Thursday, October 31, 2013

People Passing By

I see life as a huge living room with many doors  and the different people we encounter in our lifetime , come through those doors . Some of them actually stay for a while and others pass through quickly , barely making themselves known to us . 

It hurts though , that people can't just stay . I look at my mom's friendships that she has known her entire life and wonder why mine are always shifting . Mine are either leaving or entering , but rarely do they stay for the long haul like hers do . 

Why is that ? Am I doing something wrong to prevent this from happening ? Do I not possess the ability to allow the right people the right of passage in my life ? There must be something that I'm not doing correctly . 

In the past , whenever I make any kind of comment to Emily , rather it may be regarding the messy apartment or not enough time to do  anything . . . . . whatever . Her usual comment  to me happens to be  : 

Mom , we're out there living life . 

That may be the reason why . In our parent's time , things were a lot different . People stayed in the same house , in the same neighborhood and in the same job throughout their life . After the war , I believe that people were looking for normalcy and 
calmness and that affected their relationships and how they dealt with others . 

Things are so different now . We rarely live in the same house or apartment for a long period of time . We travel from different states and work in many places throughout our life . We stay in contact mostly with our friends via the different social medias out there rather than actually meeting in person . We are just too busy . 

I find I miss a lot of my friends . I miss the times we've shared and the long chats over a cup of coffee . What saddens me even more , the long gaps of communication until we hear from each other . I am also to blame for the " too busy right now " response we give each other . Sometimes we just need to make the time . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Here's Andy Rooney

It's been a very tough week , so far , with the uncertainty of what will happen with the shift change . For some of us , it will be a huge Blessing , for others , a traumatic experience of a financial loss or a loss of a job . Either way , we all have worked together for over ten years and there is sadness in our separation . 

I will be just fine . My aged years have taught me how to deal with situations such as these . As a person ages , we have many a moments such as these under our belt . Not so with the younger people who are starting out in life . 

As I opened up my e-mail today , the following came as a Blessing in disguise . It provided a smile as I was reminded of what really matters and when we sit in our rockers , these are the things we will remember or regret . So here's Andy Rooney , one of my favorite people that I will never tire of  . . . . .  I have listened and watched him for years on 60 Minutes . Now I really enjoy reading anything by him . 

I've learned .... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. 

I've learned .... That when you're in love, it shows. 

I've learned .... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day. 

I've learned .... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. 

I've learned .... That being kind is more important than being right. 

I've learned .... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. 

I've learned .... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. 

I've learned .... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. 

I've learned .... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. 

I've learned .... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. 

I've learned .... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. 

I've learned .... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. 

I've learned .... That money doesn't buy class. 

I've learned .... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. 

I've learned ... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. 

I've learned .... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. 

I've learned .... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. 

I've learned .... That love, not time, heals all wounds. 

I've learned .... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. 

I've learned .... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. 

I've learned .... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. 

I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. 

I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. 

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. 

I've learned .... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away. 

I've learned .... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. 

I've learned .... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. 

I've learned .... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life. 

I've learned .... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. 

I've learned .... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done. 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Sex , Love and Cancer

Surprisingly , as old as I am , there are still young people who read  my blog and they have a burning question for
 me  . 

How come you never write about your love life or sex ? 

1 . Well , one reason happens to be that my Pastor also reads my blog as well as my children ,  my mother and I don't think they want to hear any of it   . 
2 . I never knew that people were interested in this 48 yr. 

old 's sex life . I  must be hip and rad ! 
3 . I have a love life ? I wish someone would have told me so I could have enjoyed it . 

When a person is going through a chronic illness , there are so many things we  experience at once  , it's very difficult to just focus on one thing . The end result usually entails some sort of prioritizing according to importance . 

Sex and a love life tend to be down on the bottom of that list and the only time it ever gets a higher priority is when we are in remission . When remission happens , we think about our appearance . We do our hair , buy new clothes and actually take care in how we look . 

After a certain time in remission , one tends to feel as if the illness may not come back . It's a false illusion , I'm afraid, at least concerning myself . I have dated while in remission only to find that when the cancer came back it was too much for that someone other to handle . I went  from the strong , independent woman to a woman needing to be taken cared of . A huge difference . 

Another , extremely important factor here is that I have never kissed and told in my life . Why would I start now ? If I don't share my love life with a close girlfriend , why would I with you . . . . the public ? 

Honestly , I have given up on dating especially now with the cancer coming back so closely together . I figure if something hasn't happened by now , it will never happen . Who has time to be working on a relationship with all of my cancer issues , anyway ?

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Monday, October 28, 2013

Simply Tea

There is nothing more comforting on a cold day than a cup of hot tea . Tea is a favorite around here . Emily , for instance , has been drinking a huge travel mug of green tea ever since a small girl , every single day . 

Our cupboards are filled with different varieties of tea . We have every fruit flavor you could imagine , even grapefruit . We have tea for every ailment such as arthritis , weight loss , cholesterol , tummy problems  and immune system . We have teas that are healthy that are made from roots and herbs . 

We have teas that come in bags , canisters and loose tea that needs to be brewed and stewed . There are teas that come from different countries , Poland alone  , has teas for every illness that could possibly incur to a human  such as wear and tear of the bone
 joints . I have a tea that was made by the Monks , I forget which country , that has been blessed by them for special healing . 

The thing with tea is that we all have our favorites and nothing really tastes as good as our favorite . All these teas I have mentioned are great and there really isn't anything wrong with any of them , especially if they do their thing . 

The problem I have with them involves their taste . Some of them taste like twigs from the yard and I swear , one of them tasted like garlic . People buy me teas all the time , especially the healthier ones . Sometimes , Emily and I have this game we play by closing our eyes and pulling out a random tea as a surprise to drink . 

When I'm sick , the only tea I want is my favorite . . . . regular , boring tea with a slice of lemon . What's your favorite ?

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Favorite Child

Which one is your favorite child ? 

We all have been asked that question at one point or another . Answering that question is pointless since no one believes us anyway . Maybe people really do have a favorite ,  but I truly 
don't . Why is that so hard to believe ?

Out of the four I have had , two only survived and I consider myself fortunate for those two . I have been Blessed with one of each and both of them have their weaknesses and their strengths . 

It's for their weaknesses that I can honestly declare my impartiality toward both of them . They each possess that something that I have spent most of their childhood on my knees praying about and truth be told , still do now . 

Is there really that favorite , perfect child ? How do we determine that favoritism ? Is it by their resemblance to us ? None of mine really look like me . Is it by the amount of trouble each of them has caused ? Both of them have done that , though one more than the other . Maybe , it's the one that is more like us ? Usually that's the one we clash with the most . 

Today , one of my children has caused me so much frustration that  I just threw my hands up in defeat . I stormed into the house , disgusted , wondering why they're behaving in this manner and will they ever change ?

Then it dawned on me . From the time they are born , we picture in our minds how we wish they would behave , but in reality that can never happen , because they are who they are and not what we want them to be . 

So who is my favorite child ? They both equally have been my favorite over the years . Usually when my son is misbehaving in a way I don't care for then Emily becomes my favorite  and vice-versa . 

When I think of my child rearing days , I find them to be both filled with joy and sadness , for children can be both . The two balance each each other very nicely . Raising children has been probably one of the hardest things I've ever done . When they're good , I reflect how good of a job I have done . When they're bad , I feel like everything I have done was wrong . The balance is incredible , but the experience is priceless . 

Have a Blessed day everyday. 

Friday, October 25, 2013

The phenomenon Of The Oreo

I awoke this afternoon feeling groggy . This cold has done a real job on me and I was particularly glad it was Friday . Walking into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee , I saw remnants of Emily's baking , but what she has made was nowhere visible . Feeling a little perplexed , I opened the refrigerator door and there it was . . . . . . an oreo pudding pie . 

My daughter makes the best oreo pudding ! She made it up one day and this has become her signature dish . Whenever there is an occasion , everyone asks for her to make some . 

