Veering Off Course
I do not ask my cross to understand,
My way to see;
Better in darkness just to feel Thy hand,
And follow Thee.
ADELAIDE A. PROCTER.
My life has been filled with wrong turns and wrong paths. How could I have strayed so off course? I'm not blaming others, but myself. I allowed things to happen. because I had no gumption. I have been fearful of the unknown all of my life and I had no idea how to live boldly. When I was young, I told myself I wouldn't live my life with regrets. Isn't that what I am doing now?
The way I imagined my life to be back then was totally different from the way it turned out. For one thing, I never saw the cancer. Ever. That certainly was never in my plans, but then who does? It's not like we make a chart of our life the way we see it and say to ourselves, hey, let me put cancer down, too. No, it always seems to come by as a surprise.
As the year comes to a close, I find myself reflecting. Of course, I also have noticed an increase in this reflection business. I have spent too much time in it. It's all fine and dandy to try to learn from our past experiences, but we can become enveloped in it too much.
Yes, I have made many bad choices in life, but I am not the only one. I think we all have done so. I do believe I am guilty and need to accept my part in it, but there are people in our lives who take advantage of situations and leave us with that guilt.
Lately, I cannot stop thinking about the story of Joseph and the famous verse that comes from it. They meant it for evil, but God meant it for good. I cannot help that there were times in my life where the people in my life took what I meant for good and turned it into evil.
I'm saying this, because I will no longer dwell in the past moments of my life, kicking myself for my choices. That was then, this is now. That was the Lottie before Jesus, now lives Jesus in Lottie. That is a huge difference. We spend way too much time blaming ourselves for our past. Yes, we need to acknowledge our part, but we also need to believe that we are forgiven by the Almighty. We need to stop living in that shame. Shed it. Leave it. Move on.
Have a blessed day everyone.