Showing posts from November, 2016

The Unfriendly

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 

When I began this blog I wanted to leave something behind for my children, my grandchildren and many friendship's I've enjoyed throughout the years. When I began sharing it on social media, I wanted to turn it into something good, for myself and for others. It didn't matter to me that majority of the social media was used in quite the opposite of that. As long as I used it for encouragement and positive reinforcement, I was good. 

I went on Facebook and soon became friends with a vast collection of friends. It didn't matter to me what race, religion or part of the world they came from, I wanted to reach out to everyone. You know, social media is good for some things like posting your statements and immediately logging off, because if you stay on someone will attack you verbally. Sometimes, even threaten you. 

Originally, I had these theories that no matter what people said I woul…

The Battle With Cancer

Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

Since returning to work, I have been asked many questions in regards to my future plans involving my cancer. Everyone seems to want me to go on disability or retire early. And then what, I ask all of you? 

Yes, my body hurts. Yes, my feet ache. Yes, it's a struggle. BUT, I'm not ready to hang it all up. As long as I can still move around, I want to continue working. I don't think I'm ready to hang it all up. As much as I complain about it, I need work. It isn't just about the money, but the mental and social livelihood of my soul. 

Besides, there's more to it than that. Some may think that by climbing a mountain, they have somehow conquered it, but we can only be visitors on that mountain. That's how I feel about my cancer. There is only one way I will ever conquer this cancer and that's when God…

Feeling The Cold

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday
                                                      is a new journey.

I've been feeling cold lately. That may seem like a such weird thing to say, but for me it's huge. Since 2007, I have been in the deep throes of menopause with massive hot flashes. I've foregone long sleeves and especially sweaters. My ceiling fan is on all the time, even in Winter. I'm never cold, opting to wearing shorts and sleeveless tops whenever at home. 

All that has seemed to be a time from the past. I feel cold again. I shiver and feel chills, especially my hands and feet. I find myself wearing sweaters, socks and a comfy blanket in WINTER. Could I finally be done with menopause?

I'm sorry to say, but I am not really happy about it. I mean, when change happens, why does it have to happen everywhere? It's like a massive dose administered all at once. Can I take such an overdose to my mental psyche? I c…

The Planet Earth

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Sometimes, I stay up late on my days off crocheting as I watch documentaries, British movies or some murder series. It was on one of those crazy nights that I discovered Planet Earth. I was captivated and amazed at what I saw on this documentary.  We all could learn so much from this planet and it's other inhabitants. 

Male Emperor penguins face Winter in Antarctica where there is no sun for months and temperatures drop to 70 degrees below zero. They stay, because they guard a treasure, an egg resting on top of it's feet beneath the warm, downy folds of its belly. They do not eat or drink for four months and it is all done by the father. If only we humans held our babies in the same high regard. How is it that they value the sanctity of precious life way more than we ever had?

A pack of wolves charge into a herd of caribou targeting the weak, newborn calves. Yet, that little calf runs f…

Happy Thanksgiving

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Thanksgiving is once again upon us and households everywhere are busy cooking up a generous feast for their families. In our family, I like to call this the "In-law Holiday" where everyone goes to their in-laws for dinner. We rarely get together as a family for Thanksgiving and this year is no exception. 

Emily and I will be having a quiet dinner of our own complete with a tofurkey, homemade apple pie and a movie. We could have gone to Springfield this year, but with our next bold step almost at completion, it wasn't possible. 

Normally, I'm off all week during Thanksgiving and I spend it doing something I totally love. I write. Nothing else, not even crocheting interferes. Unfortunately, I only had three days this year, most of it will be spent tying up loose ends (bold step). I guess, no writing will happen. 

As I get older, I really have this desire to be more traditional wi…

The Last Find

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.   This is the last find of the series from the year 2015 that I've never posted. For whatever reason, I stopped writing about it at this point. Honestly, I think that life intervened with the daily schedules and the next thing I know, the hormone treatment stopped working. The next thing that followed were the events of this past Summer. I hope you enjoyed this lost mini series of posts. Tamoxifren By: Lottie Krol                                                                                                                                            So what is this hormone drug called tamoxifen? I have been avoiding this subject since day one. Normal people would have looked up the side effects within the hour of finding out. Not I, though. I had no desire to know. Why should I? No matter what they were,  I still had to take it.In all honesty, I really was meaning to get online and see what I could …

Mellow Jello

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.
The following is a story from 2015 that I've never posted. The post refers to my fourth bout with cancer and the hormone treatment they placed me on. I'm happy to say that I'm still in remission now. Enjoy.
Mellow Jello By: Lottie Krol
Sitting at my quality cart at work, I felt drained, weepy and strangely mellow. There wasn't an ounce of stress in my entire body. I could have sat there surveying the entire packaging floor for the remainder of my shift, not moving an inch. I  was that comfortable and relaxed.
It has been a week and a half of taking this hormone medication and already I can feel the emotional roller coaster ride it is playing with my moods.
Just the other day, after doing some sit ups, I attempted to get up off the living room floor. It wasn't happening. My knees locked and hurt as hell every time I placed pressure on them.  I rolled around on the rug like a cockroach on …

The Lost And Found

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

As I've been posting these old stories written in 2015 and forgotten, I wondered why I never shared them. Was I saving them for something else? Most likely. To have forgotten them explains my state of  mind as I flutter from thing to the next. I believe my intention with these stories was to create a series and then life intervened. Happy reading!

The Unprep
By: Lottie Krol

Staring at my old chemo bag, I felt indecision on what to do with it. It felt strange to no longer have a need for it. It has been with me since 2011, storing everything I needed for a day of chemotherapy infusion at the clinic.
For a moment I felt confusion and sadness as I placed my chemo bag back into the closet. I won't be needing it today or for a while. So what do I take with me instead?
I felt uncomfortable sitting in the waiting room of the cancer clinic, not knowing where to fix my eyes or what to do with my han…

Another Day, Another Find

Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                          everyday is a journey.

I've really been enjoying re-reading some of these old stories I've never posted. All these are from 2015 when my fourth bout with cancer returned. You can tell I was very emotional more so I think from the hormone treatments than anything else. 
Looking Back By: Lottie Krol
Boy, my mind has been drifting back to the past. Did you ever have that happen to you? A moment where you can't shrug off all the memories and emotions that come flooding back as if no measure of time existed between then and now. These feelings are raw, potent and real.
All day long, I keep reliving my cancer history over and over again in my mind. Every single moment of my recovery up to now. There are many things I wish I had done differently, but I also learned a lot since then.
Before I go any further, I think I should provide a little …

Looking Back Once More

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

As I've mentioned earlier in the week, I have been fortunate to have found some journals I have written in 2015 right as my fourth bout with cancer returned. I am still in remission and the post below happened last year. Enjoy.
Mum's The Word By: Lottie Krol
So why the secrecy? Well, where do I begin? It isn't about keeping it a secret, it's a lot more complicated and quite lengthy in detail. Maybe, we should begin with what it's not about.
It's definitely not about my lack of acceptance of this disease. That happened years ago and I'm definitely not afraid to say the word cancer. Believe me, I'm not freaking out because it came back. I always knew it would since I have a re-occurring cancer. As to dying, well it's more the process of dying that I'm afraid of than where I'm going or death itself.  So what's the problem this time?
I'm not exactly su…