The Daily Rituals

Every morning , the first thing I do is have a cup of coffee and Emily has her green tea . We meet in my bedroom where the tales of the night before are told and the days agenda is planned . Then we go our separate ways . 

At supper time , after I say Grace , Emily reads a random verse from the Bible  and we discuss what it means . Sometimes , that verse actually pertains to whatever the prayer happened to have been . 

Where we eat our supper plays a huge role , too . We have a Couch day and a Table day . On Couch day , we sit comfortably in our comfy spots in the living room as we dine , watching a movie or favorite show . On Table day , it's more formal where we sit in the kitchen with the television off and actually have to converse with one another while we break
 bread . 

Sunday is our family day . That is the one day where we try not to fill with any appointments or events if we can help it . That day is strictly reserved for God and family . We do occasionally have a Wedding or something of that nature , but very rarely . 

These are just some of our daily rituals that we do in our little family . Many people believe that daily rituals make a person boring , but I believe they provide a sense of security to our loved ones . For me , these rituals offer a purpose to fulfill , a reason to get up and face whatever comes your way . No matter  how bad things can get , these rituals will always be there . 

Another plus ? Watching my son perform some of his childhood rituals with Tim and Hannah . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Throwback Thursday

If you have a chronic illness , you have had to deal with the idea of death . Either you come to terms with it  or you allow it to take over your life . It's that simple . 

Everyone I have spoken to has the same worry concerning death , the ones we leave behind . Who will take care of them ? What will happen to them ? That seems to be the number one concern . The second ? We want a quick and painless death , hopefully in our sleep .

Either way , death will come , whether we are ready for it or not . Wouldn't it be better if we were ? We take charge of our lives here on Earth and try to control the path we take . Why not do the same with our eternal life as well  . . . 

Why Are We So Afraid To Die ?

  We , as Christians , have been taught about Heaven.We look forward to seeing Christ face to face.We know that it is a place filled with love , where sorrow and pain doesn't exist.It is a paradise unlike we have ever known.

  Yet, we are so afraid to die. We fight for every breath to stay here.Yet , we know there is something so much better.Something so unbelievably great we can't even imagine it.Why do we do this?Why are we so afraid of dying and going to Heaven?

  I know what I'm afraid of .....I'm afraid of what will happen to my children .I want an affirmation that they will be okay.I'm afraid of having not lived to my full potential.That life has passed me by because I have let it.I'm afraid of what I might not be able to experience like a grandchild.But most of all I am afraid of the pain of dying.

  I don't want to die a painful death.I don't want to burn to death;or drown ; or get shot or worse .....tortured.I just want to close my eyes and POOF I'm in heaven.I think thats what we all are really afraid of.Its not the dying but the experience of dying.We want it to be nice and easy and comfortable.We want to look good in our coffins.

  How many times have we made light of our own funerals. Told our loved ones what kind of songs we want played.What clothes we want to be wearing or last requests that we may make of them.I was in that same place as everyone else.Now , since my first bout with cancer, none of that  matters to me.Somehow , I know that when the time comes , I will follow without a backwards glance.Even though , I will be scared...I'm scared now.

Have A Blessed day everyone. 

And It Begins

I awoke  this morning to the jarring sound of multiple machines going at the same time . Not recognizing this loud piercing noise , I glanced out my bedroom window . An entire team of leaf blowers , lawn mowers and seed sowers   were assembled right below my bedroom window taking care of our lawn . 

And it begins .

For the rest of the morning and early afternoon , that sound echoed inside my head , as they went from one home to another . I grimaced , not only with pain , but with memories of summers past and the lack of sleep they have caused . 

And it begins .

There is nothing worse than working all night , getting off work at 6:30 a.m. and trying to lay down to sleep and  . . . . the symphony arrives to mow every single home in the neighborhood ! Oh , the sleep I have lost because of them . 

And it begins . 

This morning my heart sank remembering those old days . The headaches that would last all day . The tossing and turning of a restless sleep . Do they have to come so early in the morning ? 

And it begins . 

You can always tell that summer is coming . The girls that come out way ahead of their time , smoking on a cold April day . Suddenly , watermelon sits front and center at the fruit markets . Saturday mornings , people working in their yards . . . . mowing their lawns . 

And so it begins . 

Have a Blessed day everyone. 

The Older I Get . .

The older I get the more I want to just relax  . . .
and unwind  . . . 
and sit peacefully as I take in the surroundings around me . 

I look for diversity in my life and it's very obvious in the group of friends I surround myself with , all different ages and ethnic backgrounds . I watch them run from one activity to the next , barely taking a breath .  Everyday , they have somewhere to go and something  to do after work . These people know how to seriously play ! 

For me , it has become quite the opposite . They have to lure me to come out and play . I love the sanctuary of my apartment . I have everything I need and love to do right here in my haven . 

The glittering of party lights hold no appeal to me any longer . Those days or should I say nights , are long behind me . This may sound very boring to many of them , but it makes no difference to me . . . my goals are on an entirely different level . 

I have certainly changed a lot in my middle age . My satisfaction comes from my Ministries . I love to create something with my hands to benefit others . A warm , fuzzy baby blanket for a single mother to wrap a newborn in or an afghan for a homeless person to keep the cold out . 

That provides me with a sense of belonging to the solution rather than the problem . I want to serve the world , touch someone's life to help change it for the better . I don't need to witness this happening or receive a pat on the back . Every stitch I make is like an opening prayer  for whoever this creation of mine goes to . 

