Looking Back To The Ugly

                                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

I can hear these violets chorus
    To the sky's benediction above;
  And we all are together lying
    On the bosom of Infinite Love.
Oh, the peace at the heart of Nature!
Oh, the light that is not of day!
Why seek it afar forever,
When it cannot be lifted away?

The past can be an ugly thing. One that can haunt us from time to time. It can also run our everyday lives. People say we should bury the past and forget it, but not me. I want to examine it. I want to learn from it. I want to forgive myself for it. Then, and only then, I want to bury it. 

My past involves a lot of fear. A lot of anxiety and uncertainty. I believed the negative view of myself that I held and thought that others did also. It also involves living an ungodly lifestyle. I say an ungodly lifestyle, because I didn't have a personal relationship with God. I may have been a Catholic who believed in God, but I lived a life filled with a list of do's and don't's. Do go to Church on Sunday-check. Don't eat meat on Friday during Lent-check. Do Baptize your babies-check. Do have a First Holy Communion- check. Do go to confession-check.

In my mind, I could live and do whatever I wanted during the week as long as I went to Confession and do penance for these sins. I would be absolved from all my sins. Besides, all the good things I did in helping people and making donations to charities placed me in a good light with God. I was a pretty good person compared to everyone else. I mean, just look at my checklist.

I made many, many mistakes during that time. Hence, looking back to the ugliness of it all can be painful. The devil loves an ugly past. He also loves the fact that many people don't believe he exists. Whenever I would make a reference to him to any nonbeliever, they actually rolled their eyes at me like I'm crazy. Well, he certainly is alive and loves situations as this one. 

I am so glad to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Whenever the past rears it's ugly head, and it will, it doesn't last long before I remember who I Am NOW. That old person no longer exists and the only one who keeps bringing it up is satan. I'm grateful to God that the people in my life see me in a true light without the unwanted baggage of an old life. I know who I am. Do you know who you are?

Have a blessed day everyone.


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