Showing posts from October, 2013

People Passing By

I see life as a huge living room with many doors  and the different people we encounter in our lifetime , come through those doors . Some of them actually stay for a while and others pass through quickly , barely making themselves known to us . 

It hurts though , that people can't just stay . I look at my mom's friendships that she has known her entire life and wonder why mine are always shifting . Mine are either leaving or entering , but rarely do they stay for the long haul like hers do . 

Why is that ? Am I doing something wrong to prevent this from happening ? Do I not possess the ability to allow the right people the right of passage in my life ? There must be something that I'm not doing correctly . 

In the past , whenever I make any kind of comment to Emily , rather it may be regarding the messy apartment or not enough time to do  anything . . . . . whatever . Her usual comment  to me happens to be  : 

Mom , we're out there living life . 

That may be the reason why …

Here's Andy Rooney

It's been a very tough week , so far , with the uncertainty of what will happen with the shift change . For some of us , it will be a huge Blessing , for others , a traumatic experience of a financial loss or a loss of a job . Either way , we all have worked together for over ten years and there is sadness in our separation . 

I will be just fine . My aged years have taught me how to deal with situations such as these . As a person ages , we have many a moments such as these under our belt . Not so with the younger people who are starting out in life . 

As I opened up my e-mail today , the following came as a Blessing in disguise . It provided a smile as I was reminded of what really matters and when we sit in our rockers , these are the things we will remember or regret . So here's Andy Rooney , one of my favorite people that I will never tire of  . . . . .  I have listened and watched him for years on 60 Minutes . Now I really enjoy reading anything by him . 

I've learned .…

Sex , Love and Cancer

Surprisingly , as old as I am , there are still young people who read  my blog and they have a burning question for
 me  . 

How come you never write about your love life or sex ? 

1 . Well , one reason happens to be that my Pastor also reads my blog as well as my children ,  my mother and I don't think they want to hear any of it   .
2 . I never knew that people were interested in this 48 yr. 
old 's sex life . I  must be hip and rad ! 
3 . I have a love life ? I wish someone would have told me so I could have enjoyed it . 

When a person is going through a chronic illness , there are so many things we  experience at once  , it's very difficult to just focus on one thing . The end result usually entails some sort of prioritizing according to importance . 

Sex and a love life tend to be down on the bottom of that list and the only time it ever gets a higher priority is when we are in remission . When remission happens , we think about our appearance . We do our hair , buy new clothe…

Simply Tea

There is nothing more comforting on a cold day than a cup of hot tea . Tea is a favorite around here . Emily , for instance , has been drinking a huge travel mug of green tea ever since a small girl , every single day . 

Our cupboards are filled with different varieties of tea . We have every fruit flavor you could imagine , even grapefruit . We have tea for every ailment such as arthritis , weight loss , cholesterol , tummy problems  and immune system . We have teas that are healthy that are made from roots and herbs . 

We have teas that come in bags , canisters and loose tea that needs to be brewed and stewed . There are teas that come from different countries , Poland alone  , has teas for every illness that could possibly incur to a human  such as wear and tear of the bone
 joints . I have a tea that was made by the Monks , I forget which country , that has been blessed by them for special healing . 

The thing with tea is that we all have our favorites and nothing really tastes as goo…

The Favorite Child

Which one is your favorite child ? 

We all have been asked that question at one point or another . Answering that question is pointless since no one believes us anyway . Maybe people really do have a favorite ,  but I truly 
don't . Why is that so hard to believe ?

Out of the four I have had , two only survived and I consider myself fortunate for those two . I have been Blessed with one of each and both of them have their weaknesses and their strengths . 

It's for their weaknesses that I can honestly declare my impartiality toward both of them . They each possess that something that I have spent most of their childhood on my knees praying about and truth be told , still do now . 

Is there really that favorite , perfect child ? How do we determine that favoritism ? Is it by their resemblance to us ? None of mine really look like me . Is it by the amount of trouble each of them has caused ? Both of them have done that , though one more than the other . Maybe , it's the one that i…

The phenomenon Of The Oreo

I awoke this afternoon feeling groggy . This cold has done a real job on me and I was particularly glad it was Friday . Walking into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee , I saw remnants of Emily's baking , but what she has made was nowhere visible . Feeling a little perplexed , I opened the refrigerator door and there it was . . . . . . an oreo pudding pie . 

My daughter makes the best oreo pudding ! She made it up one day and this has become her signature dish . Whenever there is an occasion , everyone asks for her to make some . 

But why ? What is it about this pudding that makes people melt by the sight of it ? I , myself , smiled when I saw it in the refrigerator . I think that it reminds people of their childhood and offers comfort . You know , you won't be woofing it down , but will take the time to sit , have a cup of coffee and take time to really enjoy every single spoonful . 

