That Doubt In Me

                                                                      Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                      everyday is a journey.

Lord, subdue our selfish will;
Each to each our tempers suit,
By thy modulating skill,
Heart to heart, as lute to lute.
--Charles Wesley.

Being a devout follower of Christ is extremely important to me. I need to make that clear right away, but I have found that the same faithfulness and devotion holds me apart from everyone else. People don't really understand why I would help anyone or offer money to someone in need. 

Not long ago, I did just that. I helped someone in need. Whether or not this person was in need or not, that doesn't matter, because I was guided to do so.There are no regrets in doing so as I believe the Holy Spirit guided me in this gift. I have long learned to listen when God says go and this was that opportunity. The problem began when I approached others to also help. They were not believers. There was hesitation, not on all parts, but for some of them. I was questioned as to why I would do something so out of the world to them. To them, that person didn't look as if in need. 

I'm asking nonbelievers to do a believers act. It took away all of my Joy of giving. The blessing to others was taken away from me. It was gone. I began to doubt, to mistrust the Holy Spirit's voice inside of me. I didn't even believe in myself anymore. For the remainder of the night, I was tortured inside with remorse with I shouldn't have done this or what was I thinking? I felt horrible.  

It's difficult for nonbelievers to understand our Christian ways, especially when it comes to the giving. Forget the 10% tithe, they totally don't get that. Yet, when we give from our hearts randomly to random people, they think we are crazy. They didn't want to give. It made me think of the bible verse from Mark 10:25.

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."

Isn't that the truth? People don't want to part with their money. Giving and sharing is so difficult for some of us. Why is that? I've learned a lesson here and I think it will be a while before I ever involve nonbelievers in the act of giving. I can't help think that perhaps I've handled this wrong. Perhaps this was an opportunity for a lesson for them. Have I missed it? Perhaps. Something definitely to think about.

Have a blessed day everyone.


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