A Quiet Storm

The calm before the storm . . . . .that's how I've been feeling lately .  I walk around carrying cancer on my shoulders and yet , I AM SO CALM . Why ? I am amazed how I feel nothing . As if nothing has happened . As if life hasn't changed . Why ? What has changed ? What is different this time ?

I can't answer any of these questions . All I know is the peace I feel .  I am Truly okay . Everyday , there are messages from friends and family all expressing their well wishes for me and Emily . How are you feeling ? I am fine . Maybe , this is the quiet before the storm and one day , I will have a complete meltdown .

When I was at the doctor's , making arrangements , I felt at home . I know these nurses and they know me . A few came in to say hello because they just heard my cancer was back .

On my way home , I caught myself humming to a tune on the radio . Stopping , I realized I actually felt happy coming from the doctor's . Could this be joy ? How could I feel joy at a time like this ?

I think it's the relief that has been lifted from my shoulders . Before , there was all this worrying and uncertainty , expectation of the cancer returning . Maybe , deep down inside , I feel at home with my cancer . Maybe , the last time , I cried so much to prepare me for the now .Maybe , Jesus calmed the thunder , the lightening , the rain . . . .and  . . . it became  . . . . the quiet storm .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .