Not too long ago , my mom started a family dinner once a month . It began by her house where she cooked up a feast worthy of Thanksgiving . About a week ago , I was informed by my niece that she would have this month's dinner by her house . Okay , fine by me . It makes no difference where this dinner happens . She lives right around the corner . Sounds even better .
After an exhausting week , I dragged myself to this family dinner . I dressed carelessly , grabbing whatever came first , nothing matching . Who cares ? It's just the family . They're lucky I took a bath . I'm just gonna sit in the corner taking a snooze when noone was looking and sneak out early to go to bed . That was the plan .
Ring the doorbell . The door opens . SURPRISE !!!! HAPPY LAST CHEMO , LOTTIE !!!!What ? No ! Not when I look like this ?!! I'm wearing floods , for goodness sakes ! Everyone was there . Dressed very nicely . Oh , I felt so bad .
I don't feel worthy of all this attention . I have had so many parties just for me , whether they were birthday , first chemo , a new life ......it makes no difference ......I've had them all . I have been given charm bracelets with every member contributing a particular charm signifying who I am to them . I have been given a hankerchief where everyone prayed upon it . A necklace with a cancer survivor poem from my sister-in-law . This time , I was given pillowcases where they each wrote a message for me . The children drew beautiful pictures . All these beautiful gifts I will always treasure but I am not worthy .
With the state of my health , we could have a celebration party every month . I want to celebrate something other than this cancer . I understand that I am loved by each of these people . I know it , I feel it , I see it . . . . .but I'm not worthy of it . I want to celebrate my niece's engagement or the other niece's wedding . Or someone else's weight loss or move or pay raise . Anything but this cancer .
Do not get me wrong . I had a wonderful time . We all did . We laughed , ate and had some wine . Great times !
This time around , I'm not happy with this cancer . I'm almost bland towards it . I'm not happy nor sad that it's over . All I know is that I'm sick of it . Just sick of it . I'm sure there is a reason underneath why I'm feeling like this that will be profound . I just haven't gotten hold of it yet .
There are three things I loved the best out of this evening .
1. I needed some new pillows
2. got more yarn
3. spent some time with my grandkids the next day
What's on for next month ?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Just Being Still
Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. When thou hast thanked thy God For every blessing sent...
You're so close to it, Lottie, it's got to be hard to put it in perspective. You need a little time to heal from the whole nightmare. But, I believe they were so not celebrating the cancer. They were celebrating YOU. Plain and simple. You don't have to be worthy. You just have to be loved. Sounds like you have a wonderful family around you. That's another reason to celebrate...
ReplyDelete