Allison Take Two

                                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                        everyday is a journey.



Maker of earth and sea and sky,
    Creation's sovereign Lord and King,
  Who hung the starry worlds on high,
    And formed alike the sparrow's wing;
  Bless the dumb creatures of Thy care,
  And listen to their voiceless prayer.
ANON.

When I wrote about Allison the other day, it evoked a huge response from all of you. Several of you have left me messages in regards to helping her and wondering if she was being cared for by anyone. Although, it has taken me almost two years to get through to her, she has accepted my blanket for her and the goodie bag for her nausea. 

Many of you were concerned that perhaps she needed a good meal, so I decided to bring over to her a large container of chicken noodle soup, some cornbread and oyster crackers. I was excited, because I saw the other two times as a positive take on her acceptance of being served. 

Well, I rang her bell. I knocked on her door. The front door and the back door. No answer. I thought, okay she is resting. I will come back later. Again, no answer. I tried once more towards the evening. No answer. Defeated, I sat back down in the living room with Emily. I felt like she was avoiding me. A few minutes later, I hear her leaving her apartment. Looked out and saw her car was gone. 

I cannot explain to you how terrible I felt at that moment.  In all of my eleven years, I have never come across another fellow cancer patient who did everything in their power to avoid other people. It's never happened. Quite the opposite. Hurting people gravitate towards others for comfort. 

I have heard of people who retreated into their homes away from others or who were angry at God or the world. I just never met them. So I am a little discouraged by her behavior, but that will not deter me from praying for her nor being there when she needs me. 

I know that all of you would be very interested in her so I though I would do an update. Please continue to pray for her as I will. 

Have  a blessed day everyone. 

Soul Searching Questions

                                                      Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



Where now with pain thou treadest, trod
  The whitest of the saints of God!
  To show thee where their feet were set,
  The light which led them shineth yet.
J. G. WHITTIER.

1. Are you focused on the wrong thing?
This is a very difficult question to answer. We all think we are doing the right thing or going the right way until things go haywire. When we end up being stuck in the mud and cannot move forward, suddenly, we wonder if we are even on the right path. So am I focused on the wrong thing? I definitely am open to finding out. Right now, I plan on a small excursion in November to help me clear out all the cobwebs and hopefully show clarity in that direction.

2. What are you doing here? 
I've always thought I was right where I needed to be, but this question has me wondering if there is a purpose that I may be avoiding? This Season in my life now has me questioning everything I have done. Or lack of.

3. Are you found in the wrong place?
I am often asked how or why I started a Crocheting Ministry or this blog, but I always found that it had nothing to do with me. I didn't start anything, God did, especially the Ministry. Do I need to start something new? I do believe I might have veered off course a little bit, because of some issues from my past.

4. Are you filled with the wrong song?
A resounding yes! This I am wholeheartedly. I know I am full of bitterness and anger here. I am disappointed in what is happening. This certainly wasn't the way I imagined it to be. My expectations were cut short by reality. Life throws curves at us once in a while and adapting to them has become quite a challenge for me as I grow older.

5. What are you doing?
Right now, I'm being still. I feel unable to either move forward to move back in reverse. I'm stuck and my mind is muddled, filled with confusion. There are certain things I am planning on doing to perhaps clear the cobwebs, but more on that in the coming weeks. 

How would you answers these questions?
Have a blessed day everyone. 

Allison

  

                                                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



We would not meagre gifts down-call
  When Thou dost yearn to yield us all;
  But for this life, this little hour,
  Ask all Thy love and care and power.
J. INGELOW.

My next door neighbor, Allison, has cancer. She hasn't said anything to me, but I know the signs. The shaven head, the clear plastic across her chest signifying a port, her sudden staying at home. The list is endless and her entire routine has changed. I even know when she is having treatment, because she locks herself in her apartment and doesn't come out for several days. 

It has taken me the entire year and a half for Allison to respond to me. She is extremely withdrawn, quiet and aloof. That doesn't stop me from acknowledging her presence. Hello Allison. Have a good day Allison. It's cold today, Allison. I respect her reserved character and don't push myself onto her. That is one of our biggest problem as a society, we push ourselves onto others. We all are different and that difference should be respected. Not everyone responds kindly to a bull in a china shop. Some people respond to quiet kindness.

At first, I made her an afghan that she can use for chemo or at home while laying on her couch. Wherever or however she may want to use it. Secondly, I left her a bag full of nausea defying items like saltine crackers and two types of ginger tea. Either times, I didn't knock on her door, just left it there. 

I did that for a couple of reasons: One, I tried to respect her desire to be left alone. Two, I certainly didn't want to disturb her if she was resting. Three, I didn't want to overwhelm her with too many visitors. 

