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Showing posts from July, 2012

From The Heart

Not too long ago , My son  interviewed me about my St. Jude Ministry . Honestly , I didn't want to do it . I am a wallflower  and I felt very self conscious . After the interview , I had a vision of my bins overflowing with yarn . Just overflowing with yarn .
  That first week after , I walked around expecting people to shower me with yarn everywhere I went . Instead , nothing happened . I sent out that link to everyone I knew and nothing happened . People didn't even have a chance to open it up .
  My ego got inflated and I desperately needed to come down to earth and humble myself . God has provided yarn for all of my projects . I RARELY ever had to buy yarn on  my own . I knew God would provide again . It might not be bins full but always enough to get me through the week .
   From that moment on , I have received yarn from all around me . My Joe brought with him 2 1/2 large plastic trash bags full of yarn . I would open my door and a huge box was mailed to me from a l…

The Sparkle Back

Going to church , I was filled with anticipation . Anticipation with how Linda would react to her surprise . What was the surprise , you ask ? Not only did we pray over her as a congregation but  our Associate Pastor sang a song that he wrote for the three of us  ( Linda , Doug and myself ) or anyone going through a trial in their life .
  The song dealt with the question " Where are you God ? " Where are you during our struggles and pain ? Beautifully written and beautifully performed .
   As I drove to church that morning I prayed that today Linda would get her sparkle back . I purposely headed  her way after the service . Yes , the sparkle was there but she hurried out the door not wanting to stay and chat .
  I have to say that I felt bothered for about a minute . Not really the response I was looking for from her . It dawned on me the stage she was at . Yes , stage .  No matter what we are experiencing in our life , there are stages we go through .
   Right now , …

An Honest Conversation

The best conversations are the unexpected ones . The ones that we don't hold back on but truly , truly show our  emotions and our heart . I had one of these conversations with Linda the other day .     
   With Linda , I can be honest . I can tell her things about my disease that I can't tell other people . She knows how I feel , how I hurt and what I mean . She has walked in my shoes . She still keeps walking in those shoes .
  My call to her was a God moment . I called her at a time when she was feeling a little depressed . Sitting on her couch with her husband , watching their granddaughter asleep , my call was unexpected but needed . I just didn't realize how much .
  Without knowing , I lifted her spirit . Without knowing , I pulled her out of that depressing pit . Whatever she was feeling , my conversation with her , pulled that disgusting negativeness out of her . I believe , her consciousness was  awaiting my call .
   My general purpose for calling her was t…

Take A Rest

In my solitude today, I came across this poem .I think we all experienced this at one time or another . May we all find that rest we are looking for .


The Weary One

I wandered along the dusty way
seeking the dawn of another day
like a drifting chip on a lonely stream
like a breath of wind or a vagrant dream
a forgotten soul on a weary quest
searching for home and love and rest
I wandered along the dusty way
and found my idols with feet of clay
my letters were ashes
my castles dust
the sword I wielded eaten by the rust
my dreams were shattered
a heavy load
is all that is left on a winding road .



Enjoy your day everyone . Have a Blessed Week .

Plans For The Weekend

After spending a long , long week emotionally and physically drained , I'm very glad to see the weekend finally here . And folks , it was a very , very long one .
   My plans for the weekend ? Seclusion ! No phones , no errands or leaving of the apartment of any kind . I plan on sitting in  my pajammies and " destressing " for the week ahead . My one outing will include church . . . . . . . that's it .
  I don't want to see anyone nor hear anyone . Not very Christian of me but I'm only human . This week has been very difficult since hearing the news about Linda's health . It has affected me tremendously . She is my other half in this battle we have shared together .
  Hopefully ,  I'll soon be able to share with you the emotions that are raging within me . I know what is going on inside of me , I'm just not ready to talk about it  right now .
  This situation has affected me not only at work but with my crocheting and blog . Writing has bec…

