Saturday, August 31, 2019

Just Share It: Lysa Terkeurst


                                                                      Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                      everyday is a journey.


When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
  The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
  For I will be with thee thy troubles to bless,
  And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
ANON.

Wow, after reading the following post I couldn't help, but reflect back on my own journey. How many times have I been disappointment in an outcome only to discover there was something else so much better coming my way? Too many times! There used to be an old Country song that went something like Thank God for unanswered prayers. We tend to get so worked up in our disappointment that things didn't quite go the way we may have wanted them that we forget who is really in charge of our lives. Not only that, but He knows better what we need and when we need it. The following is another great reminder from Lysa. Enjoy. 

The Gift Found in Disappointment
LYSA TERKEURST
“Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23 (HCSB)
It’s hard not to let the hurt of today blind us to the hope of tomorrow. But what if God wants to use our disappointment to usher in a new appointment?
I remember many years ago when my middle daughter Ashley was flitting around the house singing everything Annie. Our home was filled with songs, dances, scripts and the proud announcement she was trying out for her middle school’s musical.
The day the cast list was posted, the singing and dancing and rehearsing of the lines stopped.
She hadn’t gotten a part in the play.
There was a smile and a quick, “Who cares?” that hid a thousand tears daring to come if she said much more.
But a few days later, the director requested that Ashley and one of her parents attend the all-cast meeting, where Ashley was told she'd been given the job of student director. That sounded exciting until the director explained the job basically meant Ashley would be a behind-the-scenes errand runner for her and the cast.
There would be no shining moment.
There would be no songs or lines or fun dances to learn.
Just hours and hours of behind-the-scenes work.
As a parent, I could see the character-building potential. I have done my fair share of behind-the-scenes stuff in life, and it helped shape me for the better. But to a middle schooler’s heart who loved to sing and dance, it was hard.
We went home that night and Ashley struggled with wanting to drop out. But the next morning, Ashley surprised me by deciding she would embrace this role of serving.
And embrace it she did! My mama heart soared as Ashley chose to live out the wisdom of Colossians 3:23“Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men.”
In doing so, she discovered she had quite the knack for choreography and set design, and a keen sense of how to make scenes flow more smoothly. The director quickly found Ashley to be quite capable and turned over many responsibilities to her.
What once seemed like a huge disappointment became a divine appointment instead.
Ashley was born to be a leader. Put her in the right environment to lead, and she’ll thrive.
I asked Ashley in the midst of rehearsals what she thought of the whole experience. She beamed and said, “I wouldn’t want to be doing anything other than the role I've been given, Mom. I love being the student director. I love it so much.”
When the curtain fell to the thunderous applause of proud parents cheering for their child's performance, I couldn't see my little brown-eyed beauty. But I knew she was probably bossing somebody backstage, and I was clapping like crazy for her out front.
I even had a reply ready, just in case the mama sitting next to me leaned over and asked which one was mine.
“The one who is right where she should be.”

What disappointment are you processing today, sweet friend? How might this actually be a gift in the making?
We all have times in our lives when we aren’t where we want to be or where we think we should be. But in those times, we can ask God which assignment He wants us to fully embrace today — right where we are


Have a Blessed day everyone. 

Friday, August 30, 2019

Simply Dehydrating

                                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Under Thy wings, my God, I rest,
    Under Thy shadow safely lie;
  By Thy own strength in peace possessed,
    While dreaded evils pass me by.
A. L. WARING


So I went out and bought a dehydrator. I've been thinking of purchasing one for ages thinking it might be a great option for the future. I've been researching how to preserve food for long periods of time like canning, freezing and dehydrating. For now, dehydrating seems the best option for us.

You might be wondering why I would buy one in the first place. Am I planning on moving away to live in the hills? No, this is really more of an experiment. I wanted to see if I could do two things. One, I wanted to preserve the freshness of garden vegetables. You know how we feel about our Farmer's Market. Two, I wanted to see if we could save money by buying vegetables when they are in season and cheaper. We would dehydrate them and eat them in the Fall/Winter months.

When I stocked my pantry last Fall, I wanted to make sure I had things in there in case of emergencies. I also bought in bulk, dividing the goods into several containers. Again, the whole point was saving money. I want to go one step further by trying to preserve one of our biggest expenses yet. . . fresh vegetables. The pantry is fine, but honestly, we mostly live off fresh produce and that costs money. We will still buy some produce like lettuce and cherry tomatoes for salads. These dehydrating vegetables will be used mainly for stews, soups and side dishes.

I am truly having a wonderful time learning all about dehydration, mostly through experimentation. The size of the cut matters greatly in how long a vegetable needs to be drained completely of water. Hence, the experimentation. I was only planning on doing a few vegetables, but enjoyed it so much I've been dehydrating everything. Thus far, tomatoes, zucchini, eggplant, basil, carrots, beets, mushrooms, cauliflower, kale and green bell peppers. I store them in large mason jars and let me tell you when I open them up, nothing but great aromas emerge. It really seals in the smell of fresh vegetables. Simply wonderful.

Just the other day, Emily wanted to have a kale salad for supper. She couldn't, because grandma dehydrated everything.


Have a blessed day everyone.

Thursday, August 29, 2019

Reflecting On Preventive Care

                                                           Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                             everyday is a journey.



Nay, all by Thee is ordered, 
 chosen, planned;
Each drop that fills my daily cup Thy hand
Prescribes, for ills none else can understand:
All, all is known to Thee.
A. L. NEWTON.



I have been a huge advocate of preventive care, especially when it comes to a chronic illness. Ever since the latest news from my cancer team and insurance company, I've been thinking about how this may affect me now. Basically, preventive care takes on a different role than before. One of my screenings (ct. scans) will not be available to me unless there is some kind of finding during my Oncologist visits. This lack of screening changes everything.

Since that is the case, what does preventative care look like for me now? Well, I think I may need to step it up to do what I can on my end. I need to make sure I take my vitamins daily. Proper nutrition is something I have been working on for quite awhile now. Thus far, I have been very good in keeping away from all the "bad" stuff. I have also implemented daily calisthenics, although I have been known to miss a day or two within a week period.

Let's not forget that we need to keep all our appointments with our Oncologist team including lab work. I am very curious if they will continue keeping me on an every six months schedule or if they will revert to the every three months. I am only thinking this might happen, because of the ban on ct. scans the insurance is insisting on. I do have an appointment in October so we shall see what happens with that issue.

I have also moved up my GP appointment from December to sometime in the next few weeks. When I see her, I will request labs focusing mainly on biometrics and thyroid function. I am very interested in seeing the results from the biometric screening since I have really taken control of my bad eating habits. I expect all good marks, passing marks! So pretty much that is all I can do on my end.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Change Can Be Good

                                                              Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                               everyday is a journey.


One holy Church, one army strong,
    One steadfast high intent,
  One working band, one harvest-song,
    One King omnipotent.
S. JOHNSON.


I have this one manager at work that just loves to write encouraging quotes on the board outside his office. They are meant to be a positive effect on our attitude so we can conquer the work day.  Sometimes all they end up being is just plain cheesy sayings that only aggravate us. Once in awhile he hits it right on the mark with a really good one.

If you can't do anything about it, let it go. Don't be a prisoner to things you can't change.

I have been reflecting on many things these past few weeks. As I have mentioned  before, this really hasn't been a good month for us. It has been hectic, stressful, disappointing and absolutely frustrating to say the least. If I'm honest, it's been like this all year long.

Don't get me wrong. We have done a lot this year. It's been the most productive year by far, but it's also been the most stressful. Many important things have been finally taken care of  that should have been done years ago. It is a plus, plus all the way.

Yet, I am done. You know that phrase above makes so much sense. We hold onto things and refuse to let them go. We rather worry and worry ourselves to death rather than release it. I am so guilty of it, especially this year. All because of the uncertainty of things, but none of it is promised to begin with. We don't know our futures. We can only be sure of our salvation and I'm speaking of my own.

Whatever happens will happen regardless of what I try to do to change it. Change can be good. It can be refreshing, revitalizing and rehabilitating to one's soul. We just need to allow ourselves to be still and willing to listen to what God is saying to us in that silence. The future can be frightening, but it's also needed.


Have a blessed day everyone. 

Monday, August 26, 2019

A New Category

                                                            Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                             everyday is a journey

One there lives whose guardian eye
  Guides our earthly destiny;
  One there lives, who, Lord of all,
  Keeps His children lest they fall;
  Pass we, then, in love and praise,
  Trusting Him through all our days,
  Free from doubt and faithless sorrow,--
  God provideth for the morrow.
R. HEBER



Earlier this week, I received a voicemail from my Oncologist's office, asking me to call them as soon as possible. Since the Ct. Scan denial from my insurance company was still fresh on my mind, I quickly called them back wondering if it was somehow related. They wanted to reschedule my appointment and again I wondered if my doctor was still on maternity leave. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

They wanted to reschedule my appointment for one reason. I have been placed in a new category.  It seems that there has been a huge influx of cancer patients at the clinic. This is nothing new to me. I have been saying as much every time I went for an appointment. The waiting room has been over crowded. It has been almost impossible to find parking at certain times of the morning. Everywhere I went, the waiting rooms were packed. Cancer is running rampart among us, folks.

Anyway, since there is such a great overflow in the cancer clinic, the Director has brought in another Oncologist to come in twice a month. They have placed us patients into two categories: Active and Survivor. I, of course, am the survivor. I will be seeing the new Oncologist and if there is some new development with my cancer, she will keep my regular Oncologist updated.

I believe that this new status within my clinic has something to do with the denial from my insurance company. I will know more when I will go for my appointment and I will keep everyone informed of any new changes. It's kind of weird, because I never thought of myself in those terms, a survivor. I mean, I am a survivor, but it is so strange to see that under my name. I guess, I have always thought of myself as the patient. Maybe, it's time to think otherwise.


Have a blessed day everyone.

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Reflections On Radiation

                                                      Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



Like the star
That shines afar,
Without haste
And without rest,
Let each man wheel
 with steady sway
Round the task that
 rules the day,
And do his best.

Radiation, my nemesis. I still shudder at the mere thought. It was five weeks/25 days total and did the most damage to my joints than all the other chemo treatments combined. There are foods to this day that I cannot have too much of or I will be sick. Radiation did the trick alright, in more ways than one. In fact, my radiation doctor has been so far, the only one to tell me that I will have problems with osteoporosis, because of it. My Oncologists look at me like they have never heard of any cancer patient with joint/arthritis issues. Yet, ask any cancer survivor if they suffer from bone loss of any kind and see what they tell you.

Thank goodness that radiation is a one time thing or at least for me. I do know some people who had it more than once. Perhaps because of the length of time in between? I asked my oncologist if I would have radiation again and she told me no. Radiation does way too much damage to be repeated like chemotherapy. Okay, I believe that is an omission of sorts.

If I had to do it again, I think I would be more open towards it than I was back then. Then, I didn't even try. I bolted from it with full speed ahead. Maybe my experience would have been more meaningful? More beneficial to someone else? It's hard to say now, but it did teach me a few things. From that experience came forth The Chronic Illness Group on Facebook.

When we are going through a trial, whether medical or not, no one wants to be reminded that we can handle anything that comes our way. We don't believe that we are capable of becoming even stronger because of it. That's not something we see. In fact, we cannot see anything except the darkness that surrounds us. We want someone to nurture us and take care of us. We want to be carried like Footprints in the Sand.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Saturday, August 24, 2019

Reflections On Remission

                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



But souls that of His own good life partake,
  He loves as His own self; dear as His eye
  They are to Him: He 'll never them forsake:
  When they shall die, then God Himself shall die;
  They live, they live in blest eternity.
HENRY MORE.

For someone who has a recurrent cancer, remission isn't what it's cracked up to be. Right after treatment, we welcome the respite of remission. Our bodies are tired, we are tired and we are tired of being in the hospital. We look forward to recuperating and trying to get back to our old routines.

Unfortunately, the recuperation takes quite awhile and the long lasting side effects to the treatment kick in almost immediately. Six months turn into one year and we can't believe how much time has passed. The healing process is still in effect, the results small indeed. Our bodies will never be what they once were before the cancer.

The longer we are in remission, the more we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's almost like a suspense novel and each month that passes, the anxiety deepens. Every scan or blood test could be "the one" that will show a relapse.  When we pass with flying colors, we leave the Oncologist's Office believing that next time we won't be so lucky.

Our anxiety grows and worry sets in. Every ailment whether small or not, we relate it back to the cancer. Right now, I am two months shy of three years in remission. I wish I could say that it will never come back. There are so many factors that one has to deal with when a recurrence happens. One can easily become tired of the entire process. It's like a beat down that never ceases, but goes on and on and on.

My co-workers are like many people out there who are not familiar with cancer and how it works. The minute remission sets in, they assume that life goes back to normal. Wrong! Life never goes backwards, but moves forward. According to them, you beat cancer. Well, I have news for you, there's no beating cancer. All we do is put the monster to sleep and hope he doesn't awaken anytime soon. That's remission, folks.


Have a blessed day everyone.

Friday, August 23, 2019

Lost In My Yarn

                                                             Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                              everyday is a journey.



It is not that I feel less weak, but Thou
  Wilt be my strength; it is not that I see
  Less sin; but more of pardoning love with Thee,
    And all-sufficient grace. Enough! And now
  All fluttering thought is stilled; I only rest,
  And feel that Thou art near, and know that I am blest.
F. R. HAVERGAL


So I have come to a decision to clear up or close down any outstanding projects for the year. Come September, I want to basically focus on my writing and crocheting. I have a deep desire to lose myself in the things that bring me much Joy and Peace. Hence, the writing and crocheting. This is very relaxing and therapeutic for me. This is what I really need right now.

I am a firm believer in the Bible verse, Be still and know I am God. I feel as if I need to be still. I am very tired and until I can get this thyroid problem under control or whatever it may be, I'm going to take things slow. I can only do so much.

 In all this time, I've pushed through no matter how I was feeling. Even while in treatment, I've never stopped anything I was involved in. Things will go on pretty much the same. Only one area will be affected.  Having said all that, there will be many changes coming to the Ministry. I have been looking for a partner in running the Ministry, but it just hasn't happened. I need someone to help me, especially when I cannot be around due to health reasons. I have been unsuccessful in finding that partner. More on that issue will be coming in September.

The plan for now is to focus on the crocheting and the writing. Everything else will fall into place as needed. I want to lose myself in the peace and quiet of my home, my sanctuary. It's when I'm still that God speaks to me the loudest. I want to hear what He has to say.


Have a blessed day everyone.

Thursday, August 22, 2019

Eating Healthy

                                                                Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                 everyday is a journey.

Thy soul shall enter on its heritage
Of God's unuttered wisdom. Thou shalt sweep
With hand assured the ringing lyre of life,
Till the fierce anguish of its bitter strife,
Its pain, death, discord, sorrow, and despair,
Break into rhythmic music. Thou shalt share
The prophet-joy that kept forever glad
God's poet-souls when all a world was sad.
Enter and live! Thou hast not lived before.
—S. Weir Mitchell

Earlier this year, I made up my mind to finally do something about my eating habits outside of my home. That's the key point here, outside my home. As many of you know, I have been on this eating healthy journey ever since my diagnosis in 2007.  If I had to rate myself, I would give myself a score of 90% there. It's the 10% that I want to conquer. I do great at home, but there are many trigger points throughout the day outside that I fail.

For instance, at work we have this snack table in the main office. Everyday there is something there and none of it is good for me. I couldn't stay away from that snack table. Oh, it's just a cookie or a couple of chips, but we know it's more than that. Or if someone offered me some McDonald's fries, I couldn't and wouldn't say no thank you. Always failing outside my house.

Another trigger was when I finally arrived home from work. I would eat at night after 11 p.m. , because I was hungry. No matter what, I had these hunger pains in the middle of the night. Not good, because all I would do afterwards is go to sleep.

So once I realized what my eating bad habits were, I set out to conquer them. I would try and try, only to fail each time. Finally, one day I ate something I definitely shouldn't have and got very sick afterwards. My stomach cramped up really bad and release would not come. I ended up going home, stopping along the way in parking lots to throw up. I barely ate anything for the next week. I made a vow that day, I would not eat unhealthy again.

I went to Costco and bought only healthy snacks. If you look in our pantry, you won't find chips, cookies or twinkies. You will find sweet potato crackers, nuts and dried fruit bars. I have to be able to read all the ingredients on the box. Since that day, I have been very good. Oh, I did have one chicken nugget and half a donut, but that is it. I have been good.

 
My appointment with my GP is coming up and I am excited to see what my biometric screening will say, especially about my sugar. Very excited. I just hope I can keep up the resistance. OH, at night, I do eat some fruit salad, fruit or veggies. Although, I haven't seen any difference on the scale. . . . yet.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Losing Your Hair

                                                                 Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                 everyday is a journey.



The heart that trusts forever sings,
  And feels as light as it had wings,
  A well of peace within it springs,--
    Come good or ill,
  Whatever to-day, to-morrow brings,
    It is His will.
I. WILLIAMS.

