Looking Back

   What a beautiful , sunny day it is !!! A warm , sunny New Year's Eve ! Who would have thought it possible . It's ironic that it should be like this . I dreaded this day coming like something awful . The holidays itself  were very melancoly for me .
   I am a person who likes organization and planning . Before cancer , my whole life was planned out . It has been quite an adjustment living by the seat of my pants , not having control . It is what I wanted , isnt't it ? I wanted to trust God completely with my life . Well , there it is . Be careful what you ask for .
  This year , has started out so promising , so full of rainbows that for a minute I thought I was dreaming . This couldn't possibly be my life , right ? Alot of wonderful things happened to me this past year . My son got married and I gained a daughter-in-law and two beautiful grandchildren . I thank God for Marybeth Fisher sharing them with me .
   As great as the beginning was , all the way up to August , it ended with tower after tower tumbling down . Everything I touched lay in ruins . Talk about being attacked ! Nothing worked . I know what is happening . My faith is very strong . Discouragement just right around the corner . I know I have to wait this out . What more could possibly happen ? I know I am not the one in charge . I can try to manipulate , to alter , to change  anything I want but it won't work without HIS approval .
  As this year comes to a close in just a few hours , I feel  defeated and worn out . All I can do is give myself completely to Him . I can't make anything happen . I can't fix anything . I can only wait upon the Lord to show me where I'm to go .
   I have no idea what will happen in 2012 . I'm not even sure if I can handle it . But I do know that everywhere I do go , it's where I'm supposed to be . Happy New Year Everyone .