We live in such a fast-paced world and when an opportunity knocks with anything homemade , we g…

Achoo !

Achoo ! I haven't had a cold for over a year now . Since cancer , minor illnesses such as this one are pretty rare for me . I call them minor because when you compare my cancer treatments with a cold , there is no comparison . 

I've been struggling all week with this cold , forgetting how blah a person can feel  , especially when the raging headaches won't go away . Every night as I head out to 
work , I secretly hope that it's slow and perhaps I can leave early , all to no avail . 

Being sick is no fun , no matter what type of illness you
 have , every task takes longer and feels more tiresome than the last . I am extremely lucky to have a daughter like mine who basically takes over in these situations .Today , she made homemade pizza while I slept later than usual . 

So today's blog is a little short and not very inventive , because I'm just tired and not well . Thank you for being faithful and for all your prayers .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

A Normal Life PT.2

Here's take two on the work situation :

Last night flew by in a blink with everyone voicing their concerns . This cancelling of our shift was the talk of the night . As happy I may have felt , they were upset , because the realization has hit how serious our work situation has become . 

I have forgotten . I have been selfish . I have been thinking of myself . I am approaching fifty in a couple of years  and I have quite a lot of years under my belt here at work , they don't . They are young with families and mortgages . They're just beginning their life . If this company shuts down , their lives will change 
drastically , mine won't . 

So what am I leaning towards ? The first shift . I just love the hours of 6:30 a.m. until 2:30 p.m. and I can have the rest of the day to do whatever I may want . I can still see my doctor , have my treatments and not have to take a day off or go to work that night extremely tired . 

The last time I worked a day shift was at the age of 19 yrs…

A Normal Life

Everyone has been aware of my work situation for quite some time now . Early this morning , management held an inopportune meeting to make an announcement . . . . they are closing 3rd. shift and moving us into 1st. and 2nd . 

One would think that people would be afraid or unhappy with the situation , but not us . For years , many of us have wanted to get off this ungodly hour so we can be more ordinary like everyone else . Being on the night shift is pretty hard for majority of people .
I can adjust to any situation in the workplace . Being there over 18 years , I have been in every department , different roles  and now a different shift . My position will most likely be eliminated , but my pay should stay the same . Believe me , I will be fine . 
So where do I go ? All day I have been weighing the pros and cons of every shift and I am leaning towards one more than the other , but I will wait until I go into work tonight to share it . 

No matter what I will decide , there is a sense of ex…

As The World Turns

I start the week with a heavy heart . It's funny how we take on our friend's problems , reliving every episode with them . If they're happy , then we're happy . If  they're crying , we're crying . Our compassionate and caring nature takes over when it comes to people we love . 

The thing is , I just can't take on anyone's hurt anymore , because I feel too much . It actually hurts . I can feel my blood pressure rise from the stress of it . 

I sat in the courthouse with a friend , watching people file past into their perspective courtrooms , arms loaded with paperwork .  So many people , so many problems and so much pain . It's as if the world was spinning on a drama axis .

How can it be that some of us will go through life and not be touched by anything . Yet  others , their whole lives will be spent turned upside down filled with turmoil . 

So much sadness and so much pain . 

I often wonder if the world was like this in Jesus time . When He walked the ea…

Weak Am I

Today after church , I helped a friend move some boxes to her mom's house . Once there , we unloaded the truck and proceeded to carry them upstairs to the apartment . Well , I missed a step and went flying face down on concrete steps . Talk about being winded  and bruised . I lay there wanting to cry and frustration covering me from head to toe. 

Where is my strength ? Where has it gone ? What has happened to the old me ? 

People with cancer usually struggle with the dying part or the treatment part , but I struggle with the after part . Life after
 cancer . 

No matter how much I try to accept my circumstances , I fail miserably .  The image I hold in my head of myself is gone forever and has become a mere memory . Acceptance has become a struggle that I deal with everyday as I live this life and look in the mirror at the new me . 

I am different , both on the inside and the outside . I have gained over eighty pounds since my cancer . Walking up stairs is no laughing matter for me . My…

The Bare Basics

What brings you Joy ? Is it being surrounded by your family ? Is it the  pure pleasure of closing your eyes and relaxing your being with the sounds of your favorite music ? Or an afternoon on the couch in your Pj's watching the game with your friends ? What brings you Joy ?

What is that one thing you wait for the entire week ? What keeps you going through that week ? Is it knowing your Joy will be waiting for you when you get home or when the weekend approaches ? 

My Joy consists of many things . My Joy comes from the people and things that make my life complete . My Joy relaxes me . 

It seems that lately my free time can't get here fast enough . I can feel  the stress of the world weighing me down and I just want to run away to my Joy hideaway . 

