Showing posts from November, 2014

A Peaceful Sunday

I didn't feel like doing much today , especially since it was the last day of my vacation . Tomorrow would come soon enough and with it all the responsibilities that I dreaded . 

The entire vacation was spent writing and crocheting , my two loves . The difference here is the fact it was done in a leisurely fashion . There were no phone calls to answer or places that I needed to go . Complete peace . It was one of the most rewarding , wonderful times of my life . I will always cherish it and the fond memories that were made .

When I got up this morning , the last thing I wanted to do is work . I mean , it was my last day , why not spend it bumming around in my pajamas . Even ordered out for dinner and that is a rare thing for us .

In this quiet , I was able to think about the many things that have occurred this year . It wasn't a good year , more difficult than I've experienced in a while . So I thought about it , all the hurts , the forgiving I needed to do and had such a har…

Looking From The Outside In

I've always had compassion for people who were introverts , castaways , the black sheep of the world . The ones that were always picked last in any given game , the ones that never get invited to all the " cool " parties . The awkward , shy ones that are looking from the outside in  , wanting to just belong . 

Why ? Because I've always been that type of person who never quite fit in with everyone else . I've always formed my own opinions regarding people and situations , rarely being influenced by others . 

This fact carries both the positive and negative result . Sometimes , I wish I had listened to the stern warnings from friends , but I feel we all have that natural desire to learn from  our own mistakes . Plus , we don't want to be told what to do . 

Now that I have aged ( wink ) , things like that are beginning to matter less and less . That deep desire I've always held in my heart  to wanting to belong to a group is fast departing . Why the sudden chan…

Happy Burnt Biscuits

This morning , I'm heading out for an early breakfast with my mom and nephew Luke . He just learned how to crochet and wants to join my ministry  to become the very first man ( that's how he phrased it ) in my group . When I told him we have men in our group ( the husbands of the ladies ) who crochet in secret because they are embarrassed , he called them " sissies " for not coming out . Gotta love this 12 year old who knows his mind . He also does a mean Elvis impersonation .

Today is Black Friday . Originally my plans were to do some light shopping , but then reconsidered since as usual , there is so much hype on materialism instead of what Christmas is really about . I can do my shopping another day . I rather go spend some time with this special young man . Memories can't be bought . 

That said , our very own Grandma Barb , came through again with a great story .  So while I'm crocheting with Luke , I hope you enjoy the following story about    love , famil…

Feeling Content

I've been home this whole week on my usual vacay at this time of the year . It's been wonderful ! This most definitely will go down in history as the best Thanksgiving ever ! 


Just to name a few . Plus , I got so much done ! There are no threats of an appointment looming or a schedule to keep track of our time . We're doing whatever we want to do when we want . 

This Thanksgiving I am very thankful to our Lord for providing this rest in our peaceful home . 

I am Blessed .

I am grateful . 

I am truly content .

Have a Blessed day everyone and enjoy your Thanksgiving Dinner !

Second Time Around

I am a success ! I know I am good at what I do , yet I allow negativity to reside permanently that has been generated by others . Why do I listen to the banter of others ? Am I not enough ?
We allow situations and people to influence our state of being . Who cares what they think about me ? Do they live here ? Do they live my life ? Do they experience all that I feel ? The hurt ? The pain ? The tears ? Do they cry with happiness for me ? Do they know the love I feel ?
Then how can they know me . . . .

I say all this , because I am a people pleaser  and there are people who love to play with the likes of me . I want to be liked by all that I encounter . Their opinion matters to me more than it should . 

When we have become Christians , we want the new us to shine brilliantly for all to see . That is not always the case . There will always be people who just will not care much for the likes of us no matter  how much we may try to change their minds . 

In many ways , I am living life for the …

Fundraiser Monday

In the beginning of this year , I had a dream that I was entering our building's laundry room . Now , in reality , this room is quite large , because it is also where our storage units happen to be . 

As I entered this room , I noticed it was filled with boxes everywhere . Boxes stacked as high as they could be stacked . In my dream , I found myself running excitedly , opening each one . The boxes were filled with yarn of every color and every texture . 

When I awoke from this dream , I knew it was a sign  of what was to come . A sign , a validation that what we are doing with the Crocheting Ministry is the right thing . 

That same feeling stirred inside of me once again , when our very own Crystal , won Mother of the Year for volunteering in our Ministry . I still cry whenever thinking about that one . How awesome our God ! Just when I thought of quitting , because of so many setbacks that happened this year with my ministry . He has continually Blessed us over and over again . 


The Sentence

Whenever we experience setbacks , we need to remind ourselves of all our successes . It is so easy  to be swallowed up by our trials where we become lost in all the debris of failure . Why can't we remember all the achievements we have accomplished throughout the years ?

 Instead , the failures creep into our minds taking over and holding reign in our thoughts .Why do we give them so much power? It seems we love to wallow in our own misery , feeling guilty at experiencing happiness . 

For years , I have been told by some , that my cancer is the result of a life spent in sin . I must have been a very angry person and all that turned into cancer . Bad karma and such , too much negative thinking . 

Even though I never believed that to be true , I do remember my first months with cancer . All the pain , the suffering , the surgeries . . . . . all of it . I took it like a champ , because I felt I was doing penance for my past . I felt an absolution happening from the bottom of my toes to …

The Saturday

Today begins my Thanksgiving vacation . Every year in February I reserve four weeks : 4th of July , Thanksgiving and the last two weeks of Christmas . These vacation weeks I look forward to all year . 

Usually during this time , I plan a " to do list " that is not a chore at all , but more of a pleasurable hobby . This time ,  I have been challenged to write a certain type of literature that has to be kept  a secret for now . How am I doing on my first day ? 

Well . . . .. . 

We both got up after 10:00 a.m. , not really intending to oversleep . By the time we got moving with some much needed errands , it was already early afternoon . Then laundry , some light cleaning , then a supper of potato latkes , a plate of homemade cookies for the neighbors and here we are the day ending quickly . 

That was my first day . 

Not quite how I intended it all to turn out . In my mind , I saw myself as very productive , whipping out story after story with a feverish frenzy . Instead , I spent it…

Just Smile

Life is very hard , friends . Dealing with it can challenge the sturdiest of souls . 
Every Monday , we get up and face the oncoming week with as much dignity as we can muster under the circumstances . If we're lucky , we will have a pretty good week . Most of the time , that is not the case . 
Sometimes , we need to put aside all these feelings of exhaustion , frustration and disappointment . 
Sometimes , we just need to smile .
So what makes you smile ? The sun shining upon your upturned         face ? 
A funny antic of your precious pet ?
A hilarious joke from a very funny comedian ?
A child's giggle that cannot stop ?
Whatever it may be ,  reach deeply today and pull it out . Bask in it's glorious and infectious gesture . . . . .  and smile !
Have a Blessed day everyone .

A Car , God And I

When my children were quite small , I practically lived inside my car , using it as a refuge from the world . Whenever  I needed a break , that's exactly where one would find me . . . . .sitting in the driveway reclining in the front seat . 

You could see Emily and Joey staring at me through the living room window , all confused to what I was doing . They would be knocking on the living room window , waving to me to come back inside . I think they thought I was leaving somewhere without them . 

My love affair with the sanctuary of my vehicle has continued well into the here and now . There have been many times after a difficult day at work , where I sat in front of my home listening to music rather than go in directly . 

There is something about that space where I feel God's Everlasting Presence . There are no interruptions of any kind . I am completely alone with my God . I tune in and sing along as I drive , feeling the tensions of the day slip away . 

Everyday on my way to work…

Above The Avenue

We have been under construction here at the avenue as yet another apartment has been totally remodeled . That leaves four more to go , ours included .

As the new tenant moved in ,  a young man in his thirties , we still haven't come up with a nickname for him . I want to call him " baldie  "since his hair is completely shaven , but Emily insists on us waiting for his personality to come shining through . 

The family above us will be leaving soon , so we are sure to be hearing lots of banging , drilling and hammering as that remodel gets under way. Yippeee, cannot wait for that.

If we were normal folk that work during the day , all this construction would not matter . It would be over when we came home in the evening . Unfortunately , for the next month or two we will have to deal with being uncomfortable . 

Besides all this remodeling elsewhere in the building , we each received a brand new front door and bathroom window . So as you can figure out by now , I have been up ver…

Operation Monday

Every year , during the third week of November , Operations Christmas Child collects shoe boxes filled with various items for boys and girls to send to needy children around the world . 

In our household , this has become  something we look forward to every year . We usually start filling our shoe boxes in January , mostly  for a girl , and by the time November rolls around , the box is overflowing . 

Just imagine a small child that lives in a home with no running , clean water or a bed to sleep on , receiving a box filled with goodies just for them . Some of them have never even seen or had candy , a new dress or doll .

We become like small children ourselves whenever we pack our        boxes , imagining the looks of pure surprise and delight on their faces when they open them . 

So what do we fill them up with ? Last year , we bought two barbie dolls along with some headbands , toothbrush , toothpaste , some school supplies and candy . Basically , anything that can fit into a shoe box t…

Healing The Hurt

No close relationships are without some conflict. The test of a strong relationship is not whether there is conflict but how that conflict is handled.

I have certainly mellowed with age . . . . or at least , I like to think so . What was important to me once , has lost it's shine . I really have become quite choosy in my drama , if there is to be any drama at all . 

The one thing that has stayed pretty much the same has been my desire to have people like me . No matter how much I may say otherwise , other's opinion of me plays a big part in my self worth . Don 't we all have a secret wish buried deep within our heart to be liked by all ?

For me not to care , I definitely would have to be extremely angry at the person or the situation . With age comes experience in handling difficult issues and I have learned to walk away quietly , no matter the boiling rage inside . One can only keep turning the cheek for so long . 

Relationships can also change over time . You may have…

The Perfect Time

As an early riser , I was looking forward to this morning to being up before anyone else . I love the stillness , the absolute quiet where I can settle down with my cup of coffee and write . 
I always find the morning to be the perfect time to blog . It may have to do with the quiet , the no interruptions , with  my mind  at ease . I can concentrate fully on the topic at hand without having to rush , because I needed to be at an appointment elsewhere . 
So when that moment arrived , I found I have no internet connection . Disappointment overcame me , disgusting me with these ongoing problems I have been experiencing concerning this computer . 
Once again , I started unplugging everything . Once again , I called them to send a "refresh " signal . Once again , I restarted this thing . It should not be this difficult .
By the time all of this took place , it was already lunchtime and my morning perfect time was ruined . Oh well , Just when I thought I could get a little ahead , I la…

The Waiting Room

It's been a few months since I've been here at the hospital , waiting to see my oncologist . The experience once again moved me in ways I haven't expected . Feelings came up that I thought were long hidden away and dealt with . 

Driving to my appointment , listening to worship music , my eyes welled up unexpectedly . My stomach was in knots and nervous tension overwhelmed me , grinding my teeth on reflex . 

Why was I so nervous ?

I have been feeling great these past six months . Months that have been spent playing hooky not only from work , but also from my        cancer . I was in remission and like a child in a candy store , I wanted to play . 

This appointment brought back reality into a life that I found that I really missed . This carefree existence of no tests , needles , probing etc . I was normal with no threat of an illness hanging over me . 

Who would want to wake up from this dream ? 

I'm not afraid of the cancer coming back . I am afraid of losing this freedom I&…

Resting In The Silence

I never thought I would experience burn out . I mean , why should I ? I regularly attended Church , a women's bible study group , served every Sunday and made devotions a daily exercise . Why would I get burned out ? 

It has been a very emotionally and mentally trying year for me . Changes at work , the burn out at Church  and my approaching fiftieth birthday playing havoc with my state of being . 

Looking back , I knew I was drowning , but I couldn't understand what was happening to me . I felt myself gasping for air , wanting to inhale a deep fresh breath of life . Instead , all I was able to inhale was a lingering scent , a tease of what could be . 

I've always been a leader , whether I wanted to be or not . People strive to be noticed by their peers , I strive to blend in with the wallpaper . The limelight always made me feel uncomfortable .  Yet , I've been there more than I like , rather in the hot seat than the bright lights . 

Even during my illness , I was never a…

Monday God Moments

Two years ago , I shared some God moments in my life and asked if any of you would like to share yours with me . I wasn't disappointed . Since it has been awhile , I thought we could do it again . 
The following is the very first  post for the same request . Don't be shy . Send me your God moments via my e-mail listed below . Looking forward to sharing all the different ways God has Blessed us with all of you . 

I Have A Request    Whatever my plans for the blog were today, they  will have to go on hold . I have other pressing issues to bring up . I received a phone call this evening that certainly was a " God Moment ". I could not get this event out of my head . It made me realize something very important .
    People  tell me how positive I am during this journey of mine , but this is a lie . This is a facade , but that's another story .....another time . It did alter how I felt . It uplifted my spirits . Here I was laying down after just coming home from my chem…

Time Well Spent

The weekend is slowly coming to an end , this very weekend I so longed for these past two weeks . All good things come to an end and make room for more to follow . 

There is nothing more satisfying for me than to use my time accordingly  and fruitfully . Being productive is something I am constantly trying to achieve . Time is very important when you're living on borrowed time . 

Sitting back , I surveyed all my work . The place was cleaned  and laundry done . Five boxes of crocheted items packaged , labeled and ready for delivery . Supplies of yarn have been delivered to those who needed them  . Now it was time for relaxation and crocheting . 

Funday . Sunday . Family Day . 

Sunday has become our quiet time where we indulge ourselves with all the things we love . The best part ? We do it together  . So after all the work is done , we watch our shows , eat our homemade snacks as the day draws near . 

I hope your weekend was as family oriented / productive as ours . If 
not  , there'…

A Friend In Need

I've always been a people watcher , rather than actually participating . I prefer to sit back and take it all in . . . quietly . 

The same goes for my friendships . Few people can actually say that they truly know me . I only tell people what I want them to hear and that usually satisfies them and me . 

My friendships vary from friend to friend , depending on the level we are at and the experiences we have shared . I do not categorize my relationships into groups of " bff 's " or " acquaintances " . Each friend brings an uniqueness that I need in my life . They all provide a slice that completes my whole pie . 

I have a friend to have coffee with and another to crochet . 

One for visiting lectures , shows and another a traveling companion .

Some are great for wiping away tears and others for encouraging        hugs . 

A  friend to call when in need and one who sits beside me during chemo .  

I have a friend who is a rock to lean on and one who actually leans on me…

The Weekend Upon Us

I'm really looking forward to this weekend ! It's been very hectic around here with both of us busy little bees . The time we have spent together almost non-existent . The weekend fast upon us would change all of that . 

My Crocheting Ministry will be meeting for it's monthly gathering . Always looking forward to seeing my ladies and playing catch up with what is going on in their lives . My favorite part happens to be seeing their creations , especially the progress a new beginner makes every month . The second best part ? Packing it all up and sending it on it's way to the next charity . 

The weekend brings an opportunity to work on all my favorite passions that I have very little time for during the week . I can work undisturbed  and in complete leisure . I can stay up as late as I want without worry regarding appointments that need to be met . This weekend is my 
time . 

Emily and I have our shows that we love to watch in our spare time . We haven't been able to do…

Throwback Thursday

Istill love to dream . I honestly believe that no one wants to let go of their dream . It keeps us going , especially through the rough times . Great Expectations     We all have such great expectations of what will happen in our lives . We plan and organize so everything will turn out the way we want it to . Sometimes we just dream and fantasize of how we want our lives to turn out .
     The first time I found out I had cancer , I wasn't  as traumatized as people think . I thought to myself that I'll go in and have the surgery . Then afterwards , have the chemo and go back to work . Clean cut and simple and out . That's how I handled life back then . Make a list , do the list and move on to the next list . That's not quite what happened . I was naive .
     This time around , I ran around preparing all the details because I am a pro at this , right ? I knew what to expect or at least I kept telling myself that . When treatment time would come , I planned on sta…

As The World Turns

Arriving back from a weekend in Springfield , I immediately was thrust into the daily business of living . Life has been very full this year around here . Our schedules over brimming with activities , our life has been hectic to say the least . 

The world turns no matter how full your life has become . 

I'm ready for this year to finally close it's doors and welcome the next . I don't want to look back , but move forward . If I did , I wouldn't like too much of what I would find there . I haven't really been a good person this year . I have found the ugly within me and I don't like to see it again . 

Yet , the world turns regardless of my behavior .

Adaptation and change played a huge role , one that I struggled with daily . The " why me " syndrome enveloped my being and I wallowed full force in it . The ugly within me , remember ? 

My lagging behind didn't stop the world from turning . 

As horrible as it may have been , I can feel acceptance finally se…

More Monday Moments

I've spent my weekend in Springfield with my family celebrating , celebrating and celebrating . I'm so exhausted  from all the socializing that I find myself lounging around this morning drained of all energy . On the bright side , it is a wonderful way to start a new week . 

More God Moments     These God Moments seemed to touch a chord in people . I open my e-mail and its full of inspirational stories and songs . Even at the WEDDING on Sunday , I was given inspirational stories that were found in a magazine . Obviously , people want to HOPE . So once again .....more God Moments.

I have have a bad week and decided to lean on the Lord and youtube for Hope. I found myself playing this one again and again. This may not be what you had in mind, but this is how I dealt with my pain and found relief. Hallelujah Jesus saves MELROSE PARK In 2005 Nite Life Cafe was New Life Melrose saturday nite service. Being a si…