Showing posts from August, 2013

End Of The Month

August began in anticipation of a new life in the form of a baby boy . Little did we know that he would make us wait until nearly at month's end . Kai came into this world on his terms , not ours .

August held many births and beginnings . I joined a Chronic Illness Support Group . Emily went from Register Girl to teacher in Sunday School , a Greeter and Resource Center desk volunteer . A crocheting club was formed and a blog revived .

August held a surprise or two , with my chemo treatments being extended once again and my boss complimenting me on a job well done . The latter more of a shocker than surprise .

August was a slow month at work with two company shutdown days . We haven't had any of those in two years . There were many  a long , boring , slow nights at work .

August was a month of organizations and lists . A schedule was made and so far maintained , to fit our  busy lifestyle . Slow at work / busy at home . The minor vehicle repair checklist was completed . Closets…

Simply Life

If you ask any individual what they desire more than anything in life , I bet their answer will be to live in peace and serenity . We all strive to achieve the perfect harmony in our life . Sometimes , we even pretend that we have it .

Why is it so difficult to achieve ? I believe because we are looking for instant happiness  . A little pill that can transform our dreary , broken heart into an instant rose colored glasses outlook . That's why new age religion is so appealing to people . . . . instant gratification .

I can remember my mentor relating how she first accepted Christ . In her darkest hour , she ran out into the street in the middle of the night crying to God to help her somehow if He truly was there . The same week , she received in the mail an invite to our Church .

The moment she cried out to Him , God didn't snap His fingers and her life became instant happiness , but He did provide her with His protection  and strength towards that goal . Now , almost seven yea…

The Crocheting Ministry Club

When I was a baby Christian , I had a real hard time believing people when they would say God spoke to them . I would wonder just how God spoke to them . How did they know it was from God ? I just couldn't understand what that entailed or what form it took place .

Over the past few years , as I grew in the Bible , so did my understanding . I believe that God approaches each of us in different ways . It could be in a dream , an intuition or series of events or other ways .

For me , it always starts with an idea and I may write about it or mention it to someone . Suddenly , this idea develops a life of it's own and grows beyond my expectations . I have no control over how quickly it spreads .

This is what happened with The Crocheting Ministry Club . I had an idea and I shared it here on this blog . Now , God knows that I am a procrastinator , so He took matters into His own hands .  

People started coming up to me , wanting to know when and where this club was meeting . My plans …

The Birth Of Me

Cancer is all around us . Every single one of us has a friend , a sister , a mother , a co-worker or a child with some sort of cancer . Cancer has become the new " Aids " of this generation . As more and more I learn of my friends with cancer , I see devastation and sorrow on their faces and within their hearts . Their pain is raw , unforgiving and relentless . Not quite believing that this could happen to them . It has been six and a half years since I have been diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 3 . I have fought this monster three times and each time a new " me " emerged . Since that faithful day in 2007 , my life has been transformed where I became aware of this so called life and the people in it . I really had no experience with cancer or what it could do to a person . When I learned of my own diagnosis , I reacted the same as I did with any difficult crisis in my life . " Well , okay , we'll go in there  and have the surgery . Do my chemotherapy and…

Where Am I ?

Lately , the burning question of my health status is on everyone's mind . Where am I at regarding my health ?

Well , my health status hasn't really changed at all since the last time we spoke . This is the first time that my treatment has become an ongoing one  and that has everyone concerned .

In the past , I would undergo my six treatments and end up in remission immediately after . That is not the case anymore and that has people wondering something is going on .

We have to remember that my cancer only grew three centimeters and that is the normal size of growth for me . I think that because I have regular , scheduled appointments and tests , any irregularity is taken cared of right away .

This time around , my growth is only diminishing a centimeter at a time and at the moment it happens to be 1 1/2 centimeters . I think of this time as preventive medicine . I might never be done , but will continue taking preventive medication so it doesn't get out of control . This is…

Hello Kai

A few days ago , Kathy gave birth to a son named Kai Avery and I fell in love .