There is nothing wrong with going out and enjoying oneself , even I do it occasionally , but my purpose has changed and I hope it shows . 

Have a Blessed day everyone. 

Growing In The Spirit

I'm very confident about who I am in Christ . It's not my faith that goes into question , but my growth in it . That's what it is all about , isn't it ? Growing in the Holy Spirit . 

Have you ever experienced that tired and desperate feeling of standing still in your Faith ? That scared feeling of falling back if you don't connect back into the fold ? Have you ever said to yourself in Church , I'm just not feeling it today ? 

I believe we all experienced times where these thoughts were  prevalent . These dry spells of not being filled up with the Spirit come and go as the Seasons . 

Majority of the time when this happens to me , I find I need something new in my life . That something could be a Spiritual Retreat or a new Bible study course . Maybe a Fast or finding time to spend with God for some quiet meditation .

It's not always this simple , though . There are times when a quick fix with our soul is not enough . Sometimes , there needs to be a more thorough examination to find what is causing that feeling of withdraw spiritually . We have to look inside and try to find that pattern that we all have .

I have a tendency to hold on to things , people or events more than what is good for me . I have always had  this innate sense that everything can be worked out if people really have a desire for it . I believe in HOPE . 

So this feeling of a dry spell is not because I am withdrawing from God . It's because I'm losing a little bit of that hope that the things I have been praying about will change or happen as I watch others receive it . Growing in the Spirit means waiting and trusting God that it will happen .

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Throwback Thursday

Now that I'm in remission . . . . again , it's really weird to read back to a time when I was not feeling so great . I do know that I've come a very long way since then . I have dealt with and accepted my illness , but I will never forget the road that brought me here . 

I'm Fine.....Keep Telling Yourself That.

    Last night my body gave out.Had plans to go to a church event ,"The Art of Worship".Been looking forward to it all week.I just couldn't get my body to get up.I was so drained of all energy.I looked over to Emily's room and it was dark. She was getting her much needed sleep.We've been exhausted running on empty pretending everything is fine.
   I look around my room full of unpacked boxes.Can't even see the carpet.We moved in September and I've yet to unpack.Every room is done except my bedroom.How ironic.Instead of tackling the problem all I'm doing is shoving boxes from one corner to the next.When am I going to deal with this?
  In a way , I've been doing the same with my illness.Kept myself busy with this blog and answering e-mails.Doing errands and offering my help.Postponing any kind of emotional outburst on my part.You see,a month ago, I broke down  and cried the entire weekend.If anyone looked at me, I burst out crying.I think , in a way, I've been avoiding another outburst like that.I don't want to feel weak.I don't want this sickness to rule over me.
  Just a few days ago,I thought to myself,how calm I felt about it all.My one goal in life that I have always strived for spiritually is complete trust in God.Turn it over all to him.I know people who have reached that goal.I know it can be done.I assumed I was reaching that goal.
  I realized this morning as I laid awake in bed, that achieving that goal would require some work on my part.Sitting here waiting for GOD to wave a magic  wand  over my head saying ,"POOF, now you have peace".Well,thats just plain silly.But I think we are scared of what we will find  once we start peeling away the layers.Its hard to truly look at oneself in the mirror.....truly look.Its hard to admit failures and faults.
  How else will we grow? How else will we better ourselves? How else will we develop a lasting and loving relationship with God? I want to find that peace ..that everlasting serenity that only HE can provide.
  Joyce Meyers' once said that all you hear  in the Bible is Jesus telling people to GET UP.Right now ,I need to GET UP and tackle this room.

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Simply Cavemen

What is the cavemen style of eating ? It is a lifestyle of reverting back to the natural foods of fruits , vegetables , meat and nuts .

I see the Caveman  Lifestyle everywhere . It's called by many different names , but basically it's just eating healthier and staying away from greasy , fast food .  People seem to have a deep desire to change their eating habits and become healthier , which is good , because we are a fat country ! 

Have we embraced this cavemen style of living ? Not entirely . We have adopted many of the practices , but we have a problem with doing away of pasta and cheese . Emily is a vegetarian  and 
the Caveman Lifestyle endorses meat and veggies . Her diet would be pretty bland with only veggies . 

Eating healthy is nothing new to us . Our eating habits have changed drastically in the last three years alone . At work , they're constantly checking out my latest root or veggie they've never seen or heard of before , mostly with a grimace on their faces . 

" The things you eat , Lottie " .

We , as humans , are drawn to food that looks appetizing , and smells good . If it doesn't meet any of these requirements , we won't even try a nibble . Unfortunately , majority of healthy food doesn't look very appealing  and people turn their nose up at the thought of eating it . 

Emily and I have become so accustomed to our healthy meals , that whenever we indulge in processed foods , our body rebels . For the next couple of days , we will consume gallons of water to flush it out of our system . The way I see it , if it can make me so ill , it must not be good for us in the first place . 

But , but the cravings ! Yes , the food enemy disguised as comfort food . The only comfort we experience is when we eat it , not too long after that , you'll regret it . 

So if I eat all this healthy food , why am I fat ? I get this all the time , because people seem to know why I am fat and have a solution just for me . I don't know what I would do without these people .I asked my chemo nurse once a question regarding my weight . I will never forget what she said to me :

" Honey , you have cancer , you're on steroids , menopausal , in your forties , had four  children , on medication and full of hormones " . 

By changing my eating habits , I can mark off at least one of those things . Now to work on the rest  . . . .

Have a Blessed day everyone .