What I Miss

Many times , I have written about the great things that have happened to me since my cancer , but there are many things I really miss about my old life . 

I really miss being agile in my movements , especially when it comes to stairs . It's so difficult for me to climb stairs . The chemo has affected my knees and my legs , making  my joints very stiff . Arthritis has settled in and my feet ache when the weather changes making foot care my top priority . 

I really miss being smaller in weight . I don't recognize this person I'm seeing in the mirror , although , I do like her character  better . This is one of the hardest things for me to accept in myself . I think that I will never lose weight because God wants me to love and accept myself the way I am .

I really miss daydreaming about my retirement , my senior years . Daydreaming and planning my golden years , years that I now will never see . I can only plan months ahead and I can't even see myself years from now . 

Cancer took all of that away from me . I have had many Blessings since then and I count myself very honored to have them bestowed upon me . When people look at me , there is a huge misconception that I am just a carefree person . I've accepted this disease so beautifully  and with ease . I'm moving on with my life and living it , but what people don't see is the times I've broken down .

I wish cancer didn't make just a huge change in my life , but it did . It affected my entire being . It changed me mentally , physically and spiritually . Will it ruin me ? Never !

The good thing is that the things I love about cancer outweigh the things I miss . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .