When the cancer returned this time around , I made a decision not to fight it , but start learning how to live with it . My main goal was to be able to work and not look like a cancer victim . I wanted to walk among others blending into the scenery .
Unfortunately , the victory is a bittersweet one . I think I've achieved this goal a little too well .
Take work , for instance . Sometimes , I believe that my superiors have forgotten that I have an illness . This is a huge compliment regarding my capabilities in performing my duties . Still , I feel they have no idea what it takes to achieve that on my part .
Isn't this really what I've wanted all along ? Then why am I complaining ? On those particularly challenging days when your body isn't cooperating , there is a teeny weeny part inside of you desiring sympathy . None is offered .
It takes everything out of me to be able to work during treatment . I try to maintain a normal lifestyle , yet I wonder , just how long I'll be able to do so . The last thing I want to do is to make chemo look easy , because it isn't .
It's not just work , there is volunteering , social activities and everyday chores . I know I am extremely lucky in not having small children to take care of or a husband . There is no way I'd be able to do all of this while raising a family , too .
My next goal ? Trying to keep on maintaining this lifestyle without hurting my body , because my body really hurts .
Have A Blessed day everyone .
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