Not too long ago , My son interviewed me about my St. Jude Ministry . Honestly , I didn't want to do it . I am a wallflower and I felt very self conscious . After the interview , I had a vision of my bins overflowing with yarn . Just overflowing with yarn .
That first week after , I walked around expecting people to shower me with yarn everywhere I went . Instead , nothing happened . I sent out that link to everyone I knew and nothing happened . People didn't even have a chance to open it up .
My ego got inflated and I desperately needed to come down to earth and humble myself . God has provided yarn for all of my projects . I RARELY ever had to buy yarn on my own . I knew God would provide again . It might not be bins full but always enough to get me through the week .
From that moment on , I have received yarn from all around me . My Joe brought with him 2 1/2 large plastic trash bags full of yarn . I would open my door and a huge box was mailed to me from a listener on the radio . I walked into church and a fellow member handed over a bag of yarn . I opened up an email from an old boss and there's more yarn on the way .
My bedroom is overflowing with yarn ! God is good to me ! You all are good to me !
Inside one of those boxes was a letter that I want to share with you . It made me cry with joy . This is my encouragement because I lack courage as I undertake this project . This letter came from a lady named Carolyn .
Mrs. Krol ,
Joey had on his program about your knitting caps .This is some extra yarn mom had when she died 20 years ago . As I packed this yarn , I thought of different things mom had made. I shed some tears but I want this to go to a good cause .
Mom died from her second time with breast cancer .She was going through her second time when I was going through my first time . I had chemo the first and radiation the second time . I really wonder why my life was spared , especially the second time . God must have a project for me .
There is not alot of any one color but I hope these various colors will be of help to you .
Carolyn
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
The Sparkle Back
Going to church , I was filled with anticipation . Anticipation with how Linda would react to her surprise . What was the surprise , you ask ? Not only did we pray over her as a congregation but our Associate Pastor sang a song that he wrote for the three of us ( Linda , Doug and myself ) or anyone going through a trial in their life .
The song dealt with the question " Where are you God ? " Where are you during our struggles and pain ? Beautifully written and beautifully performed .
As I drove to church that morning I prayed that today Linda would get her sparkle back . I purposely headed her way after the service . Yes , the sparkle was there but she hurried out the door not wanting to stay and chat .
I have to say that I felt bothered for about a minute . Not really the response I was looking for from her . It dawned on me the stage she was at . Yes , stage . No matter what we are experiencing in our life , there are stages we go through .
Right now , Linda is tired and fed up . She is angry at her situation and wishes it was over already . She wants to rave and rant . She wants to curl up in a corner and shut everyone out so she can be herself .So why doesn't she do that ?
Linda's stage is the one where our emotions are hanging on a thread . We have to put on our game face for everyone . We have to be positive and upbeat because if we are not , people around us crumble . People may say be whatever way you want to be , but , they really don't mean it . If we act anyway other than positive , people assume we have given up . We call this stage the suicide stage because all the people in our lives assume we are suicidal when we crumble up and become depressed .
Believe me , we are not suicidal nor have we given up . We are just plain fed up !
People have golden hearts . I have found this out during my illness. They mean well and want to help . The stage she is in right now , folks , all those famous comments people make to be encouraging just plain irritate her .
" God only gives you what you can handle "
" A positive attitude will beat this "
" You need to stay positive "
" Believe and it will happen "
Please don't get me wrong . Please don't stop using these encouraging comments . It's just that right now , she needs to go through this stage . She appreciates everyone and everything and that's why she runs away in the presence of others . She doesn't have her game face on .
She has not given up . She just needs some alone time with God to let out all those frustrating emotions . She needs to let Him know how she is feeling .
My , this has turned into a lengthy one ! Have a Blessed Week everyone .
The song dealt with the question " Where are you God ? " Where are you during our struggles and pain ? Beautifully written and beautifully performed .
As I drove to church that morning I prayed that today Linda would get her sparkle back . I purposely headed her way after the service . Yes , the sparkle was there but she hurried out the door not wanting to stay and chat .
I have to say that I felt bothered for about a minute . Not really the response I was looking for from her . It dawned on me the stage she was at . Yes , stage . No matter what we are experiencing in our life , there are stages we go through .
Right now , Linda is tired and fed up . She is angry at her situation and wishes it was over already . She wants to rave and rant . She wants to curl up in a corner and shut everyone out so she can be herself .So why doesn't she do that ?
Linda's stage is the one where our emotions are hanging on a thread . We have to put on our game face for everyone . We have to be positive and upbeat because if we are not , people around us crumble . People may say be whatever way you want to be , but , they really don't mean it . If we act anyway other than positive , people assume we have given up . We call this stage the suicide stage because all the people in our lives assume we are suicidal when we crumble up and become depressed .
Believe me , we are not suicidal nor have we given up . We are just plain fed up !
People have golden hearts . I have found this out during my illness. They mean well and want to help . The stage she is in right now , folks , all those famous comments people make to be encouraging just plain irritate her .
" God only gives you what you can handle "
" A positive attitude will beat this "
" You need to stay positive "
" Believe and it will happen "
Please don't get me wrong . Please don't stop using these encouraging comments . It's just that right now , she needs to go through this stage . She appreciates everyone and everything and that's why she runs away in the presence of others . She doesn't have her game face on .
She has not given up . She just needs some alone time with God to let out all those frustrating emotions . She needs to let Him know how she is feeling .
My , this has turned into a lengthy one ! Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Sunday, July 29, 2012
An Honest Conversation
The best conversations are the unexpected ones . The ones that we don't hold back on but truly , truly show our emotions and our heart . I had one of these conversations with Linda the other day .
With Linda , I can be honest . I can tell her things about my disease that I can't tell other people . She knows how I feel , how I hurt and what I mean . She has walked in my shoes . She still keeps walking in those shoes .
My call to her was a God moment . I called her at a time when she was feeling a little depressed . Sitting on her couch with her husband , watching their granddaughter asleep , my call was unexpected but needed . I just didn't realize how much .
Without knowing , I lifted her spirit . Without knowing , I pulled her out of that depressing pit . Whatever she was feeling , my conversation with her , pulled that disgusting negativeness out of her . I believe , her consciousness was awaiting my call .
My general purpose for calling her was to invite her to church this Sunday . This call took on a much different meaning as it unfolded . It was obvious that God 's intentions were for me to specifically be the one to speak with her .
Since Linda and I are close , the Associate Pastor's wife , asked me to make sure Linda made it to church this Sunday . With her new chemo starting , she might not be able to come . My job was to make that happen . Why , you ask ? A surprise was in the works . I can't speak of it yet because it's today .
Last thing I wanted was to lie to her but I certainly didn't want her to know the truth . What can I say to her then ? I believe that God put the next thought into my head . I told her that we , as a congregation , wanted to pray over her at church this coming Sunday and we wanted her and her family to be there even if it was to be for a few minutes .
Linda cried , saying that she has been praying to God that we would all pray over her . She was definitely coming ! She was putting on her makeup and her wig because she wanted to look her best this Sunday .
As I hung up the phone , I realized the real reason God made sure I made that call . It wasn't about an invitation to church but an invitation to her heart's desire . It all started with an honest conversation . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
With Linda , I can be honest . I can tell her things about my disease that I can't tell other people . She knows how I feel , how I hurt and what I mean . She has walked in my shoes . She still keeps walking in those shoes .
My call to her was a God moment . I called her at a time when she was feeling a little depressed . Sitting on her couch with her husband , watching their granddaughter asleep , my call was unexpected but needed . I just didn't realize how much .
Without knowing , I lifted her spirit . Without knowing , I pulled her out of that depressing pit . Whatever she was feeling , my conversation with her , pulled that disgusting negativeness out of her . I believe , her consciousness was awaiting my call .
My general purpose for calling her was to invite her to church this Sunday . This call took on a much different meaning as it unfolded . It was obvious that God 's intentions were for me to specifically be the one to speak with her .
Since Linda and I are close , the Associate Pastor's wife , asked me to make sure Linda made it to church this Sunday . With her new chemo starting , she might not be able to come . My job was to make that happen . Why , you ask ? A surprise was in the works . I can't speak of it yet because it's today .
Last thing I wanted was to lie to her but I certainly didn't want her to know the truth . What can I say to her then ? I believe that God put the next thought into my head . I told her that we , as a congregation , wanted to pray over her at church this coming Sunday and we wanted her and her family to be there even if it was to be for a few minutes .
Linda cried , saying that she has been praying to God that we would all pray over her . She was definitely coming ! She was putting on her makeup and her wig because she wanted to look her best this Sunday .
As I hung up the phone , I realized the real reason God made sure I made that call . It wasn't about an invitation to church but an invitation to her heart's desire . It all started with an honest conversation . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Take A Rest
In my solitude today, I came across this poem .I think we all experienced this at one time or another . May we all find that rest we are looking for .
The Weary One
I wandered along the dusty way
seeking the dawn of another day
like a drifting chip on a lonely stream
like a breath of wind or a vagrant dream
a forgotten soul on a weary quest
searching for home and love and rest
I wandered along the dusty way
and found my idols with feet of clay
my letters were ashes
my castles dust
the sword I wielded eaten by the rust
my dreams were shattered
a heavy load
is all that is left on a winding road .
