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Showing posts from 2013

Finding Rest

On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:7–8)

Finding rest In God
Oh how I long for His loving arms to envelope my being
to place me in His safe guardianship .
I cry out to Him in my weariness ,
resting my head on His shoulders . 

Oh , Lord , tuck me away in Your safekeeping 
far away from the problems of this world . 
Allow the stress to gently leave my body 
free to rejoice in Your company .

Wash away all the dirt suffocating me
exposing my shame for all to see .
Cleanse me from the inside out 
to live anew by Your saving Grace .

God , let me find rest in Your loving arms 
protect me and refresh me all over again
so I can live out Your will 
and serve my fellow man . 

Prepare me , Lord 
for the coming year .
Let the lessons I have learned 
this past year serve me well
as I step into a new beginning . 

Let me find rest in my God . . . . .


Have a Blessed New Year ever…

Letting Go

There is nothing worse than having to let go of something or someone that has played an important part in our lives . Sometimes letting go is a healing process that needs to happen so we can move on  to the next chapter in this game of life we are playing . 

Letting go comes in all forms . There may be a person who leaves our life because of a breakup or moving away or by death . Letting go may involve getting rid of an idea or activity that no longer serves its purpose . 

Letting go can hurt , really hurt . 

As the year ends , Emily and I have come to the realization that we need to let go of some of these things that have come to mean so much to us . 

Reflection taking place of what was , what will never be and hopefully of what will come ? 

The past becomes old and we long for something new to enter . Something better , something more meaningful . To move forward , one needs to let go , no matter how much it may hurt . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Bring On The Christmas Cheer

Merry Christmas everyone ! Our Lord and Savior has come !
This year I have not sent out any Christmas  cards or put up any lights opting for a more quiet , humbling Holiday . Emily and I are spending the day in our pajammies , watching some movies and enjoying our traditional salmon supper . The following poem was sent to me from one of my mentors . Take a moment to read about the real reason for Christmas . 
Twas the night before Jesus came and all through the house not a creature was praying not one in the house .  Their Bibles were lain on the shelf without care in hopes that Jesus would not come there .
The children were dressing to crawl into bed , not once ever kneeling or bowing a head . And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap  was watching the Late Show while I took a nap . +
When out of the East there arose such a clatter , I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter . Away to the window I flew like a flash tore open the shutters and threw up the sash !
When what to my wondering eyes …

Merry Christmas

For as long as I can remember , Christmas Eve has always been a huge deal in our family . Not only do we get together to celebrate the Birth of Jesus , consume a variety of traditional Polish food , but we experience the long awaited and anticipated prediction of the coming year .

Yes , prediction . We have so many family traditions based on our ethnic origin . Our culture believes that how we are on  Christmas Eve , that is how our new year will be . If we woke up early , then we will be early all year . If we argue , we will have many arguments . If we spend it with many friends , we will be entertaining  and so on and so on . 

Many mornings in the past , I have seen my mom wash her face in cold water littered with coins , signifying good fortune for the rest of the new year .

As the table was set for dinner , a coin was placed under each plate so every member could experience the same wealth . 

On the dinner table lay a plate of thin wafers . Before dinner was served , each one of us t…

The Media Cows

"What are you giggling about in there ? " I asked Emily .
"I'm watching The Media Cows , mom ".

The Media Cows . They sounded like a comedy club routine type show , but of course , I was completely wrong in my assumption . The Media Cows , are a group of young men doing a walk through of a game on Youtube . The name of the game we were watching ? The Last Of Us . I fell in love with the storyline and became addicted , wanting to find out what happened next . 
What I didn't expect is to develop a fondness for the two young men that were playing the game and offering tips on how to pass each level . It seems , there are many individuals on Youtube that do this sort of thing , but these two provided a down to earth attitude that I found refreshing as they interacted together .

Now , if you have a soft heart  or are not used to being around young men , you might find them offensive . These are young men , we're speaking about , after all . They burp , pass gas…

Drawing The Line

Sometimes I think people forget where they have come from and the roads they have traveled . When times are wonderful and lives are completely changed for the better , it's easy to forget to be thankful for it . We forget how difficult , how vulnerable and how lost we were during those dark days .

When the sun lifts the darkness , we vow to never forget those bad times and yet over time we do . We become overbearing and judgmental toward others who are experiencing hard times themselves , especially to those who are going through almost the same trials as we have .

