Scarves And More Scarves

    I have a huge , huge drawer of headwear . In 2007 , I wore scarves 99 % of the time .That was my choice of headwear back then . When I went into remission , I decided to hold onto my scarves , even though I felt certain that I was done with cancer . I really did feel  that . That's why it was so hard for me to accept the fact it returned .
    I have no idea why I kept them . My friend Linda gave alot of hers away to other people.....me included . I didn't want to get rid of mine . Maybe , deep down inside I knew it would come back  . . ...way deep inside  .
    When it did , I was so angry , disappointed and disgusted . I told myself I was getting rid of these scarves . In fact , I hardly wore them at all . I used my shawls that I wrapped like a turban in different styles . Lately , I've been wearing hats . But I told myself , I was getting rid of these things once and for all . I planned on sending them to my cousins in Poland . I wasn't keeping them. Not this time .  So last night , I went through that drawer of scarves .
    With everyone I pulled out , a memory came back to me . It reminded me of when my boys died and I had to put away their clothes . I remember looking at every outfit . . . . smelling it for their scent . It was very difficult and time consuming .  It was just like that with those stupid scarves . And I can't get rid of them . I just can't . The memory here isn't a good one but it's who I am and where I've been  . I can wear them around my neck , tie back my hair and as shawls . I don't have to make them only  my cancer scarves .
     I realize that I only wanted to get rid of them because I thought of them as superstitious . That is silly . Throwing them out will not prevent the cancer from coming back . So . . . . .  .I folded them up and placed them back in the drawer . The End .