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Showing posts from September, 2013

September's End

If I had to define what September brought , I'd have to say - worry . Never has a month swept  in like a tornado and leveled every feeling of security as September . Whatever was , has gone . 

 When my finances took a hit with sudden unexpected bills , I dipped into my savings . Almost a year into my chemo therapy and another several dips into the rest of the savings left it depleted and now we have to start all over . It's been quite awhile since I had no safety net , no nest egg for that rainy day . 

The old saying , be careful what you ask for  , took on a very personal meaning this month , with work slowing down considerably . A couple of shutdown days with no pay occurred and promises of more to come  suddenly turned the future bleak . 

I've been looking for a package from my company for years , hoping to settle near my son's family . Now , as that might become an actuality , I'm really scared . . . . scared of not making it . Scared of regretting that decision .…

Running Out Of Gas

I'm bored . There's nothing to do . 

When my children were small , I'd hear these two phrases quite often . Children have no idea how to be still and need constant activities to occupy their busy little minds . Now that they're older , they have no time to be bored . 

Nothing infuriates more than to hear that in an adult . For me , there's not enough time in the day to accomplish what I need to 
do . It boggles my mind to think that anyone could be just plain bored . There's so much a person could be involved in , especially in this day and age . 

I often ask myself , how can it be that you can have a person who is involved in everything  and then another person who does nothing . They each have the same opportunities , yet one partakes in them and the other isn't even aware of them . 

These days , I find myself running out of gas . I'm extremely tired and physically feeling the long term usage of chemo . It's been almost a year ( if not already ) of non…

A Day Of Gratitude

Silence is truly golden . We are quiet around the apartment today . Each of us lost in our own thoughts , thinking and absorbing the everyday of what is placed on our plate . Some things we just shrug off and others are harder to bear .

Life has a way of sucking away whatever joy one may have been experiencing , knocking us off our feet and we lose our balance . . . . all in one swift movement . How does one become numb to the everyday struggles let alone the life changing ones ? 

We take a deep breath . We breathe in and out slowly and we move on . . . . . quietly  . . . . . throughout the day . We become grateful for whatever tiny glimmer of happiness we encounter . We count our Blessings .

We say to ourselves  . . .things could be worse . .. .. and that , my friends happens to be true . Things could really be worse . 

As we move about the apartment today , we know that we are not in control . We know we are just servants of God and His will is what will be done .

Yes, it's truly sil…

SMILE

You know , I write about the many things I experience in my daily life , but I rarely post something for no particular reason except to bring a smile to your face . The link I have below is of a couple . I've always wanted to be a couple , but it has never quite happened for me . My wish , that my children will have this experience in their life . My son is married , my daughter is not . I hope to be around to give my daughter away to the Godly man meant just for her . Double click please.


http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4365716 ;;


Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Feeding The Soul

What feeds your soul ? We see ads in christian magazines , preachers preach and titles on books that ask that very question . It is a very popular question . Even I , have written about it  .

With all that has been going on in the last two months around here , especially the rise of the Ministry , I feel it's time for me to feed my soul by partaking in a fast . 

I will be taking prayer requests for others if anyone is interested , please message me on facebook or email at lottiekrol@yahoo.com . 

There is nothing to worry about regarding myself or Emily , it's just that sometimes I feel we need to prepare for what is coming spiritually , not just the bad , but also the great things that are coming into our life . Things are happening so fast , we could easily lose our footing . 

Have a Blessed day  everyone . 


The Journey

Building up my soul for the journey . 

Isn't that what we all want ? What we strive for as Christians ? We want to build up our soul for the journey , because we know that sometimes the journey hurts . Yes , hurts . 

The thing about starting a journey is that it can change midstream without you even being aware of it until well immersed in the middle of it . 

Our expectations develop of the way we think it will end or how we want this journey to end . We try to enhance it by fasting , volunteering , praying more or additional bible study . All of this in the hope that our journey will end successfully in our favor . 

The fact is , it never does . If it did , we all would be jumping up and screaming : 

I WANT A JOURNEY , LORD ! 

Being on a journey is hard . It's painful , it usually goes on the path you specifically told God you didn't want to be on . He must have misunderstood you to allow this to happen . You're absolutely sure of it . It must have been His off - day .

If we…

A Baptismal Rain

It was pouring rain heavily upon us . This was the last thing we expected when Emily and I set out for a walk in the late afternoon . We didn't get very far , only two blocks , when the heavens opened up and it rained upon us . 

Running home as fast as my old body could take me , I glanced back and there was Emily walking calmly . Walking calmly with her hands outstretched upwards towards heaven and smiling . 
I'm getting baptized all over again . 
How do we keep that feeling fresh ? How do we stop our faith from going stale ? You take a walk in the rain . . . . the baptismal rain . 

It's the everyday little things like an afternoon sudden burst of rain , to remind us of His love for us . Or our  love for Him . Experience a baptismal rain for yourself and see the rainbow that comes after .

Have a Blessed day .




What I Miss

Many times , I have written about the great things that have happened to me since my cancer , but there are many things I really miss about my old life . 

I really miss being agile in my movements , especially when it comes to stairs . It's so difficult for me to climb stairs . The chemo has affected my knees and my legs , making  my joints very stiff . Arthritis has settled in and my feet ache when the weather changes making foot care my top priority . 

I really miss being smaller in weight . I don't recognize this person I'm seeing in the mirror , although , I do like her character  better . This is one of the hardest things for me to accept in myself . I think that I will never lose weight because God wants me to love and accept myself the way I am .

I really miss daydreaming about my retirement , my senior years . Daydreaming and planning my golden years , years that I now will never see . I can only plan months ahead and I can't even see myself years from now . 

Cance…

The Apartment On The Avenue

The apartment on the avenue stood on a corner , towering over all the single family homes . Life here within the walls of the eight units has been bustling with life's troubles , trials and triumphs . Much ado about nothing playing in full 
force . 

Arriving back from  work one early morning , I noticed how full with cars  the parking lot was , spilling over into the surrounding streets . When did that happen ? Moving in three years ago , there were only three of us here . There was plenty of room for everyone , but that wasn't the case any longer . The apartment on the Avenue was full , full of life . 

Wondering when that change actually happened is a mystery to me , but isn't that how life really is ? Change occurs all around us little by little , but we are oblivious to it until we are faced with the finished product . It's no wonder we are completely taken off guard and unprepared , filled with shock and dismay as to why it all happened in the first place . 

The occupa…

A Day In The Past

Wisdom, insight, and understanding.

1. Wisdom is the ability to look at life and its difficulties from God's point of view 2.Insight is the ability to see through life and its difficulties from God's viewpoint. In other words, as I grow in the Word, I gain the ability to penetrate the surface level of irritations and problems. 3. Understanding is the ability to respond to life's situations and difficulties from the holistic, panoramic comprehension of God's viewpoint. 
As I get a hold on the Word, I not only gain insight to see the inner workings of a matter, I discover how to respond to effect the best outcome. I am able to learn from my decisions, even when things don't turn out my way.

There was a time in my youth where I believed a person should live with no regrets . I thought I was one of those people . . . . . back then . Now , I find myself rehashing so much of my past life , finding nothing , but regrets . 

I wholeheartedly regret not being a Christian back then…

Living Simply

Living Simply

The definition of living simply varies depending on the person's  lifestyle . Anything to do with " simplifying " usually means getting rid of something , whether that  happens to be cleaning out the cupboards or friendships that no longer are vital  . 

To me , living simply involves the spiritual , the mental and the physical well-being of every aspect of my life . Individuals that can achieve all three are far and few , most likely residing in the hills all by themselves . 

Spiritual :
I am a wallflower . I love to serve behind the scenes and Emily seems to have an addiction with serving anywhere and everywhere . Every Sunday , she rushes me out the door to arrive well ahead of everyone else . She wants to be there on time and ready to serve . 

I usually sit in the car enjoying a cup of coffee and crocheting a bit before the service starts . I cannot tell you how many people approach my car offering to walk me inside . I don't know what they're trying …

The Interview

Image
Recently , I've had the ultimate privilege in being featured in an up and coming , Thought Collection Publishing , which has been founded by my niece Kathy . It's good to have family members that can promote your work . Hey , A girls gotta do what she gotta do . 

The following is my interview with her and at the same time , take a peek at her publishing page , Thought Collection Publishing . 

Crocheting Ministry
Monday, September 16, 2013 - Kat Lahr

Lottie Krol is One To Know. 
Below is my interview of her, getting to know more of her Crocheting Ministry. 
How did the Crocheting Ministry come about? People would approach me whenever they would see me crocheting wanting to learn more about it. The interest was so great that a few suggested I start a group to teach others. Since I was a ministry of one already, donating whatever I made to organizations, I had the idea of combining the two so we can serve the community and teach an old craft to someone new. When did you start crocheting …

Simply Money

Money . I've been avoiding this subject like the plague itself . How many of us can say honestly they are happy with their finances or feel they're in a good place financially ?  It really doesn't matter , because things can change drastically and we can go from rich to poor or reverse in a heartbeat .