It's much harder when it is a fellow Christian because we expect so much more from them . We expect them to be holier and instead we find they're just ordinary sinners like everyone else . Just like those heathens out there .

As a parent , our first instinct is to protect our children from the evils of the world . We want their lives to be better than  ours , without any strife or hurt . Unfortunately , we know …

The Simple Things

When I was a little girl , I dreamt of grandeur . A  large  home with a wraparound porch , a huge garden filled with an assortment of flowers and in that house many children dwelled . My career consisted of an executive , wheeling and dealing , with my own office and high tailored suits .

 All of us grew up with dreams that may have been similar to mine or not , but we had an idea of how we wanted to live out our lives . That kind of life has remained a fantasy to me . There are some similarities , but they are very minor . 

 I grew up as a Catholic raised with the notion that our lives are predestined by God before we are born . The saying , " This is my lot in life " , has been the motto I've heard many times . My road has been paved and I should learn to accept the type of life God has given me .

I don't entirely believe that to be true . The road that I was on wasn't necessarily the road God intended for me , but the road I have chosen to take .

My lot in life…

A Lukewarm Mentality

A person could be filled to the brim with a passion , dedicating their whole being into their cause . A cause spanning their careers , a thrill of a favorite past-time or a charitable contribution to society . Whatever that cause happens to be , it is faced with a fervor of a fast tempo  heartbeat !

In the beginning , we can devote so much of ourselves as dreams and ambitions burst forth from our loins . Passion can be powerful and rewarding . It can also become a learning experience that can benefit not only us , but those around us .

That same passion that evoked an energetic response in the beginning , can over time , release an exhausted  soul . A soul that has become overwhelmed , over burdened or burned out from the passion that started it all .

A soul can stare into the mirror and wonder at all that has happened . The kind of life this soul has lived . The mistakes that were replayed over and over  . The doors that were never opened or those that were . The successes and the fai…

Day Three

Day Three :



Day Three started out great as I headed out the door with the list in hand and with an energy level of an athlete . I convinced myself that today would be a day of accomplishment , feeling it down to my bones . Music blared inside my Durango as I weaved in and out of traffic , singing out loud my own version of the lyrics and mostly off key . It didn't matter , not only was I happy , but I looked happy .

Checking off one by one on that infamous list proved not to go as quickly as I had hoped .  For the most part , I seemed to have over-scheduledmy errands as if I was Superwoman . I do have a problem with overdoing things . My eyes are always bigger than my stomach as I overfill my plate . I schedule plans to the max on any given day  with activities . I try to do the possible with the impossible .

By the time the afternoon came and went , fatigue slowly spread from the tips of my toes to the top of my head . Finally sitting down  in front of my computer , with my coffee a…

Day Two

ay Two Sunday : The morning set the tone for the rest of the day . A fellow teacher was a no-show for Sunday School , the older children were a little more energetic than usual and I woke up with a bad attitude .  It was hectic , chaotic and fraught with stress . 
I couldn't shake that mood no matter how much I tried . It followed me around for the rest of the day like a bad shadow .I was unhappy with everything that came my way . What a terrible way to spend the Lord's Sabbath . 
As the day unfolded , the devil took hold of me and went to town , not letting go . . . . . but just like when I went down into the Baptismal water , I came up filled with the spirit . That spirit lives inside of me and whenever I stray , he pulls me back from the dark side so I never slip back into the darkness for long . 
When night came , all the dirt of that horrible day left me . It was definitely time to turn this vacay around . Taking pen to paper , a list was made for each day left . Tomorro…

Day One

Day One  Saturday :
The first day of my long awaited time off from work . Too bad that I  spent most of the the day sleeping . When you work on third shift . . . . that's just how it is . 
I have huge plans for this vacation . I won't be spending it laying on a beach somewhere or in a hotel room . There really won't be much time to sit around with my feet up . 
This week , I will spend time clearing up not just the clutter in my apartment , but also in my mind . I feel so tired and so very drained both physically  and spiritually . Never have I felt such a burnout . All I want to do is sit and do nothing . 
I know that part of it has to do with the affects of chemo . Chemotherapy affects my thyroid in a negative way . Usually , I need more sleep , at times , I even take extra naps . The longer you have been on chemo , the more tired your body becomes . After a certain period , I know my thyroid will regulate itself again . 
So today , I do absolutely nothing . I take out …

Old Barns And Me

Since my cancer , I have struggled with my body image . Cancer takes so much away from you . A person loses their hair , their lashes and their eyebrows . These things are the obvious losses  that everyone associates with cancer , but what about the other things that aren't a standout .

A person with cancer can gain a lot of weight from all the steroids , like I did . Majority of the people I have encountered also had to deal with arthritis in their legs . Cancer treatment can affect our organs and other parts of our bodies . Some people are prone to blood clots or develop a thyroid .

Either way , cancer takes a lot from a person and that usually means we change not only on the inside , but also on the outside . I no longer remember the person I looked like before this cancer and  I've had  difficult time accepting the person I see in the mirror . How is that for irony ?

As I watched this video below , I thought of myself and the struggles I've had with acceptance of my we…

Thought Collection

Hello everyone ,

Today's story will be featured on Though Collection Publishing . The link is below . Have a Blessed day everyone and I hope you enjoy your weekend .



http://www.thoughtnotebook.org/anm/artbase/?a=129&z=1

ERROR , ERROR

It has been a month of flashing signals strewn across my path , screaming " ERROR , ERROR " right back at me . Some say it has been related to the sudden weather changes , the storms that seemed to ravage the earth , but I believe otherwise .

Signals appear to provide a warning that something is not right . Perhaps . . . .

The car  signals flash across the panel whether it is the  " check engine light " or " car door open "  , each alerting us to stop and take notice .

The computer screen continues to " buffer " or an " error " appears , informing  you that your " PC data is low  " or it's time to delete your cookies .

A message appears on your television informing you of cable being disconnected or to refresh the signal . Perhaps , a payment is past due ?

Warning lights flashing everywhere . I've experienced all of these this past month . I wonder if there's more to it than meets the eye ? Even now , as I try to wr…

Temptation

Image
I stare at the scene above with longing . The memory of sitting on the patio of the cabin , sipping coffee in the early hours of the morning fresh in my mind  . Hannah dangling her feet back and forth on the swing  ,Tim deep into his vacation journal . The rest of the world still fast asleep as the ducks swim close to the edge of the lake , looking for a handout .

I could have sat there all day .

I stare at the scene above with longing .
The tranquility of that scene ,  a lure from the everyday mundane responsibilities that I find so overwhelming . I yearn for a change and it can't come fast enough for me .

Reality brings me back to the messes of my cluttered apartment  , the over-scheduling of all my responsibilities and the  too tired attitude of a weary body .

The changes at work have brought a renewal and a rebirth within me that I wasn't aware lay dormant . Escape is so appealing right now . Don't we all wish we could just jump into our cars and drive wherever the road may…

My Cup Half-Filled

We always feel like we can accomplish everything we set out to do . We can make a list of chores , errands or even a bucket list  and assume that it will be done sooner or later . In reality , most of our expectations are not realistic ones . If you are anything like me , you load your plate very high and only consume half . By the time we get to the other half , it's already spoiled or unappealing , losing it's charm .

I find myself in this situation over and over again . How many times can a person start over ? As many times as they have to . So , I'm redecorating a little , making room for some things and letting go of others . Cleaning out my closets and sometimes even coming out of the closet if need be .

Things haven't been turning out quite the way I have expected , but we adjust to whatever God has in store for us . Didn't I just pray " Let Your will be done " ? So here I am . . . . very tired and disappointed in that will , but I know it is the r…

The Written Word

I never knew there was a writer inside of me waiting to burst forth until a re-occurrence of my cancer . Most people begin their writing career with a  notebook and a pen , jotting down random thoughts of significance throughout the day . Not me , I began with a blog . 
What started out as a diary , quickly turned into a therapeutic exercise of placing pen to paper all the pent up emotions of life with cancer . What I couldn't express to others verbally , came pouring out like the explosion of floodgates long guarded . 
The written word became a healing process without my being aware of it . When or how , I'm not exactly sure , but it has helped me shed the layers of pity and anger that so easily could have enveloped me . 
The written word holds much power scrolled with the mighty pen of real emotion . Why did it take almost half my life to realize a passion long hidden inside of me ?  Could it be I needed to gain experience to voice my pain , my joy and my desires ? 
Maybe , but …

Simply Food

Ever since I was a little girl , food played a huge role in my life . I was not a skinny child nor was I overweight , but somewhere in the middle . Coming from the old country into the U.S. , meant my mom made  homemade cheese , 
pasta , jam and bread on a daily basis  .  We ate well , but I never appreciated it . All I wanted was pizza , canned spaghetti and  a peanut butter sandwich with a twinkie for dessert . I wanted to eat like an American . 

When I had my children and became a housewife  , I was introduced to a variety of foods from all walks of life . Our house was the center of familial dinners for holidays and birthdays  . During those years , I learned how to garden , cook and can goods  . 

Next came being a single parent and that changed everything in my life . Dinners weren't as elaborate , but they were a lot more fun with picnics on the living room floor and breakfast pancakes for dinner . Money was scarce as well as time . . . . mom had to work . To compensate for the…

Life's Changes

I've been feeling tired lately , none of it making much sense since I'm taking a sabbatical from my chemo treatment . Shouldn't I be feeling the opposite ? Everyone's first instincts would be that I need more rest and I probably do , but I believe it's my schedule .

I think that as we experience different stages in our life , we create a schedule that best accommodates our lifestyle . That schedule may work for us for a few months or even years . For me , the schedule I have been living for the past six years is not working any longer . 

I have been working second and third shift for 18 years now and it has been a perfect setting for any  personal activities that I've been involved in during that time . Now I find myself scrambling from one activity to the next , barely finding the time to do it all . Time is very precious to me and I just don't have enough of it . 

 An opportunity has risen for me to go to first shift and I cannot wait for this change to happ…

Messes Of The Past

You want to know what she will look like older , look at her 
mother .
OR
You want to see what she is like , look at her mother . 

We end up being just like our mom , whether we like it or not . As young women , we set out into the world full of high hopes and dreams , vowing not to end up like our moms . We love our moms , but we will not be doormats for others to trod upon . We will be different . Our moms are too nice and forgiving and they will not stand up for themselves . Well , we will not be anything like them . 

Sounds familiar ? The fact  is , we become them because our moms feel and love  us . They are not doormats , but they would do anything for us . It's only natural for us to end up like our moms since they are our first introduction into the world and into how things are done . 

Our childhoods shape how we interact with others , the relationships we will have , how we deal with our emotions and how we keep our home . 

If it's a childhood with pleasant memories or not …

Living Among The Clutter

There is nothing more that I detest than clutter . Right now , it seems I'm living in the midst of it , feeling suffocated . I'm constantly tripping over things or moving things from one corner to the next . 

 Right above  and below us lives a family of four and somehow they fit all of their things without the clutter feeling . There is only the two of us , why can't we do the same ?

We have too much stuff ! Storage around here is certainly a problem . Some of these things we have held on to for years
 ( like VHS tapes ) hoping it will come back into style ? ! 

I know myself very well  and I know this stifling and suffocating feeling I have been experiencing has nothing to do with my apartment as much as my life . For whatever reason I'm carrying these feelings around , it's time to do something about them , even if that means a cleaning overhaul  . 

So I'm planning a remodel . Furniture will be moved . Things will be discarded . New things might even take their pla…

A Sort Of Update

I've seen better days ,
but I've also seen worse .
I don't have everything that I want , 
but I do have all I need . 
I woke up with some aches and pains ,
but I woke up . 
My life may not be perfect , 
but I am Blessed . 

I've joined a chronic illness group at church . We've only met a few times since we all are sick most of the time . I've never been one to sit in a circle and get all touchy feely with my emotions especially when it came to the crying part . I deal with situations a little differently . I may have a pity party going on for a couple of days , but I always pick myself up regardless of how I feel mentally . I may have a difficult time accepting how much weight I have 
gained , but I move on with it . I can't take a " woe is me " kind of 
attitude . 

Spending time with children 
is more important than 
spending money on children . 

I have to be honest with you . . . . . I have been experiencing great jealousy regarding my grandkids . This year , …

My Other Blogs

This weekend , Emily and I are relaxing at home , taking care of a few chores around the apartment . As we kick back , let me share with you some of my favorite blogs that I follow . 

A HOLY EXPERIENCE 
A lot of us are familiar with Ann Voskamp and her 1000 Gifts , but I really enjoy reading her blog and keeping up with her family of eight and their life on a Canadian farm where she home schools all of her six children .

CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
A look at the life of a young funeral director and how he deals being surrounded by death all the time . A great perspective into the ups and downs of a funeral home .

JENNIFER DUKES LEE #TELL HIS STORY
A blog about  a young mother with two children living on an Iowa farm trying to live life for JESUS . A  great look into the life of a young woman and the everyday chaos that occurs . 

HOLLEY GERTH
Holley is a married , older woman who has had to come to terms to a life without children . She has become one of my favorites , maybe because of o…