Losing my hair while on chemotherapy was probably one of the most traumatic experiences for me. I never realized just how vain I was until I lost my hair. I guess, it wouldn't be so bad if it was just the hair, but you lose eyebrows, lashes, arm hair, legs, basically everywhere hair grows. You end up looking like a plucked chicken and it totally changes your appearance. Totally.

When I lost my lashes, I think I literally broke down. I've always had such thick lashes, too. Not anymore. I haven't been able to get them back since the first diagnosis of cancer. Cancer robs you of everything, even your lashes. Besides, I didn't want to look like a victim and bald heads do just that. I couldn't hide the fact I had cancer, everyone could see it and know what it represented. Bald heads equal cancer.

I was very fortunate to only lose my hair two of the four times I had cancer. When I did, I tried different techniques with my scarves so I would look stylish. That's what I told myself, but deep down inside I knew it was a vanity thing with me. I was trying to "disguise" the cancer. Somehow, everyone always knew.

I do have to admit that when it finally grew back, it was very luscious, curly and thick. It also changed the color of my hair. It grew back a shade darker each time. I swear my hair was actually a lot lighter before the cancer. I don't even remember anymore and it doesn't really matter, either.

It's funny, because each experience with my cancer brought out something different for me to deal with like the vanity issue. I guess, trials show our true colors that are hiding deep within us. That's why we cannot emerge un-scalded. We cannot be the same Lottie anymore, too much has happened for us to hide away again. I remember distinctly looking in the mirror afterwards and wondering who the heck that woman was staring back at me. I didn't look anything like the old Lottie.

That's okay. Fast forward twelve years and I'm getting to really like the new me so much better than the old one. There are times I forget who I was and what I looked like. Thank goodness for Grace, Love and Forgiveness. I wouldn't be here without them.


Have a blessed day everyone.

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Reflections On Chemotherapy

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Lord! who Thy thousand years dost wait
    To work the thousandth part
  Of Thy vast plan, for us create
    With zeal a patient heart.
J. H. NEWMAN.




Of all the cancer treatments I've ever had, chemotherapy is the one I am the most comfortable. After all these years, I know what to expect when chemo infusion occurs. I know how my body will react and I know how to prepare for it. It has always been the same. It's as predictable as the coming of day and night. The schedule rarely changes only if my body is not cooperating. Then it's moved up by one week. Pretty predictable.

I have a name for my chemotherapy treatments, I call them my spa days. It's probably the only time when I am completely left alone to do whatever I want. I will spend the entire day there at the clinic crocheting, reading, doing puzzles. I even once addressed all my Christmas cards during treatment. Where else can I go to receive such uninterrupted peace?

The one thing I don't like about chemo is how it makes the food taste rotten. For a foodie like me, that is horrible. Many times, I have longed for the real taste of mashed potatoes and gravy. Or a delicious cup of coffee in the morning. We lose our taste buds with chemo and that is why it is so difficult for people to maintain their weight when they are experiencing complications. No one wants to eat spoiled food. I can always tell if a cancer patient is having health complications with chemo just by how much weight they have on them. That is one consolation to me to know my weight is perfect for treatment. Maybe not for the common man out there, but for chemo treatment, I'm the perfect size.

I believe that it really doesn't matter which treatment you get as long as you do receive some sort of traditional treatment. Someone once told me that pain was pain no matter how one looked at it. That is absolutely true. There is no easy treatment that's for sure. We have to keep moving forward with our lives regardless of what lies ahead.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Monday, August 19, 2019

Looking Good? Not!

                                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Be useful where thou livest, 
that they may
  Both want and wish thy
 pleasing presence still.
  ...Find out men's wants and will,
  And meet them there.
 All worldly joys go less
  To the one joy of doing kindnesses.
G. HERBERT.

I like to wear Summer dresses or skirts. I feel very carefree and feminine doing so. Recently, I bought a couple of lightweight dresses at Walmart and couldn't wait to wear them at my Great-nephew's 6th birthday party. 

Now, I know I am a full figured woman. Not an hourglass figure, but more of a rounded ball type. Still, I have been feeling good about myself since I am on this journey to finally accept and love this body I have been given. 

The day finally arrived and I slipped into this rust colored dress. I thought I looked fabulous, baby. Heck, I even shaved my legs! I pranced right in where everyone was seated. My mother gave me a glance. That should have been my warning, but I didn't heed it. Hey, I felt fabulous!

I walked around and mingled, fully exhibiting all angles of this physique of mine. I laughed and I ate, enjoying myself completely. Mind you, I was surrounded by skinny people. There were only three of us that were round, yeah round. 

Then I saw the pictures from the party. Good Lord! That's all I can say. Good Lord! Why is it that when we feel like we look great, it's usually the opposite. What must have these people been thinking? I agonized over those pictures for what seemed like hours. Then I thought to myself: Does it really matter? I mean, I know I am fat, they know I am fat, so why am I surprised that I look fat in the pictures? As long as I don't have to be staring at those pictures over and over again, I'm moving on. That's it. Moving on, folks.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Saturday, August 17, 2019

A Quiet Few Days

                                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Among so many, can He care?
Can special love be everywhere?
A myriad homes,--a myriad ways,--
And God's eye over every place?
I asked: my soul bethought of this;--
In just that very place of His
Where He hath put and keepeth you,
God hath no other thing to do!
A. D. T. WHITNEY.


So it's been a quiet last few days. Sometimes the quiet chooses us and sometimes we choose it. I definitely opted for the latter. I know myself and how I react to things. As disappointing and baffling these past few days may have been, I needed some time alone to slowly process. I grabbed my yarn and de-stressed.

A person can get a lot done when they are quiet. I put in the new curtain rods, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be by hand. I hung the curtains and suddenly a room is transformed. I even fixed the closet door. Started de-cluttering the medicine chest, the linen closet and a kitchen drawer. When it comes to the de-cluttering, I have one rule that I go by. I ask myself if I was to move right now, would I be taking this item with me? You see, the next move we make, we are going light.

I have also been playing around with the dehydrator. So far, I have made mushrooms, kale, zucchini, tomatoes, green bell peppers and different colored carrots. I am really, really loving the dehydrating process and hope that it will all turn out great. I want to use these veggies in my soups and assorted side dishes over the Winter. I am hoping this will bring down my fresh produce bill over time. 

Otherwise, I am taking my time with everything. Crocheting is my escape, my therapy and my joy. Tomorrow, we will be celebrating a birthday, actually we have three birthdays this weekend. All boys, I'm afraid. My grandson Tim is celebrating his golden birthday year 17. My nephew and my godson Logan is celebrating his 18th and my great nephew Kai will be 6. Happy birthday to them all. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 




Thursday, August 15, 2019

Denied!

                                                                Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                 everyday is a journey.

We tell Thee of our care,
Of the sore burden, pressing day by day,
And in the light and pity of Thy face,
The burden melts away.
We breathe our secret wish,
The importunate longing which no man may see;
We ask it humbly, or, more restful still,
We leave it all to Thee.
SUSAN COOLIDGE




Well, another Ct. Scan denied by Cigna. This will be the second time this year that it has happened. I am not sure how to take this, because somehow, I never thought it would get to this point. I am literally dumbfounded by this denial. . . again.

For an insurance provider to claim that I, a person who has a recurrent carcinoma and a 4 time cancer survivor in twelve years, have no probable cause to have one. That is ridiculous, just plain ridiculous. What am I paying my insurance for? It basically does nothing for me. What is the purpose of this insurance? It is a waste of my money. Period.

So I did let my children know and they both had the same reaction. Emily's mouth literally dropped and Joe was completely shocked. Funny, but they both used the same word  (seriously?!) to express their shock. Hey, I'm in shock, too.

Honestly, I have no idea what this will mean for me. Leaving it to just a CA125 blood work does nothing for me. My numbers have stayed the same regardless if I was in remission or in treatment. They stayed between 6 and an 8 throughout these years. You cannot base anything on the CA125. For some, it is a huge marker, but not for me. The same can be said for a pelvic examination. That is not foolproof enough. Although, it was during a pelvic exam that my oncologist felt something with the second bout with cancer. Well folks, that's all I have.

I will say that when Fall comes around and it's time for insurance elections, I will be very selective by what I choose. Hopefully, it will be a different provider. This is definitely a game changer. I still haven't had time to process everything, but it really opens up my eyes to many things that were left unseen. I am very, very disappointed with this bit of news.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Yarn Bombing My Life

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. Some murmur if their sky is clear, And wholly bright ...