Finances for me have always been like a roller coaster ride , sometimes high and sometimes  low  . There was a moment there for a couple of years where I felt financially stable with a nice enough nest egg resting in the bank .

This past year , with my cancer returning so fast after the previous time , my nest egg got fried , leaving me to start all over again . .

If I'm to live a healthy life , I need all aspects of it to be cleansed and free of any stress . Finances can cause so much stress and worry . We want to forget about the bills , the debt and hope that we can bury them somewhere deep , so they will never rise again .
Yet , they do , don't they ? Debt never g…

After The Crocheting

Sunday morning brought rain and cooler air . All I wanted is to turn over  and go back to sleep , of course ,   that didn't happen . I was needed as a backup teacher in Sunday School . Sleeping in will just have to wait . 

The minute I walked into Church , people came up to me wanting to know how everything went last night with my Ministry . Emily was serving upstairs and the same was asked of her . By the time we left , I had two more recruits ready to take up the hook in the name of Jesus .

If I ever needed affirmation that what I was doing was God
planned , God given , God led  . . . . . there it was .

 There is Isabella ( my almost 11 yr. member ) who makes bracelets and sells them at school, so her mom can buy fleece to make blankets for our Ministry . 

This Ministry is God planned and God given and God led  . 

Sheilee , a senior in high school , is preparing a presentation for her teacher and class regarding our Ministry so they , too , can get involved either by joining or donati…

During The Crocheting

Preparations were made for The Crocheting Ministry Club to gather . The table set with drinks and crisp . Hooks , looms and yarn lay in the corner of the living room . Every available chair was brought out to form a circle . We are ready to convene , where are the people ?
I felt anxious this time around as the members trickled in slowly . Today , it really mattered whether they showed up or not . Today , we were taking a picture for an upcoming article for Thought Collection Publishing . They may have come a little late , but came they did with crocheting bags in hand . 
Smiling to myself , I sat and observed all of them as they mingled with one another . I didn't need to be there , they were comfortable with each other , immediately offering their fellow crafters a hand with any problem they encountered . AND they had crocheting bags , like professionals . 
I felt proud , proud of how far they all have come in just a short time . These women have families , jobs and they still foun…

Before The Crocheting

Running around with errands when I should have been sleeping , changed my attitude from grumpy to seriously ill tempered . What normally was my regular schedule intensified in nature by the fact that the Ministry Club was adjourning in my living room in a few hours . 

Emily was chopping away fruit  for a crisp in a steady beat that echoed throughout the small apartment . I raced frantically between the living room and bathroom erasing all traces of a cat residing here . Two of my ladies are allergic to cats and sterilizing the place before they came was a must . I vacuumed the sofa , chairs and every crevice of the carpet . A new bottle of Fabreeze was sprayed on anything and everything . 

Looking around the place , I breathed a deep sigh of accomplishment . It looked good and it looked clean . In waltzes Diamond and starts rolling over  the carpet her entire body as if getting a rubdown , spreading cat hairs to mark her presence .

Running back into the kitchen , I unpacked the remaining

I Hate Fridays

No matter , whether your week was spectacular or just the opposite , there's that one day a week I don't look forward to . . . . . Friday . While other people are jumping up and down screaming . .

T.G.I.F. !   T.G.I.F. !    T.G.I.F. !   T.G.I.F. !     T.G.I.F. !

I just moan in complete despair . Don't get me wrong , I'm truly grateful the weekend is upon us , but first I have to get through Friday .

As far back as I can remember , things have always happened to me on a Friday . Come to think of it ,  I found out I had cancer on a Friday . Last week , my car battery died on that day , too .

The roads are crowded with everyone leaving early from work . People stopping at stores , beeping their horns , at a rush to get their weekend started . Chemo is always on a Friday .

It's the same at work . Everyone comes in , not really having any desire or energy to work , just trying to get through as quickly as possible . Which is a real problem for me .

My job consists of ex…

Keeping The Faith

Keeping the faith is easy to someone else saying it and it rolls off one's tongue beautifully , usually accompanied by a pat on the back and an encouraging smile . An " I'll be praying for you "  and a
" Call me when you need me " follows . Then the moment comes , when that well-meaning friend leaves and you actually have to do
 it .

Keeping the faith is very difficult , because in my own experience the trials that have brought you to this point just keep coming one after the other . It's never just one thing , instead , a bombardment of  just things .

