Each day is like a journey . We have no idea where the path will take us . It is unknown to us . Sometimes , we expect one thing , but find something else altogether .
We finish one journey and begin another one . The learning process never ends , but keeps going until our last breath is taken .
Our Faith keeps us strong and on the right path .
What is my journey now ? I can only place my trust in God and take one step at a time in the direction He leads me .
Trust , Trust ..... Where Art Thou?
This being my second time around , I find people asking me primarily the same question . ......Is it the same ? Is it the same chemo type ? Are you feeling the same ? Are you having the same side effects ? etc, etc, etc . It's basically the same question . How is it like now ?
There are more differences than similarities . I'm not even sure if there are any similarities other then the fact that I have the same cancer . Before , I dealt with my spiritual side . The part that was missing.....lacking in my life . Now it seems I'm dealing with my personality......my character.....the type of person I am . Or want to become .
I have been walking around doing all the right things : going to church , bible study , volunteering , trying to behave in Christ-like way . I have seen a change in me and others have too. I haven't really gotten where I want to be . In fact , I have found I have a lot of flaws in me . It seems I have been working on the big things , but there are other things maybe not that noticeable to me . The key phrase here is " noticeable to me ".
Yes , things are different now , only on the surface . For instance : the old me would have fought if confronted , blocked , hurt . Now ? My son says it best : I want peace at all cost . I will sweep it under , walk around it or walk out the door before I have to deal with it . I do not want to deal with anything . I want a peaceful existence . Or am I more afraid of the old me coming back ?
So have I really changed ? Or have I just changed the way I handle things ? Again , I started writing about one thing and something else is coming out . God is so funny at times .
Another thing I have noticed is that I put things off.....things that I don't like to do...unpleasant things . Or I break off personal relationships before they get serious because somehow I'm psychic and I can look into the future and see it will never work out .
Boy , I'm really messed up . It really is all the same thing . I'm scared . I'm scared of my old-self coming back . I'm scared of getting hurt in a relationship...being taken for a fool . I'm scared of trusting . That's what this is all about....TRUST.
Don't we all say , "I trust in the Lord" or " leave it with Him", but do we really ? I know I have a hard time with trust . I did an exercise on trust with my Sunday School Class once where they had to fall back and have their partner catch them from behind . I was amazed how these children trusted each other . They were falling back without a moment of doubt . Like a swarm of flies . Why can't I be like that ?Why can't I do that ? I want to let go .
So is it different this time ? You better believe it . It's alot more personal somehow . All my fears , my vulnerabilities are right here in the open . I feel exposed before God. I am a Christian and I'm afraid to let go ....completely let go .
I think I just found what my journey is all about.
Have a Blessed day everyone .
There are more differences than similarities . I'm not even sure if there are any similarities other then the fact that I have the same cancer . Before , I dealt with my spiritual side . The part that was missing.....lacking in my life . Now it seems I'm dealing with my personality......my character.....the type of person I am . Or want to become .
I have been walking around doing all the right things : going to church , bible study , volunteering , trying to behave in Christ-like way . I have seen a change in me and others have too. I haven't really gotten where I want to be . In fact , I have found I have a lot of flaws in me . It seems I have been working on the big things , but there are other things maybe not that noticeable to me . The key phrase here is " noticeable to me ".
Yes , things are different now , only on the surface . For instance : the old me would have fought if confronted , blocked , hurt . Now ? My son says it best : I want peace at all cost . I will sweep it under , walk around it or walk out the door before I have to deal with it . I do not want to deal with anything . I want a peaceful existence . Or am I more afraid of the old me coming back ?
So have I really changed ? Or have I just changed the way I handle things ? Again , I started writing about one thing and something else is coming out . God is so funny at times .
Another thing I have noticed is that I put things off.....things that I don't like to do...unpleasant things . Or I break off personal relationships before they get serious because somehow I'm psychic and I can look into the future and see it will never work out .
Boy , I'm really messed up . It really is all the same thing . I'm scared . I'm scared of my old-self coming back . I'm scared of getting hurt in a relationship...being taken for a fool . I'm scared of trusting . That's what this is all about....TRUST.
Don't we all say , "I trust in the Lord" or " leave it with Him", but do we really ? I know I have a hard time with trust . I did an exercise on trust with my Sunday School Class once where they had to fall back and have their partner catch them from behind . I was amazed how these children trusted each other . They were falling back without a moment of doubt . Like a swarm of flies . Why can't I be like that ?Why can't I do that ? I want to let go .
So is it different this time ? You better believe it . It's alot more personal somehow . All my fears , my vulnerabilities are right here in the open . I feel exposed before God. I am a Christian and I'm afraid to let go ....completely let go .
I think I just found what my journey is all about.
Have a Blessed day everyone .
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