A Late Bloomer

Late one night , I had an interesting conversation with a friend I haven't heard from for awhile . In the midst of catching up with each other about the different activities we are passionate about , I realized what a late bloomer I really was .
   I spoke to her with a passion of things I wanted to accomplish . Things that were so close to my heart . It has taken me such a long time to get to this passionate state . Look how old I am . Why did it take so long to figure out where I should be in life and what I should be doing ? It's taken all this time for me to grow up .
  If I had to go back ( Lord , I can't believe I'm saying this ) I would choose a totally different path . Not so much because of how I lived but because I truly know what I want to do with the rest of my life . This is a rebirth of me .
  I wish I could quit my job , move out of the city and work in a children's ministry .
  I am so done with everything I used to be . This is one of my stru…

Redesign

When I first started this blog , that was my first experience as a blogger  . I never shared anything personal publically before . My layout has been simple . There were no pictures , no beautiful background . Just words written from my heart .
   Now I find that I want more .  I want to update my blog into this century . The problem ? I have no techical experience whatsoever . In fact , technology frightens me .
  I look at other blogs and they are so gorgeous with links , music , pictures and videos . Compared to them , I look boring .
  Fumbling around , I was able to make some changes . The sad thing is that I'm actually proud of these simple adjustments that my grandson could do . I'm making it my goal to delve into technology and actually learn something . Hopefully , you will see some changes real soon .
  I'm actually feeling much better today . I have been feeling very emotional and saddened by the news of Linda's health . Hopefully , I will soon be abl…

A Guest Writer

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These past few days have been very difficult for me emotionally . I find writing extremely difficult . Today , I want to share with you a guest writer by the name of Maureen Carroll Sebek . Not only is she a fellow blogger but a dear friend . I don't think she will mind . Please enjoy her latest titled  " Buried Alive " .
"Then Jesus called out in a loud voice - Lazarus come out...
And Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."
John 11:43,44


She wouldn't stop talking Always laughing, full of joy
She looked at life with brand new eyes And loved everything she saw
She didn't see that no-one cared We ran the other way
She made us think of a life We swore no one could have
She made us angry just to look at her We spit and cursed at her That was all that we could say
She never walked she always danced She sang songs and twirled around Every chance she got
Who did she think she was Something special to be treasured or what
I couldn't find a way t…

Linda On My Mind

Seeing Linda at church with her family has brought on so many emotions within me that for the first time since starting this blog , I can't write .
      Linda's cancer is spreading and right now it has spread to both her lungs . She is starting , yet again , a new chemo . I can't keep track of how many she has had already . I can't even comprehend how very tired she must be . . . . . how worn out her body must be . . . . . the pain , the side effects .
      I stood there and watched her daughter cry , her husband choking back tears and Linda , my Linda , crying in despair . I joined her and I held her and I didn't want to let her go .
      She says to me ," People are praying and it's not working . What does God want from me ? "
     What am I to say ? How do I comfort her ? What can I do ? There are no words . I just hold on to her  and cry .
      She and I have been a pair like peas and carrots throughout our cancers. We have been thro…

The Adventures Of Awesomeness

The Adventures Of Awesomeness . What a great title . Makes you want to grab that book and read it ! It has that " something " that draws people .
  Remember when I mentioned how my grandson was intrigued by my blog ? How he wanted to start writing one on his own ? Last night he did . That's the title of his blog . I'm blown away by that title . I should have called my blog that !
  Emily and I read it together . It brought on a whole bunch of memories of when she and her brother were little  . Children's imaginations are amazing .
  When Joe was 5 yrs. old he got an old tape recorder . That tape recorder shaped his entire future. He and my mom played " weathermen " with it . That was the start of his radio inspiration.
  Emily , on the other hand , watched The Frugal Gourmet since she was a toddler . There was no Sesame Street for her . She was always doing her own cooking show and the commercials were done by me , of course .
  That's how my c…

Beep ! Beep !

Well , it certainly has been a learning experience these past few days . Since my car has been out of order I have been left feeling a little out of sorts . I am not a mechanical person . Even minimal knowledge I am lacking .  I am very grateful to my nephew-in-law for helping me sort out all the difficult bits .
  Now that all the insurance issues have been taken care of , I need to settle this car issue . My car needs some surgery . After being given the verdict of what was wrong with it , I slumped in defeat . At a time like this , I need a man's help . I am not a woman who claims she doesn't need a man because they do come in handy in incidents like this one . I could have used a man today !
  Calling around , pertending I know what is what , is a hardship for me but luckily I remembered a shop that took care of me a few years back . My car should be ready in a few hours .
  God is wonderful ! I love the way He takes care of me . Only a month ago , Emily and I finally…

" Woman Cave "

A friend of mine is moving to Alabama ( I bet she's smiling right now ) . In her last week at work , she kept showing everyone pictures of her new place . In the yard , along the side , lies a trailer with stairs built leading up to it .
  That trailer was my favorite part about the whole house . I could imagine myself making a little nook for myself complete with a deadbolt so no one could barge in whenever they wanted . Yes , I want a trailer like that so I can have a little nook in the corner .  That was a week ago and I still think of that trailer . I've always wanted my own " woman cave " .
    Looking around my small bedroom , all cluttered with boxes full of slippers and all sorts of craft materials  , I wish I had room for a huge table where I could organize my things . Where I could lay out the different materials for my different projects .
    Almost everyone I know wishes they had a room just for themselves . A place of solitude where all their favori…

A Hard Days Night

This past Sunday , we had to write top 3 hindrances in our lives that kept us from making Jesus a priority in our life . I wrote my three right away . Glancing down at my notes  , I could see how they can be misconstrued to their meaning unless I explain them .
  What were the three ?
1. a woman's name ( did you think I'd tell you the name ? )
2. Sunday School
3. work
  I struggle with each of these three in their own way . Their meaning isn't what you may think but each of these has a way of keeping me away from Jesus and living the kind of life He meant for me .
 1. This one has been a struggle for me  for over 15 years . My relationship with this person has ping -ponged back and forth between good and bad . I am determined to love this woman . Just when I think I have succeeded , she does something so un-christianlike to me that I vow never to have anything to do with her again . Show me how to love this woman , Lord. I don't need to be her best friend . I just n…

I Noticed

Since adrenaline rushed through my veins due to the accident , I sat up all night , not weary at all .I started re-reading my blog from start to finish .
  I noticed that my blogs have changed . They are much longer . Apparently , I have alot more to say or maybe , back then , I was just plain sicker and needed to lay down .
  I noticed that I used alot of poems and songs in the beginning  to explain how I felt . Even the first time with cancer , music played a huge part in my recovery . I played the same CD over and over again . It became a part of my healing process .
  I noticed that no matter how badly I felt after taking chemo I still went out to the store or Women's Group . Now I have a little tummy ache and I can't leave the house all weekend !!
  I noticed that I wrote my blog faithfully not missing a beat until after the chemo ended . Pitiful , I know . Just plain pitiful . Now I can barely keep up .
  I noticed  that my children didn't like seeing me bald . …

My Car Accident

Last night , driving home from a wake/service of a friend's father , I ran a red light and smashed into a car . I don't know how it happened or why . It happened . Thankfully no one was hurt . It could have been a very serious accident that I caused .
    I have to say that both the driver I hit and the policeman that showed up  were extremely nice to me . I have seen some nasty fights concerning the people involved in an accident . I didn't lie but told the absolute truth . I was the cause of this accident and I was very sorry . Still am .
  The adrenaline didn't kick in until it was time to drive my broken down car home . My brakes were shot and there were noises coming from my car that scared me as I drove . My hands started to shake and I started crying . Emily took over and became the strong , supported one telling me that everything would be okay .
  Amazingly , my car wasn't damaged greatly on the outside . I , on the other hand , am not in great sha…

A Balanced Scale

Sitting in the back of the room , I can observe people . Words are not always needed . Sometimes , all you need to know you can find out  just by watching others in action .
    There was Linda , looking tired and worn out , barely able to stand . We waved to each other . If I knew she would not make it through the service but go home , I would have gone over to say hello .
    Right in front of me was the other cancer victim from our little group . He was sitting with his wife and children , with a full head of hair . They were smiling up at each other , happy he was doing so well .
    Off to the side was another family group . A blended family , newly engaged with a wedding to plan . Their expressions full of excitement for what the future will bring for them all .
   Behind me , a young woman , with tears in her eyes . She sits all alone , her shoulders slumped in defeated sadness . A broken heart ? Wounded words from a friend perhaps ?
  Back in Mount Prospect , an elder…

Just A Wallflower

All of my life , all I ever wanted to do is blend in with the wallpaper . Some people want to be center stage , but not me . I just want to observe . Even in a room full of people I'ld position myself where I can see the whole room and everyone in  it .
  I see myself as a wallflower . Others see me differently . I have found this out since starting this blog . The compliments are overwhelming but comforting and pleasing . I don't feel I deserve them but I'm honored that you all think of me in that way .
  Doing the interview about St. Jude both frightened and embarrassed me . I felt very exposed thinking that someone out there will say this is dumb . The feedback I received was very encouraging .
  I have dealt with negative thoughts all of my life . Thoughts that have discouraged me from acting upon ideas or plans . Thoughts such as these can really discourage you from setting out and living life to the fullest .
   How do we overcome them ? I wish I had an answer .…

That Yarn Thing

Sitting in the waiting room of my Oncology Clinic , I pull out my crocheting to pass the time until my name gets called . Going to the doctor involves practically my whole morning  and sometimes longer . Crocheting helps with the waiting .
   Starting a new slipper , My eyes sneak a sidelong peek at the woman sitting across from me . She has been staring at my hands as they manuever the hook in and out of the loop . Her eyes never leave me . That yarn thing brings alot of attention . Mostly curiousity .
   Walking to the examining room , I'm stopped a few times by the nurses wanting to know how my project is getting on .
    It's the same thing as my vitals are taken . Heads pop in inquiring , " What are you making , Ms. Krol ?"
    The doctor enters , " Well , that looks like an interesting hobby . You can make alot of neat things doing that . Alot of men knit nowadays .  Maybe , you can teach me ."
    That yarn thing again . It seems that everywher…

Time To Eat

Every television show or movie portrays families sitting down and eating dinner together . In reality , we know it's very difficult to sit down together and share a meal on a regular basis . Our busy schedules interfere and it seems that everyone has different activities at different times .
  One thing , Emily and I , wanted to do when we moved in our current place , is to make time for "supper " everyday . Emily calls it supper because long time ago that's what it was called and people  "supped together " .
  We made a decision that during our supper there would be no television and the time would be spent talking about our day . Now , we are far from  being the Brady Bunch , but I think that my being sick ( again ) has changed our perspective . Time is important to us . We want to spend it together as much as possible .
  It seems that suppertime has brought us closer together . We discuss what meals we are planning . We try to implement a new dish …

Cancel That

Lately , I've been canceling my doctor appointments . It all started with just one cancellation because of my doctor going on vacation . Then I was going on vacation . After that , it just became quite easy to miss an appointment for whatever reason .
  I thought nothing of it . My calendar was full with pleasant company and exciting activities . Why should I worry about a mere doctor appointment . Fun was more what I was after .
  I broke a golden rule of mine and I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was done . I have made a point in the past never to miss a test or doctor visit . Being diligent is what caught the return of my cancer quite early .
  Thinking back , I'm trying to figure out how I ever let it get to this point . Or better still , why did I let it get this far .
  I think the main reason was that after being sick for so long it felt good to be free of medicines and everything that comes with it . Like a prisoner who has been given her freedom ,…

Sorry But Not Today

Today , I could see that my Emily wanted to spend quality alone time with me . So , everything got pushed aside until tomorrow . Moments like these never come back . Today , there is no blog . There is no story . Sometimes we just have to set our priorities straight . Until tomorrow , my friends , right now my girl needs me . Have a Blessed Week everyone .

The Christian Way

It's very difficult being a Christian . The spirit  of conviction is always with you making you very much aware of when you do wrong . No matter how small the offense , you feel the weight of it inside your heart .
  I made  a decision five years ago to totally and completely live my life according to Christ . I want to live my life in a peaceful and harmonious state both spiritually and mentally .
  Temptation is all around us making it easy for us to fall and fall we do . I have fallen many times . Don't mistake my meaning . I have fallen but never have fallen away.
 "There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins " Ecclesiastes 7:20
 There is a misconception about Christians that non-believers place on us . The misconception that we are above sin and better than anyone else . We are Holy .  I don't consider myself like that but it seems that others place us on that pedestal . When we fall off that pedestal , non-believers have a…

The Hurt And The Healer

On my way to Church this morning , I found myself saying a small prayer of thanks . Thanking Him for the opportunity to be able to come to Church and worship Him . Yes , the opportunity . Being a Sunday School teacher , I'm rarely able to hear the message . Most of my Sundays are spent with the children .
   During the service , I realized just how hungry I have been for the Word of God . You can spend everyday reading the Bible or Devotionals at home , but it doesn't compare to actually being there in person to worship . At home , we have distractions  and interruptions . Church provides an one on one personal experience with Jesus .
   I was a fool to think I could get by with my own reading at home . I need Church ! My heart was full of yearning . My heart was hurting . I just didn't realize how much until this morning at Church .
  When the Pastor called for an altar call , I didn't hesitate . I ran . I knelt down , bad knee and all and poured my heart out to …

Five In A Tub

Every year , my niece from Florida , comes down for a visit with her family . Carol has a very flamboyant personality . Everything she does , she does with a bang . She is a grand performer . She says and does things we all wish we could but lack the courage . Everyone has a Carol in their family .
  She arrived while I was on vacation with my grandchildren so I missed her grand entrance back into the family fold . While on the train back , I received my first text. . . . . she was looking for me already .
  Calling her , I made a date for the evening with promises of taking a dip in the hot tub  and a glass of wine  with her . Since I live right around the corner from where she was staying with her sister , I arrived wearing just a swimsuit . Quite proud of myself about that . . . . . wearing the swimsuit I mean .
  We had a great time that evening . There was Carol and her fiance Mike , my other niece Kathy and her husband Tom , and then there was me . It was an ordinary Monday …

Not A Full House

One of Emily's favorite show has been Full House . She has all the DVD'S of all the seasons . She can recite by heart any episode . To her , they are the perfect family and she believes this is  how a family should behave . No matter , how many times I have tried to explain that this is a fairytale and not real life , she firmly believes a family like that really exists .
   We all have that ideal family whether it's the Brady Bunch or Leave It To Beaver . We all have our own versions of what we think a family should entail .
  I have learned alot about my family these past few days spent with them . I'm sure the feeling is likewise concerning me . I'm sure they were glad to see the back of me for awhile . I know I was tired . I have no idea how they do it or at least , I have forgotten how it was to have small children . I know I certainly feel for both my brothers who have small ones at home .
  Families are work . For majority of my children's childhood …

Crocheted Therapy

Nowadays , I always seem to have a crocheting hook and yarn in my hand . I crochet at every opportunty that presents itself . On my vacation , I crocheted 53 pairs of slippers . There is a very sane reason for all of this.
    Recently , I have been interviewed by my son , Joe , for Great News Radio . Please take a listen as I share something that is very close to my heart . The title is " A Ministry Birthed From Cancer ".

www.greatnewsradio.org/?page.id=2380


My Homework Assignment

A few days before my vacation  , my friend Dorota came to me with a special assignment . She wanted me to translate for her a Polish cake recipe from Polish to English .
    Now , I may have been born in Poland but I went to school here in this country. I did go for one year , to Polish school every Saturday to learn how to read and write in my native language . I can read pretty good when it comes to magazines or books or anything printed but handwritten is another matter . I was skeptical whether I would be able to read her writing and translate . She , on the other hand , didn't seem to be at all worried about my capability .
      She just assumed , like alot of new Polish - Americans that I can do both . Many different ethnic groups believe their native tongue will continue generation after generation . Sadly , that's not true of all families .  Look at my own family as an example . We grew up here and went to school here . None of us married anyone from our ethnic gr…

Business Class All The Way

I always wondered what was so special about riding Business Class on a train . They always get to board first like they're royalty . The elderly I can understand but Business Class ? Before everyone else ? I mean they have their own car .
  I rode home , for the first time , in Business Class . I'm ashamed to say that I'm hooked . who wouldn't be ? They serve you unlimited coffee . There is a newspaper on every seat . The seat itself reclines and so roomy you can actually stretch completely out . The car is right next to the lounge .You have so much room ! There is no elbowing your seated partner next to you .
  Where have I been all this time ?! I truly haven't lived . There is no way I can go back to coach . That's how it is sometimes in life , after you tried something new you can never go back to the old . We always want more . We are greedy people like the people of Moses in the desert . We are never satisfied with what we have . Here I have been boasti…

These Tired Old Bones

All the way back to Springfield , I felt the tiredness of vacationing in my bones . Don't we always say how we need a vacation from our vacation ? I think we all were feeling that except the kids , of course . They're never tired . They could be going like the pink bunny without the batteries !
  It seemed like we were home in a flash . I'm the only one who thought that . Joe and Aubs were exhausted . Having a vacation with children is tiring .
  A friend from work actually goes on two vacations every year . Every summer , he takes his family to a beach and on his anniversary , it's just him and his wife  for a week .
  No matter how great of a time you were having , you miss your bed , your favorite recliner . You miss your daily routine of life .  I asked them what would they do first upon returning home ?
  Shouts of " I want to play my WII " or " alone time " or " sitting in my purple recliner ." We all have our " thing "…

Here Comes Santa Claus

It seems that I'm the only one who has never heard of Santa Claus , Indiana . This little town that bears such a memorable and infamous name . Everywhere you look , there are Christmas decorations . I wish I could have seen the place at night with all the lights on . It must look absolutely gorgeous amidst all the openness of the country wood .
   Every shoppe or business bears a Christmas name . There is even a Christmas Village where the locals live . Can you imagine what the place must look like during Winter ? All covered with snow ?
   We drove past the famous Post Office where tons of people visit every Christmas just to post their letters in Santa Claus , Indiana ! Can you imagine that !?
    Aubs has started a tradition by buying a Christmas ornament  to commemorate their vacation . They take the same photo with Santa every summer to see the changes a whole year has brought to them as a family . It's a Christmas Growth Chart ! HAHAHAHA , okay  , I thought it was f…

The Annoying Orange

Having decided to spend only two days at the Theme / Water Park , plans were made to make the most of the last day . Another hot , searing day was ahead of us . After lunch , I decided to stay behind as they bravely went forth into the heat ! God Bless them !
    Coming back pretty late , the children came armed with stuff toys they won playing games . One of them was the Annoying Orange which came with a button that you pressed and out came an annoying version of jokes and sounds . Remember Fred from Youtube ? Put all of that into an orange and add a grotesque mouth . This , apparently , is the " new fad " of the year .
   Once you have small children around , you instantly become aware of all the new , hot fads out there . I learned alot these past few days . Everything comes with a scannable tag which you can scan with your phone for a special video from the brand maker . Even at Wendy's , you can scan their burger to see a video on how the perfect burger is made …