Resting In The Silence

I never thought I would experience burn out . I mean , why should I ? I regularly attended Church , a women's bible study group , served every Sunday and made devotions a daily exercise . Why would I get burned out ? 

It has been a very emotionally and mentally trying year for me . Changes at work , the burn out at Church  and my approaching fiftieth birthday playing havoc with my state of being . 

Looking back , I knew I was drowning , but I couldn't understand what was happening to me . I felt myself gasping for air , wanting to inhale a deep fresh breath of life . Instead , all I was able to inhale was a lingering scent , a tease of what could be . 

I've always been a leader , whether I wanted to be or not . People strive to be noticed by their peers , I strive to blend in with the wallpaper . The limelight always made me feel uncomfortable .  Yet , I've been there more than I like , rather in the hot seat than the bright lights . 

Even during my illness , I was never allowed to break down and openly cry . I kept going , opting to show my stronger side . I volunteered , blogged and crocheted my little heart out , trying to comfort others by my actions and words . 

As my cup run over , spilling everywhere making a mess , I wondered . . . . who would comfort me ?

When we fall and break into a million pieces that can never be put back together again , we know we have to be reborn all over again . 

How can I start over ? One has to make a clean slate of it all by erasing everything , but the foundation . That's the strongest part , the foundation . Tear up the plans and start over with a blank sheet . The way we have done things in the past have brought us here to this
 point . Some were good things and some were not so good , but sifting through the debris is vital in choosing what will stay or not .

What's in store for me now ? Rest . Resting my mind from everything and placing one step in front of the other . Slow and easy , resting in the stillness , the silence of nothing . Where will these steps take me now ? I can only imagine . 

Jesus , would you walk with me on this new path ? 

Have a blessed day everyone .