Pure Joy comes from the simple things that money cannot buy . It is hearing of  the antics of my grandchildren . The simple pleasure of a good home cooked meal with my daughter . Or watching Diamond trying to be a cat . Joy exists in Sun…

A Somber Moment

When were born into this world , we brought  happiness to our parent's lives , whether we were planned or not . We grew , we learned and then it was time for us to die . For some of us it didn't make any difference what age we were , it was our time , that was all . 

Death brings sadness and tears . The family and friends of the one who has passed away are consumed with an emptiness of being left behind . Death leaves us feeling abandoned by our loved one , especially the ones that have held us together and lifted our spirits . 

It is an entirely different experience for the one who has died . They are either swallowed into the pit of sorrow and agony in hell or embraced into the holiness and glory of heaven with Our 
Father  . For some of us , our death will be a shocking and somber awakening . 

This week has been very emotional and somber , finding out the faith of two friends with cancer . One passed away to join Christ and the other waiting for death . 

For the one who died , I…

The Work Situation

I have mentioned many times my desire to move out of the city to live a country lifestyle . Recently , many of you have inquired if I have made a decision regarding that move . In order for that to happen , my career at Avon would have to end either by my choice or by  the company closing our facility . Even though the work load has lessened by great degrees , it doesn't appear as if that move will happen any time soon . There are  many other options before that will occur . 

Right now , I am opting to weigh all  scenarios to prepare for the future . My decision will be based mainly on how this move will affect my cancer. Above all , I need care and treatment and that involves having insurance . I cannot afford to be without either . 

 As far as I can see , I have three choices . 
1.) I can stay here in the city and try to find another job 
2.) Move closer to Springfield by my son's family 
3.) Relocate to another facility in Zainsville , Ohio

Another fact to worry about happens to …

A Year Later

When there is a lot going on , time moves pretty darn fast whether we want it to or not . Here we are fast approaching the middle of October , the end of the year is near . Where did this year go ? 

Just a week ago , we sat in the apartment , each one of us lost within her own solitude , thinking about our lives . Things change and they change pretty quickly . One minute we're going through some heavy duty drama  and within a week all can be different . 

During this time a year ago , I was in the early stages of my third time with cancer . I can remember that time pretty well , especially how down I was at the thought of it coming back so soon . Time really heals all things . 

As this year comes to a close in just 2 1/2 months , I realize how very true that phrase really  has to come to be . Whenever we are faced with a new crisis in our lives , we cannot imagine getting through it , but we will . It just takes time . 

Where will we be in a year from now ? Who knows ? I'm not even…

Here Comes Diamond

During the summer , Emily and I would go for walks in our neighborhood . As we walked , we noticed a lot of cats liked to sit on the windowsill of an open window  looking out . 

How come Diamond doesn't look out the window like these
 cats , mom  ? 

Well , Diamond isn't an ordinary cat . 

So what , it would be nice to see her in the window when I come home .

Diamond behaves nothing like her feline friends at all . You could throw a ball of yarn around all day long and she just scoffs and turns her head . Nothing excites her more than opening a bag of chips . When it's time for a movie , she meows until we let her sit between us on the couch . Movie night is for all the family members in this apartment , isn't it ? 

We walk into our apartment and Emily heads straight for the window and flings it open . 

Diamond , you better start sitting in the window so people can see you . 

Of course , she just turned around and walked out of the room . That's Diamond for you . She runs h…

A Health Update

Recently , a friend inquired about my health and how I haven't been writing much regarding it . The fact is , I've grown so accustomed to my illness that I really don't think much about it . It has become the norm in my life . 

This past Friday , I had my  chemo treatment as I have been every three weeks for over a year now . My doctor informed me that I will be taking a break from the chemo for six weeks and then we will do another petscan to see if it has been working . If it has , then I will be in remission . 

This little bit of info really threw me for a loop . Of course , I'm happy , but on the flip side , I'm really going to miss my 
treatments . That probably sounds crazy to you , but I have come to look forward to that day . My schedule is so hectic with my sunday school , my blog , my working and now the crocheting ministry . Time is precious to me . 

That treatment day would be the only quiet time I would have to myself . Many people have volunteered to go a…

From The Outside Looking In

Ever since I was a small child , I never felt like I belonged to a group ,  but more like a loner , looking from the outside in . I never felt the need to be part of a clique or a party of cool people or any kind of party . I liked who I was and I liked being alone .

I can say the same now . I have many acquaintances , but actually only a few very close friends . Somehow , I have always felt different than everyone else , going my own way and having a strong belief system . The only person I have ever followed was Christ .

As much as I like being alone , it can feel lonely at times , especially when you feel  like you 're in a different time
era . I don't feel understood . Why do I feel so different from everyone else ? 

