Thursday, June 30, 2016

Throwback Thursday

                                   Everyday is a brand new day, 

                                     everyday is a journey.

Here we are at yet another Throwback Thursday in the year 2013 where we take a look and provide an update on where we are now. 

Looking back, I can now see the sequence of events that led up to my Ministry. Back then, I had no idea nor would I have believed  it if I saw the future ahead of time. Who knew that this was to be my future?


As I've said this before, this Crocheting Ministry is truly all God's. He just points the way and I follow. In all these almost three years, I haven't ran out of yarn. He has provided for the supplies and he has provided people to make this happen.

A Surprise Delivery

I have to be honest with all of you. Since my donation of the slippers, I have been in a quandary on whether I should continue making more or should I move on to something else. Believe me, I have been feeling a sense of loss ever since I made that trip to U.I.C. I secretly hoped that I could continue and even started making some more.

Right before Christmas, a package arrived on my doorstep. I certainly wasn't expecting anything in the mail. At first, I thought that my Joe and Aubs. sent me something.

When I saw the return address, I really was surprised. It was from a dear friend I haven't seen in almost two years. The last time was at Aubrey's bridal shower. We have kept in contact with letters, but that's all. Curiosity took over my surprise and suddenly I couldn't wait to open it.

Inside the package, were different colors of yarn. She went to a thrift store with her sister and bought whatever they had in stock. I don't know if I can describe to you how shocked I was. My friend has no e-mail or Facebook. She hasn't ever read my blog, nor has she even used an Atm machine. How did she know about my project?

I sat there, surrounded by all that yarn, racking my brain trying to remember when have I told her. Did I mention it in one of my letters to her? I must have, because how else did she know. Not only that, but she has never expressed an interest in my blog or this project. In fact, we hardly ever mention my cancer.

To me, this package was a revelation from God. Here I have been asking and wondering on what I should do next . . . . . I felt God had answered me. He used an unlikely source, but the message was clear to me. Who knows where this batch will go. I've already made 18 pairs. I will continue to make them as long as God keeps sending me yarn to do so.

Let's see what He has in store for me now. Have a Blessed Week everyone.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The Reflection


                                                    Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.

When we in darkness walk,
    Nor feel the heavenly flame,
  Then is the time to trust our God,
    And rest upon His name.
A. M. TOPLADY

All this free time has really set my mind in reflection. That could be a good thing or a bad thing. Too much thinking is never good, especially if you're a person like me who likes to analyze everything. The devil loves it when I'm in that mood! And in that mood I find myself way too often.  

I have spent way too much time these past weeks comparing myself to others. Or at least, my way of life to theirs. Look at their vehicle and then look at mine. See how far they have come in life compared to me? That sort of thing. Why do we do that? It's true what they say about idle hands and all.  

It seems that whenever I'm in a trial, my mind wanders back to all the things I've done and have wished undone. I only see the bad and not the good in my life. All those mistakes that shouldn't have been made.

The more I reflect, the more I want to get into my car and drive far, far away. Is this a rut that I'm in? Is it a mid-life crisis? Or is it change that I'm seeking? What is that new purpose? I want the "newness" to happen now, this minute. I don't want to work at it, go through it or deal with it. I just want it. Isn't that how we all are?

Even now as I write, I know the easy way cannot happen. I need to experience all of it so I could appreciate what comes out from the trial into the light. It's just so difficult to be trusting in the unknown. We all want things now and we want to know everything now. We don't want to wait or be in the dark. Trusting and waiting on God is hard to do, but we must. We must keep moving forward no matter how badly our minds wander, like mine has done. 

Oh, this mind of mine, stop wandering. Stop analyzing and just write! 

Have a blessed day everyone.

 

Monday, June 27, 2016

Cancer As A Blessing

                                                    Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.


Make a rule and pray for help to keep it. 
Once a day spare room for a thought that will pursue a strong purpose.
Help in some way the progress of a weary soul who cannot repay you.
--M. B. S.

You know, I've always considered myself a cancer ambassador of sorts, because of this re-occurring journey of mine. I've tried to  make myself available to others who may be experiencing cancer for the first time. I've tried to be honest in writing about my cancer experiences as best as I can be. Yet, I've come to realize that I maybe offending people instead of offering comfort.  

Why would I say that?

Well, I'm speaking of two types of people: The ones who have cancer and the ones who don't. 

The ones who don't have cancer think my attitude towards my illness is fantastic. In their eyes, I'm upbeat, positive and living my life to the fullest. What they don't understand is all this work has been nine years in the making. I was different in 2007 than I was in 2011 and so on and so on.

To the ones who have cancer, well, all of the above irritates them. What they don't understand is that it has been nine years in the making. And so on and so on.

Since my own re-occurrence in May, I've come face to face with that irritation from fellow cancer patients. Both times, I could see it on their faces how angry I made them by my upbeat attitude, almost as if I was putting on a front. At first, I felt extremely defensive, finding justification in the fact that I've been at it a very long time. 

What a boorish attitude I have! Aren't I full of myself! Good for me! Looking back now, I'm almost ashamed of that attitude. I have forgotten to show compassion and understanding along with the wisdom of those nine years. There is a way to say and do things and apparently I haven't been doing a good job of it. 

Yes, I'm in a very good place in regards to my cancer, but that doesn't mean that everyone else is in that same place right along with me. I've forgotten that in every trial or storm we face, we feel alone and depressed. It's difficult to look at others who are Pollyanna when we are struggling. 

Talk about being insensitive! Shame on me. How can I be a blessing to others when I don't consider their feelings and where they're coming from? You see, it might have been nine years, but apparently , I still have plenty to learn.

Have a blessed day everyone.




 

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Highlight Of The Week #20

                                                    Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                     everyday is a journey.

This week has been very uneventful and just downright boring. For the first time since my surgery, I really wished I was at work. That is saying a lot since work at this time of the Season is extremely hot! It's not that I had nothing to do, because my mentor came in from Texas and we hung out. I had breakfast with my bestie Belen and a visit from one of my nieces with her son.  I wasn't exactly alone.

My routine consists of rising early, eating breakfast and straightening up around the apartment. The place has never looked so pristine. Anytime I need to post a letter or get milk from the store, I've been walking instead of driving for a bit of scenery and exercise. I've caught up on my Bible study, read a couple of books, done crosswords and straightened up some paperwork. I've even brought out my crayons and colored pages of an adult coloring book. It's not enough.

I can't help, but go back to Emily's faithful words before the surgery. Mom, there's not enough to keep you occupied, because you like busyness. You will become bored.

Well folks, I'm officially bored! Besides, I'm running out of yarn. I have no more plastic bags for my homeless mats and my mind has become a total mush where I cannot write a sentence. I need a new purpose, but what could that purpose be?!

Unfortunately, I've picked up once again some of my bad habits from the past. Every evening, I turn on that stupid television watching aimlessly episodes of absolutely nothing. I did enjoy O.J. Simpson's Documentary and wish there were more of these types of programs.  Even my sacred rule of the Sabbath I've broken. No longer is Sunday family day. Everyday is family day. 

When my friend from Texas reached out to me, Emily couldn't wait to push me out the door. I think she is pretty sick of me, too. 

Have as Blessed day everyone. 

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Happy Lazy Saturday Afternnon


                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

It is not that I feel less weak, but Thou
  Wilt be my strength; it is not that I see
  Less sin; but more of pardoning love with Thee,
    And all-sufficient grace. Enough! And now
  All fluttering thought is stilled; I only rest,
  And feel that Thou art near, and know that I am blest.
F. R. HAVERGAL.

Sometimes, we have days where there is no urgency in anything we do. It doesn't matter that the chores are fully laden and overfilling. Our minds are empty of any work and totally filled with leisure. 

I sincerely had good intentions yesterday as I made my plans for today. I packed it tight as usual, getting up early to meet the day with expectation.  We're early risers here. I set out this morning to the neighborhood grocery store for milk and butter. We've been walking quite a bit lately, opting for the car to stay parked. It's so beautiful and sunny everyday, why not enjoy it?

On the way back, I could feel the sun upon my face and hear the birds chirping as they do very early in the morn. Suddenly, all desire to work left me as my mind filled with thoughts that had nothing to do with laboring.

Sometimes,  we want to lie on the couch watching nothing in particular while nibbling on an apple crumb cake and a glass of milk. The most strenuous activity involves stretching out the inactive limbs. 

Oh, lazy Saturday, how I welcome you! Enjoy this day that the Lord has made for us!

HAVE A blessed day everyone. 
 

Thursday, June 23, 2016

A Cat's Point Of View

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Today's post is on a lighter note. Since my recovery, I have been observing the surroundings of the occupants of my building. There are many things I don't get to see, because of my working on second shift. One of these inhabitants is our cat Diamond. 

Now, I don't know about you, but a cat's life is a dream. I still have to figure out exactly what this feline roommate of ours does on a daily basis that contributes to the household. She takes control of all the rooms in the apartment and becomes extremely possessive of all the comfy nooks!

 First, she loves to nap on her bed, which by the way, is a huge round wicker chair that a grownup could curl up in. She has two adult sized blankets, two old bed pillow and a sheet. You think it's comfortable enough for her? Sometimes, when she wants some alone time, she loves to hide underneath it.

If there is a blanket or a rug, one will find Diamond taking a turn on each for her nap per day. Even a door mat is an open invitation to the greedy feline!

This one is of her in MY daybed in MY room, but beware if you sit in that exact spot! Oh no, she will come running, and I mean running over exclaiming her dislike of you being in her favorite spot.

This, for heaven's sake, is a box with a blanket on it! 

She and I argue incessantly over this chair. Somehow, she always wins!

Diamond in her usual position. 

What do all these pictures have in common? She is sleeping in all of them and all in one solitary day! One can also find her in the closet, but it was too dark for a good picture. Another spot is on her mistresses bed, but I guess her boudoir is too private for everyone too see. Somehow, she has the better life, don't you think?

Have a blessed day everyone.
 
 
 



 

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Too Good To Be True

                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Let us disengage ourselves from care about the passing things of time; let us soar above our worldly possessions. The bee does not less need its wings when it has gathered an abundant store, for if it sink in the honey, it dies.
--Saint Augustine.


A while back, about two weeks after my surgery, I had a wonderful day where I felt real good. Even though I still had my staples, I thought to myself, let me take a walk outside. I needed a break from being inside all the time. The weather was beautiful and I decided to take the opportunity to feel the sunshine on my face. 

I grabbed my Netflix and decided to take a walk to the mailbox. I mean, it's only two blocks away. I can handle that. The thing is that when we're driving, everything seems close by, doesn't it? That mailbox ended up being a whole four very long blocks. I thought I would never see that blue box. 

On my way home, my stomach ached and I felt exhausted. I grabbed my belly like a pregnant women strolling along in the neighborhood. All I wanted was to get home and take a nap. Which is exactly what I did upon arriving.  

There were and still are many days as the one above where I felt real good upon wakening. I would make several plans for the day because of it only to discover I could only do a few of them. Even yesterday, I spent my morning with a friend at a rummage sale hoping to find some yarn. Came home and went walking with Emily for the rest of the afternoon. 

By the time evening came,  I was exhausted and so was Emily. I think I need to stop overdoing it a bit. Just because I have a good day doesn't mean I'm fully recovered. Don't worry everyone, today I am resting!

Have a Blessed day everyone.  

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Throwback Thursday

 

                                    Everyday is a brand new day, 

                                    everyday is a journey.

  It's another Throwback Thursday where we take a look to the past in the year 2013 and provide an update on where we are now.

God-sized dreams . . . . . I've had so many! One can almost feel the shift in the process of our daily life whenever one is coming. Every so many years, things change, don't they? I almost feel that shift now and wish I could just get into my car speeding away into the sunset. 

We all have dreamed of our biggest and sincerest desires. Some of them involve selflessness and others are just for ourselves. My selfish desire is the one pictured above.  I have learned during this time at home that I miss my Ministry and my writing. One would think that this would be a good time to write, but I barely typed a paragraph, besides this blog, of course!

Having dreams, especially the ones driven by God, should be a goal we all strive towards. Who knows where our purposeful path will take us.

 

My God Dream

Since my fast has begun this month, I have been reading numerous literature from all avenues. One of them has been from a fellow blogger, Holley Gerth. Now, Holley, is way out of my league. She is huge! All month she has been focusing on God-size dreams.

I believe we all are looking for a purpose in our life. To me, there isn't just one purpose, but many. You finish one and move on to the next. We are forever learning and growing in our faith. I also believe that God has a way of doing things by placing people and things in our path that we are looking to explore and learn. When our hearts are spiritually filled we call this purpose "God's dream for me."

Since I just completed one purpose, I'm sort of looking for my next. I'm all pumped up and confident, ready to take on whatever He may have in store for me. I'm totally embracing Holley's blog and all her input, because when you think about it, we all want to improve our lives. We all are looking for the same thing . . . . .spiritual fulfillment.

One thing we need to remember is that we are not alone. Finding our purpose takes time and patience. Even now, I'm very impatient for the next "one", but deep down inside, I need to take a breather and prepare for that moment.

This sort of reminds me of my cancer. Whenever, I have my life back on track . . . . . . BAM! It  comes back again. So for now, I have to learn patience. Accept this quiet time  (treatment) and wait it out. Then I can tackle my purpose, my God dream.

Where are you at? Are you aware of your God dream? Your purpose? Or are you like me, in a dormant stage? Whatever point you're at, it doesn't matter as long as we're cultivating our spiritual growth.
Have a Blessed Week everyone.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

The Quit List

                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

You will keep Him in perfect peace.
Whose mind is stayed in you
Because He trusts in you
Trust in the Lord forever
For in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength.
Isaiah 26:3-4 

I've always been a person who believed in the safety of numbers. I believe in  surrounding myself with the tools or people who can help us in time of struggle. All this because I am a worrier. I worry about consequences from the past, things that are going on now in the present and definitely worry about things that may never happen at all in the future. 

So it's no wonder that I like to have a plan in place for that emergency. I need backups in case my car breaks down and I need a ride. Who can I call in the middle of the night when something breaks or I need to go to the hospital? What if the computer breaks down? I'd like to keep a list of close people whom I can depend on in time of trouble. I have a mechanic, a relative living within a few blocks, a close friend or two and a couple of people I work with that go my way. 

All of these people have basically moved on this year and I have been left with a blank-less list. In my quest for an even closer relationship with Our Lord (trusting), I've found that all my safety nets have been withdrawn. Today, I've learned of another of my Ministry volunteers who may be moving too far away from me. Who will take her spot to make those important deliveries? Can you smell the change that's in the air? I definitely can.

Even at work, I'm constantly hearing of this one or that one who has handed in their two week notice. Or they're retiring. Or fired. By the time I go back to work, it will be a ghost town. Or I just won't recognize the new people.

Yet, I find myself feeling  envious of their bold attitude towards life. They don't need reassurances that things will be alright. They just go and then they deal with whatever comes their way. I'm such a worrisome person. I need my feet planted firmly on the ground. They say a woman needs security. I think that's true. 

So for now, it's just the Lord and I. He leads and I follow. Although, sometimes He steps aside and points in the direction I should go. I'm scared, but I go. It might be a dark tunnel and it may even hurt, but somehow He's always there to meet me on the other side. At least, He will never quit me.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Highlight Of The Week #19

                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

  Wherever in the world I am,
    In whatsoe'er estate,
  I have a fellowship with hearts,
    To keep and cultivate,
  And a work of lowly love to do
    For the Lord on whom I wait.
A. L. WARING.

How can I define these past two weeks? Emotionally draining that's how. 

The first week I battled Fmla. That promised post on that very subject is coming. Right now, I don't even want to think about them. It seemed as if I was on the phone more handling the red tape than actually spending time healing. All I will say on that matter is that these people are exhausting and so are there antics!

The other week, I began my first dosage of chemo and spent the rest of that week laid up. I have to keep reminding myself that I still haven't recovered from the surgery, because I am extremely tired. That's not the case when it's my first chemo treatment. Usually, since it is my first, my body is still strong and repetition makes me weaker in the long run. As I rested, feeling drained, others took up the load.

On a positive note, the weather has been absolutely lovely. I'm so blessed to have people in my life who are thoughtful and kind. I've always said that each and every treatment has shown me how much I am loved. The cards are still coming in and so are the phone calls. I am truly blessed.

In these past nine years, I can count on one hand the times a meal was provided for me by others. Not so now!  I've had lunch brought over, dessert in the evening and a pot roast for dinner. We haven't had to cook in almost five days. I've been taken to a concert in the park, potluck BBQ at Church and rummage sales! There is always someone who is ready to come pick me up for a mini adventure. 

