It's been a pretty quiet Saturday around here . Emily spent her day with her group , passing out fliers to our Easter Service and stuffing Easter eggs for the hunt next Sunday . I , puttered around as best as I could with these lame feet of mine and body , going through closets .
Wearing mismatched clothes , I feel like an old baglady . Gone were any self images of beauty and a sense of feminity . I feel old , I look old and I am old . My rashes/sores have started to peel and I feel like a reptile shedding her old skin leaving behind a raw pink layer of the new me . One kind of pain leaves and another begins .
Lately , all I have been wanting to do is hide in my apartment and not go anywhere or see anyone . I don't want to answer any questions or delve deeper into intellectual conversation . I just want to sit quietly with my thoughts .
I know this stage of my treatment . I've seen it before . At this stage , I'm not depressed just tired of it all , wanting it to end as soon as possible . Wanting to enjoy the things I so took advantage of because I had no idea how good they really were .
The end being so close doesn't fill me with any jubilation . Remission , to me , only means a break in between the next time . It is a nap before a vigorous adventure and I don't want anymore adventures . I want peace .
So as Emily's social scene has increased , mine has decreased by my own choice . Sometimes , we just need to sit still and bask in God's beauty and wonder . . . just watch Him work .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
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