Weak Am I

Today after church , I helped a friend move some boxes to her mom's house . Once there , we unloaded the truck and proceeded to carry them upstairs to the apartment . Well , I missed a step and went flying face down on concrete steps . Talk about being winded  and bruised . I lay there wanting to cry and frustration covering me from head to toe. 

Where is my strength ? Where has it gone ? What has happened to the old me ? 

People with cancer usually struggle with the dying part or the treatment part , but I struggle with the after part . Life after
 cancer . 

No matter how much I try to accept my circumstances , I fail miserably .  The image I hold in my head of myself is gone forever and has become a mere memory . Acceptance has become a struggle that I deal with everyday as I live this life and look in the mirror at the new me . 

I am different , both on the inside and the outside . I have gained over eighty pounds since my cancer . Walking up stairs is no laughing matter for me . My legs feel as if weights have been added  as I lift each one up the  stairs . I am extremely tired after a small task , usually ending in a daily nap . From my ankles to my toes arthritis dwells . Carrying anything heavy is a struggle , because I just don't have the physical strength . 

Today was not a good day for my body . Today I was reminded how weak this cancer has made me . Today is a day to rest these weary bones . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .