The Sentence

Whenever we experience setbacks , we need to remind ourselves of all our successes . It is so easy  to be swallowed up by our trials where we become lost in all the debris of failure . Why can't we remember all the achievements we have accomplished throughout the years ?

 Instead , the failures creep into our minds taking over and holding reign in our thoughts .Why do we give them so much power? It seems we love to wallow in our own misery , feeling guilty at experiencing happiness . 

For years , I have been told by some , that my cancer is the result of a life spent in sin . I must have been a very angry person and all that turned into cancer . Bad karma and such , too much negative thinking . 

Even though I never believed that to be true , I do remember my first months with cancer . All the pain , the suffering , the surgeries . . . . . all of it . I took it like a champ , because I felt I was doing penance for my past . I felt an absolution happening from the bottom of my toes to the top of my head . I knew I would emerge from this totally different .

I haven't been the same since . . . . for the better , or at least , I hope so  . 

From time to time , I can feel my old self creeping back and that scares me a bit . Then I remember all those failures and all the good disappears into an abyss . That's not to mean I was a terrible person , because I've always considered myself to be caring and a loving woman . 

I don't want to feel angry or jealous and sometimes these emotions manifest themselves out of nowhere . How do I keep the negativity  away ? How do I keep these unjust feelings away ? 

Constant vigilance to the study of God's Word . 

It is not easy emotionally to live in today's world . Situations arise that challenge us daily . I constantly have to remind myself of all the great things happening in my life and how easily they can be overshadowed by  the bad . 

So I no longer feel I'm being punished for my past , but the sentence in my life has become the constant battle of keeping Joy in my heart . I need to remind myself daily that I deserve to be happy and at peace with all I do .

 I am loved . I deserve to be loved . I demand love .

Have a Blessed day everyone .