I held him . I smelled him . I caressed him . I whispered to him .

He has awakened a desire deep inside of me that I thought was long buried . I love children and they seem to reciprocate the feeling . I think this passion I share for them exists because of my past .

You see , I never had my last child , or the experience of having my last child . My second and fourth child , both sons , never lived past the age of five months and one month . Since then , I literally melt when I see a baby .

So after meeting Kai for the first time , I went home and sent pleading messages to my two adults children to provide me with a wee baby grandchild . Of course , I got the usual " someday " remark I always get which sent me into a pouting , angry mood .

" What are they waiting for ? For me to die ? I'm on borrowed time as it is ! "

As usual , God has a way of bringing me down to really count my B…

Simply Wine

To say that I love wine is an understatement , but it wasn't always the case . Alcohol of any kind never suited  my palate . I'm not exactly sure if it was my illness or Kathy's winemaking , but during these past few years , I can't get enough of red wine .

Now . . . . . . before I go on , this isn't an advertisement for excessive drinking  or addiction . In fact , too much of anything isn't good for us . Here's a few facts on alcohol and what it does to us if we drink excessively .

Every so often , when I'm off from work , I enjoy a glass . I'm not much of a drinker and that glass will last me all day , but somehow , it hits the spot just right .  After doing some more research , I understood why that was true . Wine has many benefits regarding your heart , blood pressure  and stroke . No wonder , since my chemo has a tendency to affect my blood pressure . If you have a minute , read on for more benefits regarding drinking a glass of wine . All i…

That Java Time

Ahhhh , that first cup of the day . It tastes great , doesn't it ? It hits that spot just right , where you start feeling like you might be able to face whatever is coming your way that day . There's nothing like a good cup of java .

That's only true if we get to actually drink that hot cup of coffee . For me , I rarely get the chance to sit down and drink it hot and fresh . The phone rings or someone is vying for my attention  and in the meantime , the coffee becomes cold and uninviting . For that reason alone , I don't drink coffee at work .

But . . . . .

A time does come when we sit down and enjoy that tasty brew . Where we close our eyes , inhaling the aroma of pure , sweet coffee . That first sip bringing echoes of deep resounding sighs of pure tasty pleasure .

Along with that java usually come deep thoughts of what is really important . We start making plans on how we can achieve that delicious moment always . Don't you feel good  inside after that cup ? Ann …

Schedule At A Glance

Every Monday , when I come into work , the first thing I do is print out the schedule at a glance . On this piece of paper , usually three pages long , is a list of all the cosmetic goods I need to produce so it can be shipped out to the representatives .

Everything I need to  know is on that paper : The amount of people I will need : How many pieces of each item needs to be made : What priority each item has over the others . Over the remainder of the week , I'll be checking that schedule frequently .

Recently , my DIL Aubrey , made a schedule plan of her own of a routine  she wanted to follow . After seeing her plan , I thought of myself  and how this could be something I could use for my activities  . By doing so , one has a guideline in case we get sidetracked by other things .

I need guidance , because my schedule can get pretty overwhelming , especially since most of my activities take awhile to accomplish . What I don't want is an hourly schedule since that will never w…

Simply Pampering

Being pampered is not something I'm really accustomed to , spending majority of my youth scrimping and saving . Manicures , pedicures and facials all were done at home versus the salon . An occasional visit to get a haircut was all I allowed myself .

It seems the younger generation has this down pack , frequently visiting salons and experiencing the art of pampering . Believe me , I'm not criticizing , but stand in awe of how body conscious they are of their own so early on . They are taking care of themselves with a little of preventive pampering . I wish I was that smart when I was young .

The older I get , the more pampering I need and desire . Our bodies start hurting in places we didn't even know we had . Many of times , I've come home with shoes in hand , limping and wincing straight to my bed . Didn't   I say I've been craving some pampering ?

When Kathy invited me along for a massage , I went without any hesitation . Since I've never had one before ,…

A Soul's Retreat

After deciding I needed to take a break to refresh and regroup my soul , I started looking around for some great reading material to sink my teeth into . It's been a long time since I had a real Bible Study and my thirst was more evident than ever .

First , I asked myself what did I want to gain from this retreat ? This break ? Then I remembered some material I read regarding accountability . These next four things were needed in order for us to be held accountable for our actions .

1. Vulnerability—capable of being wounded, shown to be wrong, even admitting it before being confronted.

2. Teachability—a willingness to learn, being quick to hear

and respond to reproof , being open to counsel .

3. Availabilityaccessible, touchable, able to be interrupted.

4. Honestycommitted to the truth regardless how much it

 hurts, a willingness to admit the truth no matter how difficult

 or humiliating the admission may be. Hating all that is phony

 or false.

I'm sure we all nodded our heads in a…

A Ministry Of One

Every Sunday before Church , we arrive early and while Emily goes inside , I hang out in my car drinking coffee until the service begins .

One particular Sunday , a friend came up to the car and asked  :
" Are you being anti-social ? "

It really struck a cord with me , because she was right , I was trying to avoid the social scene before and after Church . Why ?  I could give you the usual excuses , but they would be just that . . . . excuses .

I believe the real reason is because I crave " me " time . I really like the alone time that being a hermit provides . All week , especially at work , people come at me from all angles . At home , there are issues as well . There is my blog , my crocheting ministry , the sunday school and on and on . It never ends .

Since I've been on this secret retreat of mine that no one knows about , there have been many soul searching conversations with myself . Yes , myself . We all have them , so you can stop denying their existence…

Under Construction

As I have arrived to this current roadblock on my path in life , my first reaction was to completely shutdown . My soul filled with anger , bitterness and disappointment at everything surrounding this thing called " my life ". The rose colored glasses lay on the ground , broken and covered with thorns .

Calls went unanswered , messages left unopened , I posted a sign on this blog : Under Construction . Keeping to myself , I longed for the weekend to arrive quickly , locking the door behind me so no
 " people " would enter . I wasn't leaving this apartment where others could hurt me , not even for church .

I questioned the existence of this blog , its worth  and its substance . I questioned whether I could even consider myself a writer . Did I really have anything to say that was worth hearing ? Was anyone even reading ?

What about all those blankets and things I have crocheted for others ? Do they really mean anything to them ? Or are they thrown into the close…

Road Block

There comes a time in our life where we question our purpose  and goals we've set before us . A time where we wonder if we are surrounded by the right people in our midst . A time when we question our wisdom in the decisions we've made . A time where we consider the ties we've made and the ties we need to break .  Have I stayed on track or veered off into a ditch ? All things come to an end , whether they're good or bad .

All of my life , I've wanted to blend into the wallpaper , observing and not participating . Others have craved the spotlight and I've craved the hidden corner in the back . The more I'd creep into that safe haven of unknown oblivion , the greater the shove at my back , thrusting me forward into the light  .

God has other plans for me .

I've spent my life being everything to everyone . I have been the person that people ran to in the middle of the night . I have wiped tears away and listened to the woes of brokenhearted souls . I have …

A New Season

I'm sure all of you have been wondering what has been going on with this blog since I haven't posted anything for almost two whole weeks . I felt like I needed some time off to regroup and take a very hard look at where I was going with my life .

I felt so out of place as if the footsteps I was walking in weren't any longer meant for me  . The path I was on led to a roadblock . Taking a look around into the crevices of my life , I realized it was time to forge a new path .

During that first week , I sat still , crocheting my little heart out . I felt spent and tired . As the days went by , an idea started taking shape and it grew bigger as the second week approached .

During that second week , the idea turned into action and I knew what had to be done . Rolling up my sleeves , I set to work . I felt revived and restored , ready for what God had in store for me .

You see , I knew I was on the verge of something new , a new season in my life . I knew I had to prepare for it …