Enjoy your day everyone . Have a Blessed Week .
The Weary One
I wandered along the dusty way
seeking the dawn of another day
like a drifting chip on a lonely stream
like a breath of wind or a vagrant dream
a forgotten soul on a weary quest
searching for home and love and rest
I wandered along the dusty way
and found my idols with feet of clay
my letters were ashes
my castles dust
the sword I wielded eaten by the rust
my dreams were shattered
a heavy load
is all that is left on a winding road .
Enjoy your day everyone . Have a Blessed Week .
Friday, July 27, 2012
Plans For The Weekend
After spending a long , long week emotionally and physically drained , I'm very glad to see the weekend finally here . And folks , it was a very , very long one .
My plans for the weekend ? Seclusion ! No phones , no errands or leaving of the apartment of any kind . I plan on sitting in my pajammies and " destressing " for the week ahead . My one outing will include church . . . . . . . that's it .
I don't want to see anyone nor hear anyone . Not very Christian of me but I'm only human . This week has been very difficult since hearing the news about Linda's health . It has affected me tremendously . She is my other half in this battle we have shared together .
Hopefully , I'll soon be able to share with you the emotions that are raging within me . I know what is going on inside of me , I'm just not ready to talk about it right now .
This situation has affected me not only at work but with my crocheting and blog . Writing has become very difficult . I stare at the blank page and nothing is coming out . The same has happened of my crocheting . I barely made 3 pairs this week . The quality and creativity of both has suffered . My blog has become mediocre and my slippers quite ugly .
I need this weekend to get back on track . I need the solitude of being alone with God . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
My plans for the weekend ? Seclusion ! No phones , no errands or leaving of the apartment of any kind . I plan on sitting in my pajammies and " destressing " for the week ahead . My one outing will include church . . . . . . . that's it .
I don't want to see anyone nor hear anyone . Not very Christian of me but I'm only human . This week has been very difficult since hearing the news about Linda's health . It has affected me tremendously . She is my other half in this battle we have shared together .
Hopefully , I'll soon be able to share with you the emotions that are raging within me . I know what is going on inside of me , I'm just not ready to talk about it right now .
This situation has affected me not only at work but with my crocheting and blog . Writing has become very difficult . I stare at the blank page and nothing is coming out . The same has happened of my crocheting . I barely made 3 pairs this week . The quality and creativity of both has suffered . My blog has become mediocre and my slippers quite ugly .
I need this weekend to get back on track . I need the solitude of being alone with God . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Thursday, July 26, 2012
A Late Bloomer
Late one night , I had an interesting conversation with a friend I haven't heard from for awhile . In the midst of catching up with each other about the different activities we are passionate about , I realized what a late bloomer I really was .
I spoke to her with a passion of things I wanted to accomplish . Things that were so close to my heart . It has taken me such a long time to get to this passionate state . Look how old I am . Why did it take so long to figure out where I should be in life and what I should be doing ? It's taken all this time for me to grow up .
If I had to go back ( Lord , I can't believe I'm saying this ) I would choose a totally different path . Not so much because of how I lived but because I truly know what I want to do with the rest of my life . This is a rebirth of me .
I wish I could quit my job , move out of the city and work in a children's ministry .
I am so done with everything I used to be . This is one of my struggles that I live with everyday . . . . . . the new me living in the old life . I have changed but not my atmosphere that I deal with on a daily basis . I think alot of us are in this position . I'm not talking about LEADING an old lifestyle but living amidst the lifestyle .
Instead of starting out my life right , I'm ending it right . How about you ? How are you living your life ?
I spoke to her with a passion of things I wanted to accomplish . Things that were so close to my heart . It has taken me such a long time to get to this passionate state . Look how old I am . Why did it take so long to figure out where I should be in life and what I should be doing ? It's taken all this time for me to grow up .
If I had to go back ( Lord , I can't believe I'm saying this ) I would choose a totally different path . Not so much because of how I lived but because I truly know what I want to do with the rest of my life . This is a rebirth of me .
I wish I could quit my job , move out of the city and work in a children's ministry .
I am so done with everything I used to be . This is one of my struggles that I live with everyday . . . . . . the new me living in the old life . I have changed but not my atmosphere that I deal with on a daily basis . I think alot of us are in this position . I'm not talking about LEADING an old lifestyle but living amidst the lifestyle .
Instead of starting out my life right , I'm ending it right . How about you ? How are you living your life ?
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Redesign
When I first started this blog , that was my first experience as a blogger . I never shared anything personal publically before . My layout has been simple . There were no pictures , no beautiful background . Just words written from my heart .
Now I find that I want more . I want to update my blog into this century . The problem ? I have no techical experience whatsoever . In fact , technology frightens me .
I look at other blogs and they are so gorgeous with links , music , pictures and videos . Compared to them , I look boring .
Fumbling around , I was able to make some changes . The sad thing is that I'm actually proud of these simple adjustments that my grandson could do . I'm making it my goal to delve into technology and actually learn something . Hopefully , you will see some changes real soon .
I'm actually feeling much better today . I have been feeling very emotional and saddened by the news of Linda's health . Hopefully , I will soon be able to share some of these feelings with you .
I hope you have enjoyed my guest writer . If anyone would like to write their favorite poem or story for me to post here as my next guest writer , feel free to e-mail me at lottiekrol@yahoo.com . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Now I find that I want more . I want to update my blog into this century . The problem ? I have no techical experience whatsoever . In fact , technology frightens me .
I look at other blogs and they are so gorgeous with links , music , pictures and videos . Compared to them , I look boring .
Fumbling around , I was able to make some changes . The sad thing is that I'm actually proud of these simple adjustments that my grandson could do . I'm making it my goal to delve into technology and actually learn something . Hopefully , you will see some changes real soon .
I'm actually feeling much better today . I have been feeling very emotional and saddened by the news of Linda's health . Hopefully , I will soon be able to share some of these feelings with you .
I hope you have enjoyed my guest writer . If anyone would like to write their favorite poem or story for me to post here as my next guest writer , feel free to e-mail me at lottiekrol@yahoo.com . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
A Guest Writer
These past few days have been very difficult for me emotionally . I find writing extremely difficult . Today , I want to share with you a guest writer by the name of Maureen Carroll Sebek . Not only is she a fellow blogger but a dear friend . I don't think she will mind . Please enjoy her latest titled " Buried Alive " .
 |
| "Then Jesus called out in a loud voice - Lazarus come out... And Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go." John 11:43,44 |
She wouldn't stop talking
Always laughing, full of joy
She looked at life with brand new eyes
And loved everything she saw
She didn't see that no-one cared
We ran the other way
She made us think of a life
We swore no one could have
She made us angry just to look at her
We spit and cursed at her
That was all that we could say
She never walked she always danced
She sang songs and twirled around
Every chance she got
Who did she think she was
Something special to be treasured
or what
I couldn't find a way to end her
I Ignored her
Mocked her
Pushed her deep inside
She was just an irritating constant bother child
I thought that she would go away
When I buried her alive
But, Someone saw her
Heard her cry
Answered her every why
He pulled her from the grave
He breathed new life in her
And called her by her name
Loving, caressing, healing all her wounds
He lifted her and smiled on her
And refused to let her go
He loved her, me, her, I mean
He saved us both I know
He treasured the woman who hid
the darling child inside
The one that I had thrown away
The one I buried alive...
Monday, July 23, 2012
Linda On My Mind
Seeing Linda at church with her family has brought on so many emotions within me that for the first time since starting this blog , I can't write .
Linda's cancer is spreading and right now it has spread to both her lungs . She is starting , yet again , a new chemo . I can't keep track of how many she has had already . I can't even comprehend how very tired she must be . . . . . how worn out her body must be . . . . . the pain , the side effects .
I stood there and watched her daughter cry , her husband choking back tears and Linda , my Linda , crying in despair . I joined her and I held her and I didn't want to let her go .
She says to me ," People are praying and it's not working . What does God want from me ? "
What am I to say ? How do I comfort her ? What can I do ? There are no words . I just hold on to her and cry .
She and I have been a pair like peas and carrots throughout our cancers. We have been through this together 5 years ago and now . I am so devastated . Like a part of me is in her .
I can't stop thinking about her . I can't write . I have rewritten today's blog over and over again . I can't stop crying . Please keep praying for her and her family .
Linda's cancer is spreading and right now it has spread to both her lungs . She is starting , yet again , a new chemo . I can't keep track of how many she has had already . I can't even comprehend how very tired she must be . . . . . how worn out her body must be . . . . . the pain , the side effects .
I stood there and watched her daughter cry , her husband choking back tears and Linda , my Linda , crying in despair . I joined her and I held her and I didn't want to let her go .
She says to me ," People are praying and it's not working . What does God want from me ? "
What am I to say ? How do I comfort her ? What can I do ? There are no words . I just hold on to her and cry .
She and I have been a pair like peas and carrots throughout our cancers. We have been through this together 5 years ago and now . I am so devastated . Like a part of me is in her .
I can't stop thinking about her . I can't write . I have rewritten today's blog over and over again . I can't stop crying . Please keep praying for her and her family .
Saturday, July 21, 2012
The Adventures Of Awesomeness
The Adventures Of Awesomeness . What a great title . Makes you want to grab that book and read it ! It has that " something " that draws people .
Remember when I mentioned how my grandson was intrigued by my blog ? How he wanted to start writing one on his own ? Last night he did . That's the title of his blog . I'm blown away by that title . I should have called my blog that !
Emily and I read it together . It brought on a whole bunch of memories of when she and her brother were little . Children's imaginations are amazing .
When Joe was 5 yrs. old he got an old tape recorder . That tape recorder shaped his entire future. He and my mom played " weathermen " with it . That was the start of his radio inspiration.
Emily , on the other hand , watched The Frugal Gourmet since she was a toddler . There was no Sesame Street for her . She was always doing her own cooking show and the commercials were done by me , of course .
That's how my children played . If I wasn't doing laundry commercials for Emily , then I was the 8th caller on Joey's radio program .
We need to encourage our children . Who knows what will become of Tim's blog ?! Maybe he'll become a Journalist , an Author or a Screenwriter .
As we drove to the beach today , we discussed our " blogs " . I couldn't be happier since this is just ours , something that he only does with me . How special is that ? I'm leaving something behind . Yeah , something special , alright . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Remember when I mentioned how my grandson was intrigued by my blog ? How he wanted to start writing one on his own ? Last night he did . That's the title of his blog . I'm blown away by that title . I should have called my blog that !
Emily and I read it together . It brought on a whole bunch of memories of when she and her brother were little . Children's imaginations are amazing .
When Joe was 5 yrs. old he got an old tape recorder . That tape recorder shaped his entire future. He and my mom played " weathermen " with it . That was the start of his radio inspiration.
Emily , on the other hand , watched The Frugal Gourmet since she was a toddler . There was no Sesame Street for her . She was always doing her own cooking show and the commercials were done by me , of course .
That's how my children played . If I wasn't doing laundry commercials for Emily , then I was the 8th caller on Joey's radio program .
We need to encourage our children . Who knows what will become of Tim's blog ?! Maybe he'll become a Journalist , an Author or a Screenwriter .
As we drove to the beach today , we discussed our " blogs " . I couldn't be happier since this is just ours , something that he only does with me . How special is that ? I'm leaving something behind . Yeah , something special , alright . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Beep ! Beep !
Well , it certainly has been a learning experience these past few days . Since my car has been out of order I have been left feeling a little out of sorts . I am not a mechanical person . Even minimal knowledge I am lacking . I am very grateful to my nephew-in-law for helping me sort out all the difficult bits .
Now that all the insurance issues have been taken care of , I need to settle this car issue . My car needs some surgery . After being given the verdict of what was wrong with it , I slumped in defeat . At a time like this , I need a man's help . I am not a woman who claims she doesn't need a man because they do come in handy in incidents like this one . I could have used a man today !
Calling around , pertending I know what is what , is a hardship for me but luckily I remembered a shop that took care of me a few years back . My car should be ready in a few hours .
God is wonderful ! I love the way He takes care of me . Only a month ago , Emily and I finally updated our change of address on our I.D. 's , on my registration , got a city sticker and applied for Motor Club Roadside Service !!!! I sure needed that tow truck . The day of the accident , we did all of our shopping and errands . God was preparing us for what was to come . I sincerely believe that .
We did run out of coffee , though . Deciding to walk to the corner store a mere two blocks away , I drag Emily with me . Now , when you suddenly don't have a vechicle and you need to WALK , everything seems MILES away . The heat didn't help . On our way back , Emily says to me , " Next time you feel like going on an adventure , go by yourself ." I love that girl .She is so much like me .
She also told me that if she hears another word about this accident . . . . . .she is ready to scream . She has heard me talk about it to all of our friends and family . She is done . Now , about that traffic school. . . . .
Now that all the insurance issues have been taken care of , I need to settle this car issue . My car needs some surgery . After being given the verdict of what was wrong with it , I slumped in defeat . At a time like this , I need a man's help . I am not a woman who claims she doesn't need a man because they do come in handy in incidents like this one . I could have used a man today !
Calling around , pertending I know what is what , is a hardship for me but luckily I remembered a shop that took care of me a few years back . My car should be ready in a few hours .
God is wonderful ! I love the way He takes care of me . Only a month ago , Emily and I finally updated our change of address on our I.D. 's , on my registration , got a city sticker and applied for Motor Club Roadside Service !!!! I sure needed that tow truck . The day of the accident , we did all of our shopping and errands . God was preparing us for what was to come . I sincerely believe that .
We did run out of coffee , though . Deciding to walk to the corner store a mere two blocks away , I drag Emily with me . Now , when you suddenly don't have a vechicle and you need to WALK , everything seems MILES away . The heat didn't help . On our way back , Emily says to me , " Next time you feel like going on an adventure , go by yourself ." I love that girl .She is so much like me .
She also told me that if she hears another word about this accident . . . . . .she is ready to scream . She has heard me talk about it to all of our friends and family . She is done . Now , about that traffic school. . . . .
Friday, July 20, 2012
" Woman Cave "
A friend of mine is moving to Alabama ( I bet she's smiling right now ) . In her last week at work , she kept showing everyone pictures of her new place . In the yard , along the side , lies a trailer with stairs built leading up to it .
That trailer was my favorite part about the whole house . I could imagine myself making a little nook for myself complete with a deadbolt so no one could barge in whenever they wanted . Yes , I want a trailer like that so I can have a little nook in the corner . That was a week ago and I still think of that trailer . I've always wanted my own " woman cave " .
Looking around my small bedroom , all cluttered with boxes full of slippers and all sorts of craft materials , I wish I had room for a huge table where I could organize my things . Where I could lay out the different materials for my different projects .
Almost everyone I know wishes they had a room just for themselves . A place of solitude where all their favorite things were laid out to touch , play or simply admire .
My dream has always been a room filled with different supplies of crafts like ribbons , craft sticks and yarn as an example . A room where I can learn new things such as quilting and sewing . A room filled with bookshelves from ceiling to floor where all my " How To Books " could be displayed .
Of course , this room would also have a coffee pot ! What is your idea of the perfect woman cave ?
That trailer was my favorite part about the whole house . I could imagine myself making a little nook for myself complete with a deadbolt so no one could barge in whenever they wanted . Yes , I want a trailer like that so I can have a little nook in the corner . That was a week ago and I still think of that trailer . I've always wanted my own " woman cave " .
Looking around my small bedroom , all cluttered with boxes full of slippers and all sorts of craft materials , I wish I had room for a huge table where I could organize my things . Where I could lay out the different materials for my different projects .
Almost everyone I know wishes they had a room just for themselves . A place of solitude where all their favorite things were laid out to touch , play or simply admire .
My dream has always been a room filled with different supplies of crafts like ribbons , craft sticks and yarn as an example . A room where I can learn new things such as quilting and sewing . A room filled with bookshelves from ceiling to floor where all my " How To Books " could be displayed .
Of course , this room would also have a coffee pot ! What is your idea of the perfect woman cave ?
Thursday, July 19, 2012
A Hard Days Night
This past Sunday , we had to write top 3 hindrances in our lives that kept us from making Jesus a priority in our life . I wrote my three right away . Glancing down at my notes , I could see how they can be misconstrued to their meaning unless I explain them .
What were the three ?
1. a woman's name ( did you think I'd tell you the name ? )
2. Sunday School
3. work
I struggle with each of these three in their own way . Their meaning isn't what you may think but each of these has a way of keeping me away from Jesus and living the kind of life He meant for me .
1. This one has been a struggle for me for over 15 years . My relationship with this person has ping -ponged back and forth between good and bad . I am determined to love this woman . Just when I think I have succeeded , she does something so un-christianlike to me that I vow never to have anything to do with her again . Show me how to love this woman , Lord. I don't need to be her best friend . I just need not to have her affect me this way .
2. Yes , I know what you are thinking . How can Sunday School be a hindrance ? It can be a hindrance because I am always down there and I don't receive the Word . I can listen to radio , T.V. or read everyday but it doesn't compare to actually being there in Church Worshipping God . I love what I do with the children but I need to find a balance between the two . We need more volunteers . I feel so guilty in writing this one .
3. I think that 99.9 % of you know what this one means . If you are like me , you know it is extremely difficult to be a Christian in a secular work force . Again , finding the perfect balance between the two . I'm trying so desperately not to allow outside pressures weigh heavily on my shoulders . There are times I feel the smash of the mallet upon my head sinking me deeper and deeper into despair .
These are my struggles . How do I overcome them ? Each day , I pray that whatever I do or say is a reflection of Jesus . I pray that whatever aggravations and open hurts are thrown my way that they fall right off me .
What were the three ?
1. a woman's name ( did you think I'd tell you the name ? )
2. Sunday School
3. work
I struggle with each of these three in their own way . Their meaning isn't what you may think but each of these has a way of keeping me away from Jesus and living the kind of life He meant for me .
1. This one has been a struggle for me for over 15 years . My relationship with this person has ping -ponged back and forth between good and bad . I am determined to love this woman . Just when I think I have succeeded , she does something so un-christianlike to me that I vow never to have anything to do with her again . Show me how to love this woman , Lord. I don't need to be her best friend . I just need not to have her affect me this way .
2. Yes , I know what you are thinking . How can Sunday School be a hindrance ? It can be a hindrance because I am always down there and I don't receive the Word . I can listen to radio , T.V. or read everyday but it doesn't compare to actually being there in Church Worshipping God . I love what I do with the children but I need to find a balance between the two . We need more volunteers . I feel so guilty in writing this one .
3. I think that 99.9 % of you know what this one means . If you are like me , you know it is extremely difficult to be a Christian in a secular work force . Again , finding the perfect balance between the two . I'm trying so desperately not to allow outside pressures weigh heavily on my shoulders . There are times I feel the smash of the mallet upon my head sinking me deeper and deeper into despair .
These are my struggles . How do I overcome them ? Each day , I pray that whatever I do or say is a reflection of Jesus . I pray that whatever aggravations and open hurts are thrown my way that they fall right off me .
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I Noticed
Since adrenaline rushed through my veins due to the accident , I sat up all night , not weary at all .I started re-reading my blog from start to finish .
I noticed that my blogs have changed . They are much longer . Apparently , I have alot more to say or maybe , back then , I was just plain sicker and needed to lay down .
I noticed that I used alot of poems and songs in the beginning to explain how I felt . Even the first time with cancer , music played a huge part in my recovery . I played the same CD over and over again . It became a part of my healing process .
I noticed that no matter how badly I felt after taking chemo I still went out to the store or Women's Group . Now I have a little tummy ache and I can't leave the house all weekend !!
I noticed that I wrote my blog faithfully not missing a beat until after the chemo ended . Pitiful , I know . Just plain pitiful . Now I can barely keep up .
I noticed that my children didn't like seeing me bald . Well , they don't seem to like seeing me with hair either . Both of them have told me I don't look like myself .My face is different . My hair is different . I seemed to have gotten a facelift while in treatment . Emily asked me when my real face was coming back ?! I guess she liked that one better .
I noticed I didn't have to shave anything . I had no hair . Now , everytime I look down at my legs , they need a shave . The hair on my head grows slowly but everywhere else it's like miracle grow !
I noticed I was angry quite alot . The blog taking on a depressing outlook at times . Now I'm just too lazy to be anything .
I noticed that all those home remedies that people gave me I still have . I started drinking all those cancer teas . Even by adding fruit , sugar , lemon and everything else I could find , the milk thistle still tasted like CRAP !
I noticed my car had cancer and was sick all the time . It's been good since then but now it might need some surgery because of the accident .
I noticed , and this is important , that I have forgotten some of the things I have written . This is important because I would have written it again and you would have been forced to read a re-run blog . But my favorite that IS DIFFERENT ...... I have added on Have A Blessed Week everyone .
I noticed that my blogs have changed . They are much longer . Apparently , I have alot more to say or maybe , back then , I was just plain sicker and needed to lay down .
I noticed that I used alot of poems and songs in the beginning to explain how I felt . Even the first time with cancer , music played a huge part in my recovery . I played the same CD over and over again . It became a part of my healing process .
I noticed that no matter how badly I felt after taking chemo I still went out to the store or Women's Group . Now I have a little tummy ache and I can't leave the house all weekend !!
I noticed that I wrote my blog faithfully not missing a beat until after the chemo ended . Pitiful , I know . Just plain pitiful . Now I can barely keep up .
I noticed that my children didn't like seeing me bald . Well , they don't seem to like seeing me with hair either . Both of them have told me I don't look like myself .My face is different . My hair is different . I seemed to have gotten a facelift while in treatment . Emily asked me when my real face was coming back ?! I guess she liked that one better .
I noticed I didn't have to shave anything . I had no hair . Now , everytime I look down at my legs , they need a shave . The hair on my head grows slowly but everywhere else it's like miracle grow !
I noticed I was angry quite alot . The blog taking on a depressing outlook at times . Now I'm just too lazy to be anything .
I noticed that all those home remedies that people gave me I still have . I started drinking all those cancer teas . Even by adding fruit , sugar , lemon and everything else I could find , the milk thistle still tasted like CRAP !
I noticed my car had cancer and was sick all the time . It's been good since then but now it might need some surgery because of the accident .
I noticed , and this is important , that I have forgotten some of the things I have written . This is important because I would have written it again and you would have been forced to read a re-run blog . But my favorite that IS DIFFERENT ...... I have added on Have A Blessed Week everyone .
Monday, July 16, 2012
My Car Accident
Last night , driving home from a wake/service of a friend's father , I ran a red light and smashed into a car . I don't know how it happened or why . It happened . Thankfully no one was hurt . It could have been a very serious accident that I caused .
I have to say that both the driver I hit and the policeman that showed up were extremely nice to me . I have seen some nasty fights concerning the people involved in an accident . I didn't lie but told the absolute truth . I was the cause of this accident and I was very sorry . Still am .
The adrenaline didn't kick in until it was time to drive my broken down car home . My brakes were shot and there were noises coming from my car that scared me as I drove . My hands started to shake and I started crying . Emily took over and became the strong , supported one telling me that everything would be okay .
Amazingly , my car wasn't damaged greatly on the outside . I , on the other hand , am not in great shape at all . Inside , I feel terrible . All I can think about is all the trouble I caused not just for myself but to this poor man I hit .
Since I work nights , my not being at the funeral would have been understood and yet . . . . I persisted in going . I went as far as to make special arrangements with my supervisor in coming in 2 hours later so I could be at this funeral .
I normally use a different route but at the last moment decided to take this one instead . Why ? I never go this way .
Emily never comes with me to these things and yet she did this time .
Emily kept saying we were meant to be here at this spot at this exact time . This was meant to happen. We just don't realize the why yet .
Right now , I'm beating myself up . I haven't had an accident in 12 years . My mind is in turmoil . How badly is my car in need of repair ? How am I going to get to work and back ? What if it goes totally bad in court with the other party ? Nothing but fearful questions .
I quickly pull out my prayer journal and pray . Please pray with me .
I have to say that both the driver I hit and the policeman that showed up were extremely nice to me . I have seen some nasty fights concerning the people involved in an accident . I didn't lie but told the absolute truth . I was the cause of this accident and I was very sorry . Still am .
The adrenaline didn't kick in until it was time to drive my broken down car home . My brakes were shot and there were noises coming from my car that scared me as I drove . My hands started to shake and I started crying . Emily took over and became the strong , supported one telling me that everything would be okay .
Amazingly , my car wasn't damaged greatly on the outside . I , on the other hand , am not in great shape at all . Inside , I feel terrible . All I can think about is all the trouble I caused not just for myself but to this poor man I hit .
Since I work nights , my not being at the funeral would have been understood and yet . . . . I persisted in going . I went as far as to make special arrangements with my supervisor in coming in 2 hours later so I could be at this funeral .
I normally use a different route but at the last moment decided to take this one instead . Why ? I never go this way .
Emily never comes with me to these things and yet she did this time .
Emily kept saying we were meant to be here at this spot at this exact time . This was meant to happen. We just don't realize the why yet .
Right now , I'm beating myself up . I haven't had an accident in 12 years . My mind is in turmoil . How badly is my car in need of repair ? How am I going to get to work and back ? What if it goes totally bad in court with the other party ? Nothing but fearful questions .
I quickly pull out my prayer journal and pray . Please pray with me .
A Balanced Scale
Sitting in the back of the room , I can observe people . Words are not always needed . Sometimes , all you need to know you can find out just by watching others in action .
There was Linda , looking tired and worn out , barely able to stand . We waved to each other . If I knew she would not make it through the service but go home , I would have gone over to say hello .
Right in front of me was the other cancer victim from our little group . He was sitting with his wife and children , with a full head of hair . They were smiling up at each other , happy he was doing so well .
Off to the side was another family group . A blended family , newly engaged with a wedding to plan . Their expressions full of excitement for what the future will bring for them all .
Behind me , a young woman , with tears in her eyes . She sits all alone , her shoulders slumped in defeated sadness . A broken heart ? Wounded words from a friend perhaps ?
Back in Mount Prospect , an elderly lady grieves the death of her husband . Beside her , the daughter cries for both of them as they prepare the funeral arrangements .
All around us , the world spins no matter whether it is sadness , grief , illness or happiness . We all have experienced every emotion full circle . The scale balances itself . The world keeps turning . Life and death goes on .
These are just some of the people in my life . Each needing prayer in their own way . Each needing God . Sitting down on my bed , I open my prayer journal and write a prayer request for all of them based on where they are at in their life .
Have a Blessed week everyone .
There was Linda , looking tired and worn out , barely able to stand . We waved to each other . If I knew she would not make it through the service but go home , I would have gone over to say hello .
Right in front of me was the other cancer victim from our little group . He was sitting with his wife and children , with a full head of hair . They were smiling up at each other , happy he was doing so well .
Off to the side was another family group . A blended family , newly engaged with a wedding to plan . Their expressions full of excitement for what the future will bring for them all .
Behind me , a young woman , with tears in her eyes . She sits all alone , her shoulders slumped in defeated sadness . A broken heart ? Wounded words from a friend perhaps ?
Back in Mount Prospect , an elderly lady grieves the death of her husband . Beside her , the daughter cries for both of them as they prepare the funeral arrangements .
All around us , the world spins no matter whether it is sadness , grief , illness or happiness . We all have experienced every emotion full circle . The scale balances itself . The world keeps turning . Life and death goes on .
These are just some of the people in my life . Each needing prayer in their own way . Each needing God . Sitting down on my bed , I open my prayer journal and write a prayer request for all of them based on where they are at in their life .
Have a Blessed week everyone .
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Just A Wallflower
All of my life , all I ever wanted to do is blend in with the wallpaper . Some people want to be center stage , but not me . I just want to observe . Even in a room full of people I'ld position myself where I can see the whole room and everyone in it .
I see myself as a wallflower . Others see me differently . I have found this out since starting this blog . The compliments are overwhelming but comforting and pleasing . I don't feel I deserve them but I'm honored that you all think of me in that way .
Doing the interview about St. Jude both frightened and embarrassed me . I felt very exposed thinking that someone out there will say this is dumb . The feedback I received was very encouraging .
I have dealt with negative thoughts all of my life . Thoughts that have discouraged me from acting upon ideas or plans . Thoughts such as these can really discourage you from setting out and living life to the fullest .
How do we overcome them ? I wish I had an answer .It's so easy to say just act but in reality saying and doing are two separate things . Just recently , I acted upon an idea and much to my surprise it wasn't considered dumb or silly . The positiveness of it has encouraged me to do more acting and less naysaying .
Will I change and stop being a wallflower ? No , because I find that I like doing more behind the scenes than centerstage . The things I do are not for my glory but His . Have a Blessed week everyone .
I see myself as a wallflower . Others see me differently . I have found this out since starting this blog . The compliments are overwhelming but comforting and pleasing . I don't feel I deserve them but I'm honored that you all think of me in that way .
Doing the interview about St. Jude both frightened and embarrassed me . I felt very exposed thinking that someone out there will say this is dumb . The feedback I received was very encouraging .
I have dealt with negative thoughts all of my life . Thoughts that have discouraged me from acting upon ideas or plans . Thoughts such as these can really discourage you from setting out and living life to the fullest .
How do we overcome them ? I wish I had an answer .It's so easy to say just act but in reality saying and doing are two separate things . Just recently , I acted upon an idea and much to my surprise it wasn't considered dumb or silly . The positiveness of it has encouraged me to do more acting and less naysaying .
Will I change and stop being a wallflower ? No , because I find that I like doing more behind the scenes than centerstage . The things I do are not for my glory but His . Have a Blessed week everyone .
Saturday, July 14, 2012
That Yarn Thing
Sitting in the waiting room of my Oncology Clinic , I pull out my crocheting to pass the time until my name gets called . Going to the doctor involves practically my whole morning and sometimes longer . Crocheting helps with the waiting .
Starting a new slipper , My eyes sneak a sidelong peek at the woman sitting across from me . She has been staring at my hands as they manuever the hook in and out of the loop . Her eyes never leave me . That yarn thing brings alot of attention . Mostly curiousity .
Walking to the examining room , I'm stopped a few times by the nurses wanting to know how my project is getting on .
It's the same thing as my vitals are taken . Heads pop in inquiring , " What are you making , Ms. Krol ?"
The doctor enters , " Well , that looks like an interesting hobby . You can make alot of neat things doing that . Alot of men knit nowadays . Maybe , you can teach me ."
That yarn thing again . It seems that everywhere I go people get interested . Their Aunt or grandma used to knit . They , themselves , learned when they were young but stopped . I hear the stories . My crocheting seems to stir up memories of their youth . Is it really so rare to see someone knitting or crocheting nowadays ?
We are attracted to the old . . . . to history . . . . to the past . Crocheting or any other craft seems to be a thing of the past . We are a processed world . Everything is microwavable . . . . instant . People are in a rush and have no time for the slow process of making something by hand from A to Z .
There is a huge satisfaction , to me , in watching the beauty unfold as an idea inside my head becomes a reality . In this instance , a crocheted slipper .
Sitting down for my next appointment , I continue crocheting . A lady sits down besides me and I feel her gaze . I look up and she smiles looking down at my unfinished slipper . There's that yarn thing again .
Starting a new slipper , My eyes sneak a sidelong peek at the woman sitting across from me . She has been staring at my hands as they manuever the hook in and out of the loop . Her eyes never leave me . That yarn thing brings alot of attention . Mostly curiousity .
Walking to the examining room , I'm stopped a few times by the nurses wanting to know how my project is getting on .
It's the same thing as my vitals are taken . Heads pop in inquiring , " What are you making , Ms. Krol ?"
The doctor enters , " Well , that looks like an interesting hobby . You can make alot of neat things doing that . Alot of men knit nowadays . Maybe , you can teach me ."
That yarn thing again . It seems that everywhere I go people get interested . Their Aunt or grandma used to knit . They , themselves , learned when they were young but stopped . I hear the stories . My crocheting seems to stir up memories of their youth . Is it really so rare to see someone knitting or crocheting nowadays ?
We are attracted to the old . . . . to history . . . . to the past . Crocheting or any other craft seems to be a thing of the past . We are a processed world . Everything is microwavable . . . . instant . People are in a rush and have no time for the slow process of making something by hand from A to Z .
There is a huge satisfaction , to me , in watching the beauty unfold as an idea inside my head becomes a reality . In this instance , a crocheted slipper .
Sitting down for my next appointment , I continue crocheting . A lady sits down besides me and I feel her gaze . I look up and she smiles looking down at my unfinished slipper . There's that yarn thing again .
Friday, July 13, 2012
Time To Eat
Every television show or movie portrays families sitting down and eating dinner together . In reality , we know it's very difficult to sit down together and share a meal on a regular basis . Our busy schedules interfere and it seems that everyone has different activities at different times .
One thing , Emily and I , wanted to do when we moved in our current place , is to make time for "supper " everyday . Emily calls it supper because long time ago that's what it was called and people "supped together " .
We made a decision that during our supper there would be no television and the time would be spent talking about our day . Now , we are far from being the Brady Bunch , but I think that my being sick ( again ) has changed our perspective . Time is important to us . We want to spend it together as much as possible .
It seems that suppertime has brought us closer together . We discuss what meals we are planning . We try to implement a new dish or ingredient into our meal time . Food has become the glue that strenghtens our relationship . It has become a sort of hobby of ours . We shop together , We discuss the meal , what worked and what didn't . We even take turns cooking .
Believe me , there are times that I wish we could just sit in front of the television with a plate of takeout . Yet , I understand Emily's need of the family unit especially with it being threatened by my health .
As I've said before , I believe this is our bonding moments that she will remember long after I'm gone . Still . . . . . . there are moments of weakness where I dream of fried rice and a good mystery on PBS wearing only my PJ's . . . . .
One thing , Emily and I , wanted to do when we moved in our current place , is to make time for "supper " everyday . Emily calls it supper because long time ago that's what it was called and people "supped together " .
We made a decision that during our supper there would be no television and the time would be spent talking about our day . Now , we are far from being the Brady Bunch , but I think that my being sick ( again ) has changed our perspective . Time is important to us . We want to spend it together as much as possible .
It seems that suppertime has brought us closer together . We discuss what meals we are planning . We try to implement a new dish or ingredient into our meal time . Food has become the glue that strenghtens our relationship . It has become a sort of hobby of ours . We shop together , We discuss the meal , what worked and what didn't . We even take turns cooking .
Believe me , there are times that I wish we could just sit in front of the television with a plate of takeout . Yet , I understand Emily's need of the family unit especially with it being threatened by my health .
As I've said before , I believe this is our bonding moments that she will remember long after I'm gone . Still . . . . . . there are moments of weakness where I dream of fried rice and a good mystery on PBS wearing only my PJ's . . . . .
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Cancel That
Lately , I've been canceling my doctor appointments . It all started with just one cancellation because of my doctor going on vacation . Then I was going on vacation . After that , it just became quite easy to miss an appointment for whatever reason .
I thought nothing of it . My calendar was full with pleasant company and exciting activities . Why should I worry about a mere doctor appointment . Fun was more what I was after .
I broke a golden rule of mine and I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was done . I have made a point in the past never to miss a test or doctor visit . Being diligent is what caught the return of my cancer quite early .
Thinking back , I'm trying to figure out how I ever let it get to this point . Or better still , why did I let it get this far .
I think the main reason was that after being sick for so long it felt good to be free of medicines and everything that comes with it . Like a prisoner who has been given her freedom , I exploded into the world in full force leaving all my experiences behind as if they didn't mean anything to me .
Please don't worry , I'm only two or three weeks behind with my appointments . I'm seeing two of my doctors tomorrow and I'm sure I'll get a slap on my wrist for my negligence .
Already , I feel tension in the pit of my stomache . This happens everytime I have an appointment . Waiting for the other shoe to fall type of feeling . I suspect this feeling will never end .
Have a Blessed Week everyone !!
I thought nothing of it . My calendar was full with pleasant company and exciting activities . Why should I worry about a mere doctor appointment . Fun was more what I was after .
I broke a golden rule of mine and I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was done . I have made a point in the past never to miss a test or doctor visit . Being diligent is what caught the return of my cancer quite early .
Thinking back , I'm trying to figure out how I ever let it get to this point . Or better still , why did I let it get this far .
I think the main reason was that after being sick for so long it felt good to be free of medicines and everything that comes with it . Like a prisoner who has been given her freedom , I exploded into the world in full force leaving all my experiences behind as if they didn't mean anything to me .
Please don't worry , I'm only two or three weeks behind with my appointments . I'm seeing two of my doctors tomorrow and I'm sure I'll get a slap on my wrist for my negligence .
Already , I feel tension in the pit of my stomache . This happens everytime I have an appointment . Waiting for the other shoe to fall type of feeling . I suspect this feeling will never end .
Have a Blessed Week everyone !!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Sorry But Not Today
Today , I could see that my Emily wanted to spend quality alone time with me . So , everything got pushed aside until tomorrow . Moments like these never come back . Today , there is no blog . There is no story . Sometimes we just have to set our priorities straight . Until tomorrow , my friends , right now my girl needs me . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
The Christian Way
It's very difficult being a Christian . The spirit of conviction is always with you making you very much aware of when you do wrong . No matter how small the offense , you feel the weight of it inside your heart .
I made a decision five years ago to totally and completely live my life according to Christ . I want to live my life in a peaceful and harmonious state both spiritually and mentally .
Temptation is all around us making it easy for us to fall and fall we do . I have fallen many times . Don't mistake my meaning . I have fallen but never have fallen away.
"There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins " Ecclesiastes 7:20
There is a misconception about Christians that non-believers place on us . The misconception that we are above sin and better than anyone else . We are Holy . I don't consider myself like that but it seems that others place us on that pedestal . When we fall off that pedestal , non-believers have a harder time accepting our faults .
I can remember my first months as a new Christian . Whenever I had a huge prayer request , I would ask a " seasoned " Christian to pray about it because I felt their prayer would be so much stronger than mine . Why ? They have been Christians longer therefore Holier . Silly , isn't it ? I learned quickly just how silly that thought was as the same people I held in such a holier than thou pedestal fell down into the temptation of adultry .
What happened to my Holy couple ? My mistake was in thinking Christians were Holier than everyone else . That doesn't excuse us from bad behavior , though .
A few months ago , I had an argument with someone and I behaved in a very unchristian way by screaming at the person . They were so shocked by my screaming ! How could I behave in such a manner and profess myself to be a Christian ?!
Very true . I did behave badly and I'm very upset at myself for that behavior . I read somewhere that we Christians have to be very careful how we live and act because our lives are a reflection of our Faith . A non-believer may see our bad behavior and decide the Christian way is not for them .
Have I been forgiven by my friend ? No , but then my behavior was wrong .We all need to be very careful how we portray ourselves among the public . So , the next time we are aggravated by the traffic or the driver in front of us ..........think about what would Jesus do ? Have a Blessed Week everyone .
I made a decision five years ago to totally and completely live my life according to Christ . I want to live my life in a peaceful and harmonious state both spiritually and mentally .
Temptation is all around us making it easy for us to fall and fall we do . I have fallen many times . Don't mistake my meaning . I have fallen but never have fallen away.
"There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins " Ecclesiastes 7:20
There is a misconception about Christians that non-believers place on us . The misconception that we are above sin and better than anyone else . We are Holy . I don't consider myself like that but it seems that others place us on that pedestal . When we fall off that pedestal , non-believers have a harder time accepting our faults .
I can remember my first months as a new Christian . Whenever I had a huge prayer request , I would ask a " seasoned " Christian to pray about it because I felt their prayer would be so much stronger than mine . Why ? They have been Christians longer therefore Holier . Silly , isn't it ? I learned quickly just how silly that thought was as the same people I held in such a holier than thou pedestal fell down into the temptation of adultry .
What happened to my Holy couple ? My mistake was in thinking Christians were Holier than everyone else . That doesn't excuse us from bad behavior , though .
A few months ago , I had an argument with someone and I behaved in a very unchristian way by screaming at the person . They were so shocked by my screaming ! How could I behave in such a manner and profess myself to be a Christian ?!
Very true . I did behave badly and I'm very upset at myself for that behavior . I read somewhere that we Christians have to be very careful how we live and act because our lives are a reflection of our Faith . A non-believer may see our bad behavior and decide the Christian way is not for them .
Have I been forgiven by my friend ? No , but then my behavior was wrong .We all need to be very careful how we portray ourselves among the public . So , the next time we are aggravated by the traffic or the driver in front of us ..........think about what would Jesus do ? Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Sunday, July 8, 2012
The Hurt And The Healer
On my way to Church this morning , I found myself saying a small prayer of thanks . Thanking Him for the opportunity to be able to come to Church and worship Him . Yes , the opportunity . Being a Sunday School teacher , I'm rarely able to hear the message . Most of my Sundays are spent with the children .
During the service , I realized just how hungry I have been for the Word of God . You can spend everyday reading the Bible or Devotionals at home , but it doesn't compare to actually being there in person to worship . At home , we have distractions and interruptions . Church provides an one on one personal experience with Jesus .
I was a fool to think I could get by with my own reading at home . I need Church ! My heart was full of yearning . My heart was hurting . I just didn't realize how much until this morning at Church .
When the Pastor called for an altar call , I didn't hesitate . I ran . I knelt down , bad knee and all and poured my heart out to Him .
I prayed for Emily and her future mate . I prayed for Joe and Aubs. I prayed for the grandkids , but most of all , I prayed for myself . I prayed that God would use my hands for His Glory . That whatever I made with my hands would provide a Blessing or healing or a relationship with Christ . I prayed for my St. Jude Ministry and that it would not be wasted but a Blessing . I prayed that this blog would bring comfort to people . Use me , Lord . Use whatever talents I have for Your good .
One of my favorite songs happens to be " The Hurt And The Healer " by MercyMe . Today , I was the Hurt as I walked into Church . I walked out cleansed and renewed by the Healer . Even now as I write , tears fill my eyes and I start to cry because I am nothing without Him . Everything I have and everything I am is because of Him .
I feel for people who don't believe in God . I wish I could show them what He can do in their lives . How their heart can feel full and complete by knowing Him . I hope , that you too , will know Him as I do . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
During the service , I realized just how hungry I have been for the Word of God . You can spend everyday reading the Bible or Devotionals at home , but it doesn't compare to actually being there in person to worship . At home , we have distractions and interruptions . Church provides an one on one personal experience with Jesus .
I was a fool to think I could get by with my own reading at home . I need Church ! My heart was full of yearning . My heart was hurting . I just didn't realize how much until this morning at Church .
When the Pastor called for an altar call , I didn't hesitate . I ran . I knelt down , bad knee and all and poured my heart out to Him .
I prayed for Emily and her future mate . I prayed for Joe and Aubs. I prayed for the grandkids , but most of all , I prayed for myself . I prayed that God would use my hands for His Glory . That whatever I made with my hands would provide a Blessing or healing or a relationship with Christ . I prayed for my St. Jude Ministry and that it would not be wasted but a Blessing . I prayed that this blog would bring comfort to people . Use me , Lord . Use whatever talents I have for Your good .
One of my favorite songs happens to be " The Hurt And The Healer " by MercyMe . Today , I was the Hurt as I walked into Church . I walked out cleansed and renewed by the Healer . Even now as I write , tears fill my eyes and I start to cry because I am nothing without Him . Everything I have and everything I am is because of Him .
I feel for people who don't believe in God . I wish I could show them what He can do in their lives . How their heart can feel full and complete by knowing Him . I hope , that you too , will know Him as I do . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Five In A Tub
Every year , my niece from Florida , comes down for a visit with her family . Carol has a very flamboyant personality . Everything she does , she does with a bang . She is a grand performer . She says and does things we all wish we could but lack the courage . Everyone has a Carol in their family .
She arrived while I was on vacation with my grandchildren so I missed her grand entrance back into the family fold . While on the train back , I received my first text. . . . . she was looking for me already .
Calling her , I made a date for the evening with promises of taking a dip in the hot tub and a glass of wine with her . Since I live right around the corner from where she was staying with her sister , I arrived wearing just a swimsuit . Quite proud of myself about that . . . . . wearing the swimsuit I mean .
We had a great time that evening . There was Carol and her fiance Mike , my other niece Kathy and her husband Tom , and then there was me . It was an ordinary Monday night to the rest of the world but not to us . We sat in the hot tub , sipping white wine , chatting away about anything and everything while the neighbors slept . Yes , slept . We were there well after midnight .
