everyday is a journey.
I met a little Elf-man once,
Down where the lilies blow.
I asked him why he was so small
And why he didn't grow.
What surprises me even more is the realization that I am obsessed with how I look. I never knew I had vanity issues. I mean, all of my life, I've had this wash 'n' wear attitude in regards to beauty. Cancer changed all that.
I've gained somewhere in the ball park of eighty pounds. I've lost my luscious eyelashes. My body is full of scars. It still to this day, is a struggle for me to look in the mirror and accept the new me. This is not easy for me to admit.
I sometimes wonder if I'll ever overcome this feeling of inadequacy about my attractiveness. I do have good days where I tell myself it no longer bothers me, but I know these thoughts are just lies waiting beneath the surface to emerge.
I don't think this is something that only I am experiencing. I believe the majority of chronic illness patients deal with this issue of their new appearance. Trust me, I've spoken to many of them in radiation treatment. Another thing? We feel guilty for feeling this way. I mean, we are alive. We have been spared. God has given us a new beginning. We just have to accept the new us.
All of this is normal. Of course, we will have difficulties in dealing with the new us, especially since we have gone through such a traumatic experience. Imagine the young mom and wife in her early thirties who has lost a breast. Try telling her it doesn't matter. To her beauty does matter. It is something that she has to overcome even if it takes her a lifetime.
There is nothing simple about beauty. Nothing. So I buy a new outfit (I'm addicted to the clearance rack) or get a new hairdo. Maybe a massage or a pedicure. Anything that will make us feel pretty. We all need that from time to time. It is a struggle for each of us, but the length of it, may vary. It all depends on our own personal journeys. Don't feel bad, because your journey may not be as advanced as the next person.
Have a blessed day everyone.