Showing posts from February, 2015

A Minor Setback

Boy, I'm having a great start to the New Year. Everything I have said I would improve on, turned out even worse than before. Talk about being tested.

Of course, I'm not surprised. Saying it and doing it are two separate things. Acting out my intentions has never been easy for me. My New Year's resolution was to be a better person. Well, almost immediately I was asked to be a better person at work and I totally rebelled like a spoiled child.

Be very careful for what you ask.

As always, God sees what we don't. There were obviously reasons for the way things turned out, except that I fought them instead of going along with the flow. I say I want to quit worrying and let Jesus lead our way and what happens? I still rebel and take the lead on my own.

Why can't we allow God to take the wheel? We say we trust Him, yet our actions prove otherwise.

This week I'm a little on edge since I'm having a small procedure at the dentist's and I'm very nervous. There will…

Crabby Old Lady

When I first read this poem, I felt a little saddened by it, remembering a documentary on PBS regarding Alzheimer's  in Nursing Homes. It centered on one particular patient.

Now, I have to be honest that I didn't see the complete version from beginning to end, but more of the middle to end.

What struck me as sad was the fact that during this entire filming, I did not see anyone from her family visiting her. Maybe, they did in the beginning, not sure.

In her room , she had many pictures of her grandchildren and dear ones. She often spoke about her life and memories with others, yet she was facing old age alone.

I'm not here to remark on whether or not nursing homes are good, all I know is that I felt such pity for her. Her entire life was in that room, that's what it came down to. Her life packed into one little room. She was so much more than that and I felt the sadness of that reality.

I think we forget that seniors are people who have lived full lives and we place them …

Throwback Thursday

My journey in this life has always been guided by Christ. In the earlier years, I followed Christ as a Catholic and now as a born again Christian. My love for Him has not changed, except it has grown even deeper.

The only difference? Well, my relationship, my awareness and my knowledge to the importance of living life according to Jesus. My only regret spiritually happens to be that I didn't know Him that closely earlier in life as I began my journey.

Just imagine how much better my life would have been and maybe even a little easier.

Have a Blessed day everyone.
  " My refuge and my fortress , my God , in whom I trust ".
                                                                             Psalm 91: 2
  After I read that first chapter of my book , I couldn't stop thinking . My whole life flashed before me . I can remember when I was a young mom . I had such strong views  on where I thought I would be twenty years down the road . I knew what I wanted and I was …

Welcome Me Back, Jesus

The other day, as I was cleaning out some paperwork from boxes, I came across an old poem I've written last year. It was written during a time where I felt a thirst for the Word of God. I felt emptiness and a separation due to many years of serving and not getting enough food to feed my soul. I was hungry for God.

I wrote it on scarp paper at work during a moment where I felt such emptiness. I wanted to be back so desperately within my Father's arms. Hope you enjoy.

Oh, how I miss those days
of complete oneness,
the thrill of running to you
as you await  me with open arms.
Welcome me back, Sweet Jesus,
welcome me back.
Lift me up in Your loving Embrace.
Enfold my soul within Your own.

Pick me up, Lord
I am waiting outside Your door.
Pick me up and dust me off
of all the unclean film
Bathe me in Your love
and dress me in Your Grace.

Lord, bring me back to Your fold
Bring me back out of the
land of bitterness.
Wipe away my tears as I
nestle in the nook of your arms.
Take my hand and never l…

More Monday Funnies

Between Emily and I, it seems we have spent so much time at the dentist recently. It seems only appropriate that I share the following that I came across the other day.

Amidst all the pain that comes from visiting the dentist, we also need to remember to laugh once in a while, especially with our beautiful set of teeth.

As we have gone through this process, it seems we have enlightened others to remember their own issues and appointments that they need to make with their own choppers. As long as our pain ends up being someone else's gain, it's all in a day's work, folks!

In case you are looking for a dentist, here are some things to check off that list. Have a Blessed day everyone.

How to Choose a Dentist
Never trust a dentist . . .
. . . who wears dentures.
. . . who has hairy knuckles.
. . . whose drill is driven by a system of pulleys connected to three mice on a treadmill.
. . . who sends you a Christmas card and charges you for it.
. . . who chews tobacco and spits the…

My Idea Of Exercise

Hello everyone,

I am feeling wonderfully blessed today! It is Sunday, a day of spiritual and family rest. I hope you take advantage of this special day God set aside just for us.

Today, there is no witty or sophisticated blog, only humor. We all need to laugh out loud, a roar that comes from deep within our belly.

Enjoy. Relax. Bask in the beauty that surrounds us. Happy Sabbath everyone.

1.Begin by standing on acomfortablesurface, where you have plenty of room at each side. 2.With a 5-lbpotato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. 3.Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. 4.Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.(I'm at this level.)

Doubting Me

My decision making in the past has been anything but ideal. Whenever it is time to make one, I begin to doubt myself by remembering all the bad ones. I'm always left feeling unsure what to do next. I've come to realize that perhaps many of my decisions have been forced, because of my inability to wait. Waiting is very difficult, because we want a solution now and not later. Worrying plays a huge part in this process and I'm a worry-wart by nature. "The most notorious faith killer in all of life: worry."
~Chuck Swindoll

For now, Emily and I, have decided to basically leave all decisions to the Lord. We pray about it and leave it. No decision should evoke so much distress as we have done, especially in the past year. We are obviously not ready to take on this responsibility.

Of course, that doesn't make me stop worrying, because my growth in this is a work in progress. I'm trying folks, really trying.

So for now, all of this will be placed on a shelf until furt…

One Step At A Time

Taking those first steps at home on my own remain one of my best moments of my recovery. Those few steps convinced me I was getting better.
Excerpt form 90 Minutes In Heaven.

When I remember those first few months of recovery, all I think of is how na├»ve I was in the whole process of  cancer treatment. I really had no idea what I was in for.

I was so incredibly weak that everything seemed such a monumental obstacle to overcome. Just sitting in our garden on a bench for a few minutes, took a lot out of me. Maybe, it was the walk from the living room to the backyard that tired me out, but naps usually followed any kind of activity.

In the first few weeks of my recovery, a bed was made for me on  the couch in the living room. It was the perfect spot since it was large enough for me to freely move around in, it had a television, had no stairs for me to climb and the front door was right there.

During my recovery, there were many naps throughout the day, because every physicality took so much…

A Fuzzy Future

I just don't know where I'm going. I lack any clear direction about my future.
Excerpt from 90 Minutes In Heaven.

For a long time after that initial bout with cancer, I saw a blank page when thinking about the future. I couldn't see myself doing anything in the foreseeable future except the day by day routine.

Even now I don't like to make any plans far ahead and it has been almost eight years in May. I have no idea why.

Before my illness, I was a planner. I made plans for the next twenty years. I liked to set out goals for myself, because back then I had huge dreams totally different from the ones I'm living.

When I glance back on my life, I find I was very goal driven. I wanted to secure my finances, I wanted a beautiful home and a successful career. Basically, I wanted to be a success in all areas of life.

Now, I just want to laugh, because I was measuring my success based on the world's version rather than God's version. What I was aspiring for myself back t…

Throwback Thursday

I've always been very alert to any new beginnings about to happen in my life. I haven't always been like that, but since my cancer, my antennae works every time.

I always knew there was something new for me to learn during this experience, but I never thought my life would change in this way. A writer? A blogger? A ministry?

 Insane! Someone like me, who would have known. Life is still changing for the better. Can't wait to see what is in store for me.

A Fork In The Road
  I had a very interesting conversation with one of my sister-in-laws . I have no idea how we got on the subject of life and death . I made a comment to her how I felt like I wasn't going back to work . That on my last day there , I felt like I was saying goodbye for the last time . She , of course , asked me if I thought I would die .
   I don't know if I will die . What I meant is that I feel like my purpose here is over . That there is something different ....a new life...a new purpose ....a new b…

Bless The Lord

Daily Light on the Daily Path Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, ... who forgiveth all thine iniquities; ... who crowneth thee with loving‑kindness and tender mercies.
There is nothing more satisfying than a great spiritual moment during worship. It's not whether we hear a good song or not, it's what we bring to it.

Long time ago, as a young baby Christian, I was like a lot of people out there who based whether or not they had an awesome worship time on the type of band or music that was played.

I  confess there were times where I left church disappointed, because that spiritualism wasn't as great as last week, because the music lacked a certain something.

Well, now I know that something comes from me.

I heard someone make a reference to worship songs the other day: They're not made for us, but for the Lord.

That changed my perspective completely. No longer do I judge the performance or level of pitch.…

Living With Cancer

I'm living with cancer, not fighting cancer.
Pam, a breast cancer survivor.

I just love that phrase. There is a new documentary coming up on dealing and living with cancer from Ken Burns on the PBS Channel. Please check your local listings for the timed schedules.

Cancer has definitely changed over the last decade or at least, what we believe cancer to be or how it defines us. No longer is cancer whispered about in dark corners, but brought to the table for a lively discussion.

Survivors are no longer placing their lives on hold, but living out their dreams where quality of life is widely promoted. It's all about the living. How could I not love that?

I am so excited about this new documentary from Ken Burns, because I am so tired of us cancer patients portrayed as weak victims in films and books. We are strong individuals trying to live out the remainders of our life as best as we can.

Another reason, because cancer has become prevalent in our culture. Everyone has either a famil…

Monday Delivery

This morning I had the privilege of making a delivery for my Ministry to one of our regular organizations. Even  though we have been in business since 2013, this was my first time by them. The usual delivery person's vehicle has been immobile for awhile, so I asked my niece to help me out.

The drive took a little over an hour each way, but it provided a great opportunity to have a chat with my niece. The one thing I really love is to be able to have a discussion on several topics and she is great at it.

Something else I learned, it was good to get out there and do some one on one with the organizations. It's been awhile since I made any deliveries on my own. I've been so busy with the every day activities of the Ministry and this blog that I haven't had time to get out there.

I've been very fortunate to have volunteers who are willing to do these deliveries for me. They provide a great service by offering their time. I wonder if they realize how much that helps me.

So …

Guardian Angels

Only God knows all the kindnesses shown to us during my recovery.
Excerpt from 90 Minutes In Heaven.

Wow, I don't even know where to begin listing all the blessings that were bestowed upon me during one of the worst times of my life. One thing I can say is that people generally want to help others in their time of need, especially family.

I have never felt more loved than during that time. There was nothing that my family wouldn't do for me. Everyone stood up and offered their services to help with my recovery. They simply loved me.

When the cancer returned the second and third time, all that attention weaned down  and I wondered why. I mean, they didn't love me less now than they did before. In certain cases maybe they loved me even more. Yet, the pampering and taking care  of me was different.

At first, I didn't understand why. Then one day, it dawned on me that they didn't change, but I did. They took care of me back then, because I couldn't. They took my load fo…

A Purpose

Is it possible that God took you to Heaven and brought you back for you to share what happened to you? Don't you realize what a powerful encouragement you can be to others?
Excerpt from 90 Minutes In Heaven.

That's exactly how I feel regarding my life, my cancer and my crocheting. I believe our contributions  here on earth to one another come from our struggles. Imagine all that knowledge we have , why wouldn't we want to share it with others?

I have no problem speaking about my experience with cancer. It doesn't scare me nor do I want to hide  and pretend it never happened. I've learned so much during this time. It has changed me for the better.

Whenever I'm out and about doing my errands or making my appointments, the minute a fellow woman finds out about my cancer, they're full of questions. They want to know about the how, the when and the where.

I'm only happy to oblige. How will we as women learn if we don't ask questions. The ability to share w…

Throwback Thursday

Once in a while, I feel whimsical and want to try something different, more airy and fun. Hence, I might give a try to a little fun poetry such as the one below. Happy Thursday, my friends.

