Posts

Showing posts from March, 2016

The Decision

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                        Everyday is a journey.

I was up very early in anticipation of the call from my Oncologist. Once I make up my mind about something, I just want to get going with it. These past two days I've been trying to stay as busy as possible going over all my paperwork and organizing my desk. I even began packing my overnight/chemo bag. 

I've decided to have the surgery to remove the cancer growth . Originally at her office I rejected the idea, but decided to spend the next several days thinking about it. Actually, I wanted to hear what my children thought on that subject. 

Many factors go into my decision. Firstly, I'm developing a hernia (most likely caused by past surgeries) and it would be fixed during this procedure. I am in no pain whatsoever, mainly because it's in early stages.  Secondly, the growth itself seems to be perfectly oval sha…

Radical Growth

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

You can start right where you are at this very moment and go  anywhere God takes you. Each day is the beginning of a brand new day when you put your path into God's hands.
Unknown 

A guide to growing a radical life. At least, that's what it said under the Heading. I have to admit that I'm really enjoying this Bible Study more than her first one. Maybe, because I can relate to it more. It deals with the different Seasons in our lives and how we take care of the soil depends on the harvest. 

Well, it seems I'm entering a new season in my life. It's a season that I never expected to go through at this stage. Truth be told, I always felt this would be the last option I would choose, but here I am. 

I've been thinking about this radical life of mine. It's been almost nine years since my ordinary life turned upside down with the diagnosis of ovarian cancer. It has been one he…

I Mean You No Harm

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Not too long ago I had the privilege of spending the day downtown Chicago. Now, if any of you truly know me, you may think I'm being sarcastic saying it's a privilege, because I never really liked going there. I always thought of downtown as loud, hectic, overwhelming and disorientating. I would avoid going down there, especially alone. 

As I walked the streets, I've noticed people here don't stroll, they take long strides. Without even being aware of it, you end up walking quickly right along with them. Mobs of people rushing from every direction. 

When I finally settled down for a cup of coffee and a sandwich, I felt exhausted from the brisk walk and sea air. As I had quite a few hours ahead of me, I decided to get some bible study out of the way since I've been lagging behind. 

Have you ever been so absorbed in something that you've lost all sense of what was happening…

The Waddle

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                           everyday is a journey.

It takes great strength to bring your life up square
With your accepted thought and hold it there:
Resisting the inertia that drags it back
From new attempts, to the old habit's track.
It is so easy to drift back, to sink.
o hard to live abreast of what you think. --Charlotte Perkins Stetson.

My writing desk is pleasantly placed in front of my bedroom window. I love the view that inspires me as I write. I can see the life of my neighborhood come alive as the day unfolds and resides.

It was during one of my writing excursions that I happened to look up and see the faithful Jehovah Witnesses going round, house by house. What was different about this group was their age. I could visibly see they were elderly, which totally amazed me that they would want to go up and down stairs to preach. Yet, they did.

I am a woman of fifty-one y…

Highlight Of The Week #11

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.

How do I define this week? I thought about this and thought some more. There is nothing to really explain my feelings except stillness. I am completely still in all respects. A calmness. An assurance. My mind is completely clear. I've spent my time crocheting and watching Agatha Christie's murder mysteries.

This being Passion Week, has also provided quite a bit of alone time in peace and quiet. Emily has been busy running around volunteering in preparation for Easter. We even ran into each other Friday night when I came home from work. That is rare, but she spent the evening stuffing eggs with fellow Church members. Today, she is off and running helping a friend with their printing business, so I'm home alone. 

I often smile in remembrance of my two children. At first glance, everyone can tell how totally opposite they ar…

The Oncologist Visit

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

The waiting room was crowded, barely offering any empty seats for one to take. I had to wait for almost an hour before they finally called my name. To be honest, I was getting a bit aggravated, but thank heavens I had my crocheting to steady my nerves. 

Once again, my Oncologist surprised me. I will spare you all the details, but it comes down to two things. Either, I have surgery to remove the growth or I have a chemo infusion. At this point, I still don't know what to do, but I have been praying for discernment and asking God's will for me to be known. 

To some, this might be a no brainier. Everyone is allowed to have their opinion, but for me, it has to do with quality of life and how this will affect it. 

For the rest of the day, everything went in a blur. God truly knows what He is doing. I was up and out the door at…

You Are Loved

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

There are days where we become very reflective on the things in our lives. This morning was that day for me. I felt a deep sadness, a heavy weight on my shoulders. That weight contained not my sorrow, but the sorrow of my friends and family. There are so many people out there who are going through struggles crying out for help.  I couldn't help but think of them today.

To my friend who is facing yet another Holiday by herself raising her children all on her own, I pray you find comfort in the knowledge that you are loved and prayed for. 

To my friend who lost her father just a few days ago, I pray you find comfort in the knowledge that you are loved and prayed for. 

To the one who feels abandoned and disappointed in God, I pray you find comfort in the knowledge that you are loved and prayed for. 

To the one with family disarray and disputes over who knows what anymore, I pray you find comfort…

The Work Of My Hands

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

I cannot feel
  That all is well, when darkening clouds conceal
      The shining sun;
      But then, I know
  He lives and loves; and say, since it is so,
      Thy will be done.
S. G. BROWNING.

I just love the above poem by Browning. It is so very true. In the midst of my cancer arose my Crocheting Ministry. I've derived so much pleasure  and comfort from it. In all these years of knowing how to crochet, I've never really made anything for my children.

Last Summer, I've decided to remedy that situation by deciding to make them something they could remember me by for years to come. I had huge plans all laid out in my mind of what, when and how. Both would be ready for Christmas and their eyes would light up with pleasure upon opening their special presents. They would exclaim oohs and aaahs all over Facebook at the expertise of their mom.

Well, that's not what happened. I haven…

3 Types Of Friends

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Friend of truth. 
Friend of knowledge. 
Friend of encouragement. 

If you had to list the name of a friend for each of the three above, would you really have someone to place there? I think that the majority would list a friend who does the opposite. Or one friend for all three.

I've never been good at having a "BFF" my age. For some reason we are always on different levels and stages in our lives. One would think the opposite. 

I am learning that everyone plays a specific role in our lives. We have that friend who is adventurous that we take trips with and there is one who makes us laugh when we are down.A friend for every occasion, but that sounds more like acquaintances than true close buddies.

I don't think I have one of those close buddies. My mom has been friends with her buddy for over 44 years. That's a marriage! It was different in their time where people lived in the s…

Highlight Of The Week #10

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,                                                        everyday is a journey.

When I have the time so many things I'll do,
To make life happier and more fair
For those whose lives are crowded now with care,
I'll help to lift them from their low despair
When I have time. When I have time the friend I love so well
Shall know no more the weary, toiling days;
I'll lead his feet in pleasant paths always
And cheer his heart with words of sweetest praise,
When I have time. Now is the time! 
Speed, friend; no longer wait
To scatter loving smiles and words of cheer
To those around whose lives are drear;
They may not need you in the far-off year:
Now is the time. --Unknown.

This past week was a very challenging one for me, both with extreme highs and lows. So much was happening all at once. 

It began with the disappointing news of my having to work on Good Friday. Normally, it's not a big deal, but this time aroun…

The Funeral

Image
Everyday is brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Once we are diagnosed with a health illness, it seems that sooner or later the subject of death and funerals will come up. In the nine years of my cancer career, the subject came up two or three times. I've written about death a few times and each time there was a different perspective gained from it. 

This time around I cannot help, but wonder what would my funeral look like? Would my family show up? Would they or could they sit side by side in the pews? Would they get along?

I know one thing. I definitely wouldn't want anyone to say that I've lost the battle with cancer. You see, if I died I actually conquered the cancer. I will be in Heaven and I cannot think of anything more lovely than that. All the promises that God has ever made to me will be fulfilled. So how could I possibly lose?

One of my favorite scripture came from Apostle Paul in his farewell letter to Timothy.

I have fough…

Birthing A Dream

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.
Life  is a series of dreams. As children, we dream of our favorite toys and favorite games. As we grow older, so do the contexts of our dreams. They get bigger, bolder and harder to achieve. 
When I was a young woman, I spent more time daydreaming than actually building a real life dream of my own. 
So what is your dream today?What are you hoping and praying for in your life? A husband? Children? A career? Maybe a Ministry? I'm always on the look out for something new in my life to better that life. 
As a Christian, I find I have changed both internally and outwardly, especially in my views. My dreams nowadays are more spiritually driven than anything else. My children are grown, I love the personal freedom I have now and retirement is not far from becoming a reality. So what kind of dream can I birth now?
I've been thinking quite a lot on that topic. The Crocheting Ministry will be three years old this coming August and this b…

Throwback Thursday

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,                                    everyday is a journey.It's Throwback Thursday today as we take a look to a post from the past. I've had the most awful day yesterday, but more on that later. For now, let's enjoy this beautiful day and count our blessings!My Cup Half-Filled We always feel like we can accomplish everything we set out to do. We can make a list of chores, errands or even a bucket list  and assume that it will be done sooner or later. In reality, most of our expectations are not realistic ones. If you are anything like me, you load your plate very high and only consume half. By the time we get to the other half, it's already spoiled or unappealing, losing it's charm.

I find myself in this situation over and over again. How many times can a person start over? As many times as they have to. So, I'm redecorating a little, making room for some things and letting go of others. Cl…

Kyoto Flowers

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

"Did you just put on some lotion?" 
"Yes, you can smell that?"
"Smells wonderful!"
"It's Avon Kyoto Flowers."

My Petscan technician couldn't get enough of that scent. She kept bringing the tube of cream up to her nose to just get a whiff of it's fragrance. I smile whenever I imagine that scene again in my head. Her face showed her pleasure. I should have left that tube of Kyoto Flowers with her. 

There are things in life that bring us so much pleasure. These are small things that many others take for granted. Even we take them for granted on a daily basis, but a time comes when we need the comfort of these pleasures. 

The warmth of the sunshine upon our faces. 

The delicious aroma of our favorite dish in the oven. 

The contagious and bubbly giggling of a toddler.  

The beautiful glor…

The Petscan

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Last Friday, I arrived for my Petscan quite early. A whole hour ahead of schedule, even the technicians haven't arrived yet. I sat in my car, reading my devotions for the day as those irritating drizzle raindrops fell from the sky. If it rains, it should at least try to be consistent and a drizzle is none of that. I came a little early on purpose, hoping to get out a little faster since my morning was extremely full before work. 

I know you're all wondering why I'm having a Petscan done since I've just had a Ct scan done a week ago. Well, a Petscan is specifically designed for detecting cancer. My insurance  kept denying my oncologist's request for a Petscan and only approving a Ct scan. It's all about money, but I guess now that it's showing growth it's another matter altogether.

There is also a difference in the procedure. For instance, a Petscan involves bein…

A Tiring Day

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.




Now, Lord, what wait I for?
    On Thee alone
  My hope is all rested,--
    Lord, seal me Thine own!
  Only Thine own to be,
  Only to live to Thee.
        Thine, with each day begun,
        Thine, with each set of sun,
        Thine, till my work is done.
ANNA WARNER.

All morning long, I've been opening and shutting my bedroom window as one minute I'm hot and the next cold. All this indecision setting the tone for a frustrating morning. Can't make up my mind on what to have for breakfast or what I should tackle first on my "to do" list. Instead, my mood shifting from good to bad. It's just been that kind of day.

