The Role Of A Lifetime

I never thought about being a mother . While my girlfriends were dreaming of getting married and having children , all I thought of was having a career . I became an Aunt at the age of sixteen and the girls were enough for me . 

I had huge plans for myself . I wanted a beautiful  and large apartment of my own . I wanted a job in the career world where I could wear suits and move up the corporate ladder . These were the dreams I had in High School , not of changing diapers . 

When motherhood arrived , I told myself he would be my only 
one . Little did I know , that his birth brought the role of my life and within five more years , another three were born . Ironically , for someone who never planned on having children , I was very 
fertile . 

I discovered to my surprise that I loved being a mom . In a way , my children and I both explored this world for the very first time together . Everything seemed new and exciting , even though I've seen it all before . Life seemed different , somehow better . 

I didn't realize then , but I was sowing seeds of " bonding " with all of my children . To me , it seemed I was just having fun with them . When my two sons  died , that relationship , that role that was bestowed on me , took on a much deeper meaning . I became the protector of my two remaining and I vowed to be the best mom ever . Nothing would happen to these two . 

As the children grew , so did the problems . Being a mom was difficult , especially since I was alone . That period in my life , I felt like everything I did was wrong . I was very unsure of my parenting skills . That's when I understood the importance of having both parents . 

Now , they are grown and once again , my role has changed . No longer am I the decision - maker , but more of a confidante . I can only hope and pray they do the right thing . Sometimes , I wonder if I did enough as a mom during their youth . Did I prepare them ? Or make it worse ? 

When we begin as parents , I wonder  if we realize , we are playing the role of a lifetime . Nothing even compares to the seriousness of this " job " . Each child is as different as the snowflakes that drop from heaven . There is no textbook that can prepare you for them . I have always been in awe of parents that claim they know the best way to raise children , because to this day , I'm not exactly sure I made all the right choices . 

When our children end up on the wrong path , we blame 
ourselves . We should have done this or that , keeps echoing in our heads . When they reach a certain level of achievement , we cross our fingers  and hope it continues . 

The truth is , good parents can have bad children and bad parents can have good children . To this day , I have no idea how I made it through raising them . Thank goodness , I had God in my life to listen to me during those years , for being my partner in this role of a lifetime . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .