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Showing posts from July, 2015

A Writing Fest

Writing has become my other outlet, crocheting being my first. The longer I go without it, the more stressed I become. I had such plans last Saturday for my writing. I had the whole day reserved to lock myself in my room and write.

Of course, that didn't happen. As usual, life seems to interfere. I often think that the only time I ever will have unlimited writing and crocheting time will be in Heaven. I could actually picture myself doing that.

Lately, it seems there is a writer's block of sorts following me around. Every time I sit down to let loose the words, BAM, a call comes or no internet connection. Even  my beautiful window holds no view. With all this humidity, the sun has been pouring it's rays right through my picturesque window. I had to close the shutters until further notice.

I often wish I had a tape recorder ( a modern version, of course) where I could leave all my brilliant ideas whenever they appeared. It's hard to pen something down when you're dri…

Throwback Thursday

It's funny how the small things in life makes one feel loved and appreciated. The simple things we do for one another mean more than any grandeur action. To this day, I can remember and cherish all the thoughtful things that everyone has done for me. If I remember one thing about that time many years ago is that I have never felt more loved by people than I did then. That is a feeling that should be felt by everyone every single day.

True Friends
   Today , I had a lesson in true friends . While I was making copies for Sunday School , my friends kept showing up to wish me a Happy New Year . I love these women . They are ever present in my life . We have shared our children , our stories , our tears . Many a Women's Group lesson that was put away while we shared our problems with one another . These women would do anything for me at the drop of a hat .
  I haven't been around these past two or three weeks to my group . Haven't been feeling well at all .
They've be…

Peace & Hope

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Of all the things in life I have wished for, one has been peace. Yet, I find it is one of the hardest to attain. Whenever I have felt at peace, things or someone always want to wreck it. Why is that? Why are people so intent on being miserable and making sure that everyone else is too? I have friends who are absolutely great at maintaining their peace. They see the positive in everything, even those that try to wreck it. They can turn any bad situation into a good one. How do they do that? I've always wanted to grow spiritually in Peace like them.

I have learned that peace is something we have to constantly work towards. It never ends, it never rests. It is work that should continue until we leave this Earth. There are times where I feel I'm on the right track, that's when the devil usually comes in and tries to ruin any progress I have made .

I struggle with this constantly, especially at work. I believe we all have something that brings us to that level, that very state wh…

A Tiny House

If I should be so blessed to live a long life or see both my children settled, I have been thinking about living in a tiny house. Having mentioned this to Emily, she just laughs and laughs her little heart out.

Where are you going to put all that yarn at? The books and all these supplies? You know you're a hoarder.

Yes, I'll admit I'm a hoarder now, but my desire to continue with my Ministry and Writing is stronger than my hoarding. I want to live a simple life. I have no desire to keep acquiring space that I have no use for.

I have been checking out different styles that could be more accommodating to my needs. I admit, I would have to get rid of many of my belongings and only live off the basics. I know I could survive on 4 plates, 4 spoons, a frying pan, a crockpot etc.

I could plant this little sucker in a camp site where the scenery would be delightful every day of the year, except for summer when many campers converged. The upkeep would be the best for someone like me…

Monday's Yoga

As you can remember, I have been doing my exercise tapes from Netflix. It will be a very long time before I'm done, but anyone who knows me knows how much I dislike working out. So when the yoga tape came in, I groaned out loud. The idea of getting down on the floor, kneeling and such, was too much for me with my leg pain.

I went one time with my niece Kathy, who is an avid yoga master, to a free class that was offered at a place where she goes to regularly. In fact, her daughter and husband came along as well. None of us have returned since then.

Don't get me wrong. Yoga is a great stretching exercise, but for me it is painful. I'm sure if I kept at it, I would become very loose and maybe the pain would go away. In the meantime, all these positions where one has to have agility to quickly drop to the floor, kneel and perform these stretches are too much for me.

Yet, I did the entire DVD, groaning and grunting loudly with each movement. As one stretches, you can feel that m…

A Heavy Heart

I can remember once before in my life where I went to an event with mixed feelings. That was a funeral of an in-law family member. I sat there and honestly racked my brain trying to remember one good moment with this person that I have spent.

I couldn't think of one. The last time I spent with her she was in a foul mood as always complaining about others. And then she was gone.

Have you ever been invited to such an event where your feelings felt constricted? Perhaps an union that wouldn't last? A funeral of someone who was mean?

It's just a Wedding Shower for two people that will be wed soon. Only The bride-to-be gave up Jesus to be with her groom. She became a Moslem.

I have watched this young girl grow up into  a woman. I have seen her at birthday parties and related gatherings. I have seen her dating young men whom looked like they could be the one. I definitely did not see this coming.

So I sat there wanting to wish this beautiful young woman the very best and I couldn&#…

I'm Hanging And Banging

A group of my fellow co-workers and I have this great saying whenever asked how we are doing:
I'm hanging and banging! It always puts a smile on my face.

Today, Emily and I are doing exactly that. Hanging around the apartment in our comfy clothes, each in her own territory and busy doing her own thing. Today, we're just hanging and banging.

Summer around here has been very humid and we haven't been able to really enjoy it. July is almost over and I rarely sat in front of my favorite desk enjoying the view. There really hasn't been one. Everyone basically has the same idea as us, staying indoors with the air on. If it isn't humid, then it's pouring rain. What a summer, I tell you.

It seems that we have had such busy schedules of late on the weekends( tomorrow another wedding shower) that our quiet family time  has been nonexistent. Sometimes, we just want to relax with no agenda in sight.

So today we ordered in some food(not quite healthy) and plan on watching the…

Steadfast Faith

While Churchill was disappointed, he remained steadfast. England would not surrender. As Churchill had already stated: We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air. We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

That's my mentality. As much as it may sound wonderful to have this quality, it can also be a downfall. Sometimes, things can't be won and we need to know when to quit. I never know when it's time to let go and move on. I keep on fighting even when the lights go out.

Would anyone call that steadfast faith? I'm not so sure. Sometimes, I feel it should be called stupidity. People all around me are giving up their jobs, their homes and moving o…

And It Came To Me

I can't remember what it was we were doing yesterday when Emily sat up and remarked:

We are no longer under construction!

She's right! We couldn't remember when it officially ended. We were so surrounded by construction from every angle that I guess we have become immune to it.

The street construction has ended or at least as far as we can tell. The upstairs is finally renovated and tenants have moved in. Even the house across the street has stopped it's hammering, taking the rest of the remodeling indoors.

And then it came to us, it's quiet folks.

As to my leg problem, I've come to realize that when the humidity is at the highest, my leg swells. I could swallow the entire container of pills having no relief at all.

Nowadays, one cannot go to see a doctor and hope to be out within the hour. There is the waiting room, then the other waiting room inside, the taking of the vitals, the intern visit, the doctor appears and finally the receptionist. Hopefully, there is …

In The Heat Of The Night

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It's been very humid lately and I can't enjoy my beautiful scenery outside my window. There isn't even a wisp of a breeze to move those curtains. Even if I did look outside, it would look like a ghost town. Everything is at a standstill.

That's how I feel my life has been lately. It's become a stagnant existence with no movement whatsoever in either direction. My heart longs to make a turn somewhere and yet, it is not to be for now.

There is nothing worse than being stuck in a rut waiting for that next move. To me, this is the most difficult for I have a huge problem with being idle and immobile. I like to see results for any action, but what happens when it takes awhile?

What happens when the waiting on God is just too much to bear?

These past two years have been very difficult. We've just been accepting things as they are, hoping and waiting for the tide to shift in another direction. Waiting can turn into drudgery in a heartbeat. How can I avoid that?

I have def…

Grumpy Me

It was mid-morning when the realization hit me. Every time I come home exhausted from work the night before, I wake up crabby. Today was one of those days.

When these mornings occur, all I want to do is what I want, not what I have to. So I banged around in the kitchen, muttering under my breath my dislike of the situation. When we're upset, we honestly believe we're the only ones doing all the work.

It's a good thing that Emily and I get along as roommates. When we argue, it doesn't last, merely seconds later and everything is forgotten. It's a good thing for days like these when I blow up for no reason.

Apparently, a good night's sleep makes a huge difference.

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

We all have heard that saying, haven't we? I think it all has to do with the fact that they know us so well and they offer us unconditional love. We know they love us no matter what happens and no matter how we act.

They also know what has caused the uproar. They know wh…

Sharing Your Story

This past Saturday, the  crocheting ministry held it's monthly gathering. Nothing new there. We have been doing so for almost two years now. What was different was the sharing.

We sat on a park bench getting eaten by insects all around us, but that didn't stop the sharing of our lives with one another. We spoke of our marriages, our coming to Christ, our fears for our children, relationships gone bad and my cancer. Basically, we fellowshipped as women with each other.

As I walked away in the latter part of the afternoon that Saturday, I felt so fulfilled and heart happy. I've been silently dreaming for such a thing to happen.  God has been brewing an idea in my head to hold a bible group for women. The only problem? The type of group.

In my mind, I envisioned a gathering of women such as this one where we engage one another with encouragement and understanding. Beth Moore has always been  my inspiration and I love her workbooks, but many feel that's too much homework. Ma…

Throwback Saturday

A lot has changed since the post below regarding my FAITH. I've learned to trust God more and not worry as much. I've also learned that trials come and go. We need to snatch the Joy closer to our hearts and savor each moment.

I still don't make plans ahead. I don't think too much of years to come or try to imagine what it would look like. I'm more centered on living in the here and now. I don't eve like to sign up for  weekly class.

I've also learned that faith takes time. It doesn't come quickly, but like a lot of things in life, it grows better and bigger with time.

Looking Back
   What a beautiful , sunny day it is !!! A warm , sunny New Year's Eve ! Who would have thought it possible . It's ironic that it should be like this . I dreaded this day coming like something awful . The holidays itself  were very melancoly for me .
   I am a person who likes organization and planning . Before cancer , my whole life was planned out . It has been qui…

Throwback Thursday

I have reposted this so many times all because it is one of my all time favorites. I really miss watching Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes. I didn't need to watch the whole program, but I always made sure I tuned in at the very end to hear his spiel. Enjoy.

Let's Laugh A Little
Hello Everyone ,
                            I have not been feeling well these past few days . Nothing new there . I'm sure I'm sounding like a stuck record . Originally , I was going to write a different story  but considering how bleak these past few days have been , I'd rather laugh instead . Tomorrow , we can cry together . Today , let's laugh instead to one of my favorite stories ever by the great Andy Rooney. Enjoy !!!


WHY OLDER CHICKS RULE by: Andy Rooney
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, " what are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you th…

I'm Late! I'm Late!

Running any kind of Ministry takes a lot of work. I find that my Ministry need's vary as the months go past. It's almost in six month intervals that these changes occur. It can vary from having many volunteers to only a couple. Some months I have more drivers than crafters and so on and so on. The same goes for yarn and material. There are times my storage bins are overflowing and others. . . well, you get the picture.

The Season that we are in also plays a huge part. Fall/Winter are our busiest times and also the most productive. I don't just mean in how many pieces we crochet or donate, but in donations of material such as yarn. Summer is our slow time, mostly because people go on vacation and who thinks about crocheting when it's hot out?

This Season, I'm in need of many things. Not only donations of yarn are dwindling, but also a driver. My room is overflowing with boxes that need to be delivered. Anytime, my room resembles a hoarders problem, it's delivery t…

Star Spangled Banner

I wasn't born in this Country, but I was raised here and my children were born here. Even though I'm Polish, I've always considered myself an American more.

I've always found it maddening to hear people put this Country down. I realize that people in general have nothing to compare this Country to, but us immigrants know how great America is especially in regards to Freedom. There is no place I'd rather be than here.

I am saddened to be a witness to what is going on in our Country. There is a division like never before. It takes a very long time to build a tower, but only one person to bring it down.

As usual, I get these wonderful e-mails from Grandma Barb and this one especially brought tears to my eyes. I love this Country, both the good and the bad, I hope you will too. Just click and enjoy.


https://www.youtube.com/embed/YaxGNQE5ZLA

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Why I Dislike Funerals

My parents were very sociable people. They entertained constantly and were invited to many functions, sometimes even two in one day. My childhood memories involved a constant flow of people whose names I cannot remember coming through our lives.

We would tag along with our parents to all the functions. It didn't matter if there were no other children for us to play around with, we were expected to sit on the couch, hands folded, and participating. I think that's why my older brother and I have become homebodies having a deep desire for solitude.

Funerals were something that we went to quite a lot. We were not afraid of them, or at least not I, but they were all the same. Everyone was dressed in black. People would in single file motion move past the coffin, pay their respects to both the deceased and the family, murmuring how sorry they were for their loss. There would be a long burial mass full of ceremony. After the burial, everyone would show up at a hall for a luncheon court…

Looking Back On Sunday

Imagine this scene: You are dying and your children are gathered around your bed looking to have those last moments with you. What words of wisdom would you impart to them before you pass on?

