Sunday, August 30, 2015

When God Sends You Help

When God Sends You Help … don't Ask Questions
 She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, Got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP. Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?" He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open. She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man." The man heard her little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft." The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!" Is GOD great or what!?!

After supper was eaten and dishes washed away, after everyone settled down for the night. . . . I sat up wide awake ready to get some things done.

It was the last thing I expected especially after a day of running around and just plain busyness. I hardly expected a surge of energy after such a full day.

Who am I to object to such a precious gift? I have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to write let alone pick up a crocheting hook. I delved in with so much pleasure unable to believe my  good fortune.

I spent the majority of the night crocheting blanket after blanket, feeling all the tension of the past few weeks ease away with every finished item. I even wrote a story for a separate project.

Oh, how I missed this! Uninterrupted work time! Precious work time! The world fast asleep as my fingers nimbly did their work. What a perfect end to a hectic day!

Do you think it could happen again tonight? Do you think it's possible? That would be the perfect weekend finale!

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

O My Weary Soul

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 
My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. 
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. 
One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, 
and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done. 
(Psalm 62:5-8,11,12)

I couldn't help but think of this psalm this morning as I got up not ready to face the day. All I wanted was to stay in and rest my weary soul with my feet up and a crocheting hook in hand.

It has been raining on and off all day long, a perfect weather for a lay in doing my favorite  things. Alas, my day was quite the opposite overflowing with errands and a meet up with some new friends.

As always, I dragged my feet out the door as the rain pittered and pattered against the windshield in a steady flow. Going from one stop to another, leaving my most challenging  stop of all for last before my date with the girls.

About once a month, I drop/pick up yarn supplies for one of my crocheting ladies, an elderly woman in her seventies. You can tell she looks forward to my visits since she can no longer come to our monthly gatherings. There is always a plate of food involved whether as a snack for the road or lunch to take with me for work.

So what's the challenging part? Well, she is lonely and letting me go is hard for her. Even though she has three sons and grandchildren, they just don't visit. I always walk away feeling as if I'm letting her down somehow like I should have stayed longer.

My date with the girls went well as we saw the movie War Room. As tired as I was in the morning, I was very contented with how my day turned out. I wasn't surprised. No matter how much I may drag my feet somewhere, I always enjoy myself.

Fellowshipping is very difficult for me, but I'm constantly pushing myself to get out there and mingle. Somehow, I seem to be enjoying myself immensely.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Visions Of A Tiny House

My Tiny House . . . . . .  in my mind I can see a perfect image of just what I'm looking for, but in reality that's not true. I have checked around for different manufacturers and builders and I don't like anything they have out on the market.

The best thing to do is to build my own. It's also the cheapest way to go. The ones that I liked the best were built by the owners to their specification. Plus, it also came out so much cheaper. I just need to find a contractor that would do it for me.

Let's also remember that is my plan for the future and not for right now. Hopefully, I'll still be around in five years or less to actually realize this dream.

I also need to start thinking in less. The ones I saw furnished after the people moved in looked really cluttered. That is the last thing I need for mine to become. Less is best. The only furniture I want is a couch to sit on and a chair for my folding desk.

So what do I want in my Tiny House?

For my kitchen, I would be happy with one sink, two burner top stove or just a two burner hot plate. Haven't decided totally yet. I will have my small coffeepot, microwave and crockpot. To be able to fit everything in my cupboard, everything would have to be in groups of 4: 4 spoons, 4 bowls, 4 plates etc.

I do want a floor to ceiling pantry of sorts to keep goods in and a small closet to hang my coat. If I could find a small washer/dryer combo I would definitely prefer that to an oven or stove ( that's where the two burner comes in).

The bathroom can be very simple with a shower, tiny sink, a mirror and toilet. Very simple indeed.

In the living room, I want an open concept atmosphere with the flat screen on the wall, a love seat combo with an ottoman and  a collapsible desk/chair in front of a window. I am thinking of having shelving go around the room levelled  with the loft in case I want  a place for my books.

Above the door, perhaps a small loft with a window( more like an oversized ledge) where I can place some nice storage organizers. Above my kitchen would be the sleeping loft with stairs not a ladder and two sky windows. Under the stairs could be the bathroom or closet I was talking about.

On the outside, I would prefer a porch that folds when travelling. Also, a small storage at the other end. That's it, folks. I know all of you think I'm crazy, but I truly believe I could do this. My biggest challenge? Downsizing my belongings. I'm working on it, folks.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Throwback Thursday

Believe it or not, people still ask me this question. I guess, many people think that if I truly had faith I wouldn't have cancer. There are a lot of Christians who have that belief system built into them that I should have been healed by now. It's just like in the Book of Job where his friends thought he must have done something to anger God in order for him to have lost everything. I must have some unfinished business.

Of course, none of that is true. We all can be healed in different ways. I may not be healed of cancer, but my heart is healed and filled with the  love of Christ.

I guess, it's very hard for people to believe that I have no anger towards God or anyone else. Like I have said many times before, each bout with cancer is a different journey where I learn something new about myself. My anger has been taken cared of long ago.

Besides, I wouldn't be who I am now if it wasn't for my cancer. It definitely has been a life changing experience.

The No. 1 Question
   Everywhere I go and  everyone I meet  all have the same question to ask me .

  " How do you feel about God ".
   " Do you feel like He has abandoned you ?"
   " Are you  angry with Him?"
  " Do you still believe in Him?"
   "Did it change your Faith?"
     At first , I was very surprised that people asked me these questions . In fact , it's really one question put forth in numerous ways . They all have to do with how I feel about God .
    Honestly at first , I felt uncomfortable thinking why would everyone even think that my faith would have changed at the drop of a hat . Do I look like I've changed ? Am I acting in a way that makes them think that ? I was shocked . Am I that weak of a Christian in their eyes ?
    Then I remembered a time when I did question my whole belief system . I believed in God all of my life . I cannot imagine life without God in it . Years ago , I was a Catholic . I went to church .I believed . Didn't have a relationship with Christ like I do now , but I still had Faith .
    I remember when my son died . My second son in three years . I remember when  it happened the second time  how angry I was with God . It hit me just now  that we all are ,  at one time or another ,
angry with God . That was my time . I finally understood why people kept asking me that question . It isn't that I don't look or act like a believer , it's just quite normal to have these feelings . Or maybe , they themselves had these feelings but felt " bad " for having them . I mean , we are Christians , right ? We shouldn't be feeling like that . That's how we think . It's okay to have these feelings .
   When I thought about all of this I also realized it's okay for people to keep asking me . What a perfect way to talk of God . Didn't I want to have a honest blog  with true emotions coming through ? Didn't I want to write for people who are experiencing these same feelings as I but feel they can't express them out loud ? Didn't I want to be that voice ? Of course .
   So, keep on asking me all the questions you want .

Have a blessed day everyone.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

A Distance Between

 Your body, your soul, and your spirit are all tied together.  What you do to one affects the other two.  It affects the whole.
Bayless Conley

Have you ever felt exhausted from everyone else's problems? Have you felt that mental drain, that weight upon your shoulders of the entire world and it's not even your weight?

That's exactly how I feel today. I just want to lock myself away from the phone, social media and people in general. Right now, there is nothing more to give of me. I need rest.

But that's not all. I feel frustration at the reversal that some of my friends are experiencing. They just have gotten themselves out of one mess, became thankful and filled with promises, only to be drifting right back to the same mess as before, but with someone else this time.

Why? How? For what?

This is why I could not make it as a counselor. I become too frustrated with the entire situation. Please don't misunderstand me. I have done many things in life. Some of these things I have repeated over and over again, but there came a time when I woke up to reality.

Why do some people constantly repeat the same mistakes, never learning anything from their struggle? Is it the familiarity? Are they too afraid of the unknown? Or is it the change? We do what we know.

So I pray for them. I listen to them. I try to advise them the best I can. Still they revert to their old ways and the same mistakes. Lord, I am tired. I have no idea how Apostle Paul or Moses had the strength to continue even when discouraged, because that's what I am feeling now . . . . discouragement.

For now, I need to bathe in the love of Jesus and refresh myself in body, mind and spirit.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

A Heart's Choice

Preserve me from my callings snare
and hide my simple heart above
Above the thorns of choking care
They gilded baits of worldly love.

It's so difficult to watch a close friend or family member go through a struggle or a trial. You can see the mental strain  of the fight within, because there is a battle raging between what is right and what is not. One could almost see the struggle the person endures as a decision is being made.

What path will they take?

We want to help, don't we? We want to reach out and guide their way onto the path of their lives. We have been there, we suffered there and we have been liberated, free of the chains of our past.

How can I help?

We so desperately want to make that decision for them, but we know it's all about their heart. They need to make a vow to live better, they need to make a heart choice, I can't make it for them.

Will they fall?

Oh yes, they will fall . . . numerous times. We all have fallen. Just remember one thing, don't forget to get back up! As many times as it takes. Get up!

Jesus is worth it. You are worth it. Looking back, you will wonder how you ever lived without Him.

Have  a blessed day everyone.

Monday, August 24, 2015

A Great Start

Have you ever had such a fantastic weekend where the start of the new week was actually inviting? No, that couldn't possibly be true!

I believe that this past weekend was the most relaxing we have ever had. Don't get me wrong, we did not lay around doing nothing. In fact, we were cleaning and doing laundry, but somehow we had fun with it. It didn't seem like a chore at all.

We had a block party that kind of put us in a great mood. Music was blasting, the sun was shining and a beautiful breeze in the air. Who knew songs like "Ring My Bell" and "Staying Alive" could evoke such a energetic response from me especially. I wanted to dance and I did . . . . all day.

I also exercised. Yes, hold on to your seats folks. I really did. I also wrote quite a bit which surprised me since I have had  writer's block.

Sunday, church was great and afterwards, my nephew's birthday party at the park. Another beautiful breezy day. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend.

This morning, while having my massage, I thought to myself how great it is that God has provided a day of rest for us. A rest that we obviously need, but not many of us take advantage of it. We try to cram as much as we can into our days, where we end up stressing ourselves instead.

I feel so good. I'm ready to tackle this week. Have a Blessed day everyone.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

A Sunday's Post

I normally don't repost a message from start to finish. Maybe a paragraph or two, but never in complete entirety. This was too good to pass up.

I thought to myself that nothing could be more appropriate on a Sunday than this. Just a reminder of what this day is really about. Happy Sabbath everyone. I hope you can spend with loved ones.

Daily Devotions from Lutheran Hour Ministries
By Pastor Ken Klaus, Speaker Emeritus of The Lutheran Hour

"The Grasshopper Lives" 

July 25, 2015  
CPTLN woodenfenceWhat then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the One who died -- more than that, who was raised -- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Romans 8:31-34
The mother of a nine-year-old boy got a call from his teacher. Most of us know such a call is not a good thing.

Preparing herself for the worst, mom listened as the teacher explained: "Today I saw something unusual, and I wanted to tell you about it."

Those opening words didn't make mom feel any better.

The teacher continued, "Today in our creative writing class, I shared Aesop's story about the hard-working ant and the lazy grasshopper. I told them how when winter came the ant had enough, and the grasshopper asked for a handout. Then I asked the children to finish the story. Their answers were divided up into two main groups:

* The first group wrote, 'The ant shared and both lived happily ever after.'

* The second group had the ant saying, 'Sorry, Mr. Grasshopper, I only have enough for myself. If I share, we will both starve.'

The whole class gave one of those two answers. The entire class did that, except for your son. Your son ended the story this way: 'The ant gave all of his food to the grasshopper, and the grasshopper lived happily ever after, but the ant died.'"

The teacher concluded, "At the bottom of his paper, your son drew a cross. I thought you'd want to know."

Great story, isn't it? That story is the unfinished story of every one of us. Obviously, we are the grasshoppers who have sinned and squandered our lives in pursuit of things trivial and trite. We realize the time is coming when we will pay for what we've done wrong.

The question is how will our story end?

ENDING 1: The first ending says you are on your own and you are going to die. That is the ending embraced by those who say there is no God, no sin, no condemnation, no heaven, and no hell.

ENDING 2: This ending is one embraced by most of the world's religions. They say if you work hard, if you try to do the best you can, maybe, just maybe, you might be all right. Of course, you can't be sure when you've done enough and when god is going to let you off the hook.

ENDING 3: This ending is unique to Christianity. Only Christianity says God came down and took your place under the Law. Only Christianity speaks of a Savior who endured hunger so we would be filled; went without an earthly home so we might have a heavenly home; suffered so we could be saved; died so we might live. Jesus took our place. Jesus gave up all so you might have all.

Only Christianity has the story end with us having our sins -- every one of our sins -- the worst, the most heinous, the most private and pathetic of our sins, forgiven. Only Christianity promises, with faith in the crucified and resurrected and ever-living Savior, we will live happily ever after.

THE PRAYER: Dear Lord, I give thanks for the eternal security, which has been won for me through the life, death and resurrection of my Savior. May You be thanked for Your mercy, grace and sacrifice, which grant me eternal life. In His Name. Amen.
Pastor KlausIn Christ I remain His servant and yours,

Pastor Ken Klaus
Speaker Emeritus of The Lutheran Hour®

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

The Road Not Taken

When I was in High School, I discovered a love of poetry and literature that has continued throughout my life. It was from that time where the writing and reading came in, all because of one Freshman teacher.
All week long, I have been thinking about Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken. It seems that many of my friends are experiencing difficult times where even more difficult and painful decisions have to be made.
I thought of this poem and how significant it really is when pertaining to our lives.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

How many of us have come to such a road and wondered what to do next? How many of us have made a wrong turn? I know I have numerous times. I also know that for every decision there is a cause and effect that can result in bad consequences.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

All week I thought about this poem. I thought about all the people who haven't found Christ yet. The ones that are afraid to let go of that old familiar road even if it does lead to pain. So many hurt people out there that are so afraid to make that first step onto a better path.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I thought about the roads I have traveled on, so many led to dead ends with what seemed like no way out. I'm so glad that I came upon that grassy and unworn path that looked so scary at first. With each step taken, a new life emerged.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

So many people are looking for something or someone to ease their pain. If only they knew how easy it was to be healed of their past and begin a new life. If you haven't done so, ask Jesus into your heart and He will guide you onto the right path.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Friday, August 21, 2015

The Receding Tide

Have you ever watched a tide come in  and enclose everything in it's sight? It covers so well that it's difficult to believe it wasn't there in the first place. It's the same when it leaves. Something always manages to stay behind from that tide. Sometimes it leaves behind a good thing and other times, just debris.

The people in my life are the same like that tide. There could be days when my phone never stops ringing and I am in constant demand. Everyone wants to talk with me, spend time with me and confide in me. They can't seem to get enough of me.

When that tide recedes, so do they. Suddenly, people are cancelling and the phone is quiet. A new Season enters and everyone's schedules are changed. Children go back to school. The garden needs to be harvested. School activities dominate the calendar. A new chapter begins.

I can almost predict the recession of the tide. We're in one now. The Ministry is quiet and so is this blog. My once overflowing social calendar has more red slashes than actual events. The stillness is here.

A time like this is a great opportunity to get caught up with all the leftovers that were pushed aside during the busy time. It's also a good time for preparation for the Fall, one of my busiest season of the four.

I look forward to sitting and being still. A time where everything lies dormant for the cold winter months. If I had to choose a season where I could take time off from work, it would be winter.  It must have something to do with my being a January baby. I just want to hibernate, watching the snowfall from my cozy apartment. Let me sit beside my window crocheting my little heart out. One day, that's what I will do.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Throwback Thursday

My feelings regarding fasting have not changed. In fact, fasting is not just for January as the New Year unfolds. Anytime my mind is cluttered with issues and I need clarity and certainty from God in making important decisions, I'll do a fast.

I have been thinking about doing one now. I know myself very well and I am aware of how I react to things. For that reason I need to do one. There are very important things going on in our lives (my children and I) and I want to make sure we stay on track with nothing clouding our decisions.

As always, I welcome any requests. The e-mail has changed so please use this one instead:

A Fast Is A Fast
      Every January , our church has a fast to start off the New Year . We all partake in some sort of fasting  and it  usually lasts the month . This brought on a huge discussion between Emily and I as to what that fast should include .  As usual , She had many ideas on what I should give up but we could not agree on what hers should be .
      I have done many fasts in the past . Always would take on prayer requests from people . The special prayers during the fast would take on an intensifying passion . My mind would be sharper , clearer and always somehow life would take on a more positive attitude . I love fasting ! It purifies your soul .
     I didn't always feel like this . Honestly , I never quite understood why people did them . When I was a Catholic , I've done Lent every year , not eating meat on Friday . Yet , I've never had that sense of fulfillment that I do  now after fasting . It was , actually , this very New Year January fast that my church does that has changed my mind .
   Of  course , I started small by giving up coffee . This year , I wanted to do something extra special along with my giving up sweets . Instead of giving up ,  I want to start doing something during this time that maybe has always been difficult for me . Something I really hate ......I hate exercising !
   If anyone has a prayer request for me to take on , please send me an email at
They will be confidential .

Have a blessed day everyone.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Looking Back

I often look back to the past to remind me of who I shall remain to be in the here and now. Sometimes, that path was not an easy one, but somehow we have managed to make a go of it with the Grace of God leading us.

I have always set goals before me as an improvement gauge for my life. We should always be moving forward, but yet, at times we actually move back a few steps . . . or more.

I feel like I have done so, most likely without even being aware of it. What am I measuring this falling back to? Well, my journey with cancer.

Looking back to eight years ago, everything is so different now. So much has changed and it should, but not always for the better. Back then, I was so full of hope for the future. I knew exactly what I should be doing, when I should be doing it and with whom.

All I wanted was to develop close relationships with the people in my life. I wanted our time together to count for something. Sadly, many of these same relationships are gone now. Some of them have passed away: some have moved away and some have fallen apart on bad terms.

So here I am, my cancer has returned numerous times since then. Am I any better for it? Have I really accomplished what I set out to do? Yes and no.

My inner circle with my children has grown and become closer. Yet, my outer family has drifted away, each forming their own circle. Friendships have come, gone and some even came back again. There have been many hurts, accusations and triumphs, but isn't that life?

We all have insecurities that can be re-awakened at any moment, especially when things turn sour. There is certainly a shift of direction on my journey. Where will it take me, I wonder?

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

A Lost Muse

My muse has left me. I'm not exactly sure when that happened. It must have been while my back was turned doing other projects. She left because she knew how it would be with only a small percentage of my attention on her.

I have never been good at dispensing pieces of myself evenly among my projects. Something always falls short and I wish I was better at handling the workload.

This is why I was never any good at cheating. I could only focus on one person at a time. That's just a little something to ease the way, but it's true.

I've never really considered myself a writer. My goal this year has been to really reach deep within myself and grow as one by branching outside of this blog. Which is great, except for one small problem. I can't seem to separate myself from one project to the next. Either I'm working on this blog or on my journal stories. It's been a struggle for me to balance both, but I know eventually I will work something out.

I shouldn't place all the blame on my muse. My attention has been very amiss, daydreaming instead of working. But then, I haven't been very honest with all of you. I've been holding back certain events that have been conspiring here. Do not worry, soon all will be revealed. Believe me, I have a very good reason for being distracted.

What a wonderful summer breeze coming though my window and daydreaming begins again.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Monday, August 17, 2015


Monday! It comes so quickly, almost as if the weekend never happened.

Laying here, getting my monthly massage, I couldn't help but have my mind wander. This past year, I have tried numerous ways to simplify my life in mind, body and spirit. A peaceful and healthy lifestyle the preferred outcome. Some things have worked and some have not.

One of the best things I have tried were my massages every month. My legs feel great after each visit. I wish I could go every week, but that is not possible right now. You don't notice right away the benefits until at least three visits have gone by.

I also have continued with my flax seed intake. Every morning, I pour a teaspoon into my coffee hoping they do their job and help with the inflammation. As you can see, a lot goes into easing my discomfort of these legs.

Organization has played a huge role this year. Regularly, in three month intervals, we do a heavy duty cleaning /organizing effort in our apartment. We are about due for one.

Exercising comes and goes. Small spurts happen where I do sit ups everyday for a month and then change it up to stretching or something else. I've yet to decide on one specific thing and stick with it, but then, I hate exercising.

Scheduling has turned out quite well. Any appointments are written down on the family calendar. I think what has changed in regards to that is our attitude. We do what we can and not beat ourselves up over it. That makes all the difference.

One thing I happen to enjoy over the weekend or on days off is a glass of wine. It really does take the stress off and relaxes my busy mind.

I know it's a pretty small list of things when one compares it to everything I've tried this year, but I am always on the look out for ways to improve my lifestyle. They may not always work for me, but I won't know unless I give it a try.

Have a blessed day everyone.-

Sunday, August 16, 2015

It Is Amazing . . . . .

It's amazing how our moods can shift from one phase to another. Yesterday, I had a wonderful day spent with my children and grandchildren. Today, is another thing altogether.

I woke up this morning feeling the same as always about each and every new day. . . . in high spirits. My plans were to focus on making one particular church my home. No matter what, I was going to make an effort in connecting into the Body of Christ. Everything went as planned.

It is amazing how quickly our day can go South with no fault of our own. One person can bring back all the struggles, pain and disillusionment from our past that we have worked so hard to overcome.

We all struggle with something. It is not easy to let go permanently of the things that haunt us. The fact that they can re-appear at a moment's notice proves that.

So today, all I want to do is wallow in the things that comfort me. I want to shut the door and not let anyone in, because of the hurt they can cause. Today, I want to laugh at all the stupid things in life they call a comedy.

Tomorrow, tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be a brand new day with a brand new start. Just have to get through today. Remember, words are very powerful.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

It All Began . . .

It all began with a Bridal Shower. I rummaged and rummaged through my wardrobe looking for something appropriate to wear. Or at least, something that would actually fit. The closet, at first glance, appeared to be overflowing with clothes in various prints, textures and colors, but majority of the clothes were either too small or too big. Mostly too small.
Not only were there clothes hanging, but there were boxes, and large bins stacked as high as they possibly could be, on the floor and on the above shelf. Shoes, belts and handbags all tethering, ready for the huge collapse that was surely to come.
You really have to be careful when you open that closet.
You know what happens when you start taking things out and trying them on. A pile forms on the bed, right along with the jewelry case, an assortment of shoes and purses. We're dressed, we're ready to go and leave that big mess for "later".
Well, later comes and we are tired, wanting to just go to sleep. So what do we do? We pile all that stuff into another pile inside the closet and shut the door. We will deal with that later. The only problem is that later happens much later.
So I'm staring at this huge mess inside my closet, not knowing where to start. Everyday, I take a peek inside and everyday, I quietly shut the door, secretly hoping little elves or fairies will show up at night and clean it up.

Honestly, I'm beginning to have doubts about being able to live in a tiny house or RV. I seem to create more work for myself  with these self made hoarding tendencies. Disgusted with myself and lack of organization, I went through all my wardrobe, packing away everything that didn't fit. To charity it goes.

The boxes and other stuff will have to wait, because The Littles are in town. Have a Blessed day everyone.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Plans For The Future

If any of you knew me in my life before cancer, you'd know that planning was at the top of my list. I had a plan for the next five, ten, and more years. I actually saw myself in that place I wanted to be.

In 2007, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and time stood still for almost a year as recovery took place. As I settled into a comfortable remission stage that lasted almost five years, I became relaxed and all thoughts of cancer retreated. I began making plans and even considered settling down with a certain someone. Don't even think about asking who (lol).

When the re-occurrences happened back to back ( 2nd and 3rd time) I retreated back to my shell of uncertainty. I stopped making plans and lived each day as it came. Maybe a week or two ahead is all I could wrap my head around.

That's how I have been living up to now. Here we are, 8 1/2 yrs. with cancer,  three re-occurrences and my mind keeps drifting to the future. I must be insane. All I can think about is living alone, either in a tiny house or Rv. Insane!

Last night, I actually measured the space around me so I could visualize what it would look like with my presence in it. I am consumed with all thoughts to my remaining few years left until retirement. Honestly, I never thought past fifty years of age. Maybe I should start  now.

Who cares if any of it comes to fruition. The whole point is in the dream. If we cannot dream or have any hope, there's no point in living. So I'm dreaming no matter what the outcome will be.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

A New Identity

Technology has never been my friend. I've tried numerous times to get along and all it has done is backstab me every chance it got. We have a love/hate relationship and somehow, I keep losing.

As most of you already know, my e-mail has been hacked, sending out to all my contacts a plea letter asking for money. We made a joke out of it, had some fun with it and moved on. I've changed my password and waited for things to come back to normal.

Nothing happened. No e-mails whatsoever, not even junk mail. Okay, went and subscribed to my favorites all over again, waiting the 48 hours requirement. Nothing happened yet again.

So I've contacted all the techno "smarties" in my family asking what should I do next? A lot of shrugs and raised quizzical eyebrows, but no one seems to know what is going on. I can send e-mails, but cannot receive any. I've checked my settings, my account etc. no dice.

I've come to the conclusion that I just need a new identity. Since my last encounter with technology is quite fresh still in my mind, I have decided to set up a new e-mail account and start over. I could do battle, but we all know my track record and I will lose. Besides, all that aggravation is not worth it.

I love new beginnings! In a way, I'm  EXCITED (which is very sad) at the opportunity to choose something really crazy and memorable only to me. Isn't it wonderful that we can start over whenever there is some messiness in our life?

I'm looking at this in a positive way. I've been in a rut for a while and this kind of has brought a tiny purpose to my life. Now I have something to take my mind off the boring everyday momentum called routine.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Storm, Where Art Thou?

I was so excited, really excited when I checked the weather for my area. A storm was coming and I couldn't wait for it to happen. It's been so long since we had a real good one that would cool the air with  a STRONG BREEZE.

I waited and waited, not understanding why it wasn't appearing. The storm clouds looked threatening, all dark and looming overhead. The sun was no where in sight. There even was a shift in the air, you could smell a storm was brewing.

Ever since it has been so humid this summer, I have had to close off my windows, blocking any sun rays. My scenery that has been my muse all these years was gone. Oh, how my writing has suffered because of it!

Not this weekend! I prepared my writing desk and opened up my view. I wanted to witness mother nature at it's best. My coffee and wine was ready, but nothing happened. In fact, it became even  more humid.

In total disgust, I took out my handy sheets and up they went again, vowing to take them down again when the leaves turned brown. Turned on the air and wondered how people survived a mere sixty or more years ago when there wasn't any air conditioner?

Working in a factory can be unbearable during weather like this as everything clings in perspiration. I am so over this summer and the humidity, not having been able to enjoy any of it. It's humid and hot at work. It's humid and hot outside. Mix in my menopause and I'm dying.

One day, Fall will be here and I, once again, can enjoy life. In the meantime, back to cave living and existing on superficial air (thank goodness). Oh, it did storm here while I was at work sweating and not here to enjoy any of it. I hope your summer is going better than mine.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Comforting Comforts

The older I get, the more I enjoy the simple things in life. I don't need many of the things that used to satisfy my soul years ago. Materialistic things. Now, I'm more into feeding my soul instead.

Take this beautiful tree that I couldn't help but admire while enjoying the company of my ladies this afternoon at the woods. So absolutely beautiful and completely flawless in design. It stands so tall, strong and regal, reminding of God's Creation and His Power. He made that for me to enjoy.

The same goes for something tasty like a homegrown tomato straight from the garden. To me, summer isn't summer without growing your own tomatoes. I think that's what I miss the most living in an apartment, not being able to grow my own.

A good home cooked meal of sautéed mushrooms and onions served with fresh baked baguettes.

Add a simple plate and a simple salad and we have a feast of plain simple.

Yet, so comforting and memorable, all shared with the people we love most in our lives.

So such a simple and ordinary day turned out to be so rewarding and comforting at the same time. Just another summer day.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Good Ole Friday

So happy that today is Friday. Never have I enjoyed a week more than I did this week at work. Who knew I could laugh so hard in a place that I have struggled so much. What is even more surprising is that I wasn't the only one. The whole place seemed a little more relaxed and happy with one another.

Every time I turned on the radio, I kept hearing the same song playing. It was so eerie. What was that song? There is power in the name of Jesus.

