I think the one thing I have struggled with since my cancer and still continue to this day has been how it has affected my appearance .
It was very difficult for me to lose my hair and now it has come back each time even more beautiful than ever . I love my hair .
The most difficult has been the weight gain . If you have been thin all your life even after having four children and then all of a sudden you blow up gaining over 80 pounds . . . . . you might have a little difficulty in accepting the new you .
I have struggled with other people's reaction to my appearance . People have no idea how cruel they sound when they carelessly make disparaging remarks . It's easy for others to say " pay no attention " to them , but it still hurts .
Right now , I am much better at accepting things the way they are and I know eventually I will get to that point where it will not matter .
Losing Your Identity
My hair has been falling out . It's not a pretty sight . Everyday it gets worse . I don't think people realize what the process looks like when your hair starts shedding . Think of a chemical waste movie where the infected person 's hair is falling off in chunks . Globs....chunks. Yuck .
My hair has been falling out . It's not a pretty sight . Everyday it gets worse . I don't think people realize what the process looks like when your hair starts shedding . Think of a chemical waste movie where the infected person 's hair is falling off in chunks . Globs....chunks. Yuck .
It starts off with just some hair whenever you brush . Then a handful everytime you touch your hair. After that, you shed on your shoulders , pillow , bathtub . You don't even have to touch it . Everyday it gets worse and worse . So I made the decision to shave it already .
Four years ago , I shaved my head immediately when it started to fall out . This time , I have waited a lot longer . I mention this to someone and their response really ticked me off . This upset me so much I felt I needed to write about it . They wanted me to wait . " I mean , Lottie, its not that bad . "
Really ? Really ? How would you know . That's like telling someone that has breast cancer...its just a breast . Or someone in a wheelchair.....its just a leg .People say the most insensitive things . This is why people who are going through tragedies do not share their feelings with others . Another reason ....because they feel that no one understands what they are going through .
Another huge misconception..............this is not vanity.......it is the loss of identity . My losing my hair is not about being attractive . Its about not recognizing myself .Who am I now? Who will I be when I come out of this ? Then there are my children who still have a hard time seeing me with no hair . I should just tell them its not that bad when they see globs of my hair hit the floor . How dramatic do you think that will be for them ?
The funny thing is that the person who said it , if this happened to them , would have gone into a depression . I'm not saying this to make the person feel bad about themselves . I want people to be aware.
Since starting this blog ,I have had so many relatives of patients come up to me and tell me how they never knew what they were feeling . How they kept all their emotions bottled up . How they wished they knew their thoughts .
My feelings alone have been like a roller coaster ride....up and down and up again . I think that's because I'm trying to find out who I am in all of this . This person staring in the mirror with a bald head...who is she ?Who will she become ?
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Four years ago , I shaved my head immediately when it started to fall out . This time , I have waited a lot longer . I mention this to someone and their response really ticked me off . This upset me so much I felt I needed to write about it . They wanted me to wait . " I mean , Lottie, its not that bad . "
Really ? Really ? How would you know . That's like telling someone that has breast cancer...its just a breast . Or someone in a wheelchair.....its just a leg .People say the most insensitive things . This is why people who are going through tragedies do not share their feelings with others . Another reason ....because they feel that no one understands what they are going through .
Another huge misconception..............this is not vanity.......it is the loss of identity . My losing my hair is not about being attractive . Its about not recognizing myself .Who am I now? Who will I be when I come out of this ? Then there are my children who still have a hard time seeing me with no hair . I should just tell them its not that bad when they see globs of my hair hit the floor . How dramatic do you think that will be for them ?
The funny thing is that the person who said it , if this happened to them , would have gone into a depression . I'm not saying this to make the person feel bad about themselves . I want people to be aware.
Since starting this blog ,I have had so many relatives of patients come up to me and tell me how they never knew what they were feeling . How they kept all their emotions bottled up . How they wished they knew their thoughts .
My feelings alone have been like a roller coaster ride....up and down and up again . I think that's because I'm trying to find out who I am in all of this . This person staring in the mirror with a bald head...who is she ?Who will she become ?
Have a Blessed day everyone .
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