I'm just tired. I know myself so well and I need some time alone. All weekend long, I ran from one activity to the next without a moment left for just me. I need some time to de-stress…

The Ct Scan

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

"Hello Ms. Krol? This is Dr. K."
 "Oh yes, Dr. K. Are you calling me back with the results?"
"The latest Ct. scan shows the cancer has grown . . . . "

Her voice went on and I heard only bits and pieces of it. Something about Connie calling me back with an appointment for a Petscan. We'll talk about our next move at the scheduled appointment. I think this is the first time a treatment I've been on (hormone) that hasn't worked for very long, a mere five months only. 

Quite honestly, I have no idea how or what to feel. My mind works in a different way than most people. I need to process these feelings first by going off into solitude. Whenever there is a new trial or struggle in my life, I'm usually very quiet. I need the silence to think. 

My stress levels go up when I cannot do just that. Things start piling up one by one, piece by piece and finally I c…

Highlight Of The Week #9

Image
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Few, in the days of early youth,Trusted like me in love and truth.
I've learned sad lessons from the years;
But slowly and with many tears;
For God made me to kindly view 
The world that I was passing through. And all who tempt a trusting heart
From faith and hope to drift apart,
May they themselves be spared the pain
Of losing power to trust again!
God help us all to kindly view
The world that we are passing through! --Lydia M. Child.

This has certainly been one of the most stressful weeks in a very long time. Unlike the picture above, the weather changed to a more seasonal time of Spring. Somehow our Grounds/Maintenance Dept. at work didn't receive the memo and never turned off the heat. This is a manufacturing plant. Add the running machines, the heat from the furnace, plus the warmth from the outside can only equal to a sweat-filled atmosphere. Just horrible! Heat wears one out. 

My car has …

Throwback Thursday

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,                                       everyday is a journey.  Every Thursday, I take a post from the past  and sort of do an update. What has happened since that time. Right now, we are in the year 2013. By this time, I was going through another bout with cancer, my third. Each journey brought it's own separate learning process. My journey with cancer has certainly been bittersweet. Besides the fact that cancer has eaten away at my body, many good things have come out of this experience.   My crocheting ministry has been a blessing not only to it's members or the organizations we donate to, but also to me. I never knew this existed inside of me.  My love of writing. If I could express how much the written word means to me. There is so much I would love to do. Will I have the time to accomplish it all? As I re-read the post below, I've realized that my feelings have not changed. I still love writing. I still w…

The Incentive

Image
Everyday is a brand new, everyday is a journey.


  O Shadow in a sultry land!
    We gather to Thy breast,
  Whose love, enfolding like the night,
    Brings quietude and rest,
  Glimpse of the fairer life to be,
    In foretaste here possessed.
C. M. PACKARD


As I've stated in the past, my work participated in The Virgin Health Miles Program for the last couple of years as part of our healthcare incentive. This type of program measured how many steps I took on a daily basis.  If I reached a certain quota, my healthcare costs were immediately decreased by $300.00 dollars. They also offered other incentives where one could make additional amount to be added to any healthcare costs accrued for the year. 

This year, my company has changed programs and we are doing Rally On. They have the same incentives, offering a decrease as long as we are enrolled in their program and participating. Plus, they have the same extra bonus incentive, but instead…

The Mammogram

Image
Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.


Build a little fence of trust
    Around to-day;
  Fill the space with loving work,
    And therein stay;
  Look not through the sheltering bars
    Upon to-morrow,
  God will help thee bear what comes,
    Of joy or sorrow.
MARY FRANVES BUTTS

As I've  reported earlier, I had a routine mammogram done. The results came out that there was a blemish. Nothing new or shocking there. Almost all my mammograms come back the same way, always the same breast. It has become so habit forming that in the  past the technician would automatically do a more intensive scan for that purpose. This way I didn't have to come back for a re-scan and we know how much those scans hurt. 

There was something different about this mammogram. First, the waiting room was quite full with three other women. Second, it wasn't my regular technician…