So last night on the way home, there it was again. That song! And suddenly, I realized how powerful and mighty my God was and there was nothing that He couldn't do. I became so humbled by that and tears welled up in reverence to Him.

Only He knows my struggles and only He provided a carefree week where I laughed and was surrounded by people who loved me. Only He! All my life, He has never left me.

All the way home, I kept thinking about people who didn't grow up with God in their life. Who didn't grow up turning to God in time of need. How horrible not to have that. Where did they lay down their troubles? No where, they just carried them all on their own. I thought about all the people who never knew Him, never cried out to Him help me.

There are so many broken people searching for Him, not knowing where to turn to find Him. They're so lost in the woods, they cannot find a path. I prayed for these people. Let there be a light for that path so they can find their way home.

There is power in the name of Jesus. Have a Blessed Friday everyone.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Throwback Thursday

When I came home last night, there was a message waiting from a long time family friend. Her daughter passed away from her long and painful struggle with ALS. As a Christian, I know that she is free from the chains that have held her on this Earth. Still, I am deeply sorry for the mother who is hurting.

Beth (the daughter) and I both were diagnosed with our diseases in the same year  at the same time. While I was 42 yrs., Beth was considerably younger with two small boys. Another friend gone, three this year alone.

As I re-read the story below, I thought of how quickly our lives can change. Yet, we never really get it, do we? Time is so short. When are we ever going to understand and set our priorities for what is important? Some of us never will.

Looking Back
   What a beautiful, sunny day it is!!! A warm, sunny New Year's Eve! Who would have thought it possible. It's ironic that it should be like this. I dreaded this day coming like something awful. The holiday's itself  were very melancholy for me .
   I am a person who likes organization and planning . Before cancer , my whole life was planned out . It has been quite an adjustment living by the seat of my pants , not having control . It is what I wanted , isnt't it ? I wanted to trust God completely with my life . Well , there it is . Be careful what you ask for .
  This year , has started out so promising , so full of rainbows that for a minute I thought I was dreaming . This couldn't possibly be my life , right ? Alot of wonderful things happened to me this past year . My son got married and I gained a daughter-in-law and two beautiful grandchildren . I thank God for Marybeth Fisher sharing them with me .
   As great as the beginning was , all the way up to August , it ended with tower after tower tumbling down . Everything I touched lay in ruins . Talk about being attacked ! Nothing worked . I know what is happening . My faith is very strong . Discouragement just right around the corner . I know I have to wait this out . What more could possibly happen ? I know I am not the one in charge . I can try to manipulate , to alter , to change  anything I want but it won't work without HIS approval .
  As this year comes to a close in just a few hours , I feel  defeated and worn out . All I can do is give myself completely to Him . I can't make anything happen . I can't fix anything . I can only wait upon the Lord to show me where I'm to go .
   I have no idea what will happen in 2012 . I'm not even sure if I can handle it . But I do know that everywhere I do go , it's where I'm supposed to be . Happy New Year Everyone .

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

An Assembly Line

It's funny how our moods can change instantly by someone, or a saying or something we see. From the moment I got up this morning, my mind has gone in reverse. I've been thinking of my past life. All these memories came flooding back, but I could feel  them without any emotion.

What brought this on?

In a span of a couple of days, two people gave a reference on who I am in their eyes. How they see me. It couldn't have been farther apart. One thought I was a "relatively good person", while the other most definitely has said the opposite claiming "I have an attitude". Each of them would have argued that they were right.

So who am I?

When I look back at my life, I think of an assembly line where all the parts are laid out. As the line moves, each piece is placed in the right spot and what comes out at the end is the finished product. Sometimes that finished piece is immaculate, shiny and brand new. Other times, that piece may not look so good, but it's still functional. It maybe scratched, dented and missing something.

Which one am I?

I've never considered myself to be that immaculate piece of perfection. I have made many mistakes in my life. I've chosen the wrong path more than I care to admit. Some of these mistakes have cost me dearly. So I'm that dented, scratched up piece trying to function alongside all that perfection.

I believe that both of them were correct, based on my experience with each of them. I don't think that we lose a piece of who we were in the past as we move forward. Something stays behind, almost like a reminder to our soul  to stay on track. I'm happy where I am at right now, but there are times that I revert to the old me.

That's okay, because there are times when we need a little bit of attitude. Have a Blessed day everyone.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Sleeping In

Every Monday I have a boost of energy and actually can be very productive. I find it very amusing that the first day back to work is very energizing for me while quite the opposite for others. I must be rested from the weekend.

Tuesday, on the other hand, is quite the opposite. I sleep in every single Tuesday whether I want to or not. It's as if my going back to work has exhausted my body. There have been times I haven't gotten up before 10:00 a.m. Nowadays, I look forward to this day.

