Wednesday, February 20, 2013

OhThat Phrase

" When we walk through troubles , afflictions , persecution , danger , illness and distress , when the enemy comes to steal , kill and destroy , we can have genuine joy in our hearts ."
Thelma Wells
( author , Continuous Joy )

Standing before the huge mirror in the bathroom at work , powdering my rashes with potato starch and getting it everywhere , I find it difficult to find or even hold onto any Joy . I look at my reflection in the mirror and turn away in disgust . My face is red from these steroids / hot flashes and if one more person  asks why am I so red  . . . . . .

Joy enables me to hold my peace when people say and do ugly things to me .

Taking a deep breath , I whisper that phrase to myself . It isn't anyone's fault that I have cancer nor that I have any discomfort with the side effects . In fact , they have been extremely caring for me ( my fellow co-workers , that is ) .

Taking another peek in the mirror , I feel frumpy . Yes , frumpy . With my oversized tops and elastic -waisted pants . . . . . I feel frumpy . The rashes taking over my life , clothes chafing my skin , spreading to my feet . Walking is both difficult and painful . Not to mention a total of eight pounds gained already . When will this stop ?!

Joy enables me to hold my peace when people say and do ugly things to me .

There I go again . I can actually feel the tempo of my voice rise louder and louder with the very thought of three more months . I have a real problem . I'm filled with pity for myself . . . . and it's turning me into an ugly monster . I'm feeling . . . . very . . . .tired . . .of . . . . it  . . . . all .

I guess , I'm not doing well with my journey into Joy . Today , I want to rave and rant with a full fledged pity party . I can see already , that this journey that I boldly volunteered to take on to improve the quality of Joy in my worklife , will not be easy .

As I re-read the quote from Thelma Wells , I wonder when will I be able to get to that level . Why did I think it would be as easy as ABC or 123 ? I can remember my Pastor saying that whenever we ask God to teach us something , we should also ask Him for mercy .

Show me Your Mercy , Lord .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .

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