I'm sure the night didn't mean much to them , but to me , I felt like I accomplished something great . I made a promise to myself that I while on this vacation , I would go out and simply enjoy life . I would not spend it cleaning out closets or doing chores . I would enjoy and appreciate life .
Here I sit writing , my niece back in Florida and I have but a day left of vacation . In retrospect , I'm quite satisfied with the time spent on my vacation . I hope you make great use of yours . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
She arrived while I was on vacation with my grandchildren so I missed her grand entrance back into the family fold . While on the train back , I received my first text. . . . . she was looking for me already .
Calling her , I made a date for the evening with promises of taking a dip in the hot tub and a glass of wine with her . Since I live right around the corner from where she was staying with her sister , I arrived wearing just a swimsuit . Quite proud of myself about that . . . . . wearing the swimsuit I mean .
We had a great time that evening . There was Carol and her fiance Mike , my other niece Kathy and her husband Tom , and then there was me . It was an ordinary Monday night to the rest of the world but not to us . We sat in the hot tub , sipping white wine , chatting away about anything and everything while the neighbors slept . Yes , slept . We were there well after midnight .
I'm sure the night didn't mean much to them , but to me , I felt like I accomplished something great . I made a promise to myself that I while on this vacation , I would go out and simply enjoy life . I would not spend it cleaning out closets or doing chores . I would enjoy and appreciate life .
Here I sit writing , my niece back in Florida and I have but a day left of vacation . In retrospect , I'm quite satisfied with the time spent on my vacation . I hope you make great use of yours . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Not A Full House
One of Emily's favorite show has been Full House . She has all the DVD'S of all the seasons . She can recite by heart any episode . To her , they are the perfect family and she believes this is how a family should behave . No matter , how many times I have tried to explain that this is a fairytale and not real life , she firmly believes a family like that really exists .
We all have that ideal family whether it's the Brady Bunch or Leave It To Beaver . We all have our own versions of what we think a family should entail .
I have learned alot about my family these past few days spent with them . I'm sure the feeling is likewise concerning me . I'm sure they were glad to see the back of me for awhile . I know I was tired . I have no idea how they do it or at least , I have forgotten how it was to have small children . I know I certainly feel for both my brothers who have small ones at home .
Families are work . For majority of my children's childhood , I was a single mom so I only have a single parent version in my head . Sitting back , I watched Aubs and my son , in their family unit . One made dinner , the other cleaned up . I was happy to see the sharing of household duties even though , mom still bears more of the responsibilities . Children , just naturally , need mom more .
I was transported back in time watching my "past self " mothering Joe and Emily . I saw myself in Aubs . We are alot alike in our mothering skills . Hannah and Tim are identical to Joe and Emma . What is it about siblings that they have a need to bicker and fight over everything .
Hannah flits like a butterfly from flower to flower sprinkling everything in her path with fairy dust . Yes , she has tantrums . Yes , she fights with her brother . All that disappears as quickly as the fairy dust .
Tim has a mind like a sponge absorbing everything he can in as little time as possible . He likes to be challenged and already as a young man he sets very high standards for himself . Tim is 9 going on 20 . He has tantrums , too . Yes , he picks on his sister .
I love them with all their little quirks ! As much as Iwanted a cup of coffee in peace , alone on the patio , I miss their little heads poking through the sliding door asking if I would play a game of skippo . The cup of coffee can wait . There will be many mornings for that but not too many mornings with a young Tim and Hannah .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
We all have that ideal family whether it's the Brady Bunch or Leave It To Beaver . We all have our own versions of what we think a family should entail .
I have learned alot about my family these past few days spent with them . I'm sure the feeling is likewise concerning me . I'm sure they were glad to see the back of me for awhile . I know I was tired . I have no idea how they do it or at least , I have forgotten how it was to have small children . I know I certainly feel for both my brothers who have small ones at home .
Families are work . For majority of my children's childhood , I was a single mom so I only have a single parent version in my head . Sitting back , I watched Aubs and my son , in their family unit . One made dinner , the other cleaned up . I was happy to see the sharing of household duties even though , mom still bears more of the responsibilities . Children , just naturally , need mom more .
I was transported back in time watching my "past self " mothering Joe and Emily . I saw myself in Aubs . We are alot alike in our mothering skills . Hannah and Tim are identical to Joe and Emma . What is it about siblings that they have a need to bicker and fight over everything .
Hannah flits like a butterfly from flower to flower sprinkling everything in her path with fairy dust . Yes , she has tantrums . Yes , she fights with her brother . All that disappears as quickly as the fairy dust .
Tim has a mind like a sponge absorbing everything he can in as little time as possible . He likes to be challenged and already as a young man he sets very high standards for himself . Tim is 9 going on 20 . He has tantrums , too . Yes , he picks on his sister .
I love them with all their little quirks ! As much as Iwanted a cup of coffee in peace , alone on the patio , I miss their little heads poking through the sliding door asking if I would play a game of skippo . The cup of coffee can wait . There will be many mornings for that but not too many mornings with a young Tim and Hannah .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Friday, July 6, 2012
Crocheted Therapy
Nowadays , I always seem to have a crocheting hook and yarn in my hand . I crochet at every opportunty that presents itself . On my vacation , I crocheted 53 pairs of slippers . There is a very sane reason for all of this.
Recently , I have been interviewed by my son , Joe , for Great News Radio . Please take a listen as I share something that is very close to my heart . The title is " A Ministry Birthed From Cancer ".
www.greatnewsradio.org/?page.id=2380
Recently , I have been interviewed by my son , Joe , for Great News Radio . Please take a listen as I share something that is very close to my heart . The title is " A Ministry Birthed From Cancer ".
www.greatnewsradio.org/?page.id=2380
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
My Homework Assignment
A few days before my vacation , my friend Dorota came to me with a special assignment . She wanted me to translate for her a Polish cake recipe from Polish to English .
Now , I may have been born in Poland but I went to school here in this country. I did go for one year , to Polish school every Saturday to learn how to read and write in my native language . I can read pretty good when it comes to magazines or books or anything printed but handwritten is another matter . I was skeptical whether I would be able to read her writing and translate . She , on the other hand , didn't seem to be at all worried about my capability .
She just assumed , like alot of new Polish - Americans that I can do both . Many different ethnic groups believe their native tongue will continue generation after generation . Sadly , that's not true of all families . Look at my own family as an example . We grew up here and went to school here . None of us married anyone from our ethnic group . Our children , don't read or write Polish . My son may know a few words here and there . He could have a conversation , limited , but still have a conversation with a fellow Pole . My grandchildren will probably not know the language . That's okay . There are some families that do carry on but basically we all become Americanized eventually .
People seem to get a kick out of hearing me speak a different language . It always seems to bring a giggle from my grandkids . Even at work , they stop with a smile on their face , trying to absorb the dialect . I guess we sound different than the usual Spanish or British . Our accent is different and unusual .
Did I finish that recipe translation ? After many drafts , I was able to finally finish , secretly hoping that I translated the recipe correctly . Can you imagine if I didn't and the cake didn't turn out ? How embarrassing for both of us !Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Now , I may have been born in Poland but I went to school here in this country. I did go for one year , to Polish school every Saturday to learn how to read and write in my native language . I can read pretty good when it comes to magazines or books or anything printed but handwritten is another matter . I was skeptical whether I would be able to read her writing and translate . She , on the other hand , didn't seem to be at all worried about my capability .
She just assumed , like alot of new Polish - Americans that I can do both . Many different ethnic groups believe their native tongue will continue generation after generation . Sadly , that's not true of all families . Look at my own family as an example . We grew up here and went to school here . None of us married anyone from our ethnic group . Our children , don't read or write Polish . My son may know a few words here and there . He could have a conversation , limited , but still have a conversation with a fellow Pole . My grandchildren will probably not know the language . That's okay . There are some families that do carry on but basically we all become Americanized eventually .
People seem to get a kick out of hearing me speak a different language . It always seems to bring a giggle from my grandkids . Even at work , they stop with a smile on their face , trying to absorb the dialect . I guess we sound different than the usual Spanish or British . Our accent is different and unusual .
Did I finish that recipe translation ? After many drafts , I was able to finally finish , secretly hoping that I translated the recipe correctly . Can you imagine if I didn't and the cake didn't turn out ? How embarrassing for both of us !Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Business Class All The Way
I always wondered what was so special about riding Business Class on a train . They always get to board first like they're royalty . The elderly I can understand but Business Class ? Before everyone else ? I mean they have their own car .
I rode home , for the first time , in Business Class . I'm ashamed to say that I'm hooked . who wouldn't be ? They serve you unlimited coffee . There is a newspaper on every seat . The seat itself reclines and so roomy you can actually stretch completely out . The car is right next to the lounge .You have so much room ! There is no elbowing your seated partner next to you .
Where have I been all this time ?! I truly haven't lived . There is no way I can go back to coach . That's how it is sometimes in life , after you tried something new you can never go back to the old . We always want more . We are greedy people like the people of Moses in the desert . We are never satisfied with what we have . Here I have been boasting to the world the transformation within my heart just to find out I'm ordinary like everyone else .
I wish we could have pulled over for every freight train so I could have been there a little longer . So sorry that it was just an hour and a half . Even when we arrived at Union Station , our car was the first to unload which was right by the door of the station . No walking long distances . All this for a whopping two dollars more per trip .
I was very surprised at the thundering weather outside . I just spent the last week in smothering temperatures and now it's storming ? But then , vacation is over . Too bad the temps. aren't . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
I rode home , for the first time , in Business Class . I'm ashamed to say that I'm hooked . who wouldn't be ? They serve you unlimited coffee . There is a newspaper on every seat . The seat itself reclines and so roomy you can actually stretch completely out . The car is right next to the lounge .You have so much room ! There is no elbowing your seated partner next to you .
Where have I been all this time ?! I truly haven't lived . There is no way I can go back to coach . That's how it is sometimes in life , after you tried something new you can never go back to the old . We always want more . We are greedy people like the people of Moses in the desert . We are never satisfied with what we have . Here I have been boasting to the world the transformation within my heart just to find out I'm ordinary like everyone else .
I wish we could have pulled over for every freight train so I could have been there a little longer . So sorry that it was just an hour and a half . Even when we arrived at Union Station , our car was the first to unload which was right by the door of the station . No walking long distances . All this for a whopping two dollars more per trip .
I was very surprised at the thundering weather outside . I just spent the last week in smothering temperatures and now it's storming ? But then , vacation is over . Too bad the temps. aren't . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
These Tired Old Bones
All the way back to Springfield , I felt the tiredness of vacationing in my bones . Don't we always say how we need a vacation from our vacation ? I think we all were feeling that except the kids , of course . They're never tired . They could be going like the pink bunny without the batteries !
It seemed like we were home in a flash . I'm the only one who thought that . Joe and Aubs were exhausted . Having a vacation with children is tiring .
A friend from work actually goes on two vacations every year . Every summer , he takes his family to a beach and on his anniversary , it's just him and his wife for a week .
No matter how great of a time you were having , you miss your bed , your favorite recliner . You miss your daily routine of life . I asked them what would they do first upon returning home ?
Shouts of " I want to play my WII " or " alone time " or " sitting in my purple recliner ." We all have our " thing " that we like to do . Since no electronics were allowed on this trip , I truly missed my blog , my computer , my Netflix etc .
When we finally arrived to the house there was a call for a 30 minute 'decompress time ." I immediately rushed to the laptop and logged into Facebook . When the children went to bed ( which they didn't want to do ) I turned on the television . I'm such a bad influence . How can they be good with me around ?
The next morning was the first time that everyone wanted to sleep in . All week long , we were up at crack of dawn ready to start the day . The one morning we needed to be up early to drop me off at the station and no one wanted to get up . It's as if all the tiredness we kept pushing aside finally caved in on us and we were bone tired . That cup of coffee never tasted as good or was needed as much as that morning . Vacation was over and we felt it in our tired old bones .
It seemed like we were home in a flash . I'm the only one who thought that . Joe and Aubs were exhausted . Having a vacation with children is tiring .
A friend from work actually goes on two vacations every year . Every summer , he takes his family to a beach and on his anniversary , it's just him and his wife for a week .
No matter how great of a time you were having , you miss your bed , your favorite recliner . You miss your daily routine of life . I asked them what would they do first upon returning home ?
Shouts of " I want to play my WII " or " alone time " or " sitting in my purple recliner ." We all have our " thing " that we like to do . Since no electronics were allowed on this trip , I truly missed my blog , my computer , my Netflix etc .
When we finally arrived to the house there was a call for a 30 minute 'decompress time ." I immediately rushed to the laptop and logged into Facebook . When the children went to bed ( which they didn't want to do ) I turned on the television . I'm such a bad influence . How can they be good with me around ?
The next morning was the first time that everyone wanted to sleep in . All week long , we were up at crack of dawn ready to start the day . The one morning we needed to be up early to drop me off at the station and no one wanted to get up . It's as if all the tiredness we kept pushing aside finally caved in on us and we were bone tired . That cup of coffee never tasted as good or was needed as much as that morning . Vacation was over and we felt it in our tired old bones .
Monday, July 2, 2012
Here Comes Santa Claus
It seems that I'm the only one who has never heard of Santa Claus , Indiana . This little town that bears such a memorable and infamous name . Everywhere you look , there are Christmas decorations . I wish I could have seen the place at night with all the lights on . It must look absolutely gorgeous amidst all the openness of the country wood .
Every shoppe or business bears a Christmas name . There is even a Christmas Village where the locals live . Can you imagine what the place must look like during Winter ? All covered with snow ?
We drove past the famous Post Office where tons of people visit every Christmas just to post their letters in Santa Claus , Indiana ! Can you imagine that !?
Aubs has started a tradition by buying a Christmas ornament to commemorate their vacation . They take the same photo with Santa every summer to see the changes a whole year has brought to them as a family . It's a Christmas Growth Chart ! HAHAHAHA , okay , I thought it was funny .
The kids favorite stop was Santa 's Candy Castle where , you guessed it , the elves make candy . Tim introduced me to glutin free jelly beans . Who knew they existed , but then when I saw whose name it was on the carton I wasn't surprised . Only Harry Potter could work magic like that .
Happy Christmas in July to you all .
Every shoppe or business bears a Christmas name . There is even a Christmas Village where the locals live . Can you imagine what the place must look like during Winter ? All covered with snow ?
We drove past the famous Post Office where tons of people visit every Christmas just to post their letters in Santa Claus , Indiana ! Can you imagine that !?
Aubs has started a tradition by buying a Christmas ornament to commemorate their vacation . They take the same photo with Santa every summer to see the changes a whole year has brought to them as a family . It's a Christmas Growth Chart ! HAHAHAHA , okay , I thought it was funny .
The kids favorite stop was Santa 's Candy Castle where , you guessed it , the elves make candy . Tim introduced me to glutin free jelly beans . Who knew they existed , but then when I saw whose name it was on the carton I wasn't surprised . Only Harry Potter could work magic like that .
Happy Christmas in July to you all .
Sunday, July 1, 2012
The Annoying Orange
Having decided to spend only two days at the Theme / Water Park , plans were made to make the most of the last day . Another hot , searing day was ahead of us . After lunch , I decided to stay behind as they bravely went forth into the heat ! God Bless them !
Coming back pretty late , the children came armed with stuff toys they won playing games . One of them was the Annoying Orange which came with a button that you pressed and out came an annoying version of jokes and sounds . Remember Fred from Youtube ? Put all of that into an orange and add a grotesque mouth . This , apparently , is the " new fad " of the year .
Once you have small children around , you instantly become aware of all the new , hot fads out there . I learned alot these past few days . Everything comes with a scannable tag which you can scan with your phone for a special video from the brand maker . Even at Wendy's , you can scan their burger to see a video on how the perfect burger is made . The kids apparently go nuts over this . I know , Tim and Hannah , love these scan tags .
So what was on The Annoying Orange's tag ? It came with an even more annoying video . There was a Pesterfest with Fred from Youtube . Put some earplugs in when you watch this video .
I tried to think back to some other annoying fads in my time but only came up with one . I have always hated Elmo . That screechy voice of his drove me nuts . When " tickle me Elmo "came out it was like nails on a blackboard for me . I still can't stomache Elmo . No grandchild of mine will have an Elmo doll . I will secretly throw it out and lie that I have no idea what happened to it . Yes , lie !
I do know that we , as grandparents , buy alot of these annoying toys for our grandchildren . I like to think of it as payback for all those times when he didn't listen .
Coming back pretty late , the children came armed with stuff toys they won playing games . One of them was the Annoying Orange which came with a button that you pressed and out came an annoying version of jokes and sounds . Remember Fred from Youtube ? Put all of that into an orange and add a grotesque mouth . This , apparently , is the " new fad " of the year .
Once you have small children around , you instantly become aware of all the new , hot fads out there . I learned alot these past few days . Everything comes with a scannable tag which you can scan with your phone for a special video from the brand maker . Even at Wendy's , you can scan their burger to see a video on how the perfect burger is made . The kids apparently go nuts over this . I know , Tim and Hannah , love these scan tags .
So what was on The Annoying Orange's tag ? It came with an even more annoying video . There was a Pesterfest with Fred from Youtube . Put some earplugs in when you watch this video .
I tried to think back to some other annoying fads in my time but only came up with one . I have always hated Elmo . That screechy voice of his drove me nuts . When " tickle me Elmo "came out it was like nails on a blackboard for me . I still can't stomache Elmo . No grandchild of mine will have an Elmo doll . I will secretly throw it out and lie that I have no idea what happened to it . Yes , lie !
I do know that we , as grandparents , buy alot of these annoying toys for our grandchildren . I like to think of it as payback for all those times when he didn't listen .
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Just Being Still
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. When thou hast thanked thy God For every blessing sent...
