Are You Angry With God?
Here I am ,almost 47yrs old and fighting cancer for the second time.Everyone wants to know how I feel .....how I'm doing..etc.I nod my head okay....fine.But I really don't know myself.There is something simmering inside me waiting to burst forth.I just don't know what that is.
When I first was diagnosed 4 1/2 yrs ago,everyone asked the same question:Are you angry with God? I answered honestly with pure of heart.....NO.I always knew that there was something very important that HE wanted me to see.I was just worried that I wouldn't recognize that something and it all would be for nothing.I did learn then and I will learn again now.
I asked myself this same question the other day.I am not angry with God but I am very disappointed.This sentenced popped into my head without any pondering.Almost as if someone else was saying it for me.I thought about it.Why am I disappointed?Did I think I was healed for good?Did I think I've done my share of trials?I don't know.This is why I'm here.I want to find out.
There is something else inside me that God wants to bring out,get rid of,teach me and sanctify ME.My only worry is that I hope I am strong enough ...strong enough to face it.I have this insane desire to write everything down.For whom? Myself? My children? For someone else going through this?
I don't know.All I know is that there are more and more of us going through CANCER.Only we know what we are going through.So difficult to explain to others the emotions raging inside of us.We want to live.I want to live.I want to enjoy my journey here.Do you?
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