Saturday, January 7, 2012

The No. 1 Question

   Everywhere I go and  everyone I meet  all have the same question to ask me .
  " How do you feel about God ".
   " Do you feel like He has abandoned you ?"
   " Are you  angry with Him?"
  " Do you still believe in Him?"
   "Did it change your Faith?"
     At first , I was very surprised that people asked me these questions . In fact , it's really one question put forth in numerous ways . They all have to do with how I feel about God .
    Honestly at first , I felt uncomfortable thinking why would everyone even think that my faith would have changed at the drop of a hat . Do I look like I've changed ? Am I acting in a way that makes them think that ? I was shocked . Am I that weak of a Christian in their eyes ?
    Then I remembered a time when I did question my whole belief system . I believed in God all of my life . I cannot imagine life without God in it . Years ago , I was a Catholic . I went to church .I believed . Didn't have a relationship with Christ like I do now , but I still had Faith .
    I remember when my son died . My second son in three years . I remember when  it happened the second time  how angry I was with God . It hit me just now  that we all are ,  at one time or another ,
angry with God . That was my time . I finally understood why people kept asking me that question . It isn't that I don't look or act like a believer , it's just quite normal to have these feelings . Or maybe , they themselves had these feelings but felt " bad " for having them . I mean , we are Christians , right ? We shouldn't be feeling like that . That's how we think . It's okay to have these feelings .
   When I thought about all of this I also realized it's okay for people to keep asking me . What a perfect way to talk of God . Didn't I want to have a honest blog  with true emotions coming through ? Didn't I want to write for people who are experiencing these same feelings as I but feel they can't express them out loud ? Didn't I want to be that voice ? Of course .
   Soi , keep on asking me all the questions you want .

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