take. In fact, I have never gone this way before to the hospital. 
Well, it proved to be even worse than the other two. We were barely moving at all, one whole side completely blocked off for several blocks. There was only one thing  to do, detour city!

Somehow, in the midst of my detouring, I found myself in an area I wasn't too familiar with. Glancing around my surroundings proved my wor…

My Tiny House

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Yet Love will dream, and Faith will trust
    (Since He who knows our need is just),
  That somehow, somewhere, meet we must.
    Alas for him who never sees
    The stars shine through his cypress trees;
  Who hath not learned in hours of faith,
    The truth to flesh and sense unknown,
  That life is ever Lord of Death,
    And Love can never lose its own.
J. G. WHITTIER.

It's a well known fact I'm very interested in tiny living or owning a Tiny House of my own. I have subscribed to various Youtube sites featuring anything that is tiny living from a THOW (tiny house on wheels) to yurts, containers, RV's  and cottages. 

This past Summer, while recovering, I spent majority of it enclosed within my apartment. I wandered aimlessly from room to room looking for a place to rest. I soon discovered a sort of suffocation within these four walls which made me wonder if I could live in a ti…

The Halfway Point

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                     everyday is a journey.


When my son was in High School, he signed up to run quite a few 5K runs. He joined a track team at one of our park districts where he ran, flat feet and all. Of course, I came along to some of them, especially the ones for cancer. Who knew that one day I would be diagnosed with cancer myself?

It was during one of these runs that he signed me up for a fitness walk. I was all for it. I can walk. At that time, I was very skinny and in my late 30's so I felt no nervousness in completing it. Usually at these events there were several vendors passing out free items so we went around filling our backpacks.

That fitness walk proved to be a lot harder than I thought, especially with a full backpack on my back. We tracked on the sand, arms swinging full force and I was dying. We finally came up to a group of people cheering and clapping,…

A Leaf Eater

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

A leaf eater, that's what Joey called me. I never thought of myself in that way, but it did make me laugh. After all, we have been living a vegetarian lifestyle for over 5 1/2 years now. Or at least Emily, I still occasionally eat meat.



People seem to have a huge misconception of what it means when one claims to be a vegetarian. We do eat more than just carrot sticks and celery. Be honest, what do you think of when I say vegetarian? A salad, right? We are so much more!



Every Summer for two years straight, Emily would join our old Church for a retreat at a camp. They would go canoeing, paddle boating, play volleyball, fishing and sing by the fire every night. It is well known that she is a vegetarian, but somehow, whenever it came to meals they would forget. That first year at camp was tough for her. While they ate a good meal, she ended up eating a salad. 



When the second year came around, th…

I Am A Sinner

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                     everyday is a journey.


  Wherever He may guide me,
    No want shall turn me back;
  My Shepherd is beside me,
    And nothing can I lack.
  His wisdom ever waketh,
    His sight is never dim,--
  He knows the way He taketh,
    And I will walk with Him.
A. L. WARING.


Life is so interesting, isn't it? We spend so much time trying to constantly improve ourselves intellectually, spiritually and even physically. Just when we begin to feel like maybe we've learned a thing or two, we discover the opposite. 

I've learned that truth during the current bout with cancer. I've considered myself a pretty strong in the faith Christian. My Faith will not waiver! Oh no, not I! How many times have I said that? Countless!

It didn't take long for me to be humbled. If I have learned anything from this experience is that I'm a sinner. No matter how strong I m…

It's Okay To Cry

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.

 Father, let our faithful mind
  Rest, on Thee alone inclined;
  Every anxious thought repress,
  Keep our souls in perfect peace.
C. WESLEY.

It seems, I keep running into ladies in the locker room. There was another one waiting, having arrived early. I guess she comes after me. I sat down next to her and started up a conversation.

"So how long are you in for?" I asked her as if it was a prison sentence. That one question opened up a steady flow of words. I learned all about her breast cancer, her surgeries, her treatment. I listened. I'm a very good listener and people tell me all sorts of personal things. 

"I feel so guilty for feeling so tired of everything. I've been through so much and I've made it. I should be happy and instead I want to cry." She told me, tears welling up. 

"It's okay to cry,&…

The Happiness

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                   everyday is a journey.

What does your anxiety do? It does not empty to-morrow, brother, of its sorrow; but ah! it empties to-day of its strength. It does not make you escape the evil; it makes you unfit to cope with it if it comes.--Ian Maclaren

Since coming back to work, I've been asked what do I prefer, chemo or radiation? Oh, chemo hands down! There is a vast difference in the two. A major difference.

Chemo may have 6 to 8 sessions or maybe even more for some people, but it is not a daily treatment. Although, I have seen some people who do come in multiple times in a week.  Mine were every three weeks. No matter how bad they were and chemo is very bad, but I had a break in between. I could go and spend the entire day there and then stay home recuperating for the next several weeks.

Radiation is the opposite. Radiation is like having an additional job t…

The Locker Room

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Quench thou the fires of hate and strife,
    The wasting fever of the heart;
  From perils guard our feeble life,
    And to our souls Thy peace impart.
J. H. NEWMAN, Tr. from Latin.

The Locker room of the radiation clinic usually is empty when I walk in. It should be. Every 15 minutes, two patients are taking their radiation. When I walk in, someone is already having their treatment. I'm sure as I'm undressing, the next patient is pulling into the parking lot. Very rarely do we encounter one another. 

So you could just imagine my surprise in finding another lady in there. We both were dressed in our hospital gowns trying to put away our belongings inside our lockers. The lockers are very tall, but extremely narrow. The shoes and clothes are no problem, except for the purse. Lord, I've yet to get it in there without a struggle. 

That day was no different. I am bent over at one end,…

The Midlife Crisis

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.



Sit down, sad soul, and count
The moments flying;
Come, tell the sweet amount
That's lost by -sighing!
How many smiles?
--a score?
Then laugh, and count no more;
For day is dying. Lie down sad soul, and sleep,
And no more measure
The flight of time, nor weep
The loss of leisure;
But here by this lone stream,
Lie down with us, and dream
Of starry treasure. --Bryan Waller Procter


"Brigette, have you gone through your midlife crisis?", I inquired of  my loyal crocheting lady at our last meeting. 

"No, but perhaps I'm going through it now in my fifties. Everything is bothering me. The people in traffic, the angry comments waiting in a line. I don't even want to be around people anymore."

Boy, she sounds just like me. I never had a midlife crisis in my forties. Didn't have time for it. I was dealing with cancer! Yet, d…