P Is For Part 2

Sitting quietly in my apartment , I've been able to think quite alot about myself . You may think that very strange , but on the contrary , I believe we need to think about us from time to time . What are we doing ? Where are we going ? Why are we feeling a certain way ? I believe in self-examination so we can better ourselves .

As this petscan neared , I've found myself ( in the beginning ) almost dreading it . I know that one day I will hear those unwanted words expressing all cancer patients' worst fear . It's not working .

After a long retrospect , I find it means nothing to me any longer . It doesn't change anything , all it does is upset me . Why should I allow this emotion to take over my life ? Why have I allowed it ?!

Which brings me to my next observation . Not only do I become anxious with each test , but so does my family . They question me , I get upset , therefore upsetting them even more  . . . .who needs all this aggravation . So I have decided , I won't say anything before hand . Just go , take the test and then mention it afterwards .

I guess , my biggest concern regarding this petscan had to do with all this pain . Since this has been my worst of the three treatments , I didn't want this experience to be for naught . If I'm gonna suffer , let it be for  something . That kind of thing . Then I realized that each time I went through cancer , I felt like it was the worst ever . Nobody likes pain , norf does one get used to it .

So here's my story and I'm sticking to it . Have a Blessed day everyone .