Difficult, isn't it?

This is what happened to me. I wasn't dying, but my Joey asked me for these words of wisdom. Even now, years later, I become tongue tied whenever I try to think of these words of wisdom. I don't think they can be said in a sentence or two. Life is too complicated to be boxed into a granule piece.

I'm truly hoping that my words of wisdom will be these blog posts or any stories I write. I have a friend at work whose mother passed away a few months ago. I can see her longing for her mom's presence. I'm sure that any item of her mom's brings comfort to her now.

That's what I'm aiming for with my written word.

Words Of Wisdom
  First of all , I want to thank everyone for all the kind words of encouragement and prayers that were sent my way yester…

Looking Back On Saturday

I think I complained nonstop the second time the cancer came back. I just hated the fact it was back. I wasn't happy about it and there was no one or anything that would change my mind in regards to it.

Deep down, I realized that it was my fear of dying. Those six or more months were spent in defiance to the fact that one day I would die. I fought in every way possible, with my words, and my body.

Nowadays, I'm in a much better place. I truly believe anyone with a chronic illness confronts death whether they like it or not. We need to accept our illness. That's something that Linda had a problem doing.

Although, who knows what my emotions will stir up when the cancer comes back yet again. Every time it does, it peels away another layer that needed to be confronted.
Grumpy Me   It was chemo day today . I have begun to hate chemo day . Don't get me wrong , the nurses and staff are wonderful . It's just me . I'm tired of it all .    I have to take these steroids for …

Looking Back On Friday

I remember that time very well. I truly felt I would die and dealing with that issue was at the forefront of this bout with cancer. I'm so glad that I was at home during those treatment, because I would hate for people to have seen me like that on a daily basis. I don't think I could have handled people with all of those emotions.

Emotions , Emotions
   Why am I so emotional ? It didn't start now , either , I have been this way from the minute I found out my cancer came back . I asked  my friend Linda ,  why she cries all the time and she doesn't know either . I hate being this way , tearing up at every little thing .
    I cry when I hear a song on the radio . I cry while watching a show or movie . I cry when I think of the past , the present and the future . I cry when people write me or speak to me . I cry in anger , in happiness and in sadness . I cry for no reason at all . I cry when I think about people who find issues with me . When they don't want to hear …

Looking Back On Thursday

I truly believe that my attitude in regards to cancer affects other people as well as me. To this day, I try my best and I do mean my best, to present an upbeat attitude in all I do. My poor children see me for who I really am. They witness all my moods even the ungraceful ones.

Besides, I have all of you. I can see the necessity to have some sort of outlet for these emotions. Who else will sit patiently while I rant?

The Great Pretender
      Wherever and whoever I meet all tell me the same thing .. . . . . how great I look . They love what I do with my scarves ; they love my positive , upbeat , sarcastic attitude ; they love my honesty . Little do these people know that I'm the great pretender . I only tell people 90 % of what I feel or what I'm going through .
    Four years ago , there was a day where I just felt worn out . Felt like I couldn't handle another day in pain . At that time , one of my girlfriends called me to see how I was feeling . Well , I burst out cr…

Looking Back On Wednesday

Re-reading this entry, my thoughts immediately shift to how poorly it was written. I'm ashamed and I need to apologize. Hopefully, I am writing  better, especially in form and grammar.

Second thought, Emily and I have learned quite a lot about cancer, our bodies and health since then. Take food, for instance. This morning I went to Costco to pick up a few things. Looking down into my cart, it was filled with fresh fruit, cheese, veggies and a salmon. There was nothing processed, canned or frozen in it.

In fact, I find I need to be careful when we go out to eat, because our bodies are no longer used to butter, fried or greasy type foods. We do end up being sick.

Also, our relationship has changed. We are more roommates than we are mother/daughter. I love this stage and it is the same with Aubrey. These are grown, beautiful women and I love this equal relationship that we share as fellow women.

Our family tree can only get better and I cannot wait to see the full benefit of it's…

Looking Back On Tuesday

I think we all have encountered a demon as the one depicted below. It's no wonder she appeared at that time, since if I remember correctly, the car itself was breaking down constantly. You all know how I feel in regards to the car  problem.

I can't even remember what I was so furiously angry about, most likely about life itself. It could have been numerous things with me. Not getting any sleep or a cup of coffee can set me off.

I think it went a little deeper here. I had to iron out all these emotions regarding cancer. Cancer was here to stay whether I liked it or not.


A Demon Came For A Visit
    A demon came for a visit . I have no idea who invited her . She came the other morning when I woke up . . . .uninvited . She charged around my apartment mumbling @#$%^$#@!@$%% spilling coffee on her way out the door . Yes ! She went public . She blew her horn a lot and spit  more
!@#$%^&^@#@# out the window .
   Emily looked on this demon with a narrowing of her eyes . She know…

Looking Back On A Monday

Usually every Thursday I like to re-post a blog piece from the past and provide an update on where I am today. It also gives an opportunity for those readers who are new to sort of become acquainted with my past. My mind has been drifting backwards lately and in honor of that past and my freedom, I'll re-post every single day.

The following, I believe, is my very first update since the birth of this blog. It seems that I always start my treatments strong, but by the time we're halfway in I become weakened. I have come to expect at least one visit where I'm denied treatment due to my blood count being low or blood pressure incredibly high. Taking naps also became a regularity in the chemo routine.

One thing I never have gotten accustomed to was going bald. I still shudder at the thought going without hair. Even when I had chemo that only thinned my hair, I still ended up looking semi-bald. I don't care what anyone says, our hair completes our look.


UPDATE
     I'v…

The Funnies

Hello everyone,

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July. As you can see, I also have taken the time to spend with my loved ones. So sit back, enjoy the fireworks and the conversation. In case, you run out of things to kid around with, here are some suggestions.

************************ Tech support:    What kind of computer do you have? 
Customer:
         A white one.
Tech support: 
  Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. 
Customer: 
        Your left or my left? ************************
Customer:
Hi, good afternoon, this is Michele, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'can’t find printer’.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,but the computer still says he can't find it.
*************************
Customer:          My keyboard  is not working anymore.
Tech support:
   Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer:
         No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support:
   Pick …

Who Are You

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We are constantly trying to find ourselves, who we are  and who we want to become. We attach labels to people identifying them by their hobbies, their shortcomings, their appearance and even their professions.

We also see ourselves differently than how others see us. Why is that? Is it because we cannot face the real person inside of us? Why is it so difficult to acknowledge the real person we see in the mirror? Analyzing our faults should be the first step in any problem and the role we played in it. We need to ask ourselves, How did I contribute to this situation?

That's my problem, I over analyze my involvement in situations. If a friend leaves, I immediately believe it is something I might have said or done. Of course, it isn't always the case. People leave for many reasons, some unknown to us. Yet, I blame myself.

We live in a society who has no idea who they are and constantly it is being redefined. It's so easy to get lost and have no idea how to find ourselves let  a…

A Comfortable Place

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In  the past couple of years, I have taken the same time off from work, not veering from that schedule. This year, of course, everything has changed much to my dismay, except the 4th of July. I take off for many reasons, mostly because of appointments, my writing or ministry work. The 4th of July, is the only time that is spent totally in leisure  and relaxation visiting friends. This year especially, I have been looking forward to this time with anticipation. The weather has been perfect, not too hot nor too cold, but just right for me. Maybe not for everyone else. I have spent my time with my girlfriends having breakfast, coffee and after dinner get together, catching up on old times. A couple of deliveries here and there. Glorious weather, glorious friends and a glorious time. Arriving finally home, I walked into the hallways inhaling a wonderful aroma of fresh baked biscuits. I couldn't stop the grumbling of my stomach as it recognized a great and familiar scent of  home baked …

A Blank Canvas

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I really loved this picture the minute I saw it. Some people may look upon this canvas and see it blank, but I see so much more. I see an opportunity to make it anything I want. Any mistakes I make, I can paint over with another color or design. Sometimes we can take a mistake and turn it into a totally different object making it even better.

The pastel color scheme can fit any area and blend in quite well with all sort  of dark and light touches. Yes, this picture can go anywhere and be anything one wishes it to be.

These past few days I have been in the company of women, varying in age. Each of these women has faced a trial or storm of their lives in the last couple of years. As I spoke with each one, I realized the different stages they were at in their trial. I remembered every tear that was spent and every triumph conquered.

You see, there is a light at the end of the dark and gloomy tunnel.

Each of them is painting her own picture on the canvas of her life. That canvas can be the …