People always ask me how they can help someone going through treatment. They keep asking me that question and yet, I find they don't truly listen. My last treatment was very bittersweet. I had many visitors that would bring me food or call me. That is wonderful, but the one thing I wanted or needed the most was rest. When people would drop by, I would have to entertain them and provide refreshment. They would sit with me for hours and I would become tired. I know people mean well, but do try to remember our bodies are extremely fatigued. If you are planning on visiting a sick friend bringing goodies, please stay an hour tops and allow them to rest. 

I hope I don't offend anyone saying all of this, because it is not my intention. I always appreciate everything that people do for me. Always. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Clodhopper

                                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Favored of Heaven! 
O Genius! are they thine,
When round thy brow the 
wreaths of glory shine;
While rapture gazes on 
thy radiant way,
'Midst the bright realms 
of clear mental day?
No! sacred joys!
 'tis yours to dwell enshrined,
Most fondly cherished,
 in the purest mind.

--Felicia Hemans

Every morning, I awaken to the sounds of my building. I can tell what time it is just by the departure of my fellow neighbors to their workplace. My bedroom is at the end of the apartment and everyone uses the back doors to come and go. Allison leaves first around 7:20 a.m. followed by Lori at 7:40 a.m. The last to leave is Nancy, the clodhopper. She is always wearing heels and makes a very loud announcement every time she makes an entrance or exit. When Nancy leaves, I know I have been in bed way too long, it's 8:15 a.m. 
It's time to start my day.

I find it amusing how people in general, are controlled by their daily routines and schedules. None of us want to admit just how predictable we truly have become. We all want to claim we are unpredictable and spontaneous. What a joke! We all have a routine.

Unfortunately, my clodhopper neighbor (Nancy) has moved away and new neighbors have moved in this weekend. Heaven help me, I shall miss my clodhopper! These new people are loud! They have only been here two days and already each day they partied. I mean really partied! They whooped, hollered, sang, yelled and cheered all night long! 

I don't understand people at all. Here they are brand new to a building and can be so darn inconsiderate of everyone else here. Do they really think that no one here can hear them whooping, hollering, cheering and singing at the top of their lungs as if they were in a stadium? Or do they not care?

An old neighbor of mine used to be in a panic whenever we had new people move in. Now I know why. One can never tell who will be living beside us. Good neighbors are truly very rare indeed. I miss my clodhopper very much. I'm beginning to think it's best to live on the very top where the only neighbor one has is the one next door to you. On the other hand, that could be the worst neighbor ever.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Zucchini Lasagna

                                                         Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                           everyday is a journey.



How joyed my heart in the rich melodies
That overhead and round me did arise!
The moving leaves--
the water's gentle flow--
Delicious music hung on every bough.
Then said I in my heart,
 "If that the Lord
Such lively music on the earth accord;
If to weak, sinful man such sounds are given,
O! what must be the melody of heaven!"

--Izaak Walton.

It has become the norm on Sunday for us to share a good meal. In fact, the weekend itself, signifies supper and family time. I am not a great cook by no means, quite an amateur. I make very basic dishes that are quick and easy. I thought we would try something new this time so I became quite ambitious by attempting to make zucchini lasagna. 

This dish involves no pasta, only a substitute of zucchini. The trick here is to bread your zucchini strips with egg and breadcrumbs. Then saute on both sides for a few minutes. You layer your lasagna no different as a regular recipe. We chose a vegetarian version instead of ground beef. A layer of Zucchini, ricotta, saute mushrooms, sauce, shredded mozzarella. Keep layering until the pan is filled to the top. Very simple, but quite delicious. 

I would suggest making it a day before you have to serve it. If you eat it right out of the oven, it is not set yet and can be a little mushy. It needs to set firmly overnight and everything will hold beautifully when served. I also drained it a bit of the juice from the zucchini. Delicious. Emily had leftovers and she never likes leftovers. That says a lot.

I made mine on Saturday. In fact, this entire weekend seemed to have flown by in a flash. Making two suppers in one day was a bit overwhelming and tiring for an old woman like me. Don't forget the shopping, cleaning, laundry etc. It seemed it was nonstop work from morning to night. Not exactly how I like to spend my weekends. 

In fact, I'm wondering when did they begin to be days to do chores? These types of things I have always taken cared of during the weekend. I am getting older and more fatigued than ever. Trying to keep up with the lifestyle I have set for myself years ago has been difficult. Many people cannot believe that I am still working after 4 bouts with cancer. It is beginning to wear me out and I wonder myself.

It is Fall and we normally spend this time preparing for the Winter by washing blankets, cleaning and stocking the pantry, sealing our windows. We prepare for the hankering down of Winter. Now, if we could just never leave the house during the Winter and just burrow away. That would be lovely, wouldn't it?

Have a blessed day everyone. 

A Lost Joy

                                                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Wherever He may guide me,
    No want shall turn me back;
  My Shepherd is beside me,
    And nothing can I lack.
  His wisdom ever waketh,
    His sight is never dim,--
  He knows the way He taketh,
    And I will walk with Him.
A. L. WARING.