But why ? What is it about this pudding that makes people melt by the sight of it ? I , myself , smiled when I saw it in the refrigerator . I think that it reminds people of their childhood and offers comfort . You know , you won't be woofing it down , but will take the time to sit , have a cup of coffee and take time to really enjoy every single spoonful . 

We live in such a fast-paced world and when an opportunity knocks with anything homemade , we go on a journey back when things were simpler . . . . . our childhood . What kid doesn't remember eating an oreo cookie by separating it and licking off the creme filling ? 

So yes , I'm sitting here eating my oreo pudding pie , enjoying every single delicious spoonful and I'm not sharing it with anyone . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Achoo !

Achoo ! I haven't had a cold for over a year now . Since cancer , minor illnesses such as this one are pretty rare for me . I call them minor because when you compare my cancer treatments with a cold , there is no comparison . 

I've been struggling all week with this cold , forgetting how blah a person can feel  , especially when the raging headaches won't go away . Every night as I head out to 

work , I secretly hope that it's slow and perhaps I can leave early , all to no avail . 

Being sick is no fun , no matter what type of illness you

 have , every task takes longer and feels more tiresome than the last . I am extremely lucky to have a daughter like mine who basically takes over in these situations .Today , she made homemade pizza while I slept later than usual . 

So today's blog is a little short and not very inventive , because I'm just tired and not well . Thank you for being faithful and for all your prayers .

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

A Normal Life PT.2

Here's take two on the work situation :

Last night flew by in a blink with everyone voicing their concerns . This cancelling of our shift was the talk of the night . As happy I may have felt , they were upset , because the realization has hit how serious our work situation has become . 

I have forgotten . I have been selfish . I have been thinking of myself . I am approaching fifty in a couple of years  and I have quite a lot of years under my belt here at work , they don't . They are young with families and mortgages . They're just beginning their life . If this company shuts down , their lives will change 
drastically , mine won't . 

So what am I leaning towards ? The first shift . I just love the hours of 6:30 a.m. until 2:30 p.m. and I can have the rest of the day to do whatever I may want . I can still see my doctor , have my treatments and not have to take a day off or go to work that night extremely tired . 

The last time I worked a day shift was at the age of 19 yrs . , so this will certainly be a change . I can be at home in the evening , participate in groups at church , visit a friend , anything . I will be a normal person living a normal life . 

Now Emily may feel differently and I may drive her crazy , but all in all , I'm looking forward to it . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

A Normal Life

Everyone has been aware of my work situation for quite some time now . Early this morning , management held an inopportune meeting to make an announcement . . . . they are closing 3rd. shift and moving us into 1st. and 2nd . 

One would think that people would be afraid or unhappy with the situation , but not us . For years , many of us have wanted to get off this ungodly hour so we can be more ordinary like everyone else . Being on the night shift is pretty hard for majority of people .

I can adjust to any situation in the workplace . Being there over 18 years , I have been in every department , different roles  and now a different shift . My position will most likely be eliminated , but my pay should stay the same . Believe me , I will be fine . 

So where do I go ? All day I have been weighing the pros and cons of every shift and I am leaning towards one more than the other , but I will wait until I go into work tonight to share it . 

No matter what I will decide , there is a sense of excitement in the air . Something new is around the corner . Not all change is bad , sometimes , it's actually a good thing . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Monday, October 21, 2013

As The World Turns

I start the week with a heavy heart . It's funny how we take on our friend's problems , reliving every episode with them . If they're happy , then we're happy . If  they're crying , we're crying . Our compassionate and caring nature takes over when it comes to people we love . 

The thing is , I just can't take on anyone's hurt anymore , because I feel too much . It actually hurts . I can feel my blood pressure rise from the stress of it . 

I sat in the courthouse with a friend , watching people file past into their perspective courtrooms , arms loaded with paperwork .  So many people , so many problems and so much pain . It's as if the world was spinning on a drama axis .

How can it be that some of us will go through life and not be touched by anything . Yet  others , their whole lives will be spent turned upside down filled with turmoil . 

So much sadness and so much pain . 

I often wonder if the world was like this in Jesus time . When He walked the earth , did He see what I saw today ? All those people waiting in line for the outcomes that will forever shape their lives ? 

Look at the Israelites in the bible , forever complaining , forever unhappy and unsatisfied . Has the world really changed so much ? No , it hasn't . Even though technology has evolved extensively , we as people haven't . The problems are the same and  the people are the same . The world turns pretty much the same as it has in the beginning .

So much sadness and so much pain .

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Weak Am I

Today after church , I helped a friend move some boxes to her mom's house . Once there , we unloaded the truck and proceeded to carry them upstairs to the apartment . Well , I missed a step and went flying face down on concrete steps . Talk about being winded  and bruised . I lay there wanting to cry and frustration covering me from head to toe. 

Where is my strength ? Where has it gone ? What has happened to the old me ? 

People with cancer usually struggle with the dying part or the treatment part , but I struggle with the after part . Life after
 cancer . 

No matter how much I try to accept my circumstances , I fail miserably .  The image I hold in my head of myself is gone forever and has become a mere memory . Acceptance has become a struggle that I deal with everyday as I live this life and look in the mirror at the new me . 

I am different , both on the inside and the outside . I have gained over eighty pounds since my cancer . Walking up stairs is no laughing matter for me . My legs feel as if weights have been added  as I lift each one up the  stairs . I am extremely tired after a small task , usually ending in a daily nap . From my ankles to my toes arthritis dwells . Carrying anything heavy is a struggle , because I just don't have the physical strength . 

Today was not a good day for my body . Today I was reminded how weak this cancer has made me . Today is a day to rest these weary bones . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Friday, October 18, 2013

The Bare Basics

What brings you Joy ? Is it being surrounded by your family ? Is it the  pure pleasure of closing your eyes and relaxing your being with the sounds of your favorite music ? Or an afternoon on the couch in your Pj's watching the game with your friends ? What brings you Joy ?

What is that one thing you wait for the entire week ? What keeps you going through that week ? Is it knowing your Joy will be waiting for you when you get home or when the weekend approaches ? 

My Joy consists of many things . My Joy comes from the people and things that make my life complete . My Joy relaxes me . 

It seems that lately my free time can't get here fast enough . I can feel  the stress of the world weighing me down and I just want to run away to my Joy hideaway . 

Pure Joy comes from the simple things that money cannot buy . It is hearing of  the antics of my grandchildren . The simple pleasure of a good home cooked meal with my daughter . Or watching Diamond trying to be a cat . Joy exists in Sunday Worship as I lift my hands up to my Lord in praise  . Joy is the bare basics  of life . 

So I ask you again , what is your Joy ? Where does it come from ? What is your bare basic in your life ? 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Thursday, October 17, 2013

A Somber Moment

When were born into this world , we brought  happiness to our parent's lives , whether we were planned or not . We grew , we learned and then it was time for us to die . For some of us it didn't make any difference what age we were , it was our time , that was all . 

Death brings sadness and tears . The family and friends of the one who has passed away are consumed with an emptiness of being left behind . Death leaves us feeling abandoned by our loved one , especially the ones that have held us together and lifted our spirits . 

It is an entirely different experience for the one who has died . They are either swallowed into the pit of sorrow and agony in hell or embraced into the holiness and glory of heaven with Our 
Father  . For some of us , our death will be a shocking and somber awakening . 

This week has been very emotional and somber , finding out the faith of two friends with cancer . One passed away to join Christ and the other waiting for death . 

For the one who died , I feel remorse for her husband and small son as their life will be forever changed from this point on . A small boy will grow up without his mother . That is always painful to watch and bear . 

For the one who is waiting for death , I pray his soul is right with God . I cannot even imagine what it must feel like to know there is nothing to be done except to wait for death to come . What must his thoughts be like ? 

I view death differently now then I did years ago . Death is something just waiting around the corner . That is why time is so important and special to me . Time is everything . Death is just another passage  and for those of us with a chronic illness , taking care of our business matters here on earth is vital . 

This week certainly has been somber , thinking of my friends whose journey here on earth almost done and another one begins . 

Have a Blessed day  everyone . 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Work Situation

I have mentioned many times my desire to move out of the city to live a country lifestyle . Recently , many of you have inquired if I have made a decision regarding that move . In order for that to happen , my career at Avon would have to end either by my choice or by  the company closing our facility . Even though the work load has lessened by great degrees , it doesn't appear as if that move will happen any time soon . There are  many other options before that will occur . 

Right now , I am opting to weigh all  scenarios to prepare for the future . My decision will be based mainly on how this move will affect my cancer. Above all , I need care and treatment and that involves having insurance . I cannot afford to be without either . 

 As far as I can see , I have three choices . 
1.) I can stay here in the city and try to find another job 
2.) Move closer to Springfield by my son's family 
3.) Relocate to another facility in Zainsville , Ohio

Another fact to worry about happens to be Emily . Do I really want to move her away from everyone she knows to start all over  ? What if something happens to me and she is left all alone . Any way it goes , there are many factors to weigh the pros and cons of a very important decision . Certainly a lot to think about and at this point I don't want to  be hasty in making that decision . 

Who really knows where I will end up ? Things change in a heartbeat and suddenly any future roads we travel are paved completely different . One thing for sure , I need to prepare myself for that journey . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

A Year Later

When there is a lot going on , time moves pretty darn fast whether we want it to or not . Here we are fast approaching the middle of October , the end of the year is near . Where did this year go ? 

Just a week ago , we sat in the apartment , each one of us lost within her own solitude , thinking about our lives . Things change and they change pretty quickly . One minute we're going through some heavy duty drama  and within a week all can be different . 

During this time a year ago , I was in the early stages of my third time with cancer . I can remember that time pretty well , especially how down I was at the thought of it coming back so soon . Time really heals all things . 

As this year comes to a close in just 2 1/2 months , I realize how very true that phrase really  has to come to be . Whenever we are faced with a new crisis in our lives , we cannot imagine getting through it , but we will . It just takes time . 

Where will we be in a year from now ? Who knows ? I'm not even sure what tomorrow will bring let alone the coming months . One thing for sure , we have become great adapters to whatever life throws at us . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Monday, October 14, 2013

Here Comes Diamond

During the summer , Emily and I would go for walks in our neighborhood . As we walked , we noticed a lot of cats liked to sit on the windowsill of an open window  looking out . 

 How come Diamond doesn't look out the window like these
 cats , mom  ? 

Well , Diamond isn't an ordinary cat . 

So what , it would be nice to see her in the window when I come home .

Diamond behaves nothing like her feline friends at all . You could throw a ball of yarn around all day long and she just scoffs and turns her head . Nothing excites her more than opening a bag of chips . When it's time for a movie , she meows until we let her sit between us on the couch . Movie night is for all the family members in this apartment , isn't it ? 

We walk into our apartment and Emily heads straight for the window and flings it open . 

Diamond , you better start sitting in the window so people can see you . 

Of course , she just turned around and walked out of the room . That's Diamond for you . She runs her own life .

 Once in a while she surprises everyone and behaves like a cat . Just the other day while I was crocheting , she just jumped up suddenly grabbing the ball of yarn into her front paws and throwing it around the room . Emily and I just stared at her with our mouths opened not believing what we were seeing . We glanced at each other speechless . Just as quickly she stopped and plopped her behind in front of the television  the ball of yarn forgotten . 

No matter how she behaves , she has become a part of our family . She is the D in our LED by Christ ( L for lottie , E for emily and D for diamond ) . She is Diamond .

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Sunday, October 13, 2013

A Health Update

Recently , a friend inquired about my health and how I haven't been writing much regarding it . The fact is , I've grown so accustomed to my illness that I really don't think much about it . It has become the norm in my life . 

This past Friday , I had my  chemo treatment as I have been every three weeks for over a year now . My doctor informed me that I will be taking a break from the chemo for six weeks and then we will do another petscan to see if it has been working . If it has , then I will be in remission . 

This little bit of info really threw me for a loop . Of course , I'm happy , but on the flip side , I'm really going to miss my 
treatments . That probably sounds crazy to you , but I have come to look forward to that day . My schedule is so hectic with my sunday school , my blog , my working and now the crocheting ministry . Time is precious to me . 

That treatment day would be the only quiet time I would have to myself . Many people have volunteered to go and sit with me and I have refused for that very reason . 

As I walked through the hallway of that clinic , I ran into my chemo nurses , doctors and personnel . I waved and wished them a great week .

 See you in three weeks . 

No , Ms. Krol , we hope never to see you here again , no matter how much we like you . 

I have come a  long way with this cancer mentally , especially in these past two years . I know that it will come back again , because of the type that I have ( reoccurring ) , but the possibility of perhaps living a normal existence , even for awhile , is so weird for me . I have worked around my treatment and the symptoms for so long , it has become my teddybear or blanket . I feel naked without it . Another feeling I never thought to experience . I guess this is another stage to conquer . 

All of this , right now , is just a thought . It all depends on the results of the petscan . I'm sorry for not posting many blogs this past week , but it certainly has been a hectic time for us here . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

From The Outside Looking In

Ever since I was a small child , I never felt like I belonged to a group ,  but more like a loner , looking from the outside in . I never felt the need to be part of a clique or a party of cool people or any kind of party . I liked who I was and I liked being alone .

I can say the same now . I have many acquaintances , but actually only a few very close friends . Somehow , I have always felt different than everyone else , going my own way and having a strong belief system . The only person I have ever followed was Christ .

As much as I like being alone , it can feel lonely at times , especially when you feel  like you 're in a different time
era . I don't feel understood . Why do I feel so different from everyone else ? 

I feel that there are so many people out there who are missing out on living their rightful lives . They spend their life being consumed by all the wrongful things and heading out on the wrong path . I am surrounded by people who seem to think this kind of life is normal . 

I am saddened by how the world turns , especially when I remember with how much love it was created . We so desperately need to pray for the people in it . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Make Like A Squirrel

As glad as I am about the cooler weather of Fall being here , the preparation that usually comes with it is the last thing I want right now . I've grown very lazy in my middle-aged years and doing housework is my least favorite thing . There is too much to do with all of my extra-curriculum activities to be worried about some dust bunnies !

I have no idea what has happened to me , but the " mom " robot inside of me has expired . No longer do I have to worry about cooking , ironing , laundry and cleaning the house . My kids are grown with one married and one living at home . Housework is not a priority any longer . 

One of my least favorite thing to do is take care of my vehicle . . . any time of the year , least of all in the Fall . This used to be my son's responsibility and when he left the nest , it has become a burden for me . I believe that is one of the reason why my car breaks down . . . . I don't take care of it the way I should . 

Yes  , now is the time to winterize my car , wash it , vacuum it and empty out all the bags and boxes . I have no idea how or why my car becomes so messy and filled with various contents  . I have no small children . 

Thank goodness I don't own my own home , because the amount of preparation involved would have raised my blood pressure to the roof . Gone are the days where all of that gave me pleasure . Nowadays , time is extremely important to me . 

I'm quite disappointed in myself this year . I really anticipated doing much more in the summer preparing for the winter  with canning and drying . I wanted to shampoo my carpet . I did none of those things . Time just got away from me . 

It seems that last year , I was better prepared with my pantry being stocked , car taken cared of and the apartment nicely sealed ready to cocoon ourselves from the cold . All of my medical supplies neatly stored away . So what happened ? 

I'm tired , just plain tired , that's what happened . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

A Refreshing Fast

It's been a week since I started my fast , but this time , it is a different kind of a fast . All week , the television has been turned off  and instead , I spent time listening to sermons , filling my time with the Word of God . 

I really thought I would have a hard time with this type of 
fast . I like having the television on  and most of the time , I'm not even watching nor listening to what is on . My whole point was to lower the amount and spend more time filling my spiritual side . By exceeding , I found that I didn't need to have it on . I found that the shows I love to watch are really on the weekend . So why was I wasting my time , my electricity  and my mind ? 

I feel there comes a time where we become complacent with things that affect our life . We close our eyes and ears to things around us , becoming numb and by allowing things to enter that we would have never done before . It's okay to do so , right ? I mean our faith is strong , right ? 

The thing is , we never feel we are complacent in our ways or views . So here are five signs that you might be more complacent than you think .

1.       Far Too Easily Satisfied.
When you are complacent, you are easily satisfied with incremental growth and minor achievements.  Such things can be heralded as “big wins” and seen as an affirmation of effectiveness, but it rings hollow when they are marginal at best.  If your big win of the year was new carpet in the vestibule, then your big win was,
Sorry, but that’s not much of a kingdom hill.
2.       Quick to Make Excuses.
When you are complacent, you are quick to offer all kinds of reasons about why you are not growing, why you cannot do anything new, why “that” wouldn’t work, why…you get the point.  Challenges are allowed to become obstacles, obstacles are allowed to become barriers, and barriers are allowed to become excuses.
It is all too easy to hide out behind such excuses as a reason for your acceptance of the status quo.
3.       Never Enough Time.
When you are complacent, there is the veneer of activity and busyness, but it is seldom strategic.  Yet the facade of meaningful activity becomes the means by which to excuse what could, and should, be done.
More often than not, your forty or more hours per week are spent doing what you enjoy, and what gives you the most strokes, but not necessarily what advances the church most strategically.  But, since time is being filled, it is easy to dismiss using it in other ways.  You tell yourself there simply isn’t enough of it.  Then you keep spending it the way you always have, and being where you’ve always been. 
Which, if you are complacent, is perfectly fine.
4.       No Longer Teachable.
When you are complacent, you resist being “pushed” or “challenged.”  In fact, you denounce such pushes or challenges, usually in the name of some superior sounding reason tied to trivial theology or denominational distinctive.
Even worse is when you reject new ideas based on your supposed “experience” or “knowledge” as a seasoned leader.

This describes me more than I realized , with all my extra activities , sometimes I feel I'm not producing my very best because of the time restraints or just too many irons in the fire . Number three is definitely me . 

I don't ever want to become complacent in what I do or believe . Life seems to be a constant lesson to be learned , with degrees to be attained throughout our life . I wonder if we continue on in Heaven ? Or is that the Master Degree of all degrees ? I'd like to definitely believe that !

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Where Are The Mentors ?

Mentors have a certain awe about them  , don't they ? I can remember the early mentors in my life  and how I held them so highly in esteem . I saw  them in a certain light , someone to whom I  wish to aspire to , someone I  wish to become like one day . 

Unfortunately , not all  mentors are good mentors or have stayed the course with the person they have brought to Christ . Too many of my friends have been abandoned because of falling short of their mentor's expectation of 
them . 

As new Christians , we can easily slip back into old routines  and we need someone who can be there for us without placing any judgmental accusations or views upon us . Mentors can also fall and when they do , our ideals fall with them being placed so high upon that pedestal . There is a lot of pressure on them to be a spiritual role model especially since they are human , too . 

I chose my mentor and for the most part , we have been very  close , but lately , I find we haven't had much time
 together . During her last trip , we haven't had an opportunity to chat  face to face , but we haven't really tried either . Sometimes ,  I wonder if I'm the one who is moving on or has she . 

Can we outgrow our mentors ? Not exactly sure , but I have come across an article listing the characteristics we should be looking for in  a mentor and not just for leading us in our spiritual quest , but with marital problems , raising children  etc. Here is the list :

1. Godly. A person who walks in the Spirit will offer genuine wisdom based on biblical principles rather than personal opinion.
2. Trustworthy. No matter what you share with this individual, you must be certain that he or she will keep everything in the strictest confidence.
3. Accepting. He or she must allow you to be yourself--frailties and all--and not try to remake you into someone "perfect."
4. Courageous. A good accountability partner will lovingly confront you with the truth, even when it hurts (Eph. 4:15).
5. Forgiving. When you make mistakes, trust is built through mutual forgiveness.
6. Edifying. Don't choose someone with an overly critical attitude that will make you feel worthless. Love edifies and builds up (Eph. 4:29). It never destroys.
7. Encouraging. You don't want someone with a checklist, who judges or acts like a prophet. Instead, choose someone who takes great joy in encouraging you.
\by Charles Stanley

I love Charles Stanley and I think he has a great list of characteristics to go by . It's almost a list that one can use for choosing a partner , because it is a partnership , isn't it ?

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

A Sad Declaration

A few days ago , I read a blog  that featured a guest writer ,  a woman diagnosed with an illness expectancy of maybe seven
 years . It was a very interesting read and when I was at the very bottom , her last paragraph made me gasp with shock . 

You can make a comment or opinion , but do not and I mean , do not pray for me for I don't believe in a God . If there was a God , then I would hate him . 

I was shocked ! A deep urgency filled me to leave a comment , not a scalding one , but an understanding one . She was at the angry stage of her illness , yet I have never encountered such anger
 before as hers . This urgent need of mine to tell her she was wrong consumed me . Every time  I tried to leave a post , it kept kicking me out or not accepting it at all . I felt such hopelessness . 

I felt as if her hand was outstretched toward me and I just couldn't grasp hold of it . I could feel her fingers leave mine as if to disappear out of my reach forever . Never have I felt such a desperate need to help someone and I failed to do just that . 

I prayed for this woman with such fervor ! I prayed that God would forgive her and show her mercy , that He would open up her cold heart towards Him , for she didn't know what she was saying . I prayed for her like Moses prayed for the Israelites  .

 This woman stayed on my mind all day . Would you pray for her with me ? 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The History Of Strength

I look at the long line of women throughout our family history and see nothing , but strength and endurance . Women in my family just plain last a long time , living well into their eighties . 

So how did I happen ? 

As far as one can see , the women in my family held strength within them , often raising children on their own either because of 
divorce , widowhood or single parenthood . Either way , we have always outlived the men , ending up alone . When the men have gone , the women held down the fort . 

The history of strength is evident . 

When one has a family history such as mine , it can be both disheartening and encouraging at the same time .

Disheartening . 

Disheartening because we somehow always end up alone . I often wondered if we were too much for the men to handle . Are we too liberating ? Too domineering and willful ? Do we have a bad attitude ? Do we drive our men to lead stressful lives and bad 
health ? 

Encouraging .

Encouraging because I know that strength is inside me , that strength that my ancestors developed years ago , so I can  pull it out when I need to . Not every woman can say this is one of her families characteristic that shapes them from generation to 
 generation . 

Let's create our own history of strength . 

As I watch the younger generation of women in my family , I pray for something bigger and better . Let's create our own history of strength . A new type of woman in this family . A woman who is strong , but not alone . A woman who makes better choices and by doing so , becomes even stronger .

What is your family history ? How can you make it better ? 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Hibernation Nation

This Fall weather has me thinking about the coming Winter months with anticipation . Believe me , it's not the snow or cold weather that brings a smile to my face , but the thought of everything going into a hibernation state . 

After a very active Summer and busy Fall , I'm looking forward to a little downtime or a decompressing mode . Days of sitting cocooned inside our tiny apartment , nestled in my favorite armchair crocheting . Where we can see the flakes of snow laying a deep layer like a blanket over our cars and streets . 

In reality , we know it will not be anything like that at all . Life goes on pretty much the same no matter what Season we are in . Just add on a little slush here and there , cold freezing weather  and about hundred layers of clothing just to take the trash out . 

BUT ........wouldn't it be great not to have to leave your house at
 all ? To sit suspended for those three months safely inside to recuperate our minds , our bodies and our soul . I know I would love it . 

I could spend most of my time crocheting and blogging . I couldn't think of anything more appealing . No phones nor interruptions . I could truly live as a hermit only communicating through messaging and emails . 

I often wonder if that dream would become a reality , would I love it as much as I say I would ? Dreaming is one thing , but actually living it , is another . Could I really live as a hermit all by myself ? I think in the beginning first few weeks , I would enjoy it and then I would miss the companionship . I mean , who am I going to complain about ? Myself ? 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Yarn Bombing My Life

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. Some murmur if their sky is clear, And wholly bright ...