I feel that there are so many people out there who are missing out on living their rightful lives . They spend their life being consumed by all the wrongful things and heading out on the wrong path . I am surrounded by people who seem to think this kind of life is…

Make Like A Squirrel

As glad as I am about the cooler weather of Fall being here , the preparation that usually comes with it is the last thing I want right now . I've grown very lazy in my middle-aged years and doing housework is my least favorite thing . There is too much to do with all of my extra-curriculum activities to be worried about some dust bunnies !

I have no idea what has happened to me , but the " mom " robot inside of me has expired . No longer do I have to worry about cooking , ironing , laundry and cleaning the house . My kids are grown with one married and one living at home . Housework is not a priority any longer . 

One of my least favorite thing to do is take care of my vehicle . . . any time of the year , least of all in the Fall . This used to be my son's responsibility and when he left the nest , it has become a burden for me . I believe that is one of the reason why my car breaks down . . . . I don't take care of it the way I should . 

Yes  , now is the time to …

A Refreshing Fast

It's been a week since I started my fast , but this time , it is a different kind of a fast . All week , the television has been turned off  and instead , I spent time listening to sermons , filling my time with the Word of God . 

I really thought I would have a hard time with this type of 
fast . I like having the television on  and most of the time , I'm not even watching nor listening to what is on . My whole point was to lower the amount and spend more time filling my spiritual side . By exceeding , I found that I didn't need to have it on . I found that the shows I love to watch are really on the weekend . So why was I wasting my time , my electricity  and my mind ? 

I feel there comes a time where we become complacent with things that affect our life . We close our eyes and ears to things around us , becoming numb and by allowing things to enter that we would have never done before . It's okay to do so , right ? I mean our faith is strong , right ? 

The thing is , we…

Where Are The Mentors ?

Mentors have a certain awe about them  , don't they ? I can remember the early mentors in my life  and how I held them so highly in esteem . I saw  them in a certain light , someone to whom I  wish to aspire to , someone I  wish to become like one day . 

Unfortunately , not all  mentors are good mentors or have stayed the course with the person they have brought to Christ . Too many of my friends have been abandoned because of falling short of their mentor's expectation of 
them . 

As new Christians , we can easily slip back into old routines  and we need someone who can be there for us without placing any judgmental accusations or views upon us . Mentors can also fall and when they do , our ideals fall with them being placed so high upon that pedestal . There is a lot of pressure on them to be a spiritual role model especially since they are human , too . 

I chose my mentor and for the most part , we have been very  close , but lately , I find we haven't had much time

A Sad Declaration

A few days ago , I read a blog  that featured a guest writer ,  a woman diagnosed with an illness expectancy of maybe seven
years . It was a very interesting read and when I was at the very bottom , her last paragraph made me gasp with shock . 

You can make a comment or opinion , but do not and I mean , do not pray for me for I don't believe in a God . If there was a God , then I would hate him . 

I was shocked ! A deep urgency filled me to leave a comment , not a scalding one , but an understanding one . She was at the angry stage of her illness , yet I have never encountered such anger
 before as hers . This urgent need of mine to tell her she was wrong consumed me . Every time  I tried to leave a post , it kept kicking me out or not accepting it at all . I felt such hopelessness . 

I felt as if her hand was outstretched toward me and I just couldn't grasp hold of it . I could feel her fingers leave mine as if to disappear out of my reach forever . Never have I felt such a desper…

The History Of Strength

I look at the long line of women throughout our family history and see nothing , but strength and endurance . Women in my family just plain last a long time , living well into their eighties . 

So how did I happen ? 

As far as one can see , the women in my family held strength within them , often raising children on their own either because of 
divorce , widowhood or single parenthood . Either way , we have always outlived the men , ending up alone . When the men have gone , the women held down the fort . 

The history of strength is evident . 

When one has a family history such as mine , it can be both disheartening and encouraging at the same time .

Disheartening . 

Disheartening because we somehow always end up alone . I often wondered if we were too much for the men to handle . Are we too liberating ? Too domineering and willful ? Do we have a bad attitude ? Do we drive our men to lead stressful lives and bad 
health ? 

Encouraging .

Encouraging because I know that strength is inside me , th…

Hibernation Nation

This Fall weather has me thinking about the coming Winter months with anticipation . Believe me , it's not the snow or cold weather that brings a smile to my face , but the thought of everything going into a hibernation state . 

After a very active Summer and busy Fall , I'm looking forward to a little downtime or a decompressing mode . Days of sitting cocooned inside our tiny apartment , nestled in my favorite armchair crocheting . Where we can see the flakes of snow laying a deep layer like a blanket over our cars and streets . 

In reality , we know it will not be anything like that at all . Life goes on pretty much the same no matter what Season we are in . Just add on a little slush here and there , cold freezing weather  and about hundred layers of clothing just to take the trash out . 

BUT ........wouldn't it be great not to have to leave your house at
 all ? To sit suspended for those three months safely inside to recuperate our minds , our bodies and our soul . I know …