Once Upon A Time
 Once upon a time
there was a middle aged woman
all sick and frail
whose biggest fear
was weighing upon the scale
after much wear and tear
upon her body and soul
her heart called out
let's runaway and explore
where shall we go ?
to the country , to the country
let it be so
where the trees grow tall
and wildflowers roam
where there is no wall
built around her soul
she can run around free
drinking her tea
taking naps under a tree
and come Sunday morn
off to Church she goes
singing praise and thanks
to the One
who gave her life
each day once more

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Back and Forth I Go

I had many setbacks of various kinds or developed infections. Back to the hospital I'd go, and some of these trips were life threatening infections. Sometimes I stayed two weeks and other times three.
Excerpt from 90 Minutes In Heaven.

It's been awhile since I revisited one of my favorite books of all time ( 90 Minutes In Heaven ). This book has been so instrumental in the state of my well-being when I went through cancer the first time, that I've decided to revisit and view the book on a different level.

So let's get to it.

My recovery in the first four months, way back in 2007, also was slow with many infections and visits to the hospital. Unlike the author in the book, I wanted to have my recovery in the hospital. The last thing I wanted was to have to take care of myself.

I can distinctly remember my first nurse visit at home. She brought an IV stand along with a box of meds that I had to administer myself via the IV drip. As she demonstrated how to assemble the stand f…

Determination At It's Best

People often ask me where I get my energy and my drive for life. Little do they know it's a daily struggle since I am a huge procrastinator. This morning alone, I literally had to talk myself into getting up since some of the errands I needed to do were unpleasant.

As I lay there, willing myself to get up, my mind produced reason after reason why I should leave it until tomorrow. Procrastination being one of my many nemesis.

It has become one of my new projects this year to stop this procrastination from spreading even more. Right along with no more worrying, but leaving it at the feet of Jesus.

 Now that's a tough order to fulfill.

The thing about me that I know is true? I don't give up trying. If one tactic doesn't work, well, I'll think of something else. Giving up is not part of my character.

Yesterday, I overcame my shame by going to the dentist and starting the process to change the status of my health. I struggle like everyone else and try my very best to push …

A Monday's Shame

This morning I arose very early, my mind in turmoil and stomach all up in knots. Emily and I both had dental appointments with specialists regarding the removal of some teeth. For Emily, it was her wisdom tooth and for me a long awaited  partial.

I was more than afraid, I was ashamed at the status of my oral hygiene. In the past decade, my teeth were the last thing on my mind. We can all place the blame on my cancer and I didn't have the time, but that would be a lie.

The state of my health, both physical and oral, lays at my feet. There is no scapegoat, there is only me. I never been good at looking after myself and I let it all fall apart.

Honestly, this past decade, it has been my shame that has prevented me from moving forward. I tried to hide it by not smiling often, because I didn't want anyone to see my shame.

This morning I thought about that shame, reminding me of the shame we feel as we come before Christ. We cower, we blame others, we hide. We rather give up and retrea…

The Little Things

I had to laugh out loud when I saw this, it's so totally me.I long for the times of sitting back with a glass of each next to my computer as I punch out words that form my thoughts.

All week long at work, I dream of the weekends where I can get away mentally into the things I love. Going out socializing is not a forte of mine any longer. It's not my apartment I love, but the idea of home.

This morning while listening to the sermon, tiredness overcame me. I haven't been sleeping well due to my left leg. The snow, the dampness and the cold bring on the aches and soreness of arthritis. The end result? Tossing and turning all night. I haven't slept well for days.

So I'm sitting and listening to the sermon and feeling so very tired. All I wanted was to sleep. What was the topic for the sermon? Taking the time for rest once a week which was designed for us by God.

Today, I did just that. I lounged around watching television, a little writing, a little crocheting and even to…

That Is The Question

Should I stay or should I go? That is the question. Have you ever been in a quandary on what to do next with your life? I certainly am in this position now. At the start of the year, Emily and I began our usual fast, but we didn't get very far. We made a mental list of what we were fasting about, but then setbacks occurred. Our fast continued, but maybe not as intensely as we wanted it to be. Or maybe that's why setbacks occurred, because of the intensity of our fast? I know our goal was to focus mainly on God and His purpose for us. Other things happened, whether to take away from our fast or to test our Faith. I like to believe it's a little bit of both. I am a person who worries. I think it goes back to my being a single parent and the responsibility has always been on my shoulders. There was no one else to help with the problems. So I worried and worried. Letting go and leaving it at the altar is something I am working on. My focus shifts on whatever the problem may be an…

January Madness

It was William Armstrong who wrote:
Back in the house I moved on leaden feet from chore to chore.

January has been a crazy month for both Emily and I. Just thinking about it tires me. From the moment we began our fast, a black cloud hung over us as one set of events fell upon us after another and neither of it was good.

We all have heard the saying," Let your fingers do the walking". Well, mine really have and they were pressing things on the computer that they shouldn't have and I ended up with no computer. What kind of writer has no computer?

At work, it was no different. I've made several mistakes, ended up being called into the office by my supervisor, reprimanded with a write up  which won't be taken off my file for a year. I deserved it.

Emily on the other hand, has had problems with her wisdom tooth. Just get it pulled, right? Not if your waiting on your dental insurance. Talk about red tape! She honestly gave up calling them every day and finally after two who…

Throwback Thursday

As I re-read this story from 2011, I am struck with how little I read nowadays. My daily reading consists more of e-mails and daily devotionals instead of actually sitting down with a book.

For someone who began reading in her high school years, this saddens me, because I've always been a lover of books. Perhaps, it is the lack of time and the calendar over brimming that has prevented this from happening.

My one solitary bookshelf is filled with all sorts of books I've wanted to read, so when will I actually sit down and do so? I've always imagined myself during retirement doing all the things I've set aside for that moment. I also know myself well enough that even then I will be running around with a full plate.

I love being busy so maybe I should stop pretending that one day I will actually sit still.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Praise The Lord
     Someone very dear to me , gave me a book four years ago , " 90 Minutes In Heaven ". That book changed my life .…

Setting Examples

Remember that old saying, " if you want to know what she will look like when she is older, look at her mom".

I've always wanted to be one of those grandmas that actually has a relationship with her grandkids. While some take pride and hope for many grandchildren, all I wanted was at least one. Quantity was not on my mind in the least. That's not to say that I didn't want as many as I could be Blessed with.

I think the biggest compliment we can pay to our ancestors is by taking up and continuing the traditions they began. That could be something as minor as reading a bedtime story a certain way. Or a special snack after a successful event.

We think of traditions as something huge like Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinners, but I'm speaking of something a little more personal. My fondest memories of my grandparents involve such little traditions.

My grandfather always had some sort of candy in a drawer in the parlor just so he could give one to us when we visited. My …

A Snowy Monday

The view from my Aunt Zofia's balcony.
As the snow fell into huge piles outside, I was glad that there was no work today. Unfortunately, not many can say the same. As I watched the snowplows come through, I pitied the cars parked out on the streets, some completely snowed in. The snowplows not helping the  situation.
That wasn't the worst, though. When the wailing onslaught of sirens could be heard over and over again, I couldn't help, but say a prayer. For all the pictures that were posted on Facebook of children playing, others were obviously in a fatal crisis.
This past month I struggled with keeping it all together and many times failing miserably in the process. It is so easy for us to get lost in our own problems that we forget that there are others far worse off than us. Another thing I failed in remembering.
There was a time when I couldn't drive past a broken down vehicle without saying a little prayer. The same whenever I heard a siren from an ambulance, fire tr…

Staying In

Sometimes, we just want to stay in and chill.

 I have a secret confession to make. Ever since Winter began, I have held a secret wish to stay in snuggled warmly inside my little alcove of an apartment while the snow  falls around us. Not much of that occurred this Winter Season, except for today!

There is something so cozy about a blizzard as long as we aren't in it! Snowfall always looks beautiful from the inside! The children in particular are loving all this snow as snowmen and snow angels are built in a much needed frolicking sessions.

Waking up this morning and looking out my window brought a smile to my face and a little excitement flowed through my veins. Here was that snowstorm I was waiting for and it came on the perfect weekend, too. Monday we are off from work for a shutdown day, so no worries about braving this storm outside on the roads. It couldn't have turned out better.

Even the menu changed from roasted potato wedges and green beans to a good hearty soup with home…