A Long Recovery

During that long recovery , I learned a lot about myself , about my attitude and my nature . I didn't like many things I saw in Don Piper .                                                                                                        Excerpt from 90 Minutes in Heaven .

There's nothing like an illness or a trial to bring out the very best and the very worst in us . We all want to boast of the transformation that has the positive effect on our life , but the worst we want to bury forever . It's difficult to acknowledge the bad parts within ourselves . 

I can vividly remember the first time I became aware that my attitude and behavior has changed since the illness . . . . . for the better . A friend of ours , that I haven't seen for awhile , came up to me full of compliments on the " new me " . 

" The new me ? " , I inquired with a puzzled look on my face . 

" Yes , you're more easygoing , carefree and happy now . You were so angry before " , she remarked .

Let me tell you , I almost flipped with shock . 

We have this picture of ourselves in our heads and somehow , it's always a great picture . When my friend made that remark , the image of myself , shattered to a million pieces  . I realized that maybe , I wasn't such a good person before my cancer  . That alone , was a huge pill for me to swallow . 

How do we come to terms with the ugly that lives inside of us ? We face it head on . Accept that we did the ugly . Forgive ourselves for the ugly and move on . 

These seven years with cancer have  certainly taught me a lot about myself  , but I also know , that I have a lot more to learn . There will be times that I will see a smile in my own reflection in the mirror , but I also will see some tears . The whole point is to better ourselves , so I'm sure there will be more skeletons that will get rattled in this closet . 

None of us are born perfect in every way . We constantly have to work on ourselves . Every treatment I have undergone came with a whole set of different emotions that I never knew took residence  inside of 
me . 

What emotion will I experience next ? Who knows ? !Whatever it is , I'm ready as I ever will be . Life is hard , we can at least learn something while living it . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .