Great Expectations

    We all have such great expectations of what will happen in our lives . We plan and organize so everything will turn out the way we want it to . Sometimes we just dream and fantasize of how we want our lives to turn out .
     The first time I found out I had cancer , I wasn't  as traumatized as people think . I thought to myself that I'll go in and have the surgery . Then afterwards , have the chemo and go back to work . Clean cut and simple ...in and out . That's how I handled life back then . Make a list , do the list and move on to the next list . That's not quite what happened . I was naive .
     This time around , I ran around preparing all the details because I am a pro at this , right ? I knew what to expect or at least I kept telling myself that . When treatment time would come , I planned on staying home recooperating . I would do all those things I set aside for later . I would keep away from people because I didn't want to get sick . Germ free. I was naive  .
     We are not realistic people . We like to fantasize and dream . When life doesn't quite turn out like our dreams we get depressed . We feel cheated .
      I would dream this dream in my youth of living on my own in an English Cottage surrounded by all types of flowers . The simple life....the peaceful life.....the calm life .Where did this come from ? I really don't know . Not realistic at all . What are my chances of moving to England ? Pretty slim .So why do we do it ? I think we dream big and unrealistic dreams to help us deal with our ordinary lives . To get away from our problems . It's like reading fairytales . We want the fairytale life where everything turns out perfect . We want to believe .