Part 5

At home , I was in alot of pain . I couldn't hold down any food or liquid , soon becoming dehydrated . I was re-admitted within the week and tests were performed . I developed an abcess and needed emergency surgery .

My sister-in-law was with me and she immediately called the family . When they arrived , I was already in surgery . At that moment , it finally registered in my brain at the seriousness of my illness . I was really sick .

As they wheeled me into surgery for the second time , I cannot express how scared I became . I had visions that I would die . I was afraid . . . deeply afraid that I would not make it .

I can vividly remember when I  awakened after the surgery just as if it happened yesterday . I can still feel the breathing tube and how uncomfortable it felt . I wanted to rip it out of my mouth . I could hear people talking around me . My friend Jan , was reading scripture . My brother was saying something to me ... all I wanted was this breathing tube gone . I wanted to get their attention , trying desperately to raise my arm  , willing it to move but I couldn't .

Later , I was told that when I woke up it was a shock to everyone because the doctors gave me so much medication that they predicted I would be out for awhile . I personally think that my fear before the surgery built up this strength. . . .this will to live . . . that I woke up before the nurses could remove the breathing tube . I remember thinking that if I don't wake up now , I will die . I remember that so clearly . It will be etched in my mind forever .

I think this surgery brought on the reality to me of what was really happening in my life . The fight has begun . Reality has sunken in .

Have a Blessed life everyone .