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Showing posts from April, 2016

Living Life

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday
                                                   is a journey.

The threat of dying, really taught me how to live. I can't even remember the person I once was before my cancer nor do I want to. I sat here at my desk this morning contemplating my life. I cannot convey to you enough how much my life has changed nor how happy I have been, especially in the last five years. 

I have truly been blessed in so many ways. My children still seem to enjoy my company. I have plenty of friends and many interests. I am in a much better place than the majority of cancer patients. I work full time and I take no medication. It's unheard of for someone in my condition. 

Things could really be so much worse than what they are now. It would be so easy for me to forget all that and start feeling sorry for myself. I love my life and I am grateful for this journey, because it has shown me how to really live. 

I be…

Throwback Thursday

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Everyday is a brand new                                                day, everyday is a journey.   It's time for Throwback Thursday where we take a look at an old post. Once again, we are back in 2013 at a time where I was in chemo. At that time, I was still working full time and taking off for chemo infusions. I was very fortunate to receive the treatments on a Friday where I had the entire weekend to rest. There were times where I also would take an occasional Monday off, but they were rare.  Normally, I would get off work at 6:30 a.m., run home real quick to grab my chemo bag and head out for my treatment. As crazy as this may sound, I would look forward to this time as my relaxing moments. Everyone would know I was partaking in chemo and basically left me to rest all weekend. By the time I'd get home later in the day (usually by 3p.m.) I was so exhausted.  The following post shows a time where all I wanted was to get home. …

A Quiet Day

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Did you ever have a day where instead of getting up when the alarm rang, you turned over and went back to sleep? A day where you really didn't care what was going on in the world? A day where you didn't want to see or hear another person? A day of quiet? A day of total silence?

I'm not depressed or upset, I just want silence. I didn't even sit by my desk to write today's post. I didn't want to see the world outside. I don't want to think too much or focus on anything. I want to be still.

Be still and know that I am God.

There's so much busyness in our lives that we need a time to do absolutely nothing. We need to recuperate our bodies, our minds and our spirit. I hope you find the time today just that. May God richly bless you.

Have a Blessed day everyone. 

First Impressions

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Have you ever had a moment where you wish you could redo? I've had plenty of them! This morning was one of those mornings where I've added to that list. 

I get up pretty early (around 6:45a.m.) on a good day. This morning I had a purpose so I made sure I had an early start. We have eight units in this building and one washer/dryer for everyone. If I don't get up this early and run downstairs with a load of laundry, I can forget about doing laundry. I only have the morning to do anything before rushing off to work. 

So I jump out of bed, grab my bathrobe and don't even bother combing my hair or doing my face. For the next two hours, I'm running up and down the stairs, doing one load after another. All this still in my bathrobe, slippers, no makeup and messy uncombed hair, which by the way was standing up!

On my last run, I'm folding my laundry and here walks in my landlady…

Friend To Friend

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



I just noticed not too long ago the changes that Facebook made on my page. It included a short intro about myself in so many words. What can I say in just a few words that can convey to people who I am?

It's kind of funny how we are trying to connect with others via social media instead of face to face. It's really been the decade of the cellphone, linking us to everyone and everything.

The same day I noticed my Facebook changes, I opened up my devotions for the day and the top three questions stared back at me. 

1. Who are you?
2. Where did you come from? 3. Why are you here? These are three very important questions to which you need to know the answer.

It also made me think of friendships. I've mentioned before, numerous times, on the variety of my friendships. As I stared at the three questions, I couldn't help but think of them. I mean, I am very well aware of who I am, where …

Thru The Bible

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                         everyday is a journey.

It has always been a dream of mine to read through the Bible. Not just read the words, but read, ponder, analyze each verse. That's one long Bible study, folks. And a little scary, too.

One can never know what is in store whenever we begin a major project as this one. I say a project because this will take at least five years. A project of restoring my soul. A project of becoming wiser in the word of God.  It would certainly be a dream come true for me. 

One thing I don't want this Bible Study to turn into is automated reading. Almost like a timeline. A schedule. Instead, let this be a set aside time for me and God. 

Do you know what I like the best about this Bible Study? The fact that he takes his time with it explaining book by book, verse by verse. There is no rush nor deadline. He spent ten days on just explainin…

An Ordinary Day

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

The alarm went off at 6 a.m. as planned. I got up groaning and whining, finally losing the battle as I sank back into bed. I made all these plans the night before and right then, I had no desire to fulfill them. Two hours later, my guilty conscience won out and I finally got up. 

What was so important? I wanted to make the last of my Ministry donations before my surgery. Since I was shutting down until at least June, I wanted to make sure there were no outstanding deliveries to be made. My apartment would be free of boxes!

The drive meant a whole 44 minutes each way, but the morning sun shone brightly leading the way.  The trouble was that this place was sort of hidden away on the wayside and one could easily pass it by. And that's what I did at least four or five times. I kept turning around and turning around searching. I almost gave up wanting to head back home. The only thing that kept m…

The Anniversary

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.

Old friends, old scenes, will lovelier be,
  As more of heaven in each we see:
  Some softening gleam of love and prayer
  Shall dawn on every cross and care.
J. KEBLE.

Nine years ago, on May 25, 2007 I had my surgery to remove my seven pound tumor. That's when my journey began. It seems almost ironic that here I am, once again, having a surgery in the month of May, nine years later. It seems only normal for me to think back and reflect on where I was and where I am now.  

There are many differences here. One, I was in severe condition then so it's no wonder my recovery was so very difficult filled with many setbacks and complications. Two, I had no idea what cancer was all about. I was absolutely naive and I certainly approached it in that matter. Three, I felt it was a one shot deal where I would have the surgery and chemo…

Throwback Thursday

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Everyday is a brand new day,                                     everyday is a journey. It's another Throwback Thursday where we take a look back to an older post and give a small update on where we are now. We have been looking back to the year 2013.  As I re-read the following post, all sorts of emotions came flooding back. You see, this is the beginning of my Ministry, only I had no idea what it was back then. All of my life, I only made one type of thing . . . blankets. I never attempted to learn anything else. I never thought I could. It seems that the year 2013 was certainly a magical year for the development of my craft as well as my Crocheting Ministry. It was in the Fall of that year where we officially began.  Since then, we have had many additions to our family. And that baby chest of items? Well, I've donated the whole lot to charity. What's funny here is that I knew deep down inside something was brewing, I just didn't …

Highlight Of The Week #14

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                            Everyday is a journey.

I am the man of a thousand loves,
A thousand loves have I;
And all my loves are white-winged doves,
That into my soul would fly. I am the man of a thousand friends
Of tuneful memory;
And each of them spends the delicate ends
Of a brilliant day with me. And all my gifts are magical words
That sing sweet songs to me;
And the sensitive words are caroling birds
In the garden of imagery.

Ever since things started progressing at the end of last week, I felt so much better about things. I had a purpose, a goal to take care of during this time. This provided a release of tension and my focus was reverted away from stress.

If I had to define this week, I would call it the week of doctors. Every day I would rise early and head out to the hospital for yet another appointment. Out of the five work days, I only worked two whole days. I was d…

The Primary Care

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

My appointment was for 6:20 p.m. It felt so weird to be at the hospital at that time with the halls completely empty. I mean empty. I felt a little better about this appointment since my old doctor was unavailable so they sent me to someone new. What a God moment!

My new Primary Care doctor, let's call her Dr. M., is the best! We had such a good rapport and everything was looking great. All my vitals were excellent. Blood work for liver, kidney and sugar were excellent! Even my thyroid was looking great ( borderline) and didn't need any medication for now. 

She did hear a faint heart murmur which she felt was a coincidence, but still had to be checked out further just to be on the safe side. So another appointment has been made for an Echo (an ultrasound). At least, this next date won't be for a while so I get a sma…

The Anesthesiologist

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                   everyday is a journey.

 So on Tuesday I went to see my hernia doctor which led to my next appointment the following day with the anesthesiologist. I've been waiting for this one since I know it's needed for my surgery, especially the EKG. I was delighted, because the ball was rolling towards my surgery.

My appointment was located in the surgery clinic so I was excited to see what everything looked like and even meet the actual people who might take care of me in pre-op. As I waited and waited, I thought nothing of the tests that would be done on me. I mean, I'm  pretty much healthy on the inside so why wouldn't I pass?

Well, I failed the EKG. I mean, how could I fail the EKG? I thought I was pretty calm. Even my blood pressure was far better than in the past few days. So of course, they couldn't okay me for surgery at this time. They sent…

The Overnight Bag

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    Everyday is a journey.

One thing I've learned in my journey is that a well supplied overnight/chemo bag is a major necessity. This tote bag holds all the bare essentials that every chronic illness patient could ever need. I've had mine now almost since the very beginning. 

I received my first overnight bag from Phil's Friends, an organization that passes out these bags to cancer patient via mail or hospital visits. A friend of mine (Karen) volunteers over there regularly and placed me on the mailing list.

The other day I took it out of it's regular hiding space to make sure to replenish any stock I might need for my hospital stay. Going through the contents brought back some memories, both good and sad. Some of the things inside I've had since the very beginning like my crossword puzzles. The pages have actually turned yellow!

So what i…

The Anxiety

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Four things come not back--the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life, the neglected opportunity.
--William Hazlitt.
It's only natural to worry and be nervous. Who wouldn't be in my shoes? People misconstrue my anxiety to mean a fear of dying. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I've dealt with that issue way back in 2011 and it wasn't pretty. 

So what am I worried about?

When I was pregnant the first time, my mom gave me great words of wisdom. She said, "The first time we're scared, because we have no idea what to expect. The second time we're scared, because we do know."

That's sort of how I feel. We don't ever want to forget where we've been, but we never want to go back there and experience it again. So of course, I'm a little anxious in regards to my recovery and the pain. The one good thing is that it couldn't possibly be any…

The Appointment

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                      everyday is a journey.

  So what's holding up the surgery date? The hernia doctor, which I don't even know what the official name for this type of doctor. What are they called? When the call finally came for an appointment, it was more of a relief to finally get the ball rolling. Since all my doctors are part of the hospital, they are only in the clinic on certain days. This one has afternoon hours. I was a little disappointed, because that meant another day taken off work. It seemed as if I've been taking off quite a lot lately due to all these tests and visits.  

So my hernia doctor, let's call him Mr. B, walked in and my heart did a little skip. What a hunk! Young, dark and handsome. Beautiful eyes. I always had a thing for Italians. Be still my heart.  I guess some things do not change. 

Anyway, he finally agreed to a date. The surg…

Throwback Thursday

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Everyday is a brand new day,                                                everyday is a journey.Every Thursday, we take a look back into an old post and try to do an update on where we are now. Today's post is from 2013 way back in January. Reading this post over again, the first thing I noticed is how much my ways have changed in regards to fasting. Somewhere along the way, my fasting has become repetition instead of reverence toward God. We have to be very careful that the routine of praying (and fasting) does not become stale. In a way it's good that I look back on these old posts, just to take a good look in the mirror. This year, I've decided to turn off the television and my Facebook games (which I love). So far, I haven't turned that telly back on. There have been a few times  that I did and found there was nothing appealing on for me. The Facebook games I'm still playing, but only three of them. I think the i…

FIFO

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                        everyday is a journey.

As morning hears before it run
The music of the mounting sun,
And laughs to watch his trophies won
From darkness, and her hosts undone,
And all the night becomes a breath,
Nor dreams that fear should hear and flee
The summer menace of the sea,
So hear our hope what life may be,
And know it not for death. --Algernon Charles Swinburne

Organization has always been a love of mine and yet, I've struggled to maintain order all of my life. Over the years, I've tried different methods which would work for awhile. Then the mess would stock pile up again. I would become frustrated with myself for not being able to maintain the organization I so longed for. 

Since I seem to have all this time on my hands now, I've decided to tackle some of this mess. My desk is constantly cluttered with papers and such. It's no wonder since I do …

Rest

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.

rest1 rest/ verb verb: rest; 3rd person present: rests; past tense: rested; past participle: rested; gerund or present participle: resting 1. cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.
"he needed to rest after the feverish activity"
synonyms:relax, take a rest, ease up/off, let up, slow down, have/take a break, unbend, unwind, recharge one's batteries, be at leisure, take it easy, put one's feet up;Google's definition.

I used to feel guilty for resting and not being productive. We all are defined by something. It could be love, or as for me, by accomplishments. I adore busyness and cannot understand people that are bored. There is always something to do. 

I've learned that all the busyness in the world cannot make me more productive if I am too tired, ill or malnourished  i…

Overcome By Grace

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Discouraged in the work of life,
Disheartened by its load,
Shamed by its failures or its fears,
I sink beside the road;--
But let me only think of Thee,
And then new heart springs up in me.
S. LONGFELLOW. 

I made a mistake. Not just another mistake, but the same one that I keep repeating over and over again. I should have been written up, instead I was shown Grace. He has shown me Grace. Moments like that bring tears to my eyes, because I am so unworthy of that Grace.

There are many incidents such as the above, where I was shown Grace. What is Grace? Grace is something we don't deserve, but we receive anyway. Let's say we are pulled over for speeding, but the police officer lets us go with just a warning. That is Grace. We deserve a ticket, but we were shown Grace instead. 

It took me a long time to understand what Grace really meant. It was through Bible study and reading of T…

The Call

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Everyday is a brand new
                                                               day, everyday is a journey.


If I can stop one heart from breaking,I shall not live in vain;If I can ease one life from aching,Or cool one pain,Or help one fainting robinUnto his nest again,I shall not live in vain. --Emily Dickinson.


You know how we wait for something to happen. We wait and wait, growing anxious and hoping it will come soon. We try to occupy ourselves by involving ourselves in aimless activities, anything to keep the obvious thought at bay. That's how I have been feeling regarding the surgery date. 

I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. I need to be prepared, organized and plan my next move. Yesterday, I was feeling a bit irritated with the slowness of things. When we don't know something we become upset right away, don't we? We become impatient and take it out on others. 

I may not have gotten the call I was looki…

Highlight Of The Week #13

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

If I had to describe this week with one word, the word I would use is anxiety. I lost my soul to anxiety. I fretted and fussed over every imaginable consequence of the upcoming surgery.  I worried about the when, the why and the how. Why was it taking so long to schedule this surgery? What if I didn't have enough time for FMLA approval? That's what happens when we wait on something. . . we lose our mind.

So folks, I'll make it brief today. I plan on searching for my mind this weekend so I can start fresh on Monday. And people think I have it all together. If they only knew.

The funny side of the week. 

We were at Walmart ( Emily and I) when we both decided to split up and meet by the exist. So after I paid the cashier, I noticed that Emily was already finished with her errand and standing near the door. I pushed my cart towards her and she turned to me and said:

"Everyone is giv…

Throwback Thursday

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Everyday is a brand new                                              day, everyday is a journey.  Every Thursday we go back to a post from yesteryear and offer an update on where we are today. The following post is from 2013.  It was not a good year for Emily and myself. We lost many so-called friendships and even though we all have supposedly moved on, the hurt is still very much alive.  There are days when we all run into one another and the wounds open up anew. I've thought many times in completely erasing these people from our lives, but instead, I try to bring out the Christian inside of me outside of me and deal with these feelings. I can now see that it's not working.  Sometimes we have to sever all ties, because people will go out of their way to be inconsiderate, selfish and uncaring. We as Christians appear as very unwelcoming to the unbeliever (some of us I should say) because some of us are fake Christians. Yes, I said …

So You Think You Can Sing?

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                        everyday is a journey.

I have a confession to make. I sing my little heart out every single Sunday during Worship. I really belt it out. The minute I open my mouth to sing, people around me always glance back at me. Could it be because I stink? Or maybe I'm too loud? Maybe sweetness comes out of my mouth. 

Wishful thinking, I know. It doesn't matter to me which of the three it is. I'm here to Worship God, so what's wrong with putting all of my heart into it? To my ears, it's pure sweetness and I know it is also to Him. 

I remember a particular story my friend from work told me concerning  her own experience in belting it out at Church.  She used to be a Worship singer who would lead with a couple of other women at her Church. So one particular Sunday, my friend has the microphone and is belting it out. Suddenly, one of the other…

Mr. Right?

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Everyday is a brand new day,everyday is a journey.

Some time ago, I had lunch with a friend and suddenly we found ourselves discussing marriage. Have you ever thought of getting married?

Over these past 23 years, I've been asked that very question on numerous occasions. I really like my freedom, but it wasn't always the case. When I was younger, I did want to be married, but somehow it just never worked out. Now I find myself settled in my own skin and rather enjoying it. I want to be alone.

My view of marriage is more like a fantasy than reality.  It seems that married people complain about being married and single people complain about being single. In truth, it's always easier to face life's struggles with a partner. Whenever I have a difficulty in life, I ask myself why didn't I marry and they could be taking care of this or that issue.

Anyway, I have become rather selfish in my old ways. The last thing I want to do is ta…

Highlight Of The Week #12

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Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

As the Easter weekend came to a close, so did the hectic schedule of events. It certainly didn't feel as if we were on Holiday, quite the opposite. When Monday rolled around, work was the last thing on my mind. My mind exploded with thoughts of the upcoming surgery and all the things that needed to be done in the meantime. 

As I waited for my Oncologist to call, I tried to keep myself busy with preparations. I've been through all of this nine years ago, so I basically knew what to expect and what I needed. Once I've made up my mind, I couldn't wait to get  things started.  

We did spend a hilarious day on Saturday together filled with laughter and a whole lot of giggling. Everything on that day was wonderful from the moment we got up to the moment we laid our pretty heads to sleep. Some days are just like that. 

I didn't realize how tired I've been all week. Tired of being…

The Plan

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Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                        Everyday is a  journey.

I am a planner and organizer by nature. I like everything in it's place, especially when it comes to my work life. My personal life is a lot more messier and more difficult to keep uncluttered. So it's only natural for me to make plans for this next chapter in my life.

I have about a month until my surgery, so I made a list of several things to accomplish before that day. The whole purpose is for the transition from work/ministry to invalid to be as smooth as possible. My whole plan consists of my recovery being just that . . . . rest and relaxation and no work of any kind. 

So what is my plan? Well, I thought of my regular routine and how I could make it easier for myself. I have an entire month to prepare all my FMLA paperwork which I'm sure will be ongoing throughout my recovery. There is my Ministry Club and a…