Showing posts from July, 2014

Throwback Thursday

I think the one thing I have struggled with since my cancer and still continue to this day has been how it has affected my appearance .  It was very difficult for me to lose my hair and now it has come back each time even more beautiful than ever . I love my hair .  The most difficult has been the weight gain . If you have been thin all your life even after having four children and then all of a sudden you blow up gaining over 80 pounds . . . . . you might have a little difficulty in accepting the new you .   I have struggled with other people's reaction to my appearance . People have no idea how cruel they sound when they carelessly make disparaging remarks . It's easy for others to say " pay no attention " to them , but it still hurts .   Right now , I am much better at accepting things the way they are and I know eventually I will get to that point where it will not matter . Losing Your Identity

My hair has been falling out . It's not a pretty sight . Everyda…

Blending With The Wallpaper

JEREMIAH 31:31–40    "I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people."

All of my life , I have been a leader , whether I wanted to be one or not . I've always done what has been expected of me , guilt playing  a huge role in my life . 

Guilt has pushed me to do things outside of my comfort level . No matter how busy I could be , people could lay the guilt at my door and I would end up fulfilling their wish list . 

But . . . . .  I can't blame it all on guilt . It may have played a part , but not the whole thing . I can't seem to say no . Ask me to pick up your children from school everyday for a week and I will find myself agreeing before I know what has happened . 

Why do I do that ? How many times have I gone without sleep , because I'm fulfilling an obligation ? How many times have I been behind , because of an over-scheduled date book ? 

All I want to do is blend in with the wallpaper a…

Some Things

Pain and trials are almost constant companions, but never enemies. They drive me into His sovereign arms. There He takes my disappointments and works everything together for good. 
Kay Arthur

I honestly believe Kay is right . When I was a 

little girl , my mom would always have this 

saying she would repeat to me as an 

explanation to life itself  . 

God has planned your life while you were still a tiny 

dot inside me .

Of course , that would just open up a whole slew of 

questions for me and I was a child with tons of 

questions .

 When I think of my life before cancer , it almost 

seems a waste , as if 

I was living a past life in another dimension . An 

incomplete life , where I was looking for something 

that seemed unattainable  

and that something was also unexplainable . 

Some things , one cannot define , yet the longing is 

real and so is the thirst  . 

Some things cannot be explained ,yet our desire to 

be loved and cared for is greater than the fear of not 

knowing  .

Some things are beyond words…

Youth Monday

Monday is here again , ready to start off the brand new week whether we are willing or not . Why not try to make an effort in the right 
direction ? 

From time to time , I may feel saddened by the world's behavior , but there is hope within me for a better tomorrow . That tomorrow involves our youth and their role in it . Why not help them along ?

All summer long , I've been running into our youth as they promoted the organizations they're involved in . Where ? On the street corners , of course ! Though , not the way you may think . 

An entire boy's basketball team collecting donations for uniforms , walking up and down between the cars as we await the light to        
   change . 

A car wash operated by a girl's youth group to raise money for an upcoming trip .

Two young girls standing by the entrance into a supermarket , collecting for Misericordia . 

Let's not forget the young girl downtown Chicago , holding up a " Jesus Loves You " poster to the ayes and …

Questions Anyone ?

Here are more frequently asked questions :

1. What is " couch day " and " table day " mean ?  People hear Emily and myself often make that reference . It refers to our meals . Emily has this desire to sit down at the table and eat supper with no television or any other electronics . Supper is to be family time and we are to behave as the family on " Full House ". 

Now that my children are grown , I prefer the leisure part of my life . I want to eat on the couch watching a favorite show once in a while , maybe  not even cook . 

Believe it or not , we actually had a blown out argument over this very subject , so a compromise was made . We alternate the days now ( don't laugh ) , one day is couch day and the next is table and so on .

2. Is Emily your only child ? 
This is funny . I have an older son , Joseph , who is married with two children  . I write about my daily life with cancer and trying to make sense of this journey that I'm on . Since he lives in…

A Journey Of Life

I have a story of a journey that we embark on from birth . This journey hasn't always been a smooth sailing one . At times , it has been bumpy , scary and has landed us on foreign soil . Yet , I never traveled it alone .

At each depot , people would depart or join in my adventures . Sometimes , it would seem that the seat beside me was empty and there was no one to walk with me . On my most difficult roads , I've asked someone special to go with me . 

" Jesus , would you walk with me ? " 

I hope you enjoy the following .
At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of our life.  Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.  Others will go so unnoticed that we don't reali…

Afoot At The Avenue

Life has been extremely loud around our building lately . No one has moved out nor moved in for over a year and a half . We have become accustomed to each other as best as we could be . Normalcy can lead to irritation .

Smoking Steve is still upset with Grandma " stealing " his favorite parking spot . I also think he is a racist and a complainer of everything . He doesn't care for the landlord , either . I mean , his smoke alarm has been beeping , needing batteries and the landlord has the audacity to tell him it's the tenant's responsibility to change their own light bulbs / batteries . 

 Grandma thinks the party-lovers below her to be too loud , slamming the doors and conducting too many parties below her bedroom window outside . Little does she know , it's not them that are slamming the doors .

The party-lovers are a young couple living together and I don't think they have any beef with anyone . Their way too busy enjoying life with their friends to worry…

Throwback Thursday

I love the rain and cold blistering days where we can snuggle up with a good book , something hot on the side table , a comfortable outfit and just relax . . . . .  as long as we don't have to go out there . Let's not forget the yarn , ( lol ) . 
It's hard to imagine a day like that during the summer when it's hot , sunny and we're covered with sweat . In the Winter , we daydream about summer days and in the Summer vice versa . 
Poetry has been another favorite of mine and when I find one that speaks to me  , I'd like to share it with others .  Today . . . Today the weather is pure FALL!!!! It's raining and howling wind outside . Both Emily and I have been sick with a cold for a full week and there's no relief in sight . Doesn't look good for my chemo on Monday might be cancelled .    Words are not needed on a day like this . Today is perfect for a hot , homemade bowl of soup and a slice of fresh bread . Snuggle on a couch with a blankie and…

A Negative World

I don't care for my job . There I said it . Out loud . 

I've never had problems adjusting to anything before , especially a mere shift in my work schedule . My work hasn't been anything more to me than a means of supporting myself and my family . That is all . The work that has defined me has always come from my personal life . 

Adaptation is becoming harder and harder for me . I have changed on the inside and living in this secular world has become difficult for me . This world we live in , my friends , has become a negative world . 

I head out everyday with a smile on my face whether I am feeling it or not . I have problems , maybe not as drastic as the next person , but they do exist in my life . 

Good morning everyone .

Have a good day everyone . 

How are you today , ladies ? 

Happy Monday or Friday everyone . 

The problem is that I have become disillusioned with the secular world . It's all fine and dandy , when one is sitting in Church , surrounded by people who hold the…

Little Goals Of Mine

Goal :
 It's important to comprehend that a goal is a purpose or direction toward which we work .

Not exactly sure where I read the above explanation of the definition of a goal . What is interesting to me is that the definition varies depending on who one asks and what stage of their journey that person happens to be on .

My goals certainly have changed as I've aged , but most importantly , the meaning has been altered . Now , each goal represents a piece of my heart that has weighed heavily until completion . I've asked myself  what were the goals in my life that have meant so much to me . The ones that were achieved . 

When I learned to drive at the age of 35  certainly ranks at number 
  one . I've shocked people with that one . I believe they thought I would never get a license . Of course , two days later I had an accident . 

I know I surprised people at work , some friends and even some family when I survived that first bout with cancer . I'm surprised , …

It's Monday

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time--God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen. 
(1 Timothy 6:12-16)

It's Monday , a brand new week , a new beginning . Yesterday is a mere memory , tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift . How do you plan on changing the world today ?

One step at a time . One person at a time . One day at a time . 

The change begins within us . How we view the world , the people in it and the role we play…

A Sunday Funny

Sunday , a day of rest and relaxation . 

I have been up for hours already , tackling my closets , always looking for more room in this small apartment . Storage is a blessed thing , indeed .

A change of curtains , fresh bed linens and the scent of newly cleaned rooms hang in the air . You could say , I've been busy .

All I want to do now  is rest . Start supper for two . Rest again with a pile of yarn . 

When I was a small child , Sunday was the day that the best comics were featured in the paper . The Sunday comics . The Sunday   Funnies . Thanks to my dear Barb , here are today's funnies . 

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "(1) they don't like me, and (2) I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church: (1) You…

Day Eleven

Dear Diary , 

I woke up this morning feeling blue , knowing I had to get back to work . All morning I walked around like a zombie not wanting to do anything , my mood quickly turning sour .

I felt like I didn't do any of the things I wanted or planned . There was no time set aside  just for me . Even though no one knew of my vacation , they still somehow managed to call upon me  . How could that be ? How did they know I would answer ?

It's all my fault . When someone reaches out to me , I can't say no and walk away . I'm a good listener and people confide in me things that normally they never  would tell anyone else . I find that people are not looking for someone to tell them what to do , rather they're looking for someone to just listen .

Sighing  deeply , I set out to work . Everyone wanted to know what I did , where I went or with whom . I re-told the events of the week and a half in a monotone voice  . I received the same response from all . 

Looks like you made so…

Day Ten

Dear Diary ,

Today is the last day of my vacation , so I'm a little sad . It's always hard to go back to work , the longer we are off , the harder it is to get back to normal . 

I wanted today to be special . Since my schedule change at work , there are no dinners together or an evening spent watching a favorite show . We may have gone our separate ways during the day , but dinner was a family affair . The television would be turned off and so was the phone . We would chat about our day and I could see that Emily missed it very much .

For our last day , I planned a dinner of salmon , which we always make on special occasions . Fresh salmon is not cheap , but since this vacay has been about treating ourselves  , why not ?

Afterwards , we brought down board games off the shelf and even partook in video games . Emily's favorite games of Monopoly and Minecraft were some of the games we indulged in . 

We ended the day with a Lifetime movie and my famous elliptical machine .That , my…

Throwback Thursday

As I recall the eventful day of the story below , I am  filled with a sense of sadness . Everyone has a desire to be remembered in death . I remember this individual quite well and try to instill that memory as an incentive to do and be as Christ-like as I can .

I have failed many times , but I get up and keep on trying . I never want this to become my story . Life is so short . I don't want anyone to experience these feelings at my funeral .

Leaving Something Behind

  A couple years back , I went to a funeral of a woman that wasn't exactly " nice " for  want of a better word . In fact , she was very difficult , negative , never had a good word to say about anyone . It was very hard to be with her and everyone would avoid her as much as they could . People made excuses for her because of her many illnesses .
     As I sat at her funeral , I could not think of one happy moment that I spent with this woman and it shocked me . Why not ? Because she was miserable and ma…

Day Nine

Dear Diary , 

Another early start , this time heading out for morning coffee at Dunkin Donuts with a close friend who needed a chat . Sometimes , we need to think of other's before we think of ourselves . I'm so attuned to her that I can almost feel when she needs me . 

Usually we have our cuppa at my place , crocheting and chatting for hours . This morning we had to cut it short to only two hours , it was going to the movies day . 

Since our decision to become debt free , going to see a movie became another treat . Checking to see what movies were showing , turned out to be rather disappointing . It costs so much now that I often wonder how families are able to afford it nowadays and there really isn't anything worth that amount to see . 

We ended up choosing Maleficent with Angelina Jolie . I was shocked a bit in the beginning to see her in a role as this one . She looked so stern , so evil and frightening . The story line is another twist to an old time favorite Sleeping Be…

Day Eight

Dear Diary ,

Happy 4th of July ! 

I woke up this morning full of energy . I made coffee for myself and green tea for Emily along with some breakfast . Drawing the living room curtains aside , I pulled the chairs right up to the window , placing our morning meal on the side table  . 

There are many privileges to living in a small village township . One of them happens to be the parade that passes through right in front of our building . This was the first time I would be watching a parade since a wee girl . Never really enjoyed them before until today .

I cannot tell you how much fun we had sitting in our PJ's and  eating our breakfast , while cheering on the floats ! We hollered out the window , clapping and waving wildly like we have never seen a parade . 

We cheered on the basketball , football and cheerleader teams . The Mayor and Alderman passed through and we waved , not caring what Party they belonged . Those cute little Brownies and Boy Scouts ! The band stopped , swirling flags…

Day Seven

Dear Diary ,

This morning , I set out for my hair appointment at the salon  an hour later than planned  . Mom was meeting me there and she couldn't make it any sooner . I like to start my day early when I have errands so I wasn't a happy camper . 

Many , many moons ago , I had a body wave done and now it has grown out into a frizz . It was time for a trim , so I reluctantly agreed to meet her there . All I had on my mind was idleness .

Traffic was horrible ! Anytime a holiday falls during the week , traffic becomes horrendous . People end up driving crazy , showing their impatience . Suddenly everything takes longer .

It took a lot longer than I expected . After the salon , mom and I went grocery shopping together , which took some more time . By the time I got home it was time to make supper and then the workout regiment . 

When the day turned to night , as I sat on my bed with a glass of wine , I tried to remember what exactly I have accomplished . Ah yes , my hair and shopping w…

Day Six

Dear Diary ,

I think today was probably one of my favorite day of the week . After a very exhausting day yesterday , today was a lot calmer  and quieter . A lot less  stressful on my old body . 

Since this year we opted to stay home during the summer ,  we made a list of things we wanted to do as a treat that wouldn't hurt our budget . One of the the items on the list was eating out . 

Now that may seem like nothing special to many of people , it is to us . When we made the decision to eating healthier  and living simpler , eating out became limited to certain times a year . Today was the day .

I think we discussed where we would have supper  more fervently than any other subject thus far in our relationship . Since we cook on a daily basis , we wanted something different that we haven't savored yet . 

Sandwiches or burgers were definitely out , we could make that at home . Fast food ? No way ! Emily being a vegetarian ruled out many restaurants who didn't offer a variety of di…

Day Five

Dear Diary , 

The last thing I wanted to do is head out to Navy Pier with Emily . After running around all weekend , I just wanted to sit down somewhere and do nothing , but crochet or write . 

The train ride for our downtown experience was fun as we took selfies , giggling and laughing at ourselves . I love riding the train ! Whenever I hear the whistle blowing . . . . .  well , I just want to go somewhere .

Getting there itself was quite an accomplishment . Neither one of us are downtown savvy . Let me tell you , diary , downtown is full of activity . Everywhere you look there are people rushing about dressed in all sorts of fashion . 

There are people going to work in business suits , wearing stilettos  : young teens dressed in red , white and blue , carrying the american flag  while singing the national anthem : young parents lugging around their children , bags and strollers heading to the lakefront . 

Let's not forget the musicians playing and Tina Turner lookalike singing , &quo…