This morning wasn't any different. After taking down the sheets off the windows last night, I awakened to the sun streaming through and the soft billow of the curtains. What a beautiful morning! Just begging for an adventure walk outside.

Almost immediately, my mind drifted off to the cabin where the early mornings were spent swinging on the porch swing overlooking the lake. A cup of coffee in hand, watching a family of ducks swimming in the stillness of the solitude before anyone rises.

It's mornings like these where I bask in God's glory, this beautiful place called Earth that He has created. One day, I will wake up again to such a morning and I will sing praises in song. How absolutely wonderful  that sounds to me.

I feel such absolute peace within. Could it possibly have anything to do with the fact that there is no one around to spoil that peace? It's a real shame that the only time we can experience peace is when there are no people, only nature.

One day, I hope to experience that lake again or something similar, but until then  I am so grateful for times like these. Have a Blessed day everyone.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Packing It Up

I'm happy to report that the donations are ready for delivery. I've spent pretty much the entire Sunday packing and labelling the boxes. Suddenly my bedroom looks larger than before and not as crowded. What a relief! Now to get on the road. I'm always making a delivery somewhere.

Seven boxes total ranging in size from small to very large. I figure it will take me the rest of the week to make these deliveries. This coming Saturday is the Ministries next gathering so the cycle will begin all over again. But that's a good thing, even if it is tiring.

I'm also happy to report that today should be the last day of this  heat wave (according to the weather channel), so the sheets can come down! We certainly have felt caved in as if we were living in a box. I love the scenery outside our windows and I have certainly missed seeing it. Besides, the open air and the breeze coming through . . . . can't

It's amazing what we can make out of almost nothing. Since we were so busy this weekend, we had a quick and easy dinner of left over tilapia with sautéed veggies. Who knew you could make an appetizing side dish with just a few green beans, broccoli, zucchini and tomatoes. It wasn't much when I held it in my hand, but put it together and you have a meal. Just cleaning out the fridge, folks.

Monday comes around pretty quick, almost as if the weekend happened in a blur. I don't definitely wish it would last a little longer. Weekends are a lot more fun.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

End Of The Month

If you are like me, you probably cannot believe that July is over and August is upon us. Children are planning on going back to school and suddenly Summer is over. I am always ready for one Season to end while another begins.

I love the diversity that life offers as I cannot stay focused on only one thing. I love being involved in various activities, projects as well as friendships. Even my tastes in food and music ranges from the boring to the extreme. I have no problem with change.

So, it totally baffles me that I cannot seem to adjust to my work situation. I don't think I ever will and I'm exhausted with trying. I think there are situations in life that we just cannot accept, but only tolerate. So I'm tolerating where I am at concerning work. There you have it.

As to my Tiny House, everyone just laughs at this. I'm starting to feel a little put off. What are you implying? I guess I might have too much junk and people seem to think I couldn't fit into a simpler lifestyle.

I have to be honest that I am a little disappointed with my search for floor plans and contractor. I haven't found anything that I really like out there. Even some of the costs seem ridiculous to me. Now, I'm just looking for now, it's just something to look into and see if it is right for me. I will tell you that the idea of not having to worry about things like rent/mortgage, upkeep etc. is very appealing to me. So the search goes on.

Now. . . . I have to be very honest here. My moods have been horrible this past month and I mean horrible. My emotions have been going up and down like crazy. There is a reason, but I will keep that to myself for now.

You know, I'm my worst critic. I say all this, because I feel like I haven't been a good person losing my temper, being irritated and such. How can I call myself a Christian and behave in this matter? Terrible. This entire weekend I am feeling so upset with myself for doing so.

It seems I need to check myself. Have a Blessed day everyone.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

A Writing Fest-Pt.2

So this morning, I woke up quite late, (around 9 a.m.) which is a little late for me. Emily and I stayed up  chatting and watching a show together the night before, quite forgetting the time.

Since this is a weekend, the morning is a typical morning filled with grocery shopping, doing laundry and house cleaning. Nothing different from every household in the world. In a blink of an eye,  the morning has turned into the afternoon.

Another weekend, another hopeful day of writing cast aside for a moment while life intervenes. Yet, I am very happy today being surrounded by the daily pitter patter of the mundane. Diamond's constant meowing and the goings and comings of Emily's routine, are a reminder of that peace I so long for in my life.

This is my life . . . they are my life. The writing? Well, that uninterrupted day of a writing fest will just have to wait until later, until tomorrow or maybe next month.

I am so humbled and grateful to God for days such as this one. The daily struggles we are faced with can be so laden with strife, guilt and anger. At times, we need to appreciate the quiet and solace of the mundane.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name

Christ Alone
Weak made strong
In the Savior's love
Through the storm
He is Lord
Lord of All

Sometimes, we just need to be reminded what really is important.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Yarn Bombing My Life

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. Some murmur if their sky is clear, And wholly bright ...