Spiraling Downward

It all started out so well . With a skip to my step and a song in my heart , I drove to the hospital for my labs , happy as can be . My vitals were checked and blood was drawn , all with great results . All systems good to go ! Merry Christmas , Ms. Krol . See ya in two weeks .

Visions of crawling into bed and sleeping snuggly turned the ride home into a quick and happy trip . The sooner I can get home , the sooner that vision can turn into a reality . Just one more thing I need to do  . . . .

It doesn't take much to let the devil in and when you do , he wrecks so much havoc that your mind spins out of control . Suddenly , everything turns into a negative thought .

All I wanted to do is make a phone call . . . . one purely innocent phone call . I just wanted to let them ( Metlife ) know when my next treatment would be , but . . . . why did I think it would be easy ?

By the time I finally crawled into bed , it was nothing like my dreamed up vision . Gone was the comfy and snuggly rest , instead , there was alot of tossing and turning . Worry and frustration furrowed my brow . Slowly , anger followed with discontent right behind it . All in a flash , all the happiness of the morning spiraled downward into a pit of self-pity . Everything was wrong and nothing was right .

Yes , the devil was in the house and I let him in . With a groan of disgust , I got out of bed angry with myself in allowing this to happen . What is wrong with me ? We are four days from Christmas ! Jesus birthday ! What am I doing ? How dare I wallow in self-pity .

After soaking in the tub , I was able to calm myself out of this downward spiral created solely by the greatest deceiver of all . . . satan . I just realized that my worrying wouldn't change anything . It wouldn't change the outcome . It's just paperwork . It doesn't change who I am . Why would I allow him to take my earned joy away from me ?

So I'm going to work ...tired and sleepy , but at least I'm calm . Have a Blessed Week everyone .