It seems that in the three times I've dealt with my cancer's return , I have had a meltdown of some sort . The following is an example of one of those times .
Now I actually have to smile and laugh , because at that time I really thought that it was the worst treatment ever . Little did I know that an even worse one was coming the following year . It just shows you that we really can handle more than we think .
The title " My Christian Hat " , Emily and I , use quite a lot to express our need to vent or tell someone off . Beware ! Our Christian Hat is coming off ! You will hear it often here ,( hahaha ) . Have a Blessed day everyone .
My Christian Hat
Today is just not the day. After spending yet another sleepless night in the bathroom every 15 minutes ....I
......HAVE ..........HAD.........IT ! Today I'm just plain angry , tired of it all . Enough is enough. I want relief.Everyone better just stay away.
I drive Emily to work with all these emotions churning inside me.Yesterday , I wrote about brotherly love and today I just want to fight with everyone.How messed up is that? Dropping her off I look around for that delivery man.....better leave me alone today.
I'm whining......
I have spent the night in the bathroom every 15 minutes.I have burped more than the prenatal unit at Lutheran Hospital.Drank more water than a whale.Than I had the NERVE to go around boasting to people how I haven't had nausea at all ........really? Until now.That should teach me to just plain shut up.I'm bloated, ankles are swollen,hands and feet are tingling and numb......like when your leg goes to sleep and you try to move.....AND you think I ate a whole barrel of beans.Can't even enjoy my food.There is an aftertaste of metal in my mouth.My stomache is upset.You think with all of this I would LOSE weight.No, no,no,Lottie has to GAIN weight.
To make matters worse, I glance at the calendar and realize it has only been a week since the chemo.Only a week........it seems like a lifetime.It has been a very,very long week. I have , At least , 5 long months more of this.Oh goodie.
I think back to my title ,"Enjoying The Journey ".I really don't know where the title came from.I just started typing and it appeared.Are you enjoying it yet ,Lottie?
After this emotional outburst I realize I need to just stay in ...lock the doors and not answer the phone.My Christian hat has been teethering ......TEETHERING.For the safety of others , I recline to the armchair with Emily on the sofa..Both of us wearing the latest fashion in mixmatched wouldn't be caught dead in lounge wear.
Emily pops a French movie in with subtitles and I feel a tug on my crocheting hook......its Diamond , the cat, having a ball with the yarn rolling around playing.This is not bad.This is kind of nice.
Glance down at my big feet and a big smile appears.........just realized something........I won't have to pluck anything or shave anything for months. : )
......HAVE ..........HAD.........IT ! Today I'm just plain angry , tired of it all . Enough is enough. I want relief.Everyone better just stay away.
I drive Emily to work with all these emotions churning inside me.Yesterday , I wrote about brotherly love and today I just want to fight with everyone.How messed up is that? Dropping her off I look around for that delivery man.....better leave me alone today.
I'm whining......
I have spent the night in the bathroom every 15 minutes.I have burped more than the prenatal unit at Lutheran Hospital.Drank more water than a whale.Than I had the NERVE to go around boasting to people how I haven't had nausea at all ........really? Until now.That should teach me to just plain shut up.I'm bloated, ankles are swollen,hands and feet are tingling and numb......like when your leg goes to sleep and you try to move.....AND you think I ate a whole barrel of beans.Can't even enjoy my food.There is an aftertaste of metal in my mouth.My stomache is upset.You think with all of this I would LOSE weight.No, no,no,Lottie has to GAIN weight.
To make matters worse, I glance at the calendar and realize it has only been a week since the chemo.Only a week........it seems like a lifetime.It has been a very,very long week. I have , At least , 5 long months more of this.Oh goodie.
I think back to my title ,"Enjoying The Journey ".I really don't know where the title came from.I just started typing and it appeared.Are you enjoying it yet ,Lottie?
After this emotional outburst I realize I need to just stay in ...lock the doors and not answer the phone.My Christian hat has been teethering ......TEETHERING.For the safety of others , I recline to the armchair with Emily on the sofa..Both of us wearing the latest fashion in mixmatched wouldn't be caught dead in lounge wear.
Emily pops a French movie in with subtitles and I feel a tug on my crocheting hook......its Diamond , the cat, having a ball with the yarn rolling around playing.This is not bad.This is kind of nice.
Glance down at my big feet and a big smile appears.........just realized something........I won't have to pluck anything or shave anything for months. : )
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