Showing posts from March, 2014

A Special Moment

This past weekend , Emily and I went to the movies to see " God's Not Dead " . Throughout the movie , Emily held my hand and would not  let  go . I cannot express to you the emotions that ran through me . I haven't felt a bond like that since I held her for the first time twenty-five  years  ago . 
That may seem strange to some of you , but this bond wasn't a bond of a mother and Daughter . We have had many special moments together during her growth from baby to adulthood . This was different . This felt different .
We have been to the movies a hundred times over , but we have never seen a Christian one together . We watched it as Christians and we understood the message portrayed as Christians . This bond between us was the love of Jesus . 
As a parent , there have been many times , I have felt I've failed . We feel like that , because we know our children's strengths and their weaknesses . We know what could happen if they make the  wrong  choice , if thei…

Putting Away The Mirror

When the Lenten season began , Jennifer Duke Lee did not give up sweets or coffee or meat on Friday . Instead , she covered up all her mirrors and gave up admiring her own image . Soon , her friends , family and bloggers followed suit . 

What a great revolutionary idea ! Our reflection is the cause of many of our setbacks . We are never happy with what we see staring back at us . We can find so many faults with our image that God spent so much time creating . 

I know the image I carry in my own head  . In my mind , I am not overweight , but quite a  svelte figure with lovely hills and valleys of apportioned size . I'm always smiling and happy and I look at least twenty years younger . 

Unfortunately , that's not what the public sees . On most days , I have a frown that naturally appears no matter how great my mood happens  to   be . My figure is that of a stack of tires rather than an hourglass . My   age ? Well , being forty-nine doesn't exactly portray a Spring chicken . 

I …

Throwback Thursday

Music has always been my saving Grace in times of struggle and pain . On this Throwback Thursday , I remember this story with a somber feeling of peace . Back then , many of my entries dealt with music as I was laid up in the hospital or my bed at home in pain . I wore out my CD's to where they skipped and were not playable , but those CD's got me through a very rough patch in my life .

Finding Solace  The last two days have been very trying. My chemo has always hit me hard on the 2nd or 3rd day the worst . It has entered my joints and legs.Very difficult moving around.I can feel every nerve , every ache, every joint . This weather is not helping either .
  There is a benefit to going thru this the second time.You know what to expect and prepare yourself for it  both mentally and physically . I pull out all the tricks I learned the first time around .Last night was real hard and sleep didn't come easy . I benefited from a therapist 4 yrs ago who taught me breathing exercise…

Life Is Like Coffee

This weekend , I have opted for some quiet time with the people I love . These are one of my favorite times , because during those times the outside world is shut away and only we remain . 

There are many things I love and look forward to :  like my red wine , my murder mysteries and of course , coffee . Once again , grandma Barb came through , so I hope you enjoy this link as much as I am enjoying this weekend . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . ( Double click )
like Coffee" please share it with your family and friends. Watch "Life is like Coffee" Again

Throwback Thursday

There were many days that were just like the story below . . .  dark and brooding . I have grown a lot since then spiritually and in acceptance with my disease . 

Right now , I am in remission once again  and there are times that I actually miss my chemo time . At least , during chemo I knew I would spend a couple of days resting uninterrupted . 

It's surprising what we can handle  . At that time , I thought that was the worst chemo I ever had . Now I know that is not true . There are much worse . 

Unspoken Voices    Today I have no witty remarks to tell you.Today I am tired.I feel every achy bone in my body and I'm tired.Today the clouds opened up in rain feeling my mood .
   I've read so many of your emails telling me of your stories....your pain. The unspoken voices of all the parents , husbands , wives , daughters , sons , aunts, uncles  , brothers , sisters ,friends , co-workers , in-laws etc,etc.Its so much easier to write it all down , because then noone will see you b…

Simply Financial Peace

Being a single mom , I have struggled with finances  , living paycheck to paycheck for longer than I care to admit . When I began coming to my Church , there was a class offered from Crown Financial at that time , but I was too scared to join and felt the fee was more than I could have afforded . I passed on that opportunity  and have regretted that decision ever since . 

When , almost 7 years later ,  they offered the Financial Peace University class , I grasped with both hands the chance to better my life . I didn't care how much it cost , thinking in terms of an investment rather than the emptying of my purse . 

The first night , my excitement bubble burst with a resounding 
blast . That excitement turned to fear  knowing that now I had to make this work . We all can dream big , but when it becomes a reality , we become scared of failing . We'll talked the talk , now we have to walk the walk .

My second week ,  a tsunami hit my budget with my car breaking down with unexpected r…

Life's Principles

During my " energetic " mode this past weekend  , I came across a list of Charles Stanley's Life's Principles To Live By . There are many gifted preachers out there that I follow , but Charles Stanley is one of my favorites . Personally , I think he is a great Bible teacher . So without further delay , allow me to share with you these Life Principles .

1. Our intimacy with God 
2 . Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him
3 . God's Word is an immovable anchor in times of storm 
4 . The awareness of God's presence energizes us for our work 
5 . God does not require us to understand His will , just obey it , even if it seems unreasonable
6 . You reap what you sow, more than you sow and later than you sow 
7 . The dark moments of our life will last only so long as necessary for God to accomplish His purpose in us 
8 . Fight all your battles on your knees and win every time
9 . Trusting God means looking beyond what we can see to what God sees 
10 . If necessary , Go…

Being Still

Being still . One of the hardest things to do , but it can be very effective in times of struggles . It is something I have been trying to accomplish for years .

All weekend long , I have been flitting from one chore to the next , mentally checking off overdue lists . My body filled to the top with extra energy that I didn't even know I possessed . The success meter rang loud with every accomplished task . 

Yet , my mind has been still . 

I do not want to fill my brain with worry fore I cannot change anything . 

Worry is my biggest enemy . I worry about everything . If I have an appointment early in the morning , I won't sleep a wink in case
 I oversleep . The check engine light comes on and I practically have a heart attack wondering if I'm going to make it to where I'm
 going . 

I have learned to keep my mind still by keeping my body busy 
with activity . When there is a problem , a worry or any kind of emotional hurt in my life , that's when my home is the most spotless…

The Story Of My Life Pt.4

It is so much easier to recall one's childhood years than to spend re-telling the adult ones . As adults , we make choices that are for mature audiences only , many times opting for the x-rated version . 

So how do we tell the story of our life  ? The story of the most important years that have led us to where we are now . How do we describe the times that caused the most pain ? The first eighteen years I wrote in three chapters . The rest ? Well , there is enough material here to keep this blog going for years .

Life becomes messy as adults . There are many curves and dips and never ending winding roads . We can only revisit a patch at a time . Only when we are ready . We live , we make mistakes , we learn and we move one .  

My twenties were ugly and not a place where I want to stay visiting for long  . Four children were born during that time , but only two came along for the rest of my journey . 

My thirties  were spent making all the wrong decisions in my personal life as well as…

Throwback Thursday

The following story always brings a smile to my face , not because it's particularly funny , but because of the chaos that enslaved me during that time  . 

People totally assume that chemo is chemo and that couldn't be farther from the truth . There are all types of chemotherapy with all kinds of side affects , some strong and some not so strong . 

The infusion I was receiving at that time , was probably as close to what " movies " portrayed cancer to be like . I stayed at home , away from all those germ infested people out in the world only coming out to teach Sunday School every Sunday . How ironic is that ? 

I smile whenever I think of all the nerves that were spent with the insurance people and all those clorox wipes that I went through ! Funny thing is , the children never asked me why I had no hair or eyebrows or eyelashes . They just accepted me wholeheartedly . 

My Life:I Flew Over The Cuckoo Nest  Its 7am...time to get up.Bathroom break.Break out the clorox wipe…

Lenten Ashes-

It's that time of the year where throngs of people rush to Church for their Lenten Ashes , vowing to give up things they like in favor of their spirituality and their faith . All around me , I am asked the same question .

What are you giving up for Lent ?

My reply of " I don't do ashes , I'm not a Catholic " , usually results with the raising of the eyebrows and a look of disbelief on their 
face . In their view I am a heathen , not participating .

Every January , when I'm fasting with my Church for the preparation of the  New Year , no one takes notice nor do they
 care . They look at me weird then , too .

People love rituals and in a way , we judge others by them . Easter and Christmas , we flock to Church with a fervor lacking the rest of the year . Thanksgiving we sit at a table and break bread with people with whom we have no time for 364 days of the year and we complain about them , too .

We are still living in the Old Testament , following and performing ritu…

Bucket List 2014

I remember making a Bucket List back , back in the early days of this blog . Nowadays , people make one for themselves , as a family unit  and I've even  seen one for the summer . On mine , I've actually wrote down things I wanted to accomplish . 

Well , I want to change what is on it  . So here is my Bucket List 2014 :

1 . I want to learn to keep my mouth shut . Already today , I ticked off like two people . 

2 . A new or newer vehicle . I am tired of old cars and their constant breaking down . I am single and have no knowledge of where to go or what to do . Nor do I know anyone that does . 

3 . Learn to handle money wisely . I don't need to be wealthy , just comfortable where if anything happens , I will be ready . Financial Peace University , here I come  . 

4 . Stay focused on my goals and passions . My attention span has become the size of an ant lately . My mind is wandering off into lala land half the time . 

5 . STOP commenting or clicking like on people's social med…

Throwback Thursday

I look forward to Throwback Thursday . I can see why so many elderly love to tell stories of their own lives , only they remember the good times . For me , it's quite the opposite : I want to remember all of it , even the bad , to remind me of where I have been and how far I have come .

This next story depicts my very first day of chemo after  four and half years of remission . I honestly believe that all of us thought I was healed completely because of the length of time that has elapsed . 

As worried as my family were during that time , it seems they have made peace with my cancer . No longer do they panic with worry , but rest assured that treatment has become a regular thing as if I were taking a mere Tylenol . My mom is the only one who will not and cannot accept this cancer .

Once again , I'm shocked and embarrassed at all the grammar mistakes and how poorly it was  written . At least , I have grown in that area . 

We Fall Apart  Today at chemo , just when it was time to go …

Never Say Never

As a young woman , I have made numerous personal declarations of wisdom concerning my own life . They usually have begun with the phrase : I never . . . . . 

There have been other bold statements made from me  that have began the same way and have had the same conclusion . I never usually means you will be put to that test  you claim never to do 

Back in 2007 , when I was well under 100 lbs. , I proclaimed to never complain of gaining weight again . We know how that ended as I sit here overweight and complaining . 

In my younger days , I frequently made promises of never living my life with regrets . Now I question all these wise decisions I have made , some with regret . 

Emily is constantly reminding me about that word never and how I need to stop saying it since I  end up having to take it back . So why do we say it ? 

We use it to express our convictions toward any particular thing . The problem with that is we change periodically adjusting ourselves to the seasons of our lives . 

I c…

Fill Me Up

God fills us up so we can pour out .
Holley Gerth

Do I encourage other women ? 

I've asked myself this question numerous times this past weekend . I write about encouragement  : I speak about encouragement , but do I encourage ? 

Sometimes , we just don't see ourselves . A look in the mirror is required . So from time to time , I check myself . 

Do I encourage other women ?

Last night , I attended my first class of Financial Peace University  and as usual , the minute we broke into groups , I became paralyzed with fear . I didn't want to expose my innermost feelings and share with people I really do not know . I did not want them to know anything personal about me . 

In my own head I held a great conversation , I answered and participated . Great stuff ! Why couldn't I open up and voice it ? Why was I so afraid to let someone in ? All because of the past . 

I honestly believe , our past tries to hinder our soul , so we do not get filled up and pass it on to someone else who ma…

Not Feeling It

I didn't sleep very comfortably last night , waking in the early morning hours with a stiffness felt throughout my body .  I felt cold and shivering , burrowing  deeper under the covers . I didn't want to get up . 

Having been wrecked with worry all week , the last thing I wanted to do is leave the safe haven of my home and face the world . No , not the world , but the the people in the world . 

People can ruin everything . just look at the people of Moses . . . never satisfied . Not to mention  , I just wasn't in the mood . 

But . . .  it's Sunday . No matter how I feel or how I look , I go to Church . With Baptism comes spiritual responsibility to myself , my family and to God . 

I got up , threw something on and went to Church  . Feeling " not in it " is when I need Him more than ever . 

There is a God 
       who loves me
            He wraps me
                in His arms .

Where else can I go for comfort ? Who else will wipe away my tears ? Who will take my hand…