Sometimes, we just lose our JOY! We're not even sure when or how it happened, we just know it's gone. We get up every morning and go about our day mechanically, doing the same thing over and over again. We are stuck in not knowing what to do next. Do we turn here or over there? Do we stay or do we go? We cannot make any decision, instead it feels as if the world was closing in on us. We feel overwhelmed and despondent. 

I have really never experienced depression, but I have many friends who dealt with quite regularly. It is not something that I understand. Yet, I do understand feeling blue or melancholy at times. I have had many moments (and days) that have left me feeling very emotional and unsatisfied with my life. It is very normal to have these feelings as long as they don't overtake your life. 

With Winter fast approaching, I'm sad to see the Sunshine go. I realize just how important the Sun is to our psyche. It provides us with more than just energy. I love all the Seasons, but Winter can be quite gloomy. It is also in us to want to burrow away the cold months just like all the other animals. It is natural. It is life.

I feel as if my Joy has been slowly disappearing. I have been dreaming and planning away my future for the last two years. When I close my eyes, I could almost see it clearly. As ridiculous as it may seem to everyone else, it helped keep me going. It makes no difference if it made sense to you or not, it did to me. I'm going through some things here, but it is not a depression or anything similar to it. I prefer to call it a mourning the loss of something very dear to me. 

The future may not seem the way I envisioned it, but one needs to keep moving and adapting. I know I will, too. I just need some time to let go and begin anew. The dream will not disappear, it will emerge in a different form, that's all. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Vitamins 101: Take Three

                                                   
                                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



Sit down, sad soul, and count
The moments flying;
Come, tell the sweet amount
That's lost by sighing!
How many smiles?--a score?
Then laugh, and count no more;
For day is dying.

Lie down sad soul, and sleep,
And no more measure
The flight of time, nor weep
The loss of leisure;
But here by this lone stream,
Lie down with us, and dream
Of starry treasure.

--Bryan Waller Procter.

I've been fighting off the feeling of fatigue for quite awhile now. Someone in my Chronic Illness Group suggested B12 vitamins since they help prevent a type of anemia that makes people tired and weak. In the hope of raising my energy levels , I began adding this vitamin to my daily dosage. It also helps break down my food faster and turn it into energy. Hey, why not?

We bought vitamin E specifically for Emily for her acne and sensitive skin problems. It is an ingredient in many skincare products, especially those that claim to have anti-aging benefits, so we thought it would have great benefits for her skin. I didn't start taking it until I did some research and found that vitamin E supplements may prevent coronary heart disease, supports immune function, prevents inflammation, promotes eye health, and lowers the risk of cancer. How could I not start taking this?

Now, this one I do not take, but I thought to show it, because many people have a problem with being regular. This is one of many that Emily takes to aid her in this problem. I have noticed that when I am on medication during my treatment or after surgeries, I also have a huge problem with being regular. This is how my body reacts to prescription medication. When this happens, I have been known to take a dosage.

Calcium and magnesium I started at the same time, quite recently. I'm not sure why I didn't think of calcium before since it's main purpose involves bone support. What a difference it has made for me, probably more than any of the other vitamins I take daily. I recommend it highly.

Cranberry is another for Emily and one I didn't take at first, either. People say to me, why not just drink the juice? Well, the juice has plenty of sugar. The only juice we drink comes from Costco from the Kirkland brand. It is not as sweet as the others. The problem is that they don't always carry it. I started taking the cranberry to help with my urinary tract. Since I drink lots of water and my joints swell up with fluid, I just want to make sure everything is working properly without my having to take water pills. Remember, I don't want to be on any medication. So far, it's a reality.

Ever since my treatment, I have noticed that my nails are very brittle, especially my toes. I have been using the Hair, Skin and Nails vitamin for awhile now. There is a difference, but a very subtle one. My nails on my hands are looking pretty good, except two. My toes are a different matter. I've also started soaking my feet in equal parts of apple cider vinegar and water to help with this problem. 

Turmeric is one of the most expensive vitamins out there. We do have the powder form and use it within our recipes. I buy the powder form at a local fruit market a lot cheaper . . . a lot! The problem with turmeric is that it stains your teeth, your dish towels etc.That is why I started using it in pill form. We still use it in powder for our recipes, because one can not have too much of this wonder spice/vitamin. It is a great as an anti-inflammatory and a strong antioxidant. 

Well, that is the end of our vitamin breakfast every morning. I am a very spoiled mother, for sure. Emily is the pill doctor around here and no matter if I leave early in the morning or sleep in, these vitamins magically appear on my desk everyday. I sometimes wonder what will happen when she leaves me. What will I eat? Who will get my vitamins for me? 

Honestly, I am a very blessed woman. Have a blessed day everyone.