I can handle an irritation , I can handle even a setback or two , but when an all out war ensues I run back into my place and shut the door firmly behind me . I get down on my knees and become a prayer warrior . I become the best Christian ever walking on this earth . It's all about God then .

Am I describing you ? Is that what you do ? That's definitely me . I'm going through some things now , …

My Special Quirks

You know how it is , you 've been living together for awhile , getting under each other's feet . I'm starting to irritate her and she 's irritating me . I don't like the mess she makes when she cooks and she doesn't like the way I chew my food . I'd wish she'll go somewhere already and she thinks the same of me .

Do you have to make that noise . . . . ..

Can't you just . . . . .

Do you have to be this way  . . . .. .

Why are you so . . .

Oh, Mother !

Oh , Daughter !

Quirks . We all have these special quirks that at one time were sooooo cute , but not any longer . Living together can do that to a relationship . Lord knows , Emily and I have our moments when we're at each others throats over  something really silly ( like are we eating at the table or the couch ) , but we have to remember why we're in this relationship .

Now , you could say , " But Lottie , she has no choice because she's your daughter " , even though that's true…

A Hot Invitation

The temperatures are rising and the comfort levels are falling . It's hot out there , folks . The last thing I want to do today is work , let alone write . My main concern is to stay cool and refreshed .

Today , I want to extend an invite to all of you to join me via wherever you are at for a moment of absolutely nothing but relaxation .

Let's pull down the shade and draw the curtains . Sit down in your comfy spot with your feet curled under or extended upon an ottoman . Wear only your comfy clothes , don't worry about matching or any tattered holes showing .

Right next to where your resting , make sure there is a small table . Upon that table all your necessary items are placed . All the items that will ensure you're not having to get up for awhile  . Place those items now . . . .

your cellphone and remote
newspaper , your favorite book , a puzzle  and  a laptop
a drink of your choice ( wine and coffee for me )
a lite snack ( fruit and cheese for me )

Yes , place them on …

Top Ten Best

This blog was created in the fall of 2011 when my cancer came back for the second time . It's been two years since then and now I'm battling cancer for the third time . This blog's purpose was to document my journey for my children . It has surpassed all my previous intentions and has become my therapy .

Cancer has become my best friend in more ways than I've ever imagined . There has been a lot of bad moments during this time , but nothing compared to all the great things that have happened to me since then . Sometimes , I think cancer gets a bad rap , because no one ever mentions the good changes it caused in their lives .

Here are my top ten best :

1. Cancer has brought me closer to God than ever before in my entire life . I have developed a relationship with Him and a desire to live my life accordingly to His will .

2. I have become a more calmer and happier person striving to work on my relationships with others rather than trying to " win " an argument .…

The Devil Chasing After Me

It's Sunday Morning , a lesson lies on the table in front of me on bravery . I could use some of that myself , right about now .

Ever since I began The Crocheting Ministry Club , the devil has been chasing after me , to discourage and for me to fail . I've been attacked many times before , but this time , it feels different . It's more personal , more menacing .

The moment I realize I'm being attacked , I retreat into silence . I become very still and immerse myself in the Word . I will pull out all my audios , my devotions and my music for comfort . I embrace the stillness and comfort in the knowledge that this will pass .

Be still and know I am God  .

The attack feels more intense than ever , because  of the onslaught of misfortune and the degree of it . No longer am I dealing with minor disruptions and irritations such as a parking ticket  . . . . this time it really hurts in  areas  of my weakest points .

How do I know it's about the Ministry ? The Ministry is fl…

Single With Cancer

Driving home after work in the early morning hours , I decided to make a short stop for an errand . It was short and sweet , the way I like it since I felt anxious to get to bed after a tiring night . I hopped back into my vehicle  . . . . turned the key . . . . . and nothing happened  .

That incident paved the way for the rest of my day and it got worse with each passing hour  . One thing after another fell apart like a set of dominoes tipping over , my heart sinking with each event . As my stress levels rose , so did my blood pressure . It's times like these that I wish I was married or in a committed relationship .

It's so much easier to carry the load when there are two people lifting . When one is down , the other takes over  . I have watched my married friends leave all the stressful things up to their husbands and never worry about their cars breaking down or washing them . Their computers are working perfectly and all assembly of shelves / coffee tables are finished wi…

What's In A Name ?

Growing up with an unusual name hasn't been easy . All during my childhood , I wanted to be an Anne or a Mary or a Susan , anything but a Lottie . I felt like I was the only one who had that name in the whole wide world . It wasn't until I became an adult that I found out just how wrong I was .

My dad named me . It seems that both my parents had their choice of a name picked out and couldn't agree . After my birth , my mom was sleeping and dad took the opportunity to fill out the necessary paperwork without her knowing . It was a huge shock to her when she found out what he did upon waking .

When I was little and we lived in Poland , my mom couldn't bring herself to call me by my given name . Her choice would have been Elizabeth , so when we were alone , that's what she called me .

You see , Lottie is the name I have here in this country , but in Poland , my name is Wladyslawa the female version of my dad's . When we came here , they Americanized my name and I b…

Thought Conditioners

I am fat .

I am aging terribly , looking so old .

People will talk about me .

I am such a bad person .

How many of us have held such negative and demeaning thoughts about ourselves ? I know I have . I've spent a lifetime thinking of thoughts such as these , always putting my self - worth down the drain before anyone else could . I have used sarcasm and poked fun at myself  for years , all because I didn't want people to be laughing at me , but with me .

I've always wondered why I allowed self - doubt and uncertainty to lurk behind the crevices of my soul and pop out at the latest opportunity . I know it's not from God and yet , I let it in and accept as fact . Over the years , they have become my best friends , settling in and getting comfy .

Now that my children are grown , I have seen the same behavior in them . Negative thoughts and feelings venture from their lips whenever life becomes hard . I hear it in their words , their voices and my heart sinks . Is this the l…

The Worst Days

I am a lover of sunshine , open windows and breezy days . I look forward to three seasons out of the four : spring , summer and fall . Considering all of that , it really has come as a surprise to me to discover my new found feelings regarding this matter . . . . feelings of bittersweet disgust . This has not been a good summer . Here's a list of my top seven  worst complaints .

1. Chemo . This has been the first time I've ever had chemo treatment during the summer . In the past , I'd have my six chemo sessions and go into remission usually in the fall and winter time , but not any longer . If you are experiencing menopause , these treatments can make the hot flushes more intense .

2. Steroids . With every chemo treatment , a dosage of steroids serves as an accompaniment . Steroids help with the onslaught of side effects and are bearable to endure . Days of throwing up are far and few for a chemo patient nowadays . My body's reaction of hot flashes / red face are the do…

The Four Battles

Recently , I read an article on the four battles of the single Christian . Now , I've been single for most of my life , so I consider myself an authority on being single . Since I expected the article to be misguided and misleading , I eagerly read on so I could point out all the mistakes in their characterization . To my surprise , I found them to be spot on .

Battle one : people always want to know why I never married .
Answer :
This is the 64, 000 question that has plagued me all of my single life . It's not that I don't wish to be married , but because I haven't found anyone worth marrying .
People marry for many reasons . To have a family  and I already have children . For security and I 've taken care of myself financially all these years . For companionship  and all they want to do is change me . Why even go out with me then ?
As a Christian , I expect two things from a man : To go to church with me and to love me as Christ loved the church . Do you have any …

Let's Worship

If you were to walk into my Church and sit beside me , you'd get an earful of me singing worship songs off-key . I don't have much of a singing voice , but every Sunday that I'm sitting in the pew , I sing loudly at the top of my lungs . There is a reason for that .

You see , I'm not much of an evangelist preaching the word on demand nor am I a prayer warrior that can speak ten minutes of praises before they even get to the prayer request .. . . . .

BUT

I will worship as loud and as long as I can . To me , worship is as important as the sermon . Every lyric is a heartbeat of my being . I sing each line as if it was praise to the Almighty , because that's what it is . . . . praise and worship of the King Most High .

I can't imagine , walking in late after the worship is done , because my Church experience wouldn't be complete . I feel like people really miss out on something special when they do that .

Many nights as I drive up to work , I'll turn on a goo…

The Christian Life

Me : " So how does it feel being a Christian ? "
Emily : " Like I've always been a Christian , but didn't know it . It feels right , the way it should be ."



The first time I walked into a Christian service was at the age of nineteen as a guest of a fellow co-worker . It was unlike any
" church " I've ever been  to before . It was in a hotel 's conference room and the preacher was screaming that there were sinners in the room  . He could just feel it . There weren't any statues or a huge cross hanging anywhere . I thought this was a cult and couldn't wait to get the heck out of there .

I laugh whenever I recall that experience . Why was I so afraid ? Why was my heart so closed ? I wish I could provide you with an answer , but I don't have one .

Many times  I have wondered what my life would have been like if I actually stayed and accepted Christ at the tender age of nineteen . What kind of life would I be living now ? It would ha…