The Dismal Grey

She sat at the kitchen table looking grim , her nose all red and puffy . Tendrils of hair surrounded her head as if she just gotten up . She didn't feel good nor did she really look her best . It was a grey  day . Her allergies came back and she was feeling horrible . Even her clothes were dark charcoal grey worn to display her overall mood .

I looked at my poor darling of a daughter and wished I could lift her mood , but I couldn't . My own  wasn't any better . Tomorrow , my appointment with a petscan was looming over us both . The day of any appointment , we seem to hold our breath , waiting and hoping , not daring to speak it out loud .

Bowing my head in prayer , like we do everyday at supper time , I find myself blurting out  . . .. Lord , let my scan come out alright because I'm not ready for the cancer to come back . Emily and I stare at each other across the table . There , I've said it . Those words just hanging in the air between us , just vibrating around our thoughts .

Looking around my apartment , everything seems small , cluttered and constricting somehow . It's that kind of day , where you want to crawl back into bed and pretend it never came . A day , where we can feel sorry for ourselves . Where we can have our own little pity party . A day where silence speaks volumes , bouncing off our little sanctuary we call home .

I'm not ready . Are we ever ready ? How does one prepare oneself for something like this ? You brace yourself . You put on your full armour of Jesus . JESUS  would you walk with me ?  You take a deep breath and brace yourself knowing that Jesus is right beside you . Not one of us is stronger than the other . We all have it inside of us to overcome .

JESUS , would you walk with us ?