I feel like we're melding our relationships into stronger and binding cords that make us brother and sisters of Christ.

Have a Blessed day everyone.
 

 

Sunday, June 12, 2016

The Side Effects

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



One holy Church, one army strong,
    One steadfast high intent,
  One working band, one harvest-song,
    One King omnipotent.
S. JOHNSON.

I've been sort of out of action for a few days since my first chemo was administered. I truly have not been feeling well, especially since the side effects have begun so much earlier this time. As I've stated before, the side effects hit me right away while I was still in the parking lot of the hospital. That has never happened before. 

Usually, by the time I arrive home, I start feeling fatigue and everyday after that, a new symptom emerges. Not this time. First, it was the metal mouth taste where nothing tastes good. I wonder if my having upper dentures has anything to do with it. I am constantly washing out my mouth.

Secondly, the nausea hit me straight on. I normally don't use the pills, because they never really worked well for me. This time, I popped those suckers every four hours.  Drinking water, eating broth, saltines and toast has helped somewhat with the nausea.

Thirdly, all this popping pills every four hours has made me extremely constipated. At least, I'm believing the medication has something to do with it. Although, constipation has been a side effect I deal with during treatment, but it has never been this bad. It seems that since I've had my surgery, I've been on a daily dosage of Miralax!

Fourthly, the fatigue. When it comes on, I almost feel lite-headed. I am tired and do not have the energy level, which is normal. I am so hard on myself, because I still expect to work the same, do the same and be the same as if nothing has happened. I have to constantly remind myself that I am still very much in recovery.  

Fifthly, I swear my stomach is still swollen or at least seems so large! My wound, when I touch it, almost feels numb. When I sit up or drive a longer distance, my belly becomes sore. 

Even now, as I write this post, I'm becoming tired and metal mouth taste is back in my mouth! I'm all ready for bed and it's only suppertime. The things I've planned to do while in recovery, I haven't even touched. This recovery is a lot slower than I first thought. 

Have a blessed day everyone.  

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Throwback Thursday

                                    Everyday is a brand new day, 

                                     everyday is a journey.

  Here we are at yet another Throwback Thursday where we take a peek back to the year 2013 and provide an update on where we are now. 

Today, someone asked Emily about my recovery and how I'm doing emotionally. They even offered advice. Emily cracked me up with her response. She basically repeated the post below. Maybe not word for word, but they got the gist of it. You know, just when we think that our kids aren't listening, they surprise us. 

When I think of my beginning, I'm inspired to move forward. I don't ever want to forget that place. I may not want to re-live it, but I certainly want to respect and honor that time. There was a lot of learning from that experience that made us, not just me, but my children as well, who we are now. 

Each and every single bout I've had with cancer has taught me something about who I am in Christ. I've been looking in the mirror and seeing things that I'm not happy about seeing. The work inside of us is never completed, it is ongoing.

 

The Middle Of The Story

What inspires you? Is it the good deeds of others that are witnessed daily? How about  a book or famous movie? To some,  influential people throughout history spark an inspiration. To each of us, inspiration comes in different forms depending on who we are and where we are at during the stages of our lives.

One of my favorite commercials is the one for the famous soda company where each person sees someone do an act of kindness and they in return, do the same. I just love that commercial. What if we all did that? Can you imagine what would happen?

So what inspires you?

Speaking to my HR manager this morning, she remarked on my positive attitude. I wasn't born with this positive attitude regarding my cancer . . . I've earned it. It looks easy when one enters in the middle of the story. The beginning held so many layers like the skin of an onion . . . .raw and pungent . . . and fresh, bringing tears with every exposed layer.

Every time  someone mentions how well I'm handling this cancer situation, my mind wanders to the beginning . . . the past. A lot has happened for me to get here.

So what inspires me?

The past inspires me. It reminds me where I came from, what I've been through and where I'm heading. Having cancer changed my life for the better and I never want to forget that. I've always wondered when people read my blog . . . . . did they start from the beginning? Or did they just continue from wherever in the middle they happened upon?

So what inspires us? What provides us with the desire to get up and face the world? To produce beauty from ashes? We have hope and love within us to live the life Christ intended for us. The light within us that only He can provide.

So what inspires you?

Have a Blessed Week everyone.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

The Chemo

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

So yesterday was my first dosage of chemotherapy. Believe me, after signing in, I made a beeline towards that coffee table in the waiting room. It sure tasted good. Why wouldn't it? It was barely 8:30 in the morning and I've already been up for hours. 

Was it a difficult experience? No. Chemo is an old friend. I'm so familiar with it that it almost feels comforting. Does that sound crazy? I know what to do with the symptoms and what to expect from it. I know how long they will last and when they will begin. No, chemo is not torture to me. 

I made jokes with the lab people. I was able to catch up on the latest from all the chemo nurses. I've been coming there since 2011, I am almost like family. I know their names and they know me. 

Chemo is familiar. Chemo is a friend to me.

My roommate, on the other hand, felt otherwise. She was miserable, unhappy and definitely angry. For all of my jovial attempts to bring her out, she didn't take the bait at all. I think I aggravated her instead. Emily said that not everyone can be like you, mom. I felt sorry for that woman and I pray she comes to terms with her disease. 

On my way out of the parking garage, I began to feel the metal mouth symptom. Halfway home, tiredness overcame me, followed by nausea. I wanted to get home as soon as possible and go to bed. This was the first time that I ever felt the symptoms so early. Usually, it's only the fatigue and that doesn't happen until the evening. I'm thinking it could be because I didn't bring any snacks with me so I was pretty hungry by the time I left. By the time I did get home it was after 1p.m. sand it was time for lunch. 

So, all in all, I'm recovering at home. Taking easy and sleeping whenever possible. Resting and reading.

Have a Blessed day everyone.  



Monday, June 6, 2016

A Cup Of Coffee


                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Do not act as if you had ten thousand years to throw away. Death stands at your elbow. Be good for something while you live and it is in your power.
--Marcus Aurelius.

I ran out of coffee! There was no time to go out to the store for more. I purposely set aside this morning for phone calls to my Oncologist, nurse at work and the famous Fmla. Little did I know that the morning calls would extend well into the afternoon. 

The headache appeared around noon. No coffee and the numerous hassles from my favorite people (fmla) brought on a massive ache that would not go away. The phone calls did not stop as we went back and forth in a never ending stream of questions and paperwork. I really need to write a post on my favorite people (fmla), but it will have to wait for now.

I tried laying down with a cold compress. It almost worked as I felt myself drifting off to sleep for an afternoon nap. Then the phone rang again. And then another. Then another.

The no time for coffee morning turned into an awful, awful day. My head pounded terribly and all I wanted was to lay down to sleep. Couldn't wait for supper to be over as the couch called out my name. 

Tomorrow morning will be another no time for coffee day as I have to leave pretty early for my first chemo infusion. Wait! They do have coffee in the waiting room! I think I might be saved!

Have a Blessed day everyone.

 

Sunday, June 5, 2016

The Radiation Consult


                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

I can hear these violets chorus
    To the sky's benediction above;
  And we all are together lying
    On the bosom of Infinite Love.
  Oh, the peace at the heart of Nature!
    Oh, the light that is not of day!
  Why seek it afar forever,
    When it cannot be lifted away?
W. C. GANNETT.


I wasn't looking forward to the radiation consult as I had no idea what to expect. This was certainly a new experience for me. My idea of radiation has always been from someone else point of view. Or at least, my observation of their treatment. Since it appeared to be a quick scan, even though a daily one, I just assumed it didn't have too many side effects. 

You know about that word assume, right? That's exactly what happened here. As I sat there listening to them describe the procedure and the side effects, I thought to myself how naive could I possibly be? Here I've always considered myself a professional in regards to cancer since I've gone through it so many times. Yet, I still don't really know all there is to know. 

So what are the side effects? Well, since the scan will be a direct one on the spot where my tumor was and not a larger area, it shouldn't be as bad. It will affect my bowels and my urinary tract. Of course, there is severe fatigue that seems to be associated with all treatments of the cancer. This worries me the most. I was planning on being back at work at this time. The idea of having to take a nap concerns me greatly since my treatment will be in the morning and I will be going to work directly after. It will be a long day for me. 

So the plan is for me to do my chemo infusions first (3 of them), have another Ct. scan and then followed by five weeks of radiation (totaling 25).  That's the plan. What will happen in between, one can only wait and see. There are so many concerns here and not just regards to treatment. There are the long term side effects and Fmla issues, which is another story altogether. 

For now, we're going with the first chemo this Tuesday. It all begins here. 

Have a Blessed day everyone. 

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Things Not To Say



Once again someone shared their insight as to why my cancer keeps coming back or why I have it in the first place. I'm glad that somebody knows why I have cancer, because it seems that no Oncologist I know does. Scientists for decades, maybe centuries, have been perplexed over this disease. 

I have heard various accounts, but yesterday's really miffed me. So I thought I would compose a list of things not to say to anyone with a chronic illness, especially cancer.  So here we go!

1. Do not say the cancer is back, because of all the sugar a person eats.
In other words, I'm fat and if I lost some weight maybe this cancer would stop growing back. That's the most ridiculous and hurtful thing I've ever heard. There is nothing wrong with my sugar count as I do my Bio-metric screening yearly. Besides, there are plenty of thin people who have cancer.

2. The mother looks better than the daughter.
Do not make disparaging remarks about the appearance of someone who is in treatment. We lose our hair, eyebrows, eyelashes and heck, all the hair on our bodies. Our skin becomes reddened, darkened, blotchy and even bloated. We gain weight and look haggard. Heavens, we are injecting our bodies with radiation and chemotherapy! Trust me when I say that it will affect more than just our cancer. Be careful when you see someone who may look sickly or pale. You have no idea what they are going through.  

3. If you had more faith and asked God to heal you, He would.
I don't know even where to begin with this one. I hear this on a continual basis. For some reason, people seem to think I haven't asked for healing or perhaps, I might have too much sin in my life. That's why God hasn't taken this cancer from me. Some even think I shouldn't be saying the "C" word. If I'm fine and at peace with my situation, why aren't you?

I'm sorry. I know I sound angry, but I'm more disappointed than anything. I guess it just proves what I always say, people do not understand cancer. 

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Throwback Thursday

 

                                               Everyday is a brand new 

                                               day, everyday is a journey.

  Here we are at yet another Throwback Thursday in the year 2013 where we look back and provide an update on where we are now. 

Today's post makes me laugh every single time I re-post it. I do so because I consider it hilarious. This post has taken me in quite a bit of trouble the first time I published it for everyone to read. I can almost guarantee that there will be someone asking me to make this for them. 

Oh yes, the trouble. Sorry, I strayed for a minute. The first time when I posted the following, someone complained to the various social media outlets where I shared my blog that the contents of this story where dirty. I think the problem was a language problem and the translation of the title in this person's language. I did get to see the original complaint that was sent which was typed in very broken English. Just imagine the title of The Underwear Hangers being translated into Russian or Assyrian. No wonder they thought the contents were dirty. 

Still makes me laugh just thinking about it.

 

The Underwear Hangers

Here's some light reading:

Over the past six years, I have made numerous crocheted items for friends, family and organizations. There were baby blankets to a crisis center as well as for  a friend's baby shower. From blankets, baby hats, booties and slippers to stuffed animal clothes. 

BUT . . . . . . I have never been asked to make, what Emily calls, an underwear hanger. Yes, you read it right. An underwear hanger. Who? What? Why?

My mom gets her hair done every week at the same hairdressers for like decades. They have a pair of sisters, senior citizen ladies, that like to hang their "privates" such as underwear and bras on a hanger out on their balcony. They were in search of someone who would crochet or knit a new set of these hangers for them. Of course, they immediately thought of my mom or myself.

Mom, who has knitted beautifully in her youth, has absolutely no patience left in her body any longer. She happily thrust that duty to me. Handing over to me a bag containing an old sample of what they used to hang their privates: Could I please do something with this?

I pulled out the tattered hanger, a box of clothespins, and a skein of yarn. What am I to make with this? I took it home, making no promises. After a week, this is what I came up with.

I showed them, all five of them, to my girlfriend and now she wants a set for herself. I thought she was joking.
BUT then . . . the more I look at it, the more I liked it so much that I've decided to make a set for myself. Odd as it may seem, we shall add this to my portfolio.

Have a Blessed Day everyone.

Yarn Bombing My Life

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. Some murmur if their sky is clear, And wholly bright ...