My First Time

   It was right after my first remission that a family friend was diagnosed with cancer . Walking into the hospital brought on  a wave of nostalgic memories . Some good  and some not so good . I came , carrying a bag of bagels , muffins and a gallon of coffee . I knew that his family haven't left his side to eat or sleep since his arrival . This , I knew  from my own experience .
   Inside , everyone was laughing and chatting in a strained sort of way , especially the patient . As I laid out the food , no one needed to be coaxed to eat as they suddenly  remembered how hungry they really were .
    I'll never forget how chatty the patient was , relating joke after joke , story after story . Regular life of the party . Or so he wanted to appear like that . In a few days , his surgery was scheduled to remove the tumor on his colon . He had colon cancer , stage 4 . I didn't know it was the last time I would see him so "alive ".
    After his surgery , I came by again to offer my support . When they opened him up , they saw that his cancer spread all over and there was nothing they could do for him . They gave him no more than three weeks . The family was devastated .
   When I looked at him , laying there , moaning in pure agony . . . . gone was the man filled with jokes . Gone was the chatty life of the party . He laid there , with tears streaming down his face , not recognizing anyone . Not even aware of people sitting by his side .
He died under two weeks later . It was a slow , painful death that medication could not numb .
    That was my first death from cancer that I've experienced . This is how I was going to die . In a blink , this personable man was gone and replaced by a shell wriggling from pain . No one deserves to die this way .
   Everytime , I hear of someone diagnosed with cancer , I think of our family friend . I don't remember him because I feel like everyone is doomed to die , I do that because  I am reminded of the ugliness of cancer . The dark side that no one wants to talk about . The side that people whisper about . When I was first diagnosed , I didn't realize the seriousness of this disease and the effects it would have on me  and my family .
   Cancer is a struggle , a fight , a war . Not everyone makes it . Those that do are wounded and  changed forever . Our lives can be over so quickly . Some of us aren't prepared for what comes after . How do you want to spend the time you have here ? How do you want to spend the time after you die ?