Looking For Survivors

I wanted answers , but perhaps even more than that , I wanted assurance that I would be well . I wanted to be normal again . I wanted to walk out of the hospital on my own two feet and go back to my former way of life .
Excerpt from 90 Minutes In Heaven .

During the entire time I was in the hospital , I never thought about the  severity of my condition . I only thought about what I had to accomplish for that morning or day . It wasn't until I was home healing that my condition  began to sink in . 

It happened one morning quite innocently as I wanted to find another person with ovarian cancer . You see , in these past four months , I had met many cancer patients , but none with my type . I wanted to hear a testimonial of a fellow survivor . I was looking for hope . 

I surfed the net , visiting websites of ovarian groups . I read their        stories , not just a few , but every single one . Several things stood out right away :

1. I was truly ignorant on the various terminology associated with cancer . Every single  patient knew the type of drugs that were administered to them and their side effects . They spoke of their CA125 counts . They spoke in detail of their procedures/surgeries . 

I did not know any of these things . It wasn't because the doctors didn't explain , they did , I wasn't really listening . I just wanted them to fix or take away any health problem I was experiencing at that moment . I didn't want to know the how or what , I just wanted them to do . 

2. I realized they didn't live very long . The longest survivor I was able to find , had ovarian cancer for twelve years and it came back four  times  . 

3. It kept coming back . It didn't matter how old they were nor  what stage they were at , the cancer kept coming back . 

I didn't want it to come back and I didn't want to die . I didn't just go through hell and back , so I could do it all over again . I would never be done with cancer . It would eventually kill me . 

Like a woman possessed , I kept surfing the net trying to find a different outcome . An outcome that could reassure me of a different ending . I was looking for hope . Someone , please tell me that I wouldn't ended up like these women . 

Living by faith , not by sight . 

My cancer didn't come back for almost five years . With each passing year , hope grew and grew , where I believed I was rid of that dreaded cancer . When it came back , I was devastated and angry . I believed I was healed , but little did I know , that healing comes in all forms and so does hope . 

If I didn't believe in that hope , I most likely would have wasted those five years , but hope kept me going . Kept me waking up and embracing life . 

Now , 7 1/2 years later , I had three bouts with cancer already , but I have lived these years . . . . and I intend on doing so until my last breath . Even then